The Best 22 Kilometers Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kilometers jokes. There are some kilometers wasteland jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kilometers liters puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kilometers Jokes and Puns

The secret to a long life.

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:
The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.
I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!

Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?

The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

A couple got into an argument...

A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.

As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:

"Relatives of yours?"

The man replied:

"In-laws."

A lady with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously , she asks a crew member 'just how far away from land are we?' Calmly, he reassures her ' you have nothing to worry about ,we're only 5 kilometers from land.' Relieved, she inquires 'oh, in which direction?'

That would be straight down, Miss........

Kilometers joke, A lady with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously , she asks a

Everyone asked a 100-year-old man and his 98 year old wife for their health secrets:

The old man said: I'll tell you my secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.

So I've been walking 5 kilometers every day for past 75 years!

Everyone applauded and asked again:
But how come your wife is very healthy as well?


The old man answered: That is another secret. For 75 years every single day She has been following me to make sure I really walk the full 5 Kilometers!

A British ship is sinking.

The radio operator is sending out a distress call saying "Mayday, mayday we are sinking. Please help."

A few kilometers away, a German ship hears the call, and the radio operator, who doesn't speak English very well and is new on the job, answers

"uh hello, we hear you. Um, what are you sinking about?"


I sexually indentify as kilometers per second

Because I want to km/s

Blonde, Brunette, Redhead

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are trapped on an island 1000 kilometers from shore, and the only way to get back is to swim.

The brunette goes 200 kilometers, gets tired, and drowns.

The redhead goes 650 kilometers, gets tired, and also drowns.

Then the blonde gets to 999 kilometers, gets tired, turns around and swims back.

Kilometers joke, Blonde, Brunette, Redhead

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:

The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret. I've been married for 75 years.

Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers. I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!

Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?

The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

Before you judge somebody who doesn't use the metric system...

You should walk 1.609344 kilometers in their shoes.

Do you know what Miles Davis is called in Europe?

1.60934 Kilometers Davis



joke courtesy of Stephen Wright

I have a friend named miles

But he moved to Europe so now he goes by Kilometers.

You can explore kilometers highway reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kilometers kilo dad jokes. There are also kilometers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I had a student named Miles in my 5th grade class who moved to JAPAN. Had to change his name to Kilometers.

Slight adjustment to an originally hilarious joke that was shunned on a technicality. #IwasOnlyJoking

Getting back together with your ex is like rebuying your own old car...

...same defects and more kilometers on board.

I'm really high right now.

I'm cruising about 3 kilometers above the ground, all the way to japan.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island that is 10 kilometers from shore...

They all agree that there is no point waiting to die on the island, so they decide to swim for shore.

The brunette goes first, swims three kilometers and drowns.

The redhead goes next, swims five kilometers and drowns.

The blonde goes last. She swims NINE miles...

...gets tired and swims back.

If a man using a prostitute has to run 42 kilometers away from the police...

Is that a Johnathon?

Kilometers joke, If a man using a prostitute has to run 42 kilometers away from the police...

Day 2: Iran Morroco

It was about 2018 kilometers

I asked my girlfriend for directions while she was giving me head

she looked up and said.."You need to get off in 2 kilometers"

Did you guys know that my son is a really big star?

Yup, he's 1.989 x 10^30 kilos and has a diameter of 1.4 million kilometers.


Miles Davis

Is 1,6 times longer than his European cousin Kilometers Davis

I once was hiking with my younger sister, after 10 kilometers she stops and says: I can't feel my legs anymore.

So I said: So we can continue since you don't feel anything bad?

America could never switch to the metric system.

Kilometers Davis, how does that sound?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kilometers mileage jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kilometers centimeter piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes