Kids Party Jokes

78 kids party jokes and hilarious kids party puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kids party that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Kids Party Short Jokes

Short kids party jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids party humour may include short birthday party jokes also.

  1. A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?" The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."
  2. Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party? He wanted something a little more Loki.
  3. My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son's birthday party. Man were they excited to meet Shrek.
  4. My favorite Christmas joke: Why do Mexicans have tamale making parties on Christmas Eve? So the kids have something to unwrap on Christmas morning.
  5. Indian parents don't usually throw surprise parties for their kids... But when they do, it's called an ARRANGED MARRIAGE.
  6. I was asked to be an Elvis impersonator for a kid's birthday party. I showed up drunk, shot the TV, then died on the toilet.
  7. How can you tell which two year old birthday party is for the anti- vaxxer's kid? It's the one being held in the cemetery.
  8. A kid asks his dad: Dad why am I black, if mom is white if and you are asian... ... Dad answers: With the party we had that night, you better be grateful that you're not barking right now.
  9. I mixed up my jobs I work as a party entertainer during the day and a hit man at night. I got a bit mixed up today at a kids party when we were making t shirts and they all said they wanted to dye.
  10. How many parties does it take to run a democratic nation? Two, one to... just kidding you can't run a democratic nation on two parties.

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Kids Party One Liners

Which kids party one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids party? I can suggest the ones about kids birthday and christmas party.

  1. I met my wife at a swingers party. I said, "You should be home looking after the kids!"
  2. Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn't attend.
  3. What adjective do you use to describe an asian kid's party? AP Lit
  4. How'd you spot the homeschooled kid at a party? They weren't there
  5. What do you call an anti-vaxxer's kid's 2nd birthday party? A mid-life crisis!
  6. What do kids' birthday parties and Fox News have in common? Kool-Aid
  7. I wrote a Haiku Poetry is hard
    Like Mr. Jared Fogle
    At a kid's party
  8. Why did the party kid go to the book club? Because it was LIT-erature!
  9. Jared Fogel made a party to attract local kids He called it the subway club.
  10. Ron Paul to switch parties and run against Obama as a Democrat! Just kidding.
  11. A t**... walks into a Christmas party Just kidding.
    He drove.

Howlingly Hilarious Kids Party Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about kids party you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean holiday party jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids party pranks.

A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name.
The wife, amused at first, chuckles.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this.
"Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!"
She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!"
The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"

Signs You're No Longer in College...
You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
Your potted plants stay alive.
You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
You attend parties that the police don't raid.
You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
You refer to college students as "those kids."
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
Naps are no longer weekday options.
Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.
You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.

A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…"
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"

At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, "Will you dance with me, please?"
The arrogant girl says, "I don’t dance with a kid."
The taken back boy apologized, "I am sorry, I did not realize you were pregnant."

"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?"
"Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!"
The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife.
So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild s**... in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!"
The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
"And why not, darling?", the father asked.
You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.

Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."

First boy: "Are you having a party for your birthday?"
Second boy: "No, I'm having a witch do."
First boy: "What's a witch do?"
Second boy: "She flies around on a broomstick casting spells."

Did you hear about the spy who trashed a kid's birthday party?

He was a good anti-caking agent

My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

There was a Gay guy named Billy

Billy was dating a bisexual guy named Jordan. Recently, however, Jordan has started going to parties on Friday nights without inviting Billy. Billy, thinking that Jordan was ashamed of dating a guy, asks to go with him one day.
When they arrive at the bar, he notices that Jordan is not holding his hands like he usually does. When they walk in, a short, drunk blonde girl who wraps her arms around his waist. Jordan introduces the girl as Jean, who tells Billy that she's heard a lot about him. Billy wonders if he told her about their relationship and starts to get jealous. He tells Jordan that he's going to go home early.
Jordan follows him to the door and asks why he is leaving. Billy just says that he is not having fun and tells him to have fun with his "friend". Jordan realizes what this was all about and tells him that the girl was just someone he used to date. She recently had a child and he wanted to know whether the child was his or not.
Billy doesn't believe Jordan's story. He rolls his eyes and starts walking away again. However, Jordan stops him and looks him right in the eye. Then, he says, "Billy, Jean is not my lover. She's just some girl who said that I am the one. But the kid is not my son."

Careful what you wish for!

I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have s**... me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik

A great storm is brewing....

