The Best 35 Kids Long Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kids Long jokes. There are some kids long child jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kids long teens puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kids Long Jokes and Puns

After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids

We think the doctor would do a way better job than us

Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him "What's wrong?"

Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for?"

"Until you're 18" says the father.

The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly.

=== =====

When they get to the front gates of the school, the kid says "Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I'm 18, won't you?"

Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?

His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

I saw a kid being beat up by 4 adults and tried to help.

Kid couldn't stand for long against 5 adults.


After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.

Things just went from Bad to Worse.

A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence

She explains what intelligence is and then

Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called stupid. Now how many of you think of yourselves as stupid, stand up.

She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.

Teacher: Do you think you are stupid?

Student: No

Teacher: Then why did you stand up?

Student: I felt bad since you're the only one standing.

After 5 years of marriage, a couple filed for divorce.

The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?"

The couple then had a long conversation between the two of them. "We'll be back after 1 year." They said.

9 months later, they had twins.

Selling Condoms

An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the condom display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.

The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.

So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"

The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."

Two kids are walking down a dirt path...

a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.

"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.

The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"

Two college kids are laying next to each other after sex.

The guy turns around and says: I have great nickname for you: Eve, since you are my first. Do you mind?

The girls responds: As long as I can call you JumboJet

- Sure thing! Is that because of big I am down there?

- No, you are my 747th.

You can explore kids long childrens reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kids long trick treating dad jokes. There are also kids long puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

Busted!

A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.

They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and he let the other one off.

This guy had a magic door

This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging and fighting, no dog he needs to take on a walk - no one. He was alone to do as he pleases for as long as he wanted to until his legs get numb and he has to flush down the water and get back to reality.

A man goes to the doctor and finds out he only has three months to live...

He says, "but Doc...three months isn't enough TIME!"

The doctor pauses and thinks. Then he says, "Stay home every day, all day long with your wife and kids - no office, restaurtants, movies, or shopping...and only leave the house once a week for groceries...."



"Trust me, it will be the LONGEST three months of your life !"

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?

CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!

If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!

COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEEEEGGEEEEE STUUUDEEEEEEEENTSSSSSS!

All you can drink for a dime (an old Flip Wilson joke)

A kid sets up a lemonade stand in front of his house, with a sign that says, All you can drink for a dime.

Before too long, a man happens by, sees the sign, and thinks it's a good deal. He gives the kid a dime and the kid hands him a cup.

The man tosses it back and says, Hey, that was pretty good. I'll have another.

The kid says, That'll be another dime.

Now wait a minute, says the man, your sign says 'all I can drink for a dime.'

But you just had a cup, didn't you? asked the kid.

Yeah.

Well, that's all you can drink for a dime.

Being a doctor and a married man with kids, it feels like I'm living two lives.

In one life there's medicine, scarring images and long, painful hours.

And in the other life I'm a doctor.

An old mountaineer and his ex-wife...

were fighting over custody of their kids. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"


A mule walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The mule replies, "Well, my mother was a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course. Which eventually led to divorce, of course. Of which there was no recourse, of course.

So without my father but with my mute mother, it took quite a long time for me to discover...

...I can't have kids"

A man farts in public in a small city...

He is so embarrassed that he leaves the city. 10 years later he thinks well, it has been a long time and nobody remembers what I did... It's time to go back home. He is back and meets a kid. Asks him how old he is. The kid answers I don't know but everybody says that I was born the same year Joe farted.

What's Resurrection?

There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means.

After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours, you have to go see a doctor."

You know what the number one leading cause of pedophilia is, right?

Sexy kids.

(Pro Tip: I tell this to every single one of my First Dates. It's my Late 20s testing threshold for whether or not they'll tolerate me for very long.)

An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American redneck trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"

The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is marijuana a vegetable?'"

What's a cowlick?

Dad: Son, your hair dresser does such a good job even with your cowlick as crazy as it is

Son: What's a cowlick?

Dad: Whatever it wants.

Son: what?

Dad: ...

My dad made this joke when I was around 10 and I didn't understand it until I was around 16...and I asked him about it every once in a while and he pretended he had no idea what I was talking about...really played the long con there....I can't wait for my kids to ask me about a cowlick...

A hundred year old woman from Texas was asked the secret to longevity.

On her birthday the local news came by and asked her the secret to long life. She said that every morning she takes a shot of whiskey and a spoonful of gunpowder with her breakfast. Her family agreed that every day for decades she had downed a spoonful of gunpowder. She died not long after this of natural causes. She left her house to her kids, her money to charity, and a fifty foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

What did the grape say when she let her kids play in the sun to long?

I hate raisin kids!

A long time ago, an Indian chief fell into an outhouse.

An Indian chief fell into an outhouse.

Several days later a man went into the outhouse and noticed the chief. Startled the man asked, "How long have you been in there?"

"Many moons my son, many moons!"

And that was my favorite joke as a kid.

A teacher was trying to find out where each of the kids thought they were at in their learning.

The teacher was standing at the front of the class and said stand up if you think you are stupid. There was a long gap and then Johnny stood up. The teacher the. asked why do you feel stupid Johnny? Johnny then replied I don't I just felt bad that you were the only one standing up.

As a kid, I was scared of cows

I was moortified.
That was a little cheesy.
Well I milked this one out as long as I cud.

That's nothing

A father, mother and a small kid go to see a circus. There, among many animals the kid sees the elephant and its long thing hanging between his legs. The kid asks dad "What's that". Ashamed to answer, father says "Ask mother".
The kid asks mom, and she too is ashamed and says, "Oh, that's nothing". The kid goes back to father, and father asks, "What did mom say". Kid says she told "That's nothing".

Father replies sighing, "Yeah for your mother even that's nothing".

An old Businessman and his young Model ex-wife

were fighting over the custody of their 3-year-old son.
The young mother protested that since she brought the kid into this world,
she had a natural right to the custody of him.
The judge asked the businessman to explain his side of the case.
After a long moment of silence, the old businessman rose from his chair and said,
"Judge, when I put money into a Vending Machine and a Snickers Bar comes out,
does it belong to me or the machine?"

I really miss my kids, I haven't seen them for 3 years.

But the line at the grocery store is really long and I promised I would get some milk.

The Little Horse: An Inspirational Children's Story

[Parents, read this to your kids. I expect to see results. The last part is funnier with a long pause and not adding anything onto it, including context. I have no idea where I heard this one, but let me just say that while the concept is not mine, I did a whole lot of tweaking. Just a warning, it's super long, but it is meant to keep your interest as long as possible, so it's almost a legit story.]

What's long, hard and makes kids scream when I give it to them?

A math test.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kids long everyday jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kids long parents piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes