killing Jokes

funny killing pick up lines and hilarious killing puns

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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Masturbating

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.

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I got arrested for killing a black man.

They charged me with impersonating a police officer.

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I was sexually active at 12

It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it

We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had drinks.Cool guy,wants to be a web designer.

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8 dudes have as much wealth as 4 billion people. We need to start killing them

But it will take a while to kill 4 billion people

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My doctor told me to start killing people.

Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.

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My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

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Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

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I'm really conflicted about abortion.

I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.

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What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum?

Dyson.

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My 6 year old son caught me masturbating this
morning...

He said, "What are you doing daddy?"
"It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why, daddy?" he asked.
"Because my arm is fucking killing me."

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I'm in the middle of hanging myself.

The suspense is killing me.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it....

We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

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I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

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I once thanked a French guy to death

It was a merci killing

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Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste?

The last dentist is busy killing a lion

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Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member?

He went around killing gingers.

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I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

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My Grandad was a WWII veteran.

In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing 32 Nazi aviators.
Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

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Where do you hide after killing a black person?

behind a badge

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A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.

It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.

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I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on..

.. the suspension is killing me.

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When I get home im going to tear my wife's bra right off

The straps are killing me

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CIA finally succeeded in killing Fidel Castro

Using the innovative 'Old age' technique

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If I was a serial killer my name would be "The suspense"

So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"

And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.

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Aaron Hernandez died doing what he loved...

Killing people.

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I'm undecided about abortion

on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?

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What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

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My wife thinks that my obsesion with Youtube is killing our marriage

Well do you think that it is? Comment down below! Like and sub to my channel.

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I was arrested for killing a black man

I thought I would be charged with murder, but instead I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

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Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

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A man comes into his bedroom and sees his wife with his best friend in bed

The man quickly takes out his gun and shoots his best friend, killing him. The wife shouts - "If you continue with that attitude you are going to end up with no friends!"

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I was fed up with life and tried hanging myself from the side of a cliff, but I failed.

Now I'm just a cliffhanger and the suspense is killing me.

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What are the best Killing puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Killing? Well, here are the best Killing dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Killing pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes