Kids Lunch Jokes
51 kids lunch jokes and hilarious kids lunch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kids lunch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Kids Lunch Short Jokes
Short kids lunch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids lunch humour may include short school lunch jokes also.
- The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- What does U.S. immigration policy have in common with kindergarten after lunch? Kid napping.
- I just found a fruit roll-up in my pocket That means one of my kids has a grape flavored blunt rap in their lunch box.
- Why do african kids get off school earlier than american kids? they dont need a lunch break
- My girlfriend told me to get our ginger kid ready for school. So I beat him up and stole his lunch money.
- When I was a kid I used to find sweet notes in my lunch at school But that stopped after they fired the cafeteria worker
- Police were called to my kids daycare today. Apparently after lunch break several children were resisting a rest.
- I had 2 chinese friend, who were twins. One day, a bully came up to him and demanded their lunch money, but they quickly beat the bully up.
The bully really messed with the Wong kids. - Let's get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.
- A bully stole the new kids lunch... *Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee-pee in your Coke.*
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Kids Lunch One Liners
Which kids lunch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids lunch? I can suggest the ones about kids food and lunch box.
- Might take the children to the Goat farm for lunch today. Apparently they do Kid's meals.
- This particular bible verse got me through a bunch of tough times as a kid. Lunch 11:35.
- How do you find the emo kids table at lunch? The empty one
- What's a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell
- If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.
- Why can't african kids watch Dragon Ball Z? Because they transmit it after lunch.
- there is this mom at work who breastfeeds her kid every meeting is a lunch meeting
- I ate a kids meal at McDonald's for lunch today His mom was p**...
Happy Kids Lunch Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about kids lunch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kid food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids lunch pranks.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.
With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
A guy has a bad habit:
He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives.
So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't.
Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid.
Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch.
They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street.
He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
Fun with cucumbers
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
Why did I get divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" and I felt really special. Then, she asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said: "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" and i replied ''Okay!'' She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends and my colleagues all yelling,, "SURPRISE!!!"
...while I was waiting on the sofa... n**...
With Vaseline or without?
skinny white guy gets thrown into jail when this b**... dude comes over to him and says "hey kid, it's me and you tonight!", later that night the b**... dude rips him a new one.
The next morning, the guy can barely walk when at lunch the black dude comes over to him and says "kid, tonight it's me & you again. However, tonight I'll let you decide if you want it with Vas or without. The poor guy thinks to himself "well, if i'm gonna get r**... anyway, at least let me have some relief" so he says "with Vas".
Black guy turns around and screams to his buddy "Hey Vas, you're in"!!!
Three construction workers were having lunch on a high rise..
The first worker opens up his lunchbox and says, are you kidding me? Another bologna sandwich! Every day its bologna! If I get another bologna sandwich i'm going to jump off this high rise! The second worker opens his lunch box and says, yeah i'm with you man I cant take anymore of this! The third worker says i'm with you guys. So the next day the three workers are all getting ready to eat lunch and they are all thinking about what they had said the day before. The first worker slowly opens his lunch box. Phew! Ham and cheese he says. The second worker cautiously opens his and says, thank god peanut butter and jelly! The third worker opens his and says oh man bologna, see you guys later and jumps off the high rise. The first worker then starts laughing and the second worker says, why are you laughing? Our friend of ten years just committed s**...! Then first worker says, cause the idiot packs his own lunch.
The s**... b**... instructor
It's 2:00 PM at the s**... bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:
"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."
Why I got divorced..........
Last wéek was my birthday.... My wife didnt wish me.... My parents forgot and so did my kids.... I went to work.... Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i entered my cabin my secretary said,"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so special.... She asked me out to lunch.... After lunch,she invited me to her apartment... WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?" "OKAY",i said... She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife, My Parents, My Kids ,My Friends & My Colleagues... All Screaming, SURPRISE.... And I was waiting on the sofa......in my birthday suit
The first day of school...
The first day of school was always great. I remember mucking around in the classroom and wreaking havoc. Picking on the little kids and taking their lunch money. Asserting myself on the playground by tripping and pushing everyone.
I just hope the students were having fun.
Why did i get Divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parentsforgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said,"Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....
Vladimir Putin making a school visit...
Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.
At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina puts her hand up and says "I have two questions"
"Why did the Russians take Crimea? And Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?"
Putin says "Good questions" But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go to Lunch.
When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Tatiana, puts her hand up and says "I have Four questions"
"My Questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And Where is Alina?"
Four Priests and a Woman Sit Down For Lunch around St. Peter's Square...
The first priest says: "My son's a priest, whenever he walks in a room people say 'Hello Father!'"
The second priest says: "My son's a bishop, whenever he walks into a room people say 'Your Grace!"
The third priest says: "Well my son's a cardinal, whenever he walks into a room people say "Your Eminence!"
The fourth priest looks at his fellows and says: "My son's the pope, when he walks into a room everyone says "Your Holiness!"
So, after proudly talking about their kids they look over at the woman with them kind of as if to say "and you?"
The woman says: I've got a daughter, she's got knockout face, DDs, and a 24 waist, whenever she walks into a room everyone says "OH MY GOD!"
Bored on lunch, here's one I tell often.
Two h**... kids.. Darla and Buckwheat are at school The teacher asks Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."
"Now spell s**...'."
Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is s**...."
Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."
Buckwheat stands up and says, otay, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence."
"I may be dumb, I may be s**..., but Darla says my dictate good!"
A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time.
"May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.
My birthday was last week
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday.
My parents forgot and so did my kids.
I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt so special.
She asked me out to lunch.
After lunch she invited me to her apartment.
When we got there, she asked, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I replied.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, and all my colleagues as they yelled "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa.. n**....
waiting on the sofa... n**....
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....
A divorced father picks his 5 year old son up for their weekend together.
After they have lunch the father says what do you want to do now, son?
Kid says, I want to go back to Sea World!
No, son, we're not doing that.
Please
No
Pretty please?
No
Why not?
You just got here. I don't feel like taking you home to your mother.
I said I want to go back to Sea World.
Oh, I thought you said C Word.
3 Kids are arguing about who's dad is the fastest...
At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits...
Not bad says the 2nd boy, but my dad is faster.
He is a professional archer. When he shoots an arrow at the bulls-eye he can reach it before the arrow does...
That's pretty fast, says the 3rd boy, but not as fast as my old man.
My dad works for the Government as a public servant, & when he finishes work a 5pm, he can get home by 2:30pm...
Two Canadians in Kentucky
So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.
Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously The oilman from Alberta says
No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee! The guy from Quebec retorts.
They stop at a Burger King for lunch while they're in town. How do you pronounce the name of this place? Say it real slow, we're having an argument we want you to settle.
The kid at the counter takes a deep breath and says… burr-gerr-king
The kids don't know the difference between castration and a vasectomy.
True story:
Fellow teacher in the lounge during lunch: They have no knowledge of basic human anatomy. They thought that getting a vasectomy meant having your b**... chopped off.
Me: When it comes to the difference between castration and a vasectomy, there is a vas deferens.
Thanks Reddit for letting me steal a joke and use it on the wild.
Two Southern Baptist ministers are having lunch
And as they often do, they start ranting about the immorality found in society. One of them starts ranting about pre-marital s**.... "It's a sin, I tell you, all of these young kids having relations outside the holy covenant of marriage. Well, I can tell you one thing, I didn't have s**... with my wife before we were married - how about you?"
The other minister thinks for a second and says "I don't think so - what was her maiden name?"