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Killer Jokes

152 killer jokes and hilarious killer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about killer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out these hilarious killer jokes! From killer hornet & bee puns to a best man's massacre and an assassin's insult, these quips & punchlines will make you and your friends laugh 'til you drop. Don't forget to watch out for CSI-style gags too!

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Funniest Killer Short Jokes

Short killer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The killer humour may include short knife jokes also.

  1. Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
  2. Most serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.
  3. Picked up a hitchhiker last night He said thanks! how do you know i'm not a serial killer though?
    I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical
  4. Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009... They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is.
  5. I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns. It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
  6. The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers. At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
  7. They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer.... So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.
  8. I've spent the last four years looking for my ex-wife's killer... ...but no one will do it.
  9. I've been trying to find my girlfriend's killer for the last month. Nobody's agreeing to do it.
  10. If I was a serial killer my name would be "The suspense" So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"
    And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.

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Killer One Liners

Which killer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with killer? I can suggest the ones about monster and breaker.

  1. Did you ever hear about the mexican train killer? He had locomotives
  2. What do you call a pod of singing killer whales? An orcapella group
  3. I spent the last two years trying to find my ex girlfriend's killer. No one will do it.
  4. Have you ever heard of the mexican train killer? He had loco motives
  5. How did Jesus maintain his killer abs? Cross Fit
  6. I've searched high and low for my brother's killer but nobody is willing to do it.
  7. How much RAM does a great white shark have? A killer-bite.
  8. I have been looking for my wife's killer for years now Sadly no-one will take the job
  9. Serial killer jokes are ok If they're executed properly
  10. What do biographers and serial killers have in common? Multiple life sentences.
  11. I keep trying to find my wife's killer But nobody will do it
  12. I spent the past 2 years looking for my girlfriend's killer But no one will do it
  13. What's the favorite drink of every British serial killer? Casual tea
  14. What do you call a band of killer whales? An orcastra
  15. What kind of contract killer has two butts? An assassin

Serial Killer Jokes

Here is a list of funny serial killer jokes and even better serial killer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar And that was just the first guy
  • I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He said "you're brave, how do you know I'm not a serial killer?" I said "the chances of two serial killers being in the same car is astronomical"
  • Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked me "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"
    I responded "Haha! What are the chances there'd be 2 serial killers in 1 car at the same time?"
  • When a serial killer goes to a circus, who do they go to kill first? They go for the Juggler
  • How do you stop serial killers? Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.
    This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.
  • Most serial killers are men. That's because women prefer to kill just one man, over a period of many, many years.
  • What is worse than a serial killer A parallel killer, who kills multiple people at once, instead of one at a time
  • If there is a Serial killer inside your house, What is the safest place to hide? In the living room.
  • Me trying to impress a girl Girl: I'm Into horror movies
    Me: My dad's a serial killer
  • I heard that 1 in every 5 people from a group have the potential to be a serial killer So I killed them all just to be safe.

Killer Whale Jokes

Here is a list of funny killer whale jokes and even better killer whale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An orca-stra.
  • What's a killer whale's favorite pasta? Penguini
  • Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together. They call it an orca-stra.
  • Killer Whales like classical music so much... That they form Orcastras.
  • My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales. But he prefers the term orchestrating
  • Have you tried the whale sushi? It's Killer
  • My music teacher constructed a piece for heterosexual killer whales. That's something I wouldn't know how to orca straight.
  • Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds? He's the one that orca-strated the heist!
  • The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks. It was very carefully orca-strated.
  • Who's the tidiest of all the sea creatures? Personally I think it's the killer whales. They're the best at orca-nizing
Killer joke, Who's the tidiest of all the sea creatures?

Serial Killer Dating Jokes

Here is a list of funny serial killer dating jokes and even better serial killer dating puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping? Chopped dates!!
    (first joke I've ever come up with)
  • I always ask a funny question on first dates. "Are you a serial killer? "
    Its healthy to avoid competition in a relationship.
  • In the world of online dating, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.
  • Prayers before going on a blind date Woman : oh god, I just hope he is not a serial killer,psychopath,needy, incel, stalker, poor,balding, ...
    Man : god , don't let her be fat..
  • What did the serial killer say at the end of a successful first date? Let me get them digits.
  • A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods "Gee it sure is scary out here" she says
    "How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."
  • Have you heard about that new dating app for serial killers? It's called Skinder

Killer Bee Jokes

Here is a list of funny killer bee jokes and even better killer bee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call someone who murders a toucan, a leprechaun, and a honey bee? A cereal killer!
  • Cheerios has been giving out seeds to help save the bees but in doing so the seeds have been found to harm certain ecosystems instead. So wouldn't that make Cheerios a cereal killer?
  • m**... hornets have arrived in North America... ...I remember when they were killer bees.
Killer joke,  m**... hornets  have arrived in North America...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about killer can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of killer puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Amusing Killer Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about killer you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean roach jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make killer prank.

For the past two years I've been looking for my ex girlfriend's killer

...But nobody will do it

A woman is walking through the woods at night with a serial killer.

