The Best 60 Kids Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Kids jokes. There are some kids daughters jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kids kids in hospital puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Kids Jokes and Puns
My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila.
You're coming home now! she screamed.
No, I'm not, I laughed.
She said, I'm talking to the kids.
Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside
Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today
Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment
So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
'90s kids won't get this
Social security
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?
"...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...
Little bastards didn't stand a chance…
You can explore kids groucho reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kids brats dad jokes. There are also kids puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I help blind kids
Verb, not adjective
Kids are like farts...
I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.
Only 2010's kids will get this...
Measles
Peter is different
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.
They've left those kids a loan.
Sex Ed in 2015
Remember kids, 'Netflix and Chill' is only one "D" away from 'Netflix and Child.'
No matter how kind you are...
No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
My dad, a vietnam veteran, told me that there's one thing that always sticks with kids and adults no matter how old they are.
Napalm
Me and my wife, we have decided that we don't want kids.
They are not gonna like it.
I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...
Apparently she left me two days ago.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
I introduced my girlfriend to my family today.
My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad.
Hey girl are you a school?
Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
1984 is a great work of literature.
I think all kids should be forced to read it.
Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes
"Let's eat punctuation"
Two kids were talking...
Kid 1: I bet you're a virgin
Kid 2: I was a virgin, until last night!
Kid 1: Lies!
Kid 2: Ask your sister.
Kid 1: Ha! I don't have a sister!
Kid 2: You will in about nine months!
Only 1300's kids will get this..
The Black Plague
When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
Gunpowder therapy
A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"
"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.
90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
90's kids won't get this 😂😂
Affordable housing prices
If online bullying has taught us anything.
It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids.
But when I came back home, they were still there.
I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?"
She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."
One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore..
It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
A chess joke: What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?
Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.
What's the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-Vaxxer?
The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids
Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape.
Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
In high school some kids told me they'd give me $20 to hang out with them.
Turns out it was just clique bait.
Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids...
Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch.
They got really upset and started to cry.
Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..
Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were:
"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's.
Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids
We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
Told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids...
In one ear, out the other.
I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it...
Apparently, she left me two days ago...
If you open a camp to help kids with ADHD
Is it a concentration camp?
I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids.
I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point."
We didn't have those fancy hazmat suits you all wear today
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies."
I said, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
Insanity is hereditary
You get it from your kids
A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.
The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today...
His mom got really angry with me...
(Possibly offensive joke?)
Not a single adult gets my school shooter jokes. I guess they're aimed at kids.
My mom always wanted to name her kids with the 4 same letters. There's my two sisters Lana and Nala, and then there's me...
Alan.
I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy.
The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?
I said, "Yes, they're in favor 14 to 3.."
Most people choose to raise their own kids...
but I'm proud to say my kids were adopted. And honestly I don't miss them.
Joke written by an AI
Disclaimer: The joke below was not created by me, or any human, but rather by an AI. I was curious to see if an AI could have a sense of humor.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman. After an hour of conversation, the woman says to the man, "Thank you for buying me these drinks all night but I am not going to sleep with you. I'm not that kind of girl." The man says, "I'm not that kind of guy. I have a wife and kids at home. I drink to forget my wife and kids at home."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kids jerome jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working kids girls piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.