The Best 35 Kids Dog Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kids Dog jokes. There are some kids dog puppy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kids dog dog puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kids Dog Jokes and Puns

Why are Chinese kids so good at math?

Because their dog doesn't eat their homework

I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.

Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

As a kid I was made to walk the plank...

We couldn't afford a dog

When life starts

A Priest, a Muslim and a Rabbi are having a discussion. They are trying to determine the exact point when life starts. The Muslim argues that life starts at conception. The Priest disagrees and says that life starts at birth. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says, you are both wrong. When the dog dies and the kids move out, that is when life begins.

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."

"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.

"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."


When I was a kid...

... our family was very poor. I remember when my dad was cutting onion and our whole family was crying. Poor onion. He was such a good dog.

Two kids are watching 2 dogs making love.

The female kid asks:
> How do the dogs know when they want to have sex?

> The boy: I don't know... Maybe they smell it.

They sit and watch them a little more. And after a while the female kid asks:
>Do you have a runny nose?

When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog

So someone in the house is happy to see you.

Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don't have to be?

Because it's sad when a dog dies.

Grandpa, these dishes on the dinner table are a little dirty

Grandfather replied: there as clean as cold water can get 'em

Next day:

Grandpa these dishes are still dirty, do we not have much cold water?

Grandpa: cold water runs all day, so those dishes are as clean as cold water can get

Alright, whatever you say

Day after:

Grandpa and grandkid are finishing dinner

Kid: grandpa I think I see a dog outside! Can we bring him in?

Grandpa: sure!

Grandpa opens the door

C'MERE COLD WATER!

(This joke was from my grandmother years ago)

There once was a woman who had 100 children....

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.

Only Ninety's kids will remember This.

You can explore kids dog dogs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kids dog pit bull dad jokes. There are also kids dog puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."

There was once a man who had 100 kids.

There was once a man who had 100 kids. He was not a creative man, so he named the kids after the number of their birth. One of his kids, 90, had a few kids when he grew older. One day, they found a dog on the road. They took him in, and named him This. This was a very good and well behaved dog. Dad, I'm going to go feed This. Hey dad, I'm taking This for a walk. One day, This went missing. The kids went out to search for him, when they saw him on the side of the road, with skid marks all over his body. Years later, the kids still remembered and missed This.
Moral of the story:
Only 90s kids will remember This.

A mother and her son are sitting in an airplane.

The kid looks up and asks, "Mommy? If big cats have little cats, and big dogs have little dogs, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?"

Mom thinks to herself that he is too young and she doesn't want to get into this so she tells the boy, "Go ask the flight attendant; maybe she can answer that for you."

So, he walks up and asks, "Ma'am, if big cats have little cats, and big dogs have little dogs, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?"

She had overheard the mother's attempt to pass this off and replies, "Tell your mom that I said it's because Southwest airlines always pulls out on time and have her explain that to you..."

Jim and his sex life...

A man named Jim has been married to his beautiful wife for 15 years. They have two wonderful kids, a dog and a nice home.

You see, Jim works really hard at his job, but lately his sex life has suffered because of it.

Jim goes to his doctor to ask why he is so tired all the time.

Jim says to his doc "you know, I work 16 hour days and when I come home I just have no time to be intimate with my wife. I have no energy! What do I do!"

His doctor replies "Okay Jim I can see you're a little bit overweight so maybe you need some exercise to increase that stamina. Every day for 30 days I want you to walk a mile. I'll phone you after 30 days"

So Jim starts walking that day. He walks one mile every day, hoping this will help.

On the 30th day his doctor phones.

Doc: "Jim! Did you do what I told you?"

Jim: "Yeah I did doc."

Doc: "Well how's your sex life? Did it improve?"

Jim: "I wouldn't know. I'm 30 miles from home!"

Told to me by my grandmother

A couple is driving on a highway

A couple is driving on a highway when she says, I want a divorce. The man doesn't say anything, except speeds up the car.

I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you. The man doesn't say anything except speeds up to he car.

I want the house, the bank account, kids, and the dog. The man doesn't say anything excepts speeds up the car.

