Kindergarten Jokes
101 kindergarten jokes and hilarious kindergarten puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kindergarten that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Bring a smile to your students' faces with these funny and silly kindergarten jokes. From jokes for preschoolers to schoolers and everyone in between, these jokes will have the whole class laughing. We even have winter jokes to keep everyone in the holiday spirit!
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Funniest Kindergarten Short Jokes
Short kindergarten jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kindergarten humour may include short preschool jokes also.
- What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital? I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
- bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
- Guns are like gum... Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you've been best friends since kindergarten.
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked... her class what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!" - I work at a store that was burglarized. An investigating officer asked me where I was between 5 and 6.
He didn't seem pleased when I answered:
"Kindergarten." - What's the difference between a Kindergarten and an ISIS stronghold? I don't know, I just fly the drones
- What's the difference between a pakistani Kindergarten and a Taliban Training Ground? Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.
- What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate? About 70 years
- Bill Gates recently visited a kindergarten and taught the children how to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
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Kindergarten One Liners
Which kindergarten one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kindergarten? I can suggest the ones about first grade and primary school.
- Why do kindergarten teachers have bad eyesight? Because their pupils are small.
- The police asked me where I was between 4 and 5 I said "Kindergarten"
- What do you call it when a German kid plants some vegetables? A kindergarten
- What's the difference between Kindergarteners and Congress? Kindergarteners grow up.
- Where did Kevin Spacey perform the best? Kindergarten.
- Why did the kindergartener cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- Why were the police called to a kindergarten? A small child was resisting a rest
- Why did I eat so much paste in kindergarten? It really stuck to my ribs.
- Captain hook can't kill 20 kindergarteners. But Sandy Hook can.
- What does a blood learn in kindergarten? His abb's
- Is this kindergarten Sherlock? Its elementary my dear Watson!
- What did the Russian kindergarten class use to write out the alphabet? A cryllic paint.
- I loved kindergarten. Best 3 years of my life. of my *life.*
- I'm a serial kidnapper That's why they love me at kindergarten
- Why are kindergarten teachers so good? They make little things count
Kindergarten Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny kindergarten teacher jokes and even better kindergarten teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet. Teacher: Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?
Class: NO - A math teacher asks a kindergartener: "Tommy, if you have a nickel in one pocket, and a quarter in the other, what do you have?" "someone else's pants"
- A study by the Bureau of Consumer Protection has determined that the most common first name on consumer complaints is actually "Sharon." My kindergarten teacher was right. Sharon is Karen.
- Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are in first day of kindergarten. Optimus (in his deep voice) : Hi, I'm Optimus Prime. What's your name?
Teacher : Be silent!!!!!
Bumblebee : umleee - I remember my first period... I was in kindergarten, and while I was writing, my teacher told me to put a little dot at the end of my sentence.
- Cop with a bulging gut stands in front of a kindergarten Teacher approaches, "Are you expecting a child?"
He says, "No, it's beer." - The best part about my work is how my patients can get appendectomies, cesarian sections and even heart surgery free of charge. I love being a kindergarten teacher.
- Being told you are hard at work is usually a great compliment... ...but it's the very reason I was fired from being a kindergarten teacher.
- If you have trouble speaking in public, imagine your audience in their underwear Doesn't work too well when you're a kindergarten teacher, though
- What sorority did the kindergarten English teacher join? Eta Xi
Unearthly Funniest Kindergarten Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about kindergarten you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pre school jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kindergarten pranks.
It was at the end of the school year,
and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..
One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my b**... on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.
Young love... sort of...
Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.
For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.
One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby k**.... Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"
A little boy wants his toy,
A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.
The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.
When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"
"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"
"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"
Poor Ajmal.
After playtime, Ms Wilson asks some of her kindergarten kids what they did during playtime.
"What did you do at playtime Tom?"
"I played in the sandpit" said Tom.
"Very good, if you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie!"
Tom spelled sand and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Sally?"
"I played in the sandpit with Tom" said Sally.
"That's nice, if you can spell pit, I'll give you a cookie!"
Sally spelled pit and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Ajmal?"
"I tried to play in the sandpit, but Sally and Tom threw rocks at me!" said Ajmal.
"That sounds like blatant racial discrimination, If you can spell blatant racial discrimination I'll give you a cookie!".