I was at my neice's pool party last Saturday. She got an inflatable dolphin for her birthday. We were all having a great time, when the wind started blowing a bit harder and some clouds rolled in. Over the next 10 minutes it just started getting windier and windier and the skies turned dark. In the distance we saw a flash of lightning and decided to get the kids inside.
As we were running towards the house, my niece dropped the dolphin toy and the wind got ahold of it and blew it across the yard. Fearing it would blow away and be lost forever, i frantically chased after it, but to no avail, it jumped the fence but came to rest in the neighbors rosebush. Some of the thorns had punctured the thin plastic and, upon examination, i saw air escaping through 3 small holes in the side.
"Well, I guess that deflates the porpoise."

A black boy asks his white parents

"Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".

p**... Clown

Inside of an Interrogation room
Investigator: Where were you on the 5th of March?
Clown: I was at a kids birthday party
Investigator: what were you doing at the party?
Clown: I was the Clown
Investigator: what were you doing as the clown?
Clown: Showing them my shoe size
Investigator: ...What do you mean?
Clown: I took them into the Closet
Investigator: Did you at least let them out?
Clown: Oh they definitely came out of the Closet when I was done

A man gets pulled over at a DUI checkpoint...

A man is driving home from a party with his wife and son. They get pulled over at a DUI checkpoint and the policeman gives the man the breathalizer test. The machine beeps and the policeman asks the man to step out of the car.
"b**...!", he exclaims in response. "I haven't had a single drop! The machine is obviously broken, test it on my wife!"
The policeman reluctantly agrees as the man does not seem intoxicated. As the wife is blowing into the breathalizer, it beeps again and shows that she is drunk as well.
"See? It doesn't work! You can even test my 4-year-old son!"
So the 4-year-old kid takes the breathalizer test and whaddaya know, it says he's drunk as well. "As I said it's broken, you should get it checked."
The policeman is left puzzled, he apologises and lets the man on his way.
As they start driving along again, the man turns to his wife and says: "You see that? I told you it won't hurt to give the kid a taste."

I was standing in line at the supermarket checkout last week.

I turned around and saw a beautiful young woman who looked a little familiar. I told her that I thought I knew her, to which she replied, "Well you should remember me. You`re the father of one of my kids."
I had to stop and think, and then it hit me. "New Years Eve - 2008. That rooftop party in San Diego! Wow! We got so high together, didn`t we? That was some night, huh? I guess I should have stayed in touch."
She looked at me a little puzzled and said, "What are you talking about? I am your son`s pre-school teacher."

A Priest and a Rabbi are at a little kid's birthday party

They see a little boy bend over to pick up a ball.
"Wow, I'd really like to screw that little boy", said the Priest.
The Rabbi looked puzzled and said "Screw him? Out of what?".

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A kid goes up to his dad with a question...

"Dad, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You and mom are both white, but I'm black. Why?"
"That party was so wild, it's a wonder you don't bark."

Mexican Magician

A Mexican magician was preforming for a large group of kids at a birthday party. He announced at the end of his act that he would now dissappear on the count of three. He grabbed his cape, counted "Uno! Dos!" and he disappeared without a tres.

I don't understand why little kids like playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Why would anyone want a complete j**... showing up at a party?

A group of 8 year old kids mysteriously get drunk at a slumber party

A boy has 5 of his friends over for a slumber party. His friends mom buys the kids two 2 liter bottles of Root Beer and begins serving it to the kids. Before the kids get through the first bottle they begin to act drunk, and the parents begin to notice that they smell like alcohol. One of the kids then throws up and the parents confirm that the kid has thrown up an alcoholic beverage. The parents set aside the rest of the Root Beer and call the police. The police arrive and inspect the rest of the Root Beer in the bottle from which the kids were being served. They find absolutely no trace of alcohol in the Root Beer, and are at first stumped, until one of the officers notices the glasses in which the parents were serving the Root Beer. The officer then looks at the parents and says "Here's the problem right here." Both parents look at each other, baffled. The officer concludes: "You served the kids Root Beer in square glasses."

Bouncy Castle Pun.

[kids party]
"This bouncy castle is twice the price of last year"
Dad no
Please no dad
"..Inflation for you"
*kids start crying*

I'm really looking forward to Halloween this year. I'm doing a SAW themed party for my kids and their friends.

It begins with twelve children locked in the basement and I've hidden the Wi-Fi password inside the stomach of one of them.

A socially awkward guy at a party...

...never knows what to say to women. So a friend suggests asking them if they're married, have any kids.
"Are you married?"
"um...have any kids...?" She gives him a disgusted look, walks away.
He thinks to himself, maybe I did that wrong, let me try it again.
"Have any kids?"
"Are you married...?"