She says, Are you listening to me? Don't you want anything?

The man replies, No, I have everything I need.

Oh? And what's that?

Right before the car rams into a wall, he says, The airbag.

A guy wants a dog

A guy wants a dog. He goes to one of his relatives if he has an extra dog. The relative says yes.
"Does he like kids?"said the guy
"Yes he does, but you can just give him dog food"

This guy had a magic door

This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging and fighting, no dog he needs to take on a walk - no one. He was alone to do as he pleases for as long as he wanted to until his legs get numb and he has to flush down the water and get back to reality.

Restaurant for dogs

Waiter: What can I get you, sir?

Dog: I see you serve the book report. How is that prepared?

Waiter: A kid stayed up all night working on it.

Dog: Ooh! I'll have that.


A woman gets on to a bus, holding her unfortunately ugly baby.

The driver laughs and says "what an ugly kid!"

Fuming, the woman sits down and turns to the man next to her. "That driver was so rude to me. I should really give him a piece of my mind."

The man nods sympathetically. "You go tell him, I'll hold your dog."

Anti Vaxx

Dating a girl with an unvaccinated kid is like adopting an old dog. You feel like you're being a good person for accepting it, then you get attached and they die when they're 12.

When I was a kid I used to name my dog, "Dad"

Because he used to run away all the time

Cr

I got a call from the pound

They wanted to tell me that they had picked up my dog because it was chasing a kid on a bike.

I said " That kid is a liar because not only does my dog not own a bike; he doesn't even know how to ride one yet!

Catholic, Protestant and Jew debate

The Catholic argues that life begins at conception; the protestant claims that life begins at birth. The Jew states that life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies.

A priest, scientist and rabbi are discussing when life begins.

The priest says the answer is obvious, it begins at conception as decreed by God.

The scientist says no it begins at birth as at that point it can live outside of it's mother.

The rabbi says you are both wrong. It starts when the dog dies and the kids move out.

When I was a kid, one day I walked in to the kitchen and saw my dad chopping onions and I started crying.

Onions was a good dog.

My boss is so rich

My boss is so rich he even bought a kid for his dog to play with.

Mom sends her son out to play fetch with the dog. 5 minutes later both the son and the dog are back inside, looking grumpy.

"What happened?" Asks the mom.

"We lost the ball." says the boy.

"Oh no, where?" The dog replies: "Roof, roof"

Stunned, the mother says, "Did the dog just say it's on the roof?"

"No," the boy scoffs. "I mean the ball is up there, but the dumb dog's not talking."

The dog rolls its eyes at the mother and says, "Well, if your kid had a better arm I wouldn't have to."

Faithful dog for sale

Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.

- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.

- Shoot.

- He good with kids?

- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.

- yard dog or house dog?

- House trained but loves the yard as well.

- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?

- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.

A man had been away from home for 3 days trying to hunt a deer.

Finally, he was able to shoot the largest deer he had ever seen.

He took it home and kept it a surprise from everybody else. He cooked it in the shed so that no one could see what it was.

When he brought the cooked deer to the table, his kids asked what it was.

"It's what your mother calls me," he said with a smile on his face.

The eldest son was repulsed by this statement and shouted, "Nobody eat it! It's a dog!"

The neighbors called the cops because our dogs were chasing kids on bikes.

Joke's on them, our dogs don't even own bikes.

What is the difference between kids in China and putting down a dog?

Nothing, they are both Euthanasia

There was a man who wasn't creative

He named his kids numbers in the order they were born (the first child was 1, second child 2 and so on)

After he had 100 kids , a fire burned his house down leaving only one child. 90

90 grew up and had his own kids that weren't creative and when they saw a stray dog , they took him in and called him 'that'

One hot summer day 'that' was run over by a car

Ofc they replaced 'that' but they never forgot him

Only 90's kids remember that

The cops came to my door to give me a ticket for a dog at large. They say he was chasing a kid on a bike.

I said, "that's not true, my dog can't ride a bike."

Cop comes to my house and says...

Your dog was chasing a kid on a bike
I was really confused because my dog can't ride a bike..

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kids dog doberman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kids dog puppies piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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