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Kinds Jokes

147 kinds jokes and hilarious kinds puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kinds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Kinds Short Jokes

Short kinds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kinds humour may include short kindness jokes also.

  1. What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
  2. I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
  3. When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
  4. What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
    Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .
  5. What's a good name for a detective? Mr. E
    * My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
  6. My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
  7. There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
  8. I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." "Which doctor?", she replied.
    "No, the regular kind."
  9. My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
    I am so proud right now!
  10. What did the redditor say after a stranger gave him a piece of explosive gold? Thanks for the gold, kind stranger

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Kinds One Liners

Which kinds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kinds? I can suggest the ones about kinder and sorts.

  1. Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
  2. Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not.
    -
  3. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying? They were having a mid-life crisis.
  4. What do you call children born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts
  5. No matter how kind you are... No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
  6. What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.
  7. What kind of organization is Atheism? Non-prophet.
  8. What kind of running means walking? Running out of gas!
  9. What kind of music do wind turbines like? They're huge metal fans
  10. what kind of dinosaur has the cleanest teeth? A Flossiraptor
    Courtesy of my 6-year old.
  11. When a BMW owner learns to drive... What kind of car do they switch to?
  12. What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours.
  13. Name a vegetable that's kind of cool. Radish
  14. what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only? 2Na
  15. What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear? Oakley Dokelys

Kinds Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny kinds fruit jokes and even better kinds fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What kind of books do fruit read? Pulp Fiction
  • What kind of fruit can't get married? A Cantleope
  • What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common? They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.
  • What kind of fruit has trouble getting married? The cantelope.
  • What kind of fruit can't just run off and get married? A cantaloupe!
  • What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? A gay guy in a coma!
  • What kind of fruit always has big formal weddings? The cantelope
  • What kind of fruit is scared to go to it's wedding? Cantaloupe.
  • What kind of tree holds the widest variety of fruit? The pantry.
  • What kind of fruit always has big weddings? Can't-elope

Kinds Of Nuts Jokes

Here is a list of funny kinds of nuts jokes and even better kinds of nuts puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What are the cheapest kind of nuts? Deer nuts, they're under a buck.
  • What kind of Nuts urinates? A peanut.
  • What kind of nuts go on your feet? *Sigh*...
    Cashews.
  • What kind of nuts does Donald Trump likes Walnut
  • What is a Pokémon's favorite kind of nut? A Pi-cashew
  • What is a Scholar's favourite kind of nut? A Macademia nut!
  • What kind of nut has hayfever? A cashoo!
  • What's Donald Trumps favorite kind of nut? Wall-nuts. I tell you these things are a tough one to crack but once we do it's going to be spectacular.
  • What kind of cookie does a crazy professor who only uses apple products prefer? Macademia Nut
  • I don't care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts I'm kind of a Lo meiniac
Kinds joke, I don't care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

Kinds joke, I don't care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

Cheeky Kinds Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about kinds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean types jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kinds pranks.

They say there are 3 kinds of mathematicians...

Those who can count, and those who can't.

There are two kinds of h**... women. Those who get married and have a lot of kids....

....and those who are a single and have a lot of kids.

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".

The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"
The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

Geeky Joke

There are 10 kinds of people: those who can count in binary, those who can't and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke.

What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer?

...mainly SMALL ARMS.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world

The ones who can count, and those who can't.

There are three kinds of people in this world.

Those who are good at math, and those who aren't.

That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce...

and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

There are two kinds of numbers...

Rational numbers and Woman numbers.

There are two kinds of people in the world

There are two kinds of people in the world. There are those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,

There are 10 kinds of people in the world...

Those who understand hexadecimal and F the rest.

There are three kinds of people: Those who are good at math, those who are bad at math,

and those who are bad at jokes.

During a lady's medical examination...

The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"

New kinds of implants.

So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast e**..., the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be s**... woodentit?

There are three kinds of lies:

1. Lies
2. d**... lies
3. Working from home

What is your favorite "There are two kinds of people..." joke?

My favorite is "There are two kinds of people...those who cheat at 7-up, and god d**... liars."

"There are three kinds of s**......"

"There's homosexual s**..., for people who have s**... at home, bisexual, for people who buy s**..., and there's t**...—that's me, I'll try anything!"
Credit to Francis, the 80-year-old, flamboyantly hilarious artist I met on the train yesterday morning.

What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

Plus sizes!

There are 10 kinds of people...

Those who understand ternary notation, those who don't and those who thought this would be a binary joke.
Credits to /u/johnnybenude

In the end, I decided not to visit that new Police Hair & Nail Salon.

You hear all kinds of bad things about Police Beautality.

A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project

For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.

There are three kinds of people in New Zealand..

The racists, the big spiders, and the big racist spiders..

The local Cardiologist just died.

And everyone showed up at the f**... with hearts. Hearts of all kinds were put on his casket.
Little Johnny says "Boy, I'm not gonna miss the Gynecologist's f**...!"

Animals in Australia

There are 2 kinds of animals in Australia:
* Those that want to eat you
* Sheeps

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

What kind of orange juice do Jews drink?

All kinds, just not concentrated

There are three kinds of people...

The ones who say the glass is half full,
The ones who say the glass is half empty,
And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass.

"Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?"

"Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...

There are 2 kinds of programmers

Those who understand pointers and
Segmentation fault (core dumped)

There are 10 kinds of people...

