Kids Doctor Jokes
119 kids doctor jokes and hilarious kids doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kids doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kids Doctor Short Jokes
Short kids doctor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids doctor humour may include short doctor specialist jokes also.
- After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
- I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids. I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
- "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8? Kid: It stops at 8?
Doctor: It does for you. - Im not going to vaccinate my kids because its too dangerous Id rather the doctors do it to ensure its done right
- As a doctor I never make fun of unvaccinated kids. I don't like to joke about dead people.
- I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy. The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?
I said, "Yes, they're in favor 14 to 3.." - A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.
The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name - I've chosen not to vaccinate my kids... I think it's better to let a professionel doctor handle that.
- Someday when I am a parent, I will not vaccinate my kids... I'll get a doctor to do it instead.
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Kids Doctor One Liners
Which kids doctor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids doctor? I can suggest the ones about a young doctor and bad doctor.
- I can tell my kid's gonna be a doctor when he grows up. His handwriting is terrible.
- A doctor is weighing kids in Ethiopia. "40 kg, pretty good, send the next class"
- DO NOT VACCINATE YOUR KIDS! Let the doctors do it ;They're the professionals 😃.
- A doctor, a nurse, and a scientist walk into a bar Just kidding, they know better.
- Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids... - What did the doctor say to a kid who lost his IPod. Your father isn't coming back.
- My medical bills are so high That I got a thank you card from my Doctors kids' colleges
- An epidemiologist, an ICU doctor, and a scientist walk into a bar Just kidding
- Don't vaccinate your kids Have the doctor do it instead.
- Whatever you do, please don't vaccinate your kids! Get a doctor to do that you pickle!
- When you were born the doctor slapped your mama and said "oh goodie twins".
- Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
- What did Doctor Who say to his wife when she said she wants kids? Experminate
- I don't vaccinate my kids I take them to the doctor and have him vaccinate them.
- Doctor: Your pregnant Patient:You have got to be kid in me
Comical Kids Doctor Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about kids doctor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids doctor pranks.
A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success."
Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter.
"
Responses:
American: "Keep trying!"
Briton: "Change Doctor!"
Aussie: "Follow a special diet."
Indian: "Practice yoga!"
Pinoy: "Let me try!"
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the p**... off the smart ones.
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "
I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
Doctor: "Well, it looks like you're pregnant."
Woman: "Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!"
Doctor: "No, it just looks like you are."
From what I hear about time spent with abortion doctor's they're really not all that bad
Many patients have claimed it's really brought the kid out in them.
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
What's Resurrection?
There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means.
After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours, you have to go see a doctor."
For my cake day, a joke...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
maternity ward
A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."
Joke directed insult
A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have s**.... The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.
A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.
Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, s**... kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.
*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.
*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"
*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."
Immaturity at its best.
Jim and his s**... life...
A man named Jim has been married to his beautiful wife for 15 years. They have two wonderful kids, a dog and a nice home.
You see, Jim works really hard at his job, but lately his s**... life has suffered because of it.
Jim goes to his doctor to ask why he is so tired all the time.
Jim says to his doc "you know, I work 16 hour days and when I come home I just have no time to be intimate with my wife. I have no energy! What do I do!"
His doctor replies "Okay Jim I can see you're a little bit overweight so maybe you need some exercise to increase that stamina. Every day for 30 days I want you to walk a mile. I'll phone you after 30 days"
So Jim starts walking that day. He walks one mile every day, hoping this will help.
On the 30th day his doctor phones.
Doc: "Jim! Did you do what I told you?"
Jim: "Yeah I did doc."
Doc: "Well how's your s**... life? Did it improve?"
Jim: "I wouldn't know. I'm 30 miles from home!"
Told to me by my grandmother
Poor kid
Was reading the news this morning and saw an article about a kid in Denver born without any eye lids.
The doctor decided that since the parents were having him circumcised, the f**... could be made into eye lids for the kid.
The surgery actually turned out really well, kids just a little cockeyed.
A priest is doing children's time during a service...
The priest asks the kids "Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"
A little girl raises her hand and says "Well, father, I know if it doesn't go away in four hours you have to call your doctor!"
A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...
...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.
"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.
"What!? You've got to be..."
She pauses for a moment.
"...Kid-in-me."
----
After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"
The woman says "It was totally birth it."
A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except...
the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.
A man goes to his doctor
The doctor says "Sir, you have h**...", the man responds "Wow, you can't even trust your own kids these days!".
This woman in India has given birth...
This woman in India has given birth to a 23 pound boy.
Doctors say they expect the kid to be walking 6 months before his mum.
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
You hear the one about the kid who was born with no eyelids?
The doctor was able to make new ones for him with the kid's f**.... When the parents asked if he'll be fine, the doctor replied, "Oh he'll be fine, he'll just be a little c**...-eyed."
A Bosnian Joke
Mujo is the husband.
Fata is the wife.
Fata has to go to the doctor.
After an hour the doctor comes out of the room and starts a conversation with Mujo.
Doctor: Mujo, I have some bad news... Fata doesn't look so good...
Mujo: I know Doctor... but She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids!
Hope you guys enjoyed this joke, I did.
what did the kid say when asked about elections?
If they last more than 4 hours, you need to call a doctor.
