The Best 54 Kindergarten Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kindergarten jokes. There are some kindergarten nursery jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kindergarten kindergarten teacher puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kindergarten Jokes and Puns

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

It was at the end of the school year,

and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "

That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..

One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my ball sack on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.

Kindergarten joke, There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..

Young love... sort of...

Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.

For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.

One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby kicking. Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"


A little boy wants his toy,

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.

When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"

"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"

"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"

A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked...

her class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

Kindergarten joke, A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked...

Poor Ajmal.

After playtime, Ms Wilson asks some of her kindergarten kids what they did during playtime.
"What did you do at playtime Tom?"
"I played in the sandpit" said Tom.
"Very good, if you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie!"
Tom spelled sand and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Sally?"
"I played in the sandpit with Tom" said Sally.
"That's nice, if you can spell pit, I'll give you a cookie!"
Sally spelled pit and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Ajmal?"
"I tried to play in the sandpit, but Sally and Tom threw rocks at me!" said Ajmal.
"That sounds like blatant racial discrimination, If you can spell blatant racial discrimination I'll give you a cookie!".

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?"

I said, "Kindergarten."

The Kindergartener's Question

Johnny walked up to his kindergarten teacher with an inquisitive look in his eyes. "Do you know where the blackβ€”" Johnny asked, to the teacher's retort. "Johnny! Say African-American!"

"Do you know where the African-American construction paper is?"

You can explore kindergarten schooler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kindergarten homeschooled dad jokes. There are also kindergarten puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the difference between a Pakistani Kindergarten and a Taliban Training Ground?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.

It's show and tell day...

In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot.

"What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks.
"It's a period," replies Johnny.
"What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks.
"I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."

What's the worst thing about Michael Jackson teaching your kindergarten class?

The smell. The man's been dead for 6 years.

A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...

She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".

Joke provided by my ten year old son.

After the apocalypse, in cannibalistic Germany,

"Kindergarten" takes on a new, darker meaning.

Kindergarten joke, After the apocalypse, in cannibalistic Germany,

in a kindergarten class, there is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. which one do you date?

the blonde. she's 18.

Police have just been called to a kindergarten...

...where a three-year-old is resisting a rest.

A boy asks the teacher...

"Can children of kindergarten age have baby if they have sex?"
Teacher says, "No they can't."
The boy turns to girl standing next to him and says, "See, you were scared for no reason at all!"


When I was in kindergarten...

I met a really beautiful girl. We really liked each other. We were constantly kissing and holding hands, even showed our private parts, until one day the teacher came and caught us, needless to say, I got fired.

One of my kindergarten students told me a joke today..

Q: What do you call a police officer wearing a hat?
A: A friend!

This makes no sense as a joke at all BUT still cracked up because of how excited he was to tell me this joke

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten.

"1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten

I guess that's why they fired me.

I'm no longer bitter about the end of my four year old relationship.

I hope she enjoys kindergarten.

Interrogation

A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. He seemed annoyed when I answered, "kindergarten!"

A teacher confiscates two birds, a dog, and a handgun from a kindergarten student.

Teacher: "What are you doing with these things?!"

Student: "I'm practicing my alphabet."

Teacher: "Bringing animals and a gun to class is no way to learn!"

Student: "Sure it is. I have a beagle, a seagull, a Deagle, and an eagle."

Bill Gates recently visited a kindergarten and taught the children how to count to ten.

"1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

Saw my ex-girlfriend across the street today and she didn't even look at me.

Truth is, i've changed a lot since kindergarten.

A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten

A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten. The girls gets into the car and says - "Mom, Timmy's wee wee is like a peanut!". The mother laughs and asks "why is it small?". "No" the girls answers, "it's salty"

Where did Kevin Spacey perform the best?

Kindergarten.

Dark as charcoal

A mother goes to the kindergarten to pick up her daughter.

She arrives to a nightmarish scene, the whole place is crawling with fireman, emergency vehicles and panicked parents, the kindergarten caught on fire, smoke everywhere.

She runs around frantically calling for her daughter: "Amber! has anyone seen my Amber!?!"
She tries to run inside the smouldering ruins of the kindergarten, but a fireman stops her, and says: "Sorry ma'm, but there's only Ashleys in there."

What's the difference between a Kindergarten and an ISIS stronghold?

I don't know, I just fly the drones

Childen are playing on a kindergarten playground with their tablets...

...and the teacher is sleeping on a bench. A lady walks by and wakes the teacher up: "Aren't you afraid that the children will run away and get lost?" asks the lady. "I'm not afraid at all," says the teacher, "the WiFi signal covers the playground only."

The police asked me where I was between 4 and 5

I said "Kindergarten"

A security guard came up to me yesterday...

and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten."

What does U.S. immigration policy have in common with kindergarten after lunch?

Kid napping.

The kindergarten teacher asked her kids what the wanted to be when they grew up

One kid said, "I want to be a fireman!"

One kid said, "I want to be a policeman!"

One kid said, "I want to be possible!"

The teacher asked, "What do you mean you want to be possible?"

The boy said, "Well my mom always says that I'm impossible."

There's a brunette, red-head, and a blonde in the same Kindergarten class. Who has the biggest rack?

The blonde. She's 19.

Why do kindergarten teachers have bad eyesight?

Because their pupils are small.

What do you call it when a German kid plants some vegetables?

A kindergarten

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Kindergarten Blonde

A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"

Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."

The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Most of the kids only got half way, but I knew them all. Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"

"Yes dear, it's because you're a blond."

The following day the girl comes home and says "we had gym today and I noticed I'm more physically advanced than the others. . Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"

Her mom says " no dear. It's because you're 24."

A kindergarten teacher was telling her students about different kinds of animals.

"Whales are the largest" she said, "but they can't swallow people, because their throats are too small."
"But in the Bible, it says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale", said a little girl. "You can't always believe what you read", the teacher replied. "Well, when I go to heaven", said the little girl, " I'll ask Jonah."
"And what if Jonah didn't go to heaven?"
"Then you can ask him."

What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate?

About 70 years

Sean Connery is at his first day of Kindergarten...

The boy acts up, so the teacher tells him to go sit in the corner.

A few minutes later, a horrible smell begins to emanate from where Sean is.

"Sean!" The teacher screams, "What did you do that for?!"

"Well, Mish" Sean replies. "You did tell me to shit in the corner..."

Guns are like gum...

Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you've been best friends since kindergarten.

My girlfriend said she's gonna drop out of school. I told her no...

How hard can kindergarten be?

I've once fooled an entire class filled with future Doctors, Lawyers, and scientists...

Of course they were all in Kindergarten so it wasn't hard

A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.

As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.

Little Johnny replied, I'm drawing God.

The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing Little Johnny replied, They will in a minute.

A joke from my grandfather

In a kindergarten classroom in Moscow in 1980:

Teacher: The Soviet Union is the heaven where you always have food to fill your stomach and your parents have a job and everyone is happy.

Student named Mikhail: Teacher I want to go to the Soviet Union.

A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet.

Teacher: Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?

Class: NO

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kindergarten teacher jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kindergarten mom piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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