The Best 35 Kids Friendly Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kids Friendly jokes. There are some kids friendly nursery jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kids friendly relieve stress puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kids Friendly Jokes and Puns

One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore..

It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.

When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend

But it was just my imaginasian.

I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..

I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?

This no kidding came from my 10 y/o today from his class. 5th Grade

Student #1: was acting rude and obnoxious toward other students in class

My kiddo: "Stop acting rude"

Student #1: "Make me"

Student #2 (a friend of my kiddo): "Your Mom and Dad already made that mistake."

I don't get anti-vaxxers.

If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?


My friend just came to me all depressed because his kid's failing 3rd grade, and he doesn't know how to break it to him.

Apparently slowly wasn't the advice he was looking for.

My friend asked me if I've ever paid for sex

I've paid dearly: I've got three kids.

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"

Man 2: "Yup."

Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."

Man 2: "Cool."

Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"

Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

When I was a little kid, I had this friend that was always counting.

I wonder what he's up to these days.

My friend keeps beating kids in games

It's fine and all except the game is "Who punches harder?"

My kids will be friends with people of all colors of the rainbow.

That means no black people.

You can explore kids friendly kid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kids friendly childrens dad jokes. There are also kids friendly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.

I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:

Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?

A. You throw in your washing.

Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.

My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"

"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."

Women are too sensitive.

My friend said she was having twins. All I said was at least you'll finally have 2 kids with the same father.

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called the Twist!

Friend: Your three kids are so well behaved!

Me: Well .... there used to be four.

A kid goes to church to confess...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

A jealous woman, while on a road trip with her friends, would call her husband everyday to check on him.

Her: Where are you?

Him: At home hun.

Her: Don't trust you. Can you run the food processor for me so I know you are home?

Him: Sure Hun .

Whirrrrrrrrrr

Him: There you go.

Her: Ok. Talk to you later...

This went on for a few days. She would call him and ask him to run the food processor, which he would do.

One day she called her children and asked : Where is dad?

Kid: No idea. He leaves early in the morning and comes back late in the night.
But he takes the food processor along wherever he goes.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?

A brick falls from the sky and kills her.

Knock knock Who's there?

Not Mary

What's the kid friendly term for Bukkake?

Baby-shower


Who's your daddy?

A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee

It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit

"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked

"I have no job" he replied

"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"

"God will provide, I'm sure" was the answer from the intended

"And how exactly will he do that then?"

"God is merciful and will ensure we do not want" he said with all sincerity

"And how about if you have kids? Who looks after you then?"

"God will ensure he provides bounty for the whole family"

"OK, so you say, but exactly how will God provide this?"

"I don't know yet. God will move in his own mysterious ways"

At this point, the father gives up and leaves the house fuming, heading straight for the bar. there he meets his friend Dave who asks,

"What's up friend? You seem troubled"

"Well, I've just met my girl's new fiancΓ©"

"Oh man, bad news?"

"Well, on the plus side, he does at least seem to think I'm God..."

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.

We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.

I was sitting on the couch naked.

Jim was out shopping with his young daughter and ran into an old college classmate.

"This is Beth," Jim said proudly, introducing his kid.

"And what's Beth short for?" The friend asked.

Puzzled, he replied,"Because she's only three!

My friend was surprised when I said I hadn't heard about the kids in Thailand being rescued

Where have you been? Living in a cave?

My friend asked me to pet his baby goat. I had to decline.

I'm not going to jail for touching a kid.

When I was a kid, I only had two friends and they were imaginary.

It was too bad they only ever played with each other.

Apple recently created a more child-friendly iTouch.

It's called the iTouch-Kids.

A couple is driving on a highway

A couple is driving on a highway when she says, I want a divorce. The man doesn't say anything, except speeds up the car.

I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you. The man doesn't say anything except speeds up to he car.

I want the house, the bank account, kids, and the dog. The man doesn't say anything excepts speeds up the car.

She says, Are you listening to me? Don't you want anything?

The man replies, No, I have everything I need.

Oh? And what's that?

Right before the car rams into a wall, he says, The airbag.

Jimmy was racing his friends to the nearest tree

"Last one there's a piece of shit!" one of the older kids said.

This motivated Jimmy. He was set on winning.

He would not be deterred.

When I was a kid my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom, a man told his buddy.

Your dad showed you pictures of venereal diseases? the friend asked.

No, the first said, they were all pictures of me.

A conversation between friends.

White kid: My dad's well hung.
Black kid: Mine was hung too.
Chinese kid: Hey! My dad's Hung too!!

This is a below average joke attempt. I know, hanged vs hung. Still I thought I'd share.

My friend asked why I never used condoms

I said, "My pull out game is superb and condoms are expensive. You gotta keep a tight budget when you have 14 kids."

Q: What is a large mammal that lives in swamps and shouts obscenities at passers by?

A: The hippopottymouth

Source: friend's kid

My kid recently realized that they were born in the wrong body.

Now, I fully support anything they need to do to feel more like themselves, but I never imagined it would affect my social life like it has. The teachers won't see me, my friends act like I'm not there. Hell even the mailman hasn't made a delivery in weeks. I never realized how hard it was to be a transparent.

I went to the hospital to visit my friend who had an accident.

While waiting in the waiting room, I felt hungry so bought some juice and 2 burgers from the cafeteria.

I was about to eat, when I saw a kid sitting on the chair beside me looking at me. I asked him if he was hungry. He nodded. So I gave him one of my burgers.

After a few minutes, his mother came and saw him finishing the burger.

She got real angry and started shouting.

"Who is the shit person who gave him this burger. I drove 20 miles to get him tested on an empty stomach."

I

JUST

RAN.

A foreign family is about to travel to america

The parents told the kids to say bye to the friends they will miss. The older son then threw himself down a flight of stairs, in the hospital, when he was asked why he did it, he said

"Just saying goodbye to free healthcare"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kids friendly bullies jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kids friendly parents piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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