Kind Jokes
117 kind jokes and hilarious kind puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kind that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your day with a dose of laughter with this collection of kind jokes! From your favourite species ligma hydrox and the classic knock-knocks, you'll find a joke to match any mood. Delight your friends and family with these gentle jokes that are sure to bring smiles to everyone!
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Funniest Kind Short Jokes
Short kind jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kind humour may include short gent jokes also.
- What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind . - What's a good name for a detective? Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind - There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
- I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." "Which doctor?", she replied.
"No, the regular kind." - My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now! - What did the redditor say after a stranger gave him a piece of explosive gold? Thanks for the gold, kind stranger
- What kind of doctor is always on call? An oncologist!
...
I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before.
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Kind One Liners
Which kind one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kind? I can suggest the ones about worthy and wick.
- Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not.
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- What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.
- What kind of running means walking? Running out of gas!
- What kind of music do wind turbines like? They're huge metal fans
- When a bmw owner learns to drive... What kind of car do they switch to?
- What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours.
- Name a vegetable that's kind of cool. Radish
- what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only? 2Na
- What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear? Oakley Dokelys
- What kind of STD's do fish get? Merm-aids
- there are ten kinds of people Those who understand binary jokes, and those who don't.
- What kind of drug should dinosaurs never take? A steroid.
- Thanos seems a lot like a pessimist to me Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy
- What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie? That's a Moray.
What Kind Of Women Jokes
Here is a list of funny what kind of women jokes and even better what kind of women puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm the kind of guy that knows what every woman really wants Pockets. Women want fully functional pockets.
- What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
- There are two kind of women in this world. Those who get mad about everything, and those who get mad about nothing.
- What kind of guys are amputee women into? Army Men
- There are three kinds of women: the intelligent, the beautiful, and the majority.
- What are the three kinds of women's cancer? 1. Breast Cancer
2. Ovarian Cancer
3. Feminism - I can remember watching the women of Baywatch as a youngster -- being transfixed by their big bouncing... ...hair.
Seriously, what kind of conditioner were they using? - Women complain about men sitting on the toilet too long. What kind of king doesn't sit on his throne?
P.s. sorry if this is unoriginal. It sounds too good to not be taken. - I am not the kind of girl you can take home to your wife.
- What kind of fish is funny, beautiful and a good role model for young women? Tuna Fey.
Ligma Kind Jokes
Here is a list of funny ligma kind jokes and even better ligma kind puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey, guys, did you hear that they found some new kinds of nuts? Ligma.
Comical & Quirky Kind Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about kind you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nature jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kind pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call children born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.
Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
A rope walked into a bar...
A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to a g**... the street
He asks her "would you have s**... with me for a million dollars?"
The girl replies "hmm.. for a millian dollars sure!"
The man asks "would you have s**... with me for free?"
The girl replies "for free? What kind of girl do you think I am?
The man replies "we've already found what kind of girl you are now we are just negotiating a price."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.
Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". s**... and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.
My wife and I were discussing people owning weird animals...
and she said, "I've always wanted to get a manatee." I said, "That's very kind of you. I will take it with two sugars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?
White vans
What kind of cereal does Ronda Rousey eat?
Kix
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter how kind you are...
No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
Obvious media bias
Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.
what kind of meat does a priest eat on fridays?
Nun.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kinda scared for 2017
Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of n**... h**... would have if he had 8 more
My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..
They're two things I'll never see coming.
(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don't serve your kind here.
The superconductor left without resistance.
A Nazgûl walks into a bar...
The barman says: 'I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind in here.'
The Nazgûl replies: 'That's Wraithist.'
The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
Two wind turbines are talking to each other...
One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?"
The other turbine replies, "Well...I'm a big metal fan."
I waved the waitress over to our table.
I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"
She said, "Absolutely."
I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."
I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife.
The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was rated "number 1 most likely to not m**... you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.
I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I kind of understand where anti-vaxxers coming from.
They were surely vaccinated as children, and look how r**... they turned out to be.
After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
What kind of sweater do cops wear?
A pullover.
My dad bought himself a new hearing aid.
"It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."
"Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"
"Two-thirty."
What kind of wood makes the best chairs?
Cherry wood.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other
r**...
What kind of car does a Weeaboo drive?
A Nii-san
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.
He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.
A man takes his wife to get tested
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.
The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'
The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?
The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.
Don't know if this has been posted here but let's try
Little Johnny came home and ran to his mother.
"Mummy! I was on the bus with Daddy and he made me stand up so a woman could sit down."
"Well...How kind of your daddy! You should learn from him."
Johnny then frowned.
"I was sitting on Daddy's lap"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of clothing do Karens wear?
A lawsuit.
No matter how kind you are,
German children are always Kinder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... there's a wolf!
Where?
No, the regular kind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stung...
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
My 7 year old son came up with this please be kind.
Why did the icecream have an umbrella?... because there were to many sprinkles!
A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer.
Honest? the woman asks.
No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, I'm drawing God.
The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing Little Johnny replied, They will in a minute.
A kindergartner asks to use the bathroom
Teacher: sing the ABC's, then I'll let you go
Kindergartner: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the P?
Kindergartner: It's running down my pants!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?
A s**...
A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."
"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."
So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.
So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.
(My 6 year old's first homemade joke) What kind of clothes do cats wear to bed?
Answer: Paw-jamas
Wife asks her husband to fix the fridge. He replies "What am I, a repairman?" So she got their neighbor to fix it. She tells her husb "It's fixed. Our neighbor said he would fix it if I either slept with him or baked him a pie."
Husband laughs and asks "So what kind of pie did you bake him?"
Wife replies "What am I, a baker?"
What kind of Dr is Dr Pepper?
A Fizzician
What kind of cheese does Medusa like?
Gorgon-zola
God the Engineer
Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex structures of the body!" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer." The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"
The Queen of France is asked by her chef what she would like her and the rest of the court to eat for dinner
"I would like to eat cheese", she said.
"Which kind of cheese?", asked the chef?
"I would like soft French cheese with garlic and herbs", replied the queen. "And there is one more thing I must insist on".
"Anything my Queen. What is it?", replied the chef.
"It is very important that I do not eat from the same piece of cheese as the rest of court.", said the Queen.
"Oh I see how it is", exclaimed the chef. "It's one roule for you, and another for everyone else".
What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time?
A subwoofer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of candy do you offer a woman with a f**...?
Mentos
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:
"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"
"Erm, I don't know" I replied
"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing
"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"
"Donald Duck" I replied
"No, all ducks you idiot"
