The Best 35 Kids Doctor Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kids Doctor jokes. There are some kids doctor doctor daughter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kids doctor kid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kids Doctor Jokes and Puns

After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids

We think the doctor would do a way better job than us

I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids.

I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.

There was a kid that was born with no eyelids.

The doctor was able to use the skin from the circumcision to make him new eyelids.
It went really well other than the fact the kid is a little cock-eyed

2 kids arguing.

2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."

Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8?

Kid: It stops at 8?

Doctor: It does for you.


Im not going to vaccinate my kids because its too dangerous

Id rather the doctors do it to ensure its done right

Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but your kidneys are failing.

Me: I can't believe this is happening.

Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?

Me: ... I'll tell him.

[Later at home, sitting down with son]

Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.

For my cake day, a joke...

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...

...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.

"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.

"What!? You've got to be..."

She pauses for a moment.

"...Kid-in-me."

----

After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"

The woman says "It was totally birth it."

As a doctor I never make fun of unvaccinated kids.

I don't like to joke about dead people.

I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy.

The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?

I said, "Yes, they're in favor 14 to 3.."

You can explore kids doctor child reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kids doctor doctor dad jokes. There are also kids doctor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

Joke directed insult

A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have sex. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.

A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.

Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, stupid kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.

*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.

*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"

*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."

Immaturity at its best.

An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.

He runs to the doctor and asks:

"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"

The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:

"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."

Jim and his sex life...

A man named Jim has been married to his beautiful wife for 15 years. They have two wonderful kids, a dog and a nice home.

You see, Jim works really hard at his job, but lately his sex life has suffered because of it.

Jim goes to his doctor to ask why he is so tired all the time.

Jim says to his doc "you know, I work 16 hour days and when I come home I just have no time to be intimate with my wife. I have no energy! What do I do!"

His doctor replies "Okay Jim I can see you're a little bit overweight so maybe you need some exercise to increase that stamina. Every day for 30 days I want you to walk a mile. I'll phone you after 30 days"

So Jim starts walking that day. He walks one mile every day, hoping this will help.

On the 30th day his doctor phones.

Doc: "Jim! Did you do what I told you?"

Jim: "Yeah I did doc."

Doc: "Well how's your sex life? Did it improve?"

Jim: "I wouldn't know. I'm 30 miles from home!"

Told to me by my grandmother

maternity ward

A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."

A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.

The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination

The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.

The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name

People who vaccinate their kids are crazy!

Hell no, I didn't vaccinate my son! Are you out of your mind!? I had a doctor do it!


A man goes to the doctor and finds out he only has three months to live...

He says, "but Doc...three months isn't enough TIME!"

The doctor pauses and thinks. Then he says, "Stay home every day, all day long with your wife and kids - no office, restaurtants, movies, or shopping...and only leave the house once a week for groceries...."



"Trust me, it will be the LONGEST three months of your life !"

I've chosen not to vaccinate my kids...

I think it's better to let a professionel doctor handle that.

Someday when I am a parent, I will not vaccinate my kids...

I'll get a doctor to do it instead.

I can tell my kid's gonna be a doctor when he grows up.

His handwriting is terrible.

A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except...

the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.

Did you hear about the kid who was hospitalized for swallowing six of his plastic toy horses?

The doctor described his condition as stable.

Pedro reaches the doctor's clinic

Pedro reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent.

Doc: What're you here for?

Pedro: The vasectomy camp.

Dr: Oh ok. How many kids do you have?

Pedro: None. I am not even married !!

Dr (shocked): Then why do you want a vasectomy?

Pedro: Every man in the village got it done over the last few years. Now whenever their wives conceive, they come and beat me up !!!

A man gets a STD test from his doctor...

...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.

"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for sex?"

The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."

As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated kid.

But I'm thinking of taking a shot at it.

Poor kid

Was reading the news this morning and saw an article about a kid in Denver born without any eye lids.

The doctor decided that since the parents were having him circumcised, the foreskin could be made into eye lids for the kid.

The surgery actually turned out really well, kids just a little cockeyed.

You hear the one about the kid who was born with no eyelids?

The doctor was able to make new ones for him with the kid's foreskin. When the parents asked if he'll be fine, the doctor replied, "Oh he'll be fine, he'll just be a little cock-eyed."

From what I hear about time spent with abortion doctor's they're really not all that bad

Many patients have claimed it's really brought the kid out in them.

Being a doctor and a married man with kids, it feels like I'm living two lives.

In one life there's medicine, scarring images and long, painful hours.

And in the other life I'm a doctor.

A kid goes to a doctor.

The doctor asks:

"So what's your zodiac sign?"

The kid responds:

"Cancer."

The doctor:

"Oh,what a coincidence!"

So a doctor is delivering a baby

He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:

" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."

After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:

"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"

The man's face brightening the doctor continued:

"Your wife is dead too"

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.

The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kids doctor patient jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kids doctor parents piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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