She says to her companion, "Man, this forest is really creepy at night. I wish we weren't out here."
He replies, "You think you have it bad? I have to walk home alone!"

What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer?

Murdered.
(If you don't get it: "cross" can mean "betray")

What kind of m**... has moral fiber?

A cereal killer

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

Did you hear about the serial killer who was coming out of retirement?

He's taking another stab at it.

I just spent two weeks in Vegas looking for my wife's killer...

but no one would do it.

So a r**... picks up a hitchhiking serial killer

Killer: "Turn down that dark road."
r**...: "I was planning on it..."
Edit - Thank you magnificent stranger for gold!

A pothead, a r**... and a dog killer walk into a bar.

The Steelers must be in town.

They say in a group of friends, there's always one person who's probably a psychopathic killer.

There's no group now... I couldn't take that chance.

Did you hear about the Zodiac killer?

I heard he cut his victims in to little pisces!

Serial Killer...

The police have caught a serial killer with a really bad stammer.
They said it'll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

Wanna hear a joke about overdosing on c**...?

I can't remember all of it, but the last line's a killer.

Ive spent years searching for my ex-girlfriends killer...

But nobody will do it!

What did the killer whale do when the boat came?

Swallowed all the s**...

Police were on the lookout for serial killer John Wayne Gacy

They stepped into a corner store for some coffee and saw a guy in back where the milk cartons are.
Cop 1: "Hey, that looks like our suspect!"
Cop 2: "What's he doing?"
Cop 1: "Talking to himself. Let's get closer."
So they go up right behind him and listen.
Gacy:"Need him. Got him. Got him. Got him. Need him. Got him...."

The real Zodiac Killer is...

Cancer.

What do you call Salvador Dali after multiple h**...?

A surreal killer.

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with h**....

You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie

and you relate more with the killer.

A guy picks up a female hitchiker...

And when they're on the road, he jokingly asks "Lady, how do you know I'm not some kind of psychotic serial killer?".
"I dunno, but I guess the odds are pretty low that you're one too.".

I've spent a year looking for my wife's killer...

...but no one will take the job.

I've been searching for months for my girlfriend's killer...

...but no one will do it.

What did the spoon dress up as to the Halloween party?

A cereal killer.

A teacher asked in a class full of blondes who killed Abraham Lincoln

A student said It wasn't me
Second blonde said I was absent yesterday
Another blonde I couldn't kill a fly and you ask me if I killed a human being
The teacher frustratingly left the classroom and head to the principal,whose happen to be blonde.
She heard the story and went to the class.
She left the classroom and asked the teacher are you sure the killer in this class?

I've been searching for two years to find my wife's killer

So far, nobody will take the job.

For the past six years I've been trying to find my mother-in-law's killer...

...but nobody wants the job.
(Courtesy of Steve Pemberton & Reece Shearsmith)

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."
I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

I've spent more than four years looking for my mother in law's killer.

But I can't find anyone to do it!

I've been looking for 3 years to find my wife's killer.....

I still haven't found anyone to do it

My girlfriend wanted a favor from me

Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident
Me: Say no more
LATER
Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"

Did you guys hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had a loco motive.

So I picked up a hitchhiker the other day...

After he got in he turned to me and jokingly said "Thanks, by the way how do you know I'm not a serial killer or something". I replied, "C'mon, the chances of /two/ serial killers being in the same car are astronomical".

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed s**....

I said, Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.

Judge: "How can you live with your guilt?"

Killer: "Better than my victims."

Movies

Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?
Friend 1: Finding Nemo

A vietnamese contract killer named Pung burst into a bar and promptly murdered the 10 people inside.

Pung in, ten dead.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. Thanks but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?

I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex's killer.

But no one will do it.

What do yo get if you're inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

Wait, you're getting paid?

I've spend the last 10 years looking for my mother in law's killer...

But nobody will do it!

A serial killer was celebrating his cake day when he was nabbed by the police.

As he was escorted, he heard a voice shouted, I've told you karma will come to bite you!

A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.

If you are being chased by a serial killer.

Both of you are running for your life.

I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger

Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.

Did you hear the joke about polio?

It used to be killer, but no one gets it anymore.

A supervillain walks into a bank and says, "I'm Mr m**... Frostbite...!

...and I'm a s**... cold killer!"

Oedipus wants to learn of his fate.

He travels to Thebes to consult the blind prophet Tiresias and asks him, "What does my future hold?"
Tiresias thinks quietly for a time and answers, "First you'll m**... your father."
Oedipus is shocked to hear that he'll become a killer, but there must be more to his fate.
He asks, "What happens next?"
"Then you'll take his throne."
Oedipus is pleased to hear that he'll become king, but there must be more to his fate.
"And what happens next?"
"Then you'll sleep with Joe."
Oedipus is confused.
"Who's Joe?"

After getting away with m**... for 52 years, the Zodiac Killer has revealed his identity to the press.

He didn't want to be associated with Ted Cruz.

What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?

Ethereal killer

Why do Pirates always win boxing matches?

They have a killer hook.

Killer joke, Why do Pirates always win boxing matches?

jokes about killer

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these killer jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.