The Best 35 Kids Teacher Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kids Teacher jokes. There are some kids teacher elementary school jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kids teacher preschool puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kids Teacher Jokes and Puns

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!

The student has become the teacher.

When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word...

...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.

I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?"

She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew


Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school?

Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.

When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'.

I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

Teacher: how do you spell 'crocodile'

Kid: K-R-O-K-I-D-I-A-L.

Teacher: no, that's wrong.

Kid: no, I'm right. Other people might spell it differently but you asked how I spell it.

The German dream

The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."

I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that his teacher is "an idiot" and she's "out to get him."

Which is just the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- Susan?

- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!

- Very good. What about you, Johnny?

- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!

You can explore kids teacher kid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kids teacher school dad jokes. There are also kids teacher puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school ?

Or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

"When am I ever gonna use this?" Asked the student to the algebra teacher

"Well you won't, but one of the smart kids might" he replied cheerfully

When I was a kid my English teacher looked my way and said, "name two pronouns."

I said, " who, me?"

Waking up on a Monday morning...

On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up son. It's time to got to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why."
"Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!"
"That's no reason. Come now get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go?"
"Well for one you are 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!".

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go." 
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." 
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" 
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." 
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school." 
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

Sorry, tuba players...

A father decides to put his son in a music class. The teacher assigns him the tuba and the dad goes home, leaving his kid there.

When the child comes home, the dad asks "What did you do today?"

The child said "I learned how to play the C Note!"

The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"

The child said "I learned how to play the G Note!"

The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"

"I joined the orchestra!"

"What do you dream of doing, kids?" Asked the teacher...

Jimmy: "I want to be a pilot"

Amber: "I want to be a teacher"

Stacy: "I want to be a good mother"

James: "I want to help Stacy to be a mother"

The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book

How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks

The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.

Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's


Boy: My mother's name is Laughing and my father's name is Smiling.

Teacher: You must be Kidding.

Boy: No, that's my sister's name, I'm Joking.

Soviet Joke

Moscow, 1985, 3rd grade class

Teacher: Life in Soviet Union is great, all families have a nice apartment, a car, all children have nice toys!

Little Kid starts crying

Teacher: Vladimir, why are you crying??

Little Kid: I wanna go to Soviet Union!!

A teacher was speaking to her class about self-esteem.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, Why did you stand up? He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.

As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having sex with kids, meth being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.

Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.

Boy and girl in class asked the teacher a question.


"Can kids of our age have kids?"

Teacher replied " NO Never!!"

Boy said to girl :

"See I told you not to worry!!!!"

Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases

One kid wrote:

1. HIV, AIDS
2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.

Just heard this on the radio. May the censors have mercy on their soul. [NSFW]

On a Sunday school, the teacher asks the class: "Class, what body party goes to heaven first?"

One kid answers, "It's the feet!"

"Why is it the feet?" the confused teacher asks.

The kid replies, "Because last night I found Mommy with her feet in the air screaming 'Oh God yes...heaven...I'm coming!' "

A mother wakes her son in the morning

'Get up, son, you have to get to school!'

'But Mum, why do I have to go? I hate it!'

'Tell me two reasons why you think you shouldn't go.'

'Firstly: all the kids hate me. Secondly: the teachers hate me even more.'

'Hmph, excuses! C'mon, go get ready!'

'Tell me two reasons why you think I should go!'

'Firstly: you're 47. Secondly: you're the headmaster!'

2 Reasons Why I Should go to School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence

She explains what intelligence is and then

Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called stupid. Now how many of you think of yourselves as stupid, stand up.

She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.

Teacher: Do you think you are stupid?

Student: No

Teacher: Then why did you stand up?

Student: I felt bad since you're the only one standing.

Technology has ruined our kids

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "

When I was a kid, my parents always said, "Excuse my French!" whenever they swore.

I'll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked the class of any of us knew any French.

A teacher is teaching.

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

Teacher asked kids to tell her what they liked the most about her and she would tell them who they would be when they grew up.

Sally : I like your hair teacher!

Teacher: well, you're going to be a hair stylist!

George : I like your teeth teacher!

T : Well, you're going to be a dentist.

Then little Johhny jumps out of his seat and yells : I already know what i'm gonna be!

T : well, tell us.

Johhny : A milkman!

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's Prostitute."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kids teacher teachers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kids teacher classmate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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