The Best 50 Kilt Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kilt jokes. There are some kilt knickers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kilt scottish kilt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kilt Jokes and Puns

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

Speaking of scotsmen, I asked one if anything is worn under the kilt...

He said "Nay ya wee bairn, everything's in fine an' workin' order!"

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

If it's a good day lipstick

Kilt joke, What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..

First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"

Second fella says "A kilt of course!"

First fella "What's the tartin?"

"She's wearing white" says his pal

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

A Scotsman is at a bar..

A woman at the bar looks on in interest at his kilt, noticing this he yells at her "You can put your hand up there if ya like!"

She can't contain her curiosity, and upon sliding her hand up his kilt she shrieks "Oh it's gruesome!"

He chuckles,

"Put your hand up again lass, It's grew some more!!"

A woman put her hand up a Scotsman's kilt and squealed - "It's gruesome"

The Scotsman replied- "put your hand up there again and it'll gruesome more"

Kilt joke, A woman put her hand up a Scotsman's kilt and squealed - "It's gruesome"

If one more yank asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt.

If one more yank asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt. They'll be told...
Your mothers lipstick!

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?


What do you call a bunny in a kilt?

A hopscotch

A crowd started gathering around the car accident with the bagpiper...

Twas so unfortunate he was kilt.

You can explore kilt garment reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kilt skirt dad jokes. There are also kilt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How did the Scot die?

He got kilt.

My phone autocorrected "killed" to "kilt"...

Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

Shame and sadness at the slow decline of their once beautiful and vibrant culture.

My phone just replaced the word "killed" with "kilt."

Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.

I told my friend I'm planning on wearing a kilt to his wedding. He asked "What's the tartan?"

I said "She's wearing a red dress."

Kilt joke, I told my friend I'm planning on wearing a kilt to his wedding. He asked "What's the tartan?"

Shopping in Europe can be dangerous.

In some countries you can even get a man kilt!

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

You should never trust a Scottish tailor.

It'll get you kilt.

Have you heard about the Scottish man who murdered people with clothing?

He kilt 30 people

Know why a kilt is called a kilt?

Because men have been kilt calling it a skirt.

What's the only acceptable thing for a Scotsman to wear under his kilt?


Did you hear about the kilt maker that went to prison?

He had quite the chequered past.

Woman to Scotsman: What do you wear under your kilt?

Scot: Put your hand up and feel.

Woman: Oh! It's gruesome

Scot: Put your hand up again, it's gruesome more!

A Scottish guy announced to his mate that he was getting married...

I'll write this down phonetically, so use your best Scottish accent:

"Ahm gettin married next week."

"Are ye wearin a kilt?"

"Aye, ahm weerin a kilt."

"Wha's the tartin?"

"She's in a whit dress."

How many canaries can you fit under a Scottsman's kilt?

Depends on the length of the perch.

A lady walks up to a Scot...

A lady walks up to a Scot wearing a kilt and asks... 'Is anything worn under the kilt?'

'No', he said. 'It's all in perfect condition'.

Don't run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out.

Or worse yet, get kilt.

Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier?

He was kilt in action.

I once asked a Scottish man...

What's under a kilt?

He didn't miss a beat. On a good day,

He said, lipstick.

Little old lady puts her hand up a Scotsman's kilt and says "what are these for?"

"Four?!" he exclaims

Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt...

"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.

"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.

How do you know a Scotsman is a McDonald?

Lift up his kilt and see if he has a 1/4 pounder.

What can you find under a man kilt?

Lipstick, on a good day

(OC) Why did the man from Scotland get sentenced to life in prison?

He kilt someone.

Never run with a bagpipe...

You may get kilt

First thing they teach ya at Scottish Army?

Kilt or be killed.

What do you call two Scottish potatos who have just recived a rock as a prize?

Kilt tubers with won stone.

Did you ever hear about the depressed scottish man?

He kilt himself

How do you know a Scottish man is a MacDonald?

You stick your hand up their kilt and you feel a quarter pounder

hes a MacDonald

"Mom, I'm going to Scotland"

"Okay, just don't get kilt"

Light aircraft crashes in Scotland!

Two kilt

A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"

"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"

Why do the Scottish call kilts a kilt and not a skirt?

The last person to call it a skirt got kilt.

Why does the Scotsman wear a kilt?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

The Scotsman

A Scotsman was walking down the street in his traditional Scottish attire when he saw a couple of women talking and giggling,

As he approached one of the women asked " is it true the you dont wear anything under your kilt?"

"Aye, why dont you have a peek and find out for yourself"

So the woman lifted his kilt just enough to see his "business" and said "oh thats gruesome"

The Scotsman replied "I think if you'll check again, you'll see its grew some more"

First post, heard this in a song recently, got a good chuckle from it personally

I think it helps to read with a Scottish accent

Why is it called a kilt?

Because that's what they did to the last guy that made fun of them.

How many birds can you fit under a Scotsmans kilt?

Depends how big the perch is.

Scottish Sutherland Vertical Launch facility will not launch manned flights.

Their afraid the astronauts might get kilt.

How do you tell what clan a Scotsman belongs to?

If ya look up his kilt and see a quarterpounder he's a McDonald.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kilt first kilt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kilt approvingly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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