Larry at the police station
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?"
I said, "Kindergarten."
The Kindergartener's Question
Johnny walked up to his kindergarten teacher with an inquisitive look in his eyes. "Do you know where the black—" Johnny asked, to the teacher's retort. "Johnny! Say African-American!"
"Do you know where the African-American construction paper is?"
I hope Amazon's drone uses better technology than the military's.
Or kindergartens are going to get a lot of wrongly delivered packages
It's show and tell day...
In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot.
"What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks.
"It's a period," replies Johnny.
"What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks.
"I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."
What's the worst thing about Michael Jackson teaching your kindergarten class?
The smell. The man's been dead for 6 years.
A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...
She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".
Joke provided by my ten year old son.
After the apocalypse, in cannibalistic Germany,
"Kindergarten" takes on a new, darker meaning.
in a kindergarten class, there is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. which one do you date?
the blonde. she's 18.
Police have just been called to a kindergarten...
...where a three-year-old is resisting a rest.
A boy asks the teacher...
"Can children of kindergarten age have baby if they have s**...?"
Teacher says, "No they can't."
The boy turns to girl standing next to him and says, "See, you were scared for no reason at all!"
When I was in kindergarten...
I met a really beautiful girl. We really liked each other. We were constantly kissing and holding hands, even showed our private parts, until one day the teacher came and caught us, needless to say, I got fired.
One of my kindergarten students told me a joke today..
Q: What do you call a police officer wearing a hat?
A: A friend!
This makes no sense as a joke at all BUT still cracked up because of how excited he was to tell me this joke
Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten
As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
Bill gates teaching a kindergarten class
"Let's count" says Gates
The children start counting as he told them to.
1,2,3.x,95,98,2000,ME,XP,7,8,8.1,9,10, 10 anniversary edition
Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten
I guess that's why they fired me.
I'm no longer bitter about the end of my four year old relationship.
I hope she enjoys kindergarten.
Male employee at a kindergarten gets yelled at by little kids
"You're not my father!" Says a little boy.
"And that I'm thankful for..." Anwsers the employee
"...Especially after I saw your mother."
Why do dogs run behind people?
Because people have bones in them.
(Not mine. My Kindergartener came up with this today).
Interrogation
A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. He seemed annoyed when I answered, "kindergarten!"
What do you call it when one kindergartener beats up another kindergartener to become class president?
A coup d'tot.
A teacher confiscates two birds, a dog, and a handgun from a kindergarten student.
Teacher: "What are you doing with these things?!"
Student: "I'm practicing my alphabet."
Teacher: "Bringing animals and a gun to class is no way to learn!"
Student: "Sure it is. I have a beagle, a seagull, a Deagle, and an eagle."
Saw my ex-girlfriend across the street today and she didn't even look at me.
Truth is, i've changed a lot since kindergarten.
A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten
A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten. The girls gets into the car and says - "Mom, Timmy's wee wee is like a peanut!". The mother laughs and asks "why is it small?". "No" the girls answers, "it's salty"
Dark as charcoal
A mother goes to the kindergarten to pick up her daughter.
She arrives to a nightmarish scene, the whole place is crawling with fireman, emergency vehicles and panicked parents, the kindergarten caught on fire, smoke everywhere.
She runs around frantically calling for her daughter: "Amber! has anyone seen my Amber!?!"
She tries to run inside the smouldering ruins of the kindergarten, but a fireman stops her, and says: "Sorry ma'm, but there's only Ashleys in there."
Childen are playing on a kindergarten playground with their tablets...
...and the teacher is sleeping on a bench. A lady walks by and wakes the teacher up: "Aren't you afraid that the children will run away and get lost?" asks the lady. "I'm not afraid at all," says the teacher, "the WiFi signal covers the playground only."
A security guard came up to me yesterday...
and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten."
My son in kindergarten had a party a short while ago where we had to dress up as food.....
Everyone was supposed to dress up as a food and parents were also encouraged to come and dress up.
So I decided to go with my son and I put on my cowboy outfit and I went.
There as i was going in a teacher said "Sir, your supposed to be dressed up as a food"
And so I said, " I am. I'm ranch dressing"
What does U.S. immigration policy have in common with kindergarten after lunch?
