Following is our collection of funniest Killing jokes. There are some killing road kill jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these killing massacre puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me
The man quickly takes out his gun and shoots his best friend, killing him. The wife shouts - "If you continue with that attitude you are going to end up with no friends!"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?", she asked.
"Hunting Flies" he responded.
"Oh, Killing any?" she asked.
"Yup. 3 males. 2 females" He responded.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on the beer can, and 2 were on the phone"
*Incredible*
A guy walks into a bar and starts pretending to shoot arrows to a few girls. One of those girls smiles and gets closer to talk: "Hey, I saw that you threw me an arrow." she said while winking at him.
"Yes, I guess I did." came his reply.
"Who are you?", she asked. "Cupid throwing love arrows?"
"No, I'm Legolas killing orcs"
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
I love them for about 5 minutes a day, until I realize that they are slowly killing me.
Jim Jefferies
After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.
Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.
Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.
Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.
You can explore killing assassination reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean killing civilians dad jokes. There are also killing puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
He went around killing gingers.
The last dentist is busy killing a lion
So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"
And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.
Crossfit was killing him
I'm undecided.
On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice.
I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.
One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
The suspense is killing me.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?
Talk about killing two birds with one's tone.
behind a badge
Now I'm just a cliffhanger and the suspense is killing me.
I thought I would be charged with murder, but instead I was charged with impersonating a police officer.
.. the suspension is killing me.
Throw it twice.
Using the innovative 'Old age' technique
Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.
My spine has some nerve.
(George Michael)
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
The straps are killing me
Went for a few drinks, pretty cool guy actually. Wants to be a web developer.
I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.
Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.
Killing people.
It's like killing someone and then making their friends hold the dead body.
Dyson.
But it will take a while to kill 4 billion people
One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.
A man was brought to the FBI on suspicion of murder. He argued that there was no way he could have done it, as he was in vacation in Prague for the week of the killing. The FBI took note of his travel records and let him go; his alibi czeched out.
On one hand, I love killing babies, on the other I hate giving women rights.
It was a merci killing
Well do you think that it is? Comment down below! Like and sub to my channel.
Me: Killing Mosquitos
Wife: How many have you killed?
Me: Total 5. 2 Female and 3 Male
Wife: How did you know their gender?
Me: Three were near my beer bottle and two near my wallet
Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."
on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?
Cuz i cant get u outta my head and its killing me
Behind a badge..
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
Might be a bad thing considering I'm a doctor
They're saying he's a small medium at large.
On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.
They've been breaking camels' backs for years.
Now he's an exterminator
It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
To prism.
But here I am, killing it.
Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.
A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."
4G must've fried their brains.
So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
The cop said you know, the news says those things are killing people.
I chuckled and said they're saying the same thing about you guys.
He didn't laugh.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
"awww is because you are addicted to me?" she replied
I said "no, you are costing me a fortune whilst slowly killing me"
Now my work is literally killing me.
We had some drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web developer.
1. Jokes about Anakin killing the younglings
2. The younglings
He ended up killing him with a porcelain doll in a rice paddy.
It was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
A homiecide
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she sobbed.
"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it never happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. "Not again...."
Model- Yes I am
Artist- Thank God! These pants were killing me!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the killing swatter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working killing murderer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.