Those who understand changes in base, and those who don't.
...And those who weren't expecting a ternary joke.
...And those who were.
...And those who already stopped reading.
...And those who can count.
...And those who can't.
...And OP's who don't deliver.
...And OP's who deliver.
...And normal peopl**e WHO COUNT BY TENS LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD**

A few jokes for programmers

Programmer: My wife is expecting a baby in 6 weeks!
Friend: Is it a boy or a girl?
Programmer: Yes.
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world,
Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who expected this to be in base 3
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world,
Those who know hexadecimal, and F the rest

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread?

Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

There are two kinds of people in the world

Those that can extrapolate from missing information

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who understand binary and those who don't.

My colour blind friend told me there were only two kinds of people in the world.

I told him to stop seeing things in black and white.

There are two kinds of people in this world, the kind that keep their inbox at zero...

and the kind that want to run for president someday.

What are the three kinds of women's cancer?

1. Breast Cancer
2. Ovarian Cancer
3. Feminism

reflection on human being

in the world there are two kinds of persons: those who finish what they started and those

There are three kinds of women: the intelligent, the beautiful,

and the majority.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
And those who didn't expect a base three counting system.

There are two kinds of people

People who clearly explain things.

Tennis players are the most heartless kinds of people.

Because to them, love means nothing.

I'm not xenophobic

You'll only find those kinds of people in other countries, not here

There are two kinds of people I hate the most...

1. People who want other people's approval for their opinions
2. Karma w**...
Upvote if you agree

There are three kinds of people...

...Those who can count and those who can't.

I like both kinds of british cuisine...

fish AND chips.

The real troublemaker ...

While examining a female patient, doctor tells her:
Ur heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.
Woman immediately started taking off her top and jeans..
Doc shocked said:
No! No! Plz put on ur clothes.
Just show me your tongue..."

There are TWO kinds of people in this world:

People who are good at math, people who are good at telling jokes, and people who aren't good at either.

There are two kinds of Asians...

The kind you see drifting in Tokyo Drift, and the other you see drifting around roundabouts.

There are three kinds of men...

The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

There are 2 kinds of people in this world

Those who can't be bothered to finish anything and

There are 10 kinds of people

Those who undestand binary
Those who don't
And those who didn't realize we'd be doing this in base 3

Finding a career after college and being a v**... is tough...

There's all kinds of jobs out there: hand jobs, blow jobs, rim jobs...but I can't get any of them

A mom caught her son jacking in the garage...

...she said to him, "Look son, I know you are at the age where you are curious and want to experiment with these kinds of things.... but please stop trying to remove the wheels of the car!"

There are two kinds of people: Those who make Ace Ventura references every day...

and *lahoo-sah-hers*

An old lady told me this

You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?

There are three kinds of people in the world

Those who shower before bed
Those who shower in the morning
And regular convention atendees

There are two kinds of countries

Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.

There are 11 kinds of people

Those who will get this joke, and be amused
Those who will get this joke, but not be amused
Those who won't get the joke.

there are 3 kinds of people in this world

Those that are good at numbers, and those that are not

You know what my favorite kinds of jews are?

Orange jews, apple jews, tomato jews...

No sit-ups, pull ups or any other kinds of ups.

But f*c**... ups, Those I can manage!

There are 10 kinds of people in the world...

Those who know binary and those who don't.
(Stolen from my favorite t-shirt. This must have been posted here before but I haven't seen it.)

Police Station Intelligence Test

Apologies if this has been posted before \(I searched, albeit not a lot\). My physics teacher in college told me this one:
They gave a basic intelligence test at the local police station. The kind where you have to stick the geometric shapes in the corresponding holes.
It turns out we have two kinds of cops: Very s**... ones and very strong ones.

an irish girl confesses shes a p**... to her father

at first he gets s**... angry starts yelling at her, how could she betray him, calls her all kinds of names including soup taker. She looks confused at this and asks her father to accompany her to confession. Her dad stares at her for a moment and then he hugs her, crying tears of relief. The he says, "I thought you said you were a protestant!"

There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who can count in binary,

ternary, quaternary, quinary, senary, septenary, octal, nonary, decimal and hexadecimal, and those who weren't expecting a double-subverted binary joke.

The Kremlin knows only two kinds of people

Those who are loyal and

There are 2 kinds of people

1. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data

A lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie...

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom...

What kinds of windows does 2 chains own?

TWO PANES.

What kinds of video games do pirates play?

Arrr-pgs!

There are two kinds of people.

1) Those who contradict themselves

There are 2 kinds of people in the world

1: people that can make lists

There are 2 kinds of people....

People who dont think the world revolves around them and me

Whenever asked about my culinary skills I always say I'm great at all kinds of cooking

Overcooking, undercooking...

Deodorant

I think we should all put on two kinds of deodorant. One for each armpit. But thats just my 2 scents.

There are two kinds of people: The first kind

The second isn't.

There's only two kinds of people...

Those who can extrapolate from a given set of data.

There are many kinds of vests that protect you..

Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.

There are three kinds of people: Firstly the ones who shower, secondly the ones who takes baths

and thirdly the ones who sit next to me on the bus.

There are 2 kinds of people at every k**... rally.

Cops and undercover cops.

Kinds joke, There are 2 kinds of people at every k**... rally.

jokes about kinds