Kids Jokes

Funniest Kids Short Jokes

Short kids jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids humour may include short school children jokes also.

1. When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
2. In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point." We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today
3. My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. You're coming home now! she screamed.
   No, I'm not, I laughed.
   She said, I'm talking to the kids.
4. I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
5. How did kim kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye? North, things between West and I have gone South.
6. Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!' and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
7. What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened? "...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
8. Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were: "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
9. I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids. But when I came back home, they were still there.
10. I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?" She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."

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Kids One Liners

Which kids one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids? I can suggest the ones about daughter and little children.

1. '90s kids won't get this Social security
2. I help blind kids Verb, not adjective
3. Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
4. "I won't use stores that gender kids' beds" "Like a boycott?"
   "Don't you start"
5. What did the Indian kid say to his parents when he left for school Mum bai
6. I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
7. Only 1300's kids will get this.. The Black plague
8. 90's kids won't get this 😂😂 Affordable housing prices
9. 1984 is a great work of literature. I think all kids should be forced to read it.
10. Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
11. Only 2010's kids will get this... Measles
12. A Muslim walks into the U.S Just kidding
13. When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.
14. Abortions are so fun It really brings out the kid in you
15. KID : What are condoms used for? DAD : To avoid such questions.

Kids Teacher Jokes

Here is a list of funny kids teacher jokes and even better kids teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why did the kid eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
  -My 6 year old Nephew
• Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.
• Is it ok for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?
• Teacher: how do you spell 'crocodile' Kid: K-R-O-K-I-D-I-A-L.
  Teacher: no, that's wrong.
  Kid: no, I'm right. Other people might spell it differently but you asked how I spell it.
• The German dream The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
• I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that his teacher is "an idiot" and she's "out to get him." Which is just the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled.
• When I was a kid my English teacher looked my way and said, "name two pronouns." I said, " who, me?"
• Boy: My mother's name is Laughing and my father's name is Smiling. Teacher: You must be Kidding.
  Boy: No, that's my sister's name, I'm Joking.
• Boy and girl in class asked the teacher a question.
  "Can kids of our age have kids?"
  Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
  Boy said to girl :
  "See I told you not to worry!!!!"
• Teacher: What are your parents' names? Boy: My dad's name is laughing and my mum's name is smiling.
  Teacher: You must be kidding!
  Boy: Nope, I am joking.

Kids Christmas Jokes

Here is a list of funny kids christmas jokes and even better kids christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
• What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
• When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
• Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas. Normally we have turkey, but ok...
• Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
  ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
• My family was so poor when I was a kid... We could only exchange glances at Christmas!
• What does a black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.
• Why do Mexican kids eat tamales on Christmas? So they can have something to unwrap
• How does a redditor get karma when they don't deserve it? Piece of ca.....I'm just kidding they ask what's a flat earther's favorite Christmas decoration?
  Their s'no globe.
• Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas? Me neither. He couldn't open his presents.

Kids Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny kids doctor jokes and even better kids doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
• I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids. I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
• "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
  "I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!"
• Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8? Kid: It stops at 8?
  Doctor: It does for you.
• Im not going to vaccinate my kids because its too dangerous Id rather the doctors do it to ensure its done right
• As a doctor I never make fun of unvaccinated kids. I don't like to joke about dead people.
• I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy. The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?
  I said, "Yes, they're in favor 14 to 3.."
• I've chosen not to vaccinate my kids... I think it's better to let a professionel doctor handle that.
• Someday when I am a parent, I will not vaccinate my kids... I'll get a doctor to do it instead.
• I can tell my kid's gonna be a doctor when he grows up. His handwriting is terrible.

Kids Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny kids dog jokes and even better kids dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn't eat their homework
• My kids want a dog but I've refused to get them a Labrador. It's frightening how many Labrador owners you see that have gone blind
• When I was a kid... ... our family was very poor. I remember when my dad was cutting onion and our whole family was crying. Poor onion. He was such a good dog.
• When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog So someone in the house is happy to see you.
• Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don't have to be? Because it's sad when a dog dies.
• A guy wants a dog A guy wants a dog. He goes to one of his relatives if he has an extra dog. The relative says yes.
  "Does he like kids?"said the guy
  "Yes he does, but you can just give him dog food"
• Restaurant for dogs Waiter: What can I get you, sir?
  Dog: I see you serve the book report. How is that prepared?
  Waiter: A kid stayed up all night working on it.
  Dog: Ooh! I'll have that.
• Anti Vaxx Dating a girl with an unvaccinated kid is like adopting an old dog. You feel like you're being a good person for accepting it, then you get attached and they die when they're 12.
• When I was a kid I used to name my dog, "Dad" Because he used to run away all the time
  Cr
• When I was a kid, one day I walked in to the kitchen and saw my dad chopping onions and I started crying. Onions was a good dog.

Uproarious Kids Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about kids you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean small children jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids pranks.