Kilt Jokes
88 kilt jokes and hilarious kilt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kilt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a chuckle? Check out our collection of the best kilt jokes! From why you should never wear a kilt in a storm, to what a Scotsman wears under his kilt, we've got all the bases covered. So grab a pint and enjoy!
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Funniest Kilt Short Jokes
Short kilt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kilt humour may include short killed jokes also.
- Asked a Scottish man today why they wear those skirts He replied 'the last guy that called it skirt, got kilt'
- A woman put her hand up a Scotsman's kilt and squealed - "It's gruesome" The Scotsman replied- "put your hand up there again and it'll gruesome more"
- Why are Scots the toughest guys in the world? They wear kilts in a country where thistles grow waist-high.
- What do the Scottish people wear kilts? Because sheep can hear the sound of zippers from far away.
- Scots vs English Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.
Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf. - Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
The sheep in the field learned to run when they heard a zipper... - Why is it called a kilt? Because that's what they did to the last guy that made fun of them.
- Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because the sound of zippers scare the sheep away. - Why do the Scottish wear kilts The sheep can hear zippers miles away
- My phone autocorrected "killed" to "kilt"... Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.
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Kilt One Liners
Which kilt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kilt? I can suggest the ones about slaughtered and knot.
- Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
- My phone just replaced the word "killed" with "kilt." Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.
- Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from 100 meters away.
- Why do Scottsmen wear kilts? Because otherwise the sheep would hear the zipper.
- What's the only acceptable thing for a Scotsman to wear under his kilt? Lipstick
- Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers a mile off.
- Don't run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out. Or worse yet, get kilt.
- Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
- What do you call a bunny in a kilt? A hopscotch
- Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? ...because sheep run at the sound of a zipper
- Why to Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away...
- What does robbing a Scotsman get you? Kilt
- What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? If it's a good day lipstick
- Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper from a kilometer away.
- Why do the Scots wear kilts? Sheep run away when they hear a zipper.
Scotsman Kilt Jokes
Here is a list of funny scotsman kilt jokes and even better scotsman kilt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Little old lady puts her hand up a Scotsman's kilt and says "what are these for?" "Four?!" he exclaims
- How many birds can you fit under a Scotsmans kilt? Depends how big the perch is.
- How do you tell what clan a Scotsman belongs to? If ya look up his kilt and see a quarterpounder he's a McDonald.
- How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman? Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.
- Why does the Scotsman wear a kilt? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
- Woman to Scotsman: What do you wear under your kilt? Scot: Put your hand up and feel.
Woman: Oh! It's gruesome
Scot: Put your hand up again, it's gruesome more! - What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.
- Why do Scotsman wear kilts? So the sheep don't hear their zippers as they sneak up behind them
- What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? Shame and sadness at the slow decline of their once beautiful and vibrant culture.
- How do you know a Scotsman is a McDonald? Lift up his kilt and see if he has a 1/4 pounder.
Scottish Kilt Jokes
Here is a list of funny scottish kilt jokes and even better scottish kilt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once asked a Scottish man... What's under a kilt?
He didn't miss a beat. On a good day,
He said, lipstick. - Why do the Scottish wear kilts? So they don't scare the sheep with the sound of a zipper.
- What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear? He kilt himself
- How did the judge understand that the defendant is Scottish? He admitted his kilt.
- Why is the Scottish national garb called the kilt? Because if you call it a skirt where they can hear you, you get kilt.
- Scottish Sutherland Vertical Launch facility will not launch manned flights. Their afraid the astronauts might get kilt.
- Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier? He was kilt in action.
- What do you call two Scottish potatos who have just recived a rock as a prize? Kilt tubers with won stone.
- You should never trust a Scottish tailor. It'll get you kilt.
- Did you hear about that Scottish guy who died? He was kilt.
First Kilt Jokes
Here is a list of funny first kilt jokes and even better first kilt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- First thing they teach ya at Scottish Army? Kilt or be killed.
Scots Kilt Jokes
Here is a list of funny scots kilt jokes and even better scots kilt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lady walks up to a Scot... A lady walks up to a Scot wearing a kilt and asks... 'Is anything worn under the kilt?'
'No', he said. 'It's all in perfect condition'. - How did the Scot die? He got kilt.
Cheerful Fun Kilt Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about kilt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stabbed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kilt pranks.
Speaking of scotsmen, I asked one if anything is worn under the kilt...
He said "Nay ya wee bairn, everything's in fine an' workin' order!"
Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..
First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"
Second fella says "A kilt of course!"
First fella "What's the tartin?"
"She's wearing white" says his pal
A Scotsman is at a bar..
A woman at the bar looks on in interest at his kilt, noticing this he yells at her "You can put your hand up there if ya like!"
She can't contain her curiosity, and upon sliding her hand up his kilt she shrieks "Oh it's gruesome!"
He chuckles,
"Put your hand up again lass, It's grew some more!!"
If one more y**... asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt.
If one more y**... asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt. They'll be told...
Your mothers lipstick!
A crowd started gathering around the car accident with the bagpiper...
Twas so unfortunate he was kilt.
I told my friend I'm planning on wearing a kilt to his wedding. He asked "What's the tartan?"
I said "She's wearing a red dress."
Shopping in Europe can be dangerous.
In some countries you can even get a man kilt!
Have you heard about the Scottish man who murdered people with clothing?
He kilt 30 people
Know why a kilt is called a kilt?
Because men have been kilt calling it a skirt.
Did you hear about the kilt maker that went to prison?
He had quite the chequered past.
A Scottish guy announced to his mate that he was getting married...
I'll write this down phonetically, so use your best Scottish accent:
"Ahm gettin married next week."
"Are ye wearin a kilt?"
"Aye, ahm weerin a kilt."
"Wha's the tartin?"
"She's in a w**... dress."
How many canaries can you fit under a Scottsman's kilt?
Depends on the length of the perch.
Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt...
"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.
"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.
(OC) Why did the man from Scotland get sentenced to life in prison?
He kilt someone.
Never run with a bagpipe...
You may get kilt
How do you know a Scottish man is a MacDonald?
You stick your hand up their kilt and you feel a quarter pounder
hes a MacDonald
"Mom, I'm going to Scotland"
"Okay, just don't get kilt"
Light aircraft crashes in Scotland!
Two kilt
A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"
"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"
Why do the Scottish call kilts a kilt and not a skirt?
The last person to call it a skirt got kilt.
The Scotsman
A Scotsman was walking down the street in his traditional Scottish attire when he saw a couple of women talking and giggling,
As he approached one of the women asked " is it true the you dont wear anything under your kilt?"
"Aye, why dont you have a peek and find out for yourself"
So the woman lifted his kilt just enough to see his "business" and said "oh thats gruesome"
The Scotsman replied "I think if you'll check again, you'll see its grew some more"
First post, heard this in a song recently, got a good chuckle from it personally
I think it helps to read with a Scottish accent
People often ask me if anything is worn under my kilt...
I tell them "No, nothing's worn. Everything is in fine working order!"
A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts
She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'
'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'
'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'
'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I make sure to put on tights.'
'I see, why did you only start doing that three years ago?'
'Well lass, was about three years ago that my wife found a pair of tights in the back of my car.'