"why didnt you come to the Halloween party?"

I was a black kids father for Halloween this year.

At a recent meeting at the Vatican the pope joked "I've never seen so many priests in one room"

I guess he's never been to a kids party then

Where would you find the emo kid at his birthday party?

Just *hanging* out by himself in the bedroom

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary

So, there's a Mexican Magician

A Mexican Magician stands up on stage in front of a kids birthday party. He looks at the kids with a smile and says, "Okay kids, on the count of three, I'm gonna disappear." He holds up his fingers and starts counting "Uno, Dos..." and then he disappeared without a tres.

Alabama college kid visiting Boston

So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"

My friend told me that r**... is never funny.

I guess that's why I've never been paid for being a clown at kids' parties.

Casey Anthony would be my perfect girlfriend...

She's hot, she likes to party and she doesn't want kids.

Confused black kid.

Kid: - Mom, how come you and dad are white and i am black ?
Mom: - Oh baby, we were all so wasted at the party in wich you got conceived... you should be grateful you don't bark.

What's the difference between a t**... training compound and a kids birthday party?

I don't know man, I'm just the drone pilot.

I hear wiccans practice magic in the n**...

Aparently its "wrong" and "i**..." to do at kids parties

A Father goes to the toy store to buy a doll for his daughter

"It's my daughter's birthday and I want to buy her a barbie."
the toy salesman replies "well, you came to the right place. We have 'barbie goes to the beach' for 30 dollars, 'barbie super party funhouse' for 20 dollars, 'barbie learns to drive' that comes with a toy car and 'divorced barbie' for 100 dollars.
"why is divorced barbie so expensive" the father ponders aloud.
"because she comes with ken's house, car, and kids

It's my child birthday, and my child loves clowns. For his birthday party, I hired a clown.

Turns out, the kids don't find Alex Jones all that funny.

You should've seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the office Christmas party.

Yeah I had no pants, no self control and I came with three kids that weren't mine.

Golden Toilet

Two colleagues, Elon and Felix, meet after work and Felix is all excited: "Man, I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude's house who had toilet made of gold!"
"You're kidding!".
"Nope" said Felix as he took Elon to the house.
They rang the doorbell and a middle-aged lady opens and Felix asks,"Can we see the toilet made of gold?"
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells inside the house, "Roger, the pig that s**... in your t**... is here!"

Went to a kids party today. It was sick.

I didn't know why they were celebrating while the kid was terminally ill...

A drunk driver is being interrogated

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that o**... to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the o**...
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.

So there's this one kid at a costume party and the host ask what he was dressed up as. The kid told him that he dressed up as a harp, and the host told him that his costume is too small to be a harp.

The kid then said, "Are you calling me a lyre?"

4 kids are at a party on sunday night

They wake up on Monday morning, and knowing they wouldn't be back in time to take a test, they emailed the professor and told him that they had a flat tire. The professor responded ok, you can take the test tomorrow
The next day the kids are at school. The professor says you all have to take the test in separate rooms
Fair the kids responded.
The first question was worth 5 points and said what is 5+5 .
Easy enough said one of the kids in their test room.
The second question was worth 95 points. It said which tire was flat

A woman came up to me and said I'm the father of one of her kids.

I told her look I'm really sorry. You must be that stripper from my buddy's bachelor party. This was obviously years ago when I was younger and didn't care about protection. Plus I was most likely drunk that night which is why I probably never got your number.
She said I meant you're the father of one my students. I'm his teacher.

I just called a bouncy house place for my kids birthday party...

We got one larger than last year but the guy quoted us 50% higher cost.
I asked him whats up with the price.
He said, blame inflation.

A guy walks into a bar

He saw an attractive girl waving at him, but he's not so sure so he looks around to make sure that's him she's waving to.
The girl walks to him and said: "Hello!"
She was so beautiful with blonde hair blue eyes, but he can't remember knowing her.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" - he asks.
"Yes, you're one of my kids' father!"
Now he panics, and recalls to that one time he cheated on his wife.
"Are you that stripper on my bachelor's party where we had s**... on the bar counter and all of my friends saw you spanked me?"
"k**..., but no, I'm your kid's teacher!"

A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.

The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."
A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and pointing.
The muscular friend sees this and comes over to his scrawny friend. "Dude," he says. "You have to put the potato in the front."

jokes about kids party