Kid napping.
The kindergarten teacher asked her kids what the wanted to be when they grew up
One kid said, "I want to be a fireman!"
One kid said, "I want to be a policeman!"
One kid said, "I want to be possible!"
The teacher asked, "What do you mean you want to be possible?"
The boy said, "Well my mom always says that I'm impossible."
There's a brunette, red-head, and a blonde in the same Kindergarten class. Who has the biggest rack?
The blonde. She's 19.
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
Kindergarten Blonde
A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"
Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Most of the kids only got half way, but I knew them all. Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
"Yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The following day the girl comes home and says "we had gym today and I noticed I'm more physically advanced than the others. . Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
Her mom says " no dear. It's because you're 24."
A kindergarten teacher was telling her students about different kinds of animals.
"Whales are the largest" she said, "but they can't s**... people, because their throats are too small."
"But in the Bible, it says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale", said a little girl. "You can't always believe what you read", the teacher replied. "Well, when I go to heaven", said the little girl, " I'll ask Jonah."
"And what if Jonah didn't go to heaven?"
"Then you can ask him."
Sean Connery is at his first day of Kindergarten...
The boy acts up, so the teacher tells him to go sit in the corner.
A few minutes later, a horrible smell begins to emanate from where Sean is.
"Sean!" The teacher screams, "What did you do that for?!"
"Well, Mish" Sean replies. "You did tell me to s**... in the corner..."
My girlfriend said she's gonna drop out of school. I told her no...
How hard can kindergarten be?
I've once fooled an entire class filled with future Doctors, Lawyers, and scientists...
Of course they were all in Kindergarten so it wasn't hard
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, I'm drawing God.
The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing Little Johnny replied, They will in a minute.
A joke from my grandfather
In a kindergarten classroom in Moscow in 1980:
Teacher: The Soviet Union is the heaven where you always have food to fill your stomach and your parents have a job and everyone is happy.
Student named Mikhail: Teacher I want to go to the Soviet Union.
A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years
One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground
"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner
"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers
guys are all like i want a crazy gf
then all of a sudden they're all mad at you like how did you find my location why are you stalking my kindergarten girlfriends mom on facebook you can't chain me up and force me to be your boyfriend
like omfg pick a side
Kids these days...
It was a very rainy day and the new kindergarten teacher was helping her children wear their galoshes. It was a tiresome job involving much pushing and shoving.
Finally it was young Barry's turn. The teacher pushed and pushed and finally helped him into his galoshes.
"You know," said Barry, "These aren't my galoshes."
The poor teacher groaned and struggled to pull his galoshes off. When she finally did, she said, "Alright Barry, now whose galoshes are these?"
"They're my brother's, but mum said I could wear them anyway."
Artist
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, I'm drawing God. The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like. Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, They will in a minute.
My kindergarten daughter asked me a question,
so I answered her back In confidence with the correct answer. She asked me how I knew that , so I answered her that I knew everything. This infuriated my daughter and she told me there were people out there that knew more than me. I was shocked and told her I didn't know anyone smarter than me. Then she just looked at me and said Then you don't know everything .
True Story
Little Timmy and Little Mandy were playing together at the kindergarten.
Timmy says to Mandy, When we're older, let's get married!
Mandy turns to him and says, I'm sorry Timmy, I like you and all, but I'm not allowed to marry you.
Why not? asks Timmy.
Because in my family, we have a tradition of only marrying each other. It's gone back generations.
Timmy is stunned. You only marry within your family?
Mandy replies, Yeah. My mom with my dad, my grandpa with my grandma, my uncle with my aunt…
a prisoner escaped jail through a tunnel under his cell
After getting out of tunnel he found himself in a kindergarten playground
"I'm free! I'm free!" he screamed
"So what? I'm four" replied one of the toddler
A teacher asked her kindergartens...
Who the most important person in history is and whoever gets it right gets 5 dollars, one of the kids yells, "Abe Lincoln." The teacher smiles and shakes her head no, another kid yells, "George Washington." Again, the teacher shakes her head. The class becomes quiet as they all begin to think before one of the children goes, "jesus!" The teacher responds."That's right! But wait, aren't you jewish?" To which the child goes, "well, the correct answer is Moses, but business is business."
