Kind Jokes
117 kind jokes and hilarious kind puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kind that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your day with a dose of laughter with this collection of kind jokes! From your favourite species ligma hydrox and the classic knock-knocks, you'll find a joke to match any mood. Delight your friends and family with these gentle jokes that are sure to bring smiles to everyone!
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Funniest Kind Short Jokes
Short kind jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kind humour may include short gent jokes also.
- What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind . - What's a good name for a detective? Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind - My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
- There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
- I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." "Which doctor?", she replied.
"No, the regular kind." - My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now! - What did the redditor say after a stranger gave him a piece of explosive gold? Thanks for the gold, kind stranger
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Kind One Liners
Which kind one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kind? I can suggest the ones about worthy and wick.
- Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not.
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- Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying? They were having a mid-life crisis.
- What do you call children born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts
- No matter how kind you are... No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
- What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.
- What kind of organization is Atheism? Non-prophet.
- What kind of running means walking? Running out of gas!
- What kind of music do wind turbines like? They're huge metal fans
- what kind of dinosaur has the cleanest teeth? A Flossiraptor
Courtesy of my 6-year old. - When a BMW owner learns to drive... What kind of car do they switch to?
- What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours.
- Name a vegetable that's kind of cool. Radish
- what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only? 2Na
- What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear? Oakley Dokelys
What Kind Of Women Jokes
Here is a list of funny what kind of women jokes and even better what kind of women puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm the kind of guy that knows what every woman really wants Pockets. Women want fully functional pockets.
- What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
- There are two kind of women in this world. Those who get mad about everything, and those who get mad about nothing.
- What kind of guys are amputee women into? Army Men
- There are three kinds of women: the intelligent, the beautiful, and the majority.
- What kind of women do firemen get? only Hose
- Some women can be so shallow. I mean everything was going great at our first dinner date until I told her what kind of car I lived in.
- What kind of women are attracted to firefighters? Hose!
- What are the three kinds of women's cancer? 1. Breast Cancer
2. Ovarian Cancer
3. Feminism - My opinion on abortion is kind of a double edged sword... I like the idea of killing babies, but not the idea of giving women the chance to make decisions.
Ligma Kind Jokes
Here is a list of funny ligma kind jokes and even better ligma kind puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey, guys, did you hear that they found some new kinds of nuts? Ligma.
Comical & Quirky Kind Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about kind you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nature jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kind pranks.
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
What kind of STD's do fish get?
Merm-aids
A rope walked into a bar...
A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."
What kind of doctor is always on call?
An oncologist!
...
I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before.
The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.
Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". s**... and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.
My wife and I were discussing people owning weird animals...
and she said, "I've always wanted to get a manatee." I said, "That's very kind of you. I will take it with two sugars."
What kind of w**... do reptiles smoke?
Mariguana.
If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?
A s**...
What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?
White vans
Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
I'm kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer
Yeah, I gave 'em my too weak notice
Obvious media bias
Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.
My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..
They're two things I'll never see coming.
(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)
What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..
He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.
John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don't serve your kind here.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Two men are golfing at a local golf course
The first man is about to putt when he sees a long f**... procession right near the course. He stops mid-putt, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in prayer.
The second man is in awe. "Wow, that is the most touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
A trophy.
Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.
I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.
The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
I was offered s**... from a 21 year old girl today
In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.
Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.
His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."
Every time it rains I find my wife standing at the window, looking kind of sad.
Maybe I should let her inside.
What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie?
That's a Moray.
What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?
2 Na
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
I waved the waitress over to our table.
I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"
She said, "Absolutely."
I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."
I was rated "number 1 most likely to not m**... you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.
I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.
I kind of understand where anti-vaxxers coming from.
They were surely vaccinated as children, and look how r**... they turned out to be.
After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
What's the rudest kind of elf? n**...
A go fuckyourself
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other
r**...
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.
He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.
Thanos seems a lot like a pessimist to me
Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy
A man takes his wife to get tested
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.
The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'
The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?
The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.
No matter how kind you are,
German children are always Kinder.
A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.
His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."
The bubonic plague, the flu, and h**... walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What is this? Some kind of sick joke?".
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
o**... there's a wolf!
Where?
No, the regular kind.
Stung...
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
My 7 year old son came up with this please be kind.
Why did the icecream have an umbrella?... because there were to many sprinkles!
A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer.
Honest? the woman asks.
No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, I'm drawing God.
The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing Little Johnny replied, They will in a minute.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.
What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?
A s**...
A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."
"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."
So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.
So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.
2 Russians are robbing a bank...
2 Russians are robbing a bank... Everything went successful, quickly and silently. However, before existing the bank, one Russian stops another one: "Hey, what kind of a robbery is it if no one got injured or killed?"
Russian 2: "You're right, kill that woman that's sitting over there!"
Russian 1 (to the woman): "What's your name?"
Woman: "Sofia"
Russian 1 (to Russian 2): "I can't kill her... My wife has the same name..."
Russian 2: "Then kill that kid that's sitting beside her."
Russian 1 (to the kid): "What's your name?"
Kid: "Billy, but everybody calls me Sofia"
What kind of drug should dinosaurs never take?
A steroid.
If atheism was a business, what kind of business would it be?
A Non-Prophet organization.
Wife asks her husband to fix the fridge. He replies "What am I, a repairman?" So she got their neighbor to fix it. She tells her husb "It's fixed. Our neighbor said he would fix it if I either slept with him or baked him a pie."
Husband laughs and asks "So what kind of pie did you bake him?"
Wife replies "What am I, a baker?"
God the Engineer
Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex structures of the body!" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer." The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"
What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time?
A subwoofer
What kind of candy do you offer a woman with a f**...?
Mentos
My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:
"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"
"Erm, I don't know" I replied
"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing
"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"
"Donald Duck" I replied
"No, all ducks you idiot"
