You see, it used to get cold outside
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
You're coming home now! she screamed.
No, I'm not, I laughed.
She said, I'm talking to the kids.
So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
Social security
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
"...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
Little bastards didn't stand a chance…
Verb, not adjective
But when I came back home, they were still there.
She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."
We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
In one ear, out the other.
Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.
It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
The Black Plague
Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
Affordable housing prices
Kid 1: I bet you're a virgin
Kid 2: I was a virgin, until last night!
Kid 1: Lies!
Kid 2: Ask your sister.
Kid 1: Ha! I don't have a sister!
Kid 2: You will in about nine months!
It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
Turns out it was just clique bait.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
Apparently she left me two days ago.
I think all kids should be forced to read it.
Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
"Let's eat punctuation"
Measles
Remember kids, 'Netflix and Chill' is only one "D" away from 'Netflix and Child.'
No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
Napalm
They've left those kids a loan.
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
They got really upset and started to cry.
Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..
I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.
The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.
I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.
They are not gonna like it.
The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids
My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad.
A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"
"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.
90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
Or settle down with a couple of kids.
But I laugh more.
But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read
So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"
The category was "Describe your sex life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
the kids took it pretty hard
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