I keep having this reoccurring dream
Every night I dream I'm constantly changing between being a teepee and a wigwam. I went to the doctor and he told me "Calm down kid, you're two tents.".
A doctor brings new born baby to father
Doctor walks up to the father with baby in arms. He starts repeatedly punching it, k**... it and then throws it in the ground and stomps on it. The father was in shock with his jaw dropped. The doctor then says "just kidding, it was already dead"
A man gets a STD test from his doctor...
...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."
Doctor says my kid has some form of hereditary ADHD
He explained it to me, but I didn't really listen.
Pastor asks about the Resurrection of Christ?
Kid says: If you have one more than 4 hours, you should go to the doctor.
A doctor is examining a woman in the Emergency Room.
The doctor takes the husband aside and says, I don't like the looks of your wife at all.
Me neither, Doc. But she's a great cook and she is really good with the kids.
A kid doctor is called a pediatrician, and an animal lover is a z**..., what do you call someone who loves kids.
A Priest
Playing doctor
Susie and Johnny were playing doctor, when Susie suddenly started crying and ran to her mother.
Later the Susie's mother confronted the Johnny's mother. "My Susie said that your Johnny was playing doctor with her!".
Johnny's mother responded calmly, "that's OK, kids are always exploring. I wouldn't worry about it."
Susie's mom screamed out, "but he took out her appendix!"
The Perfect Man
So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:
Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.
Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?
Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?
A kid walks into his home room after being absent yesterday
The teacher says, "Why were you not here yesterday?" The kid says, "My father was in the hospital." The following week the teacher asked, "Is your father still in the hospital?" The kid laughs and then says, "Yes, my father's a doctor!"
It was difficult to turn off my wife's life support today
You try fighting off 2 nurses, 1 doctor, and my 3 kids!
There was a kid that was born with no eyelids.
The doctor was able to use the skin from the circumcision to make him new eyelids.
It went really well other than the fact the kid is a little c**...-eyed
Doctor : "I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life."
Me : OH MY GOD!
Doctor : Just kidding. She's dead.
I had a vasectomy.
The doctors will tell you that you won't be able to have kids anymore. I'm here to tell you that it just changes the color of the kids. #stayinformed
A kid was born without eyelids.
Don't worry the doctor assured the father.
When we circumcise him we will use the skin to make him new eyelids. After the procedure the father is with the doctor. Well what do you think of the procedure? asks the doctor. I don't know? Does he look a little cockeyed to you?
So a doctor is delivering a baby
He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:
" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."
After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:
"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"
The man's face brightening the doctor continued:
"Your wife is dead too"
As a kid I had a rare degenerative eye disease. Doctors couldn't help me so I got a second opinion from a donut.
To this day I still have a glazed look in my eyes.
A kid goes to a doctor.
The doctor asks:
"So what's your zodiac sign?"
The kid responds:
"Cancer."
The doctor:
"Oh,what a coincidence!"
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
My kid swallowed something...
Called the doctor. He said I should go to the emergency room immediately. It was det ergent.
"The doctor really said you can't have kids?" A man asked his wife.
She looked at him sadly. "I kid you not."
A mom takes her son to the doctor one day.
The mom says, "my child's knee hurts." The doctor says, "okay you should take him to the nephrologist then."
The mom looks confused and is about to ask why, when the doctor says, "... it's a kid-nee problem."
An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.
He runs to the doctor and asks:
"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"
The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:
"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."
How's a doctor's office similar to a US school?
Kids can get their shots there, if someone is ill.
A man gets a call that his wife was in a terrible accident....
He rushes off to the hospital, upon arriving he sees the doctor approaching him. The doctor says, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is she's going to make it, the bad news is, she's never gonna walk again, she'll need twenty-four hour care, and the insurance isn't going to cover it... upon hearing this the man is devastated, how will I pay for all this? The doctor replies, nah man I'm kidding, she's dead.
I don't get no respect. I was an ugly kid.
I was so ugly when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
Yo Mamma so fat...
Yo mamma so fat, that when you were being delivered at the hospital the doctor had to send in a rescue diver. He pulled out you, 11 other kids, and a soccer coach.
Did you hear about the kid born without eyelids?
Doctors were doing a circumcision anyways and used the f**... for new eyelids.
Don't worry, he's fine. He's just little cockeyed now.
A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised...
A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised. He meets with a pediatrician who says "ya know we used to use the f**... from the circumcision to do skin transplants for kids born without eyelids... But we had to stop because they started coming out cockeyed"
Please, whatever you do, just don't vaccinate your kids. Seriously!
Let the doctors do it.
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated kid.
But I'm thinking of taking a shot at it.
Did you hear about the r**... couple with 9 kids?
The dad went to the doctor to get a vasectomy and the doctor asked him why. 'Well, we read that 1 out of 10 babies born in the US now are Mexican, and we don't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither the wife nor I speak Spanish'.
It's a good thing I didn't vaccinate my kids.
The doctor was more suited to give the shots instead.
Doctor asks his assistant how the the kid that swallowed a bunch of quarters is doing...
She says no change yet
Chiropractors are essentially crack dealers...
For cracking your spine...Just kidding they are doctors...Just kidding they aren't doctors...
I would never vaccinate my kids.
It would be dangerous and make my child autistic, I would just let my doctor do it.
What did the doctor tell the frowning kid with down syndrome?
"Turn that syndrome upside down!"
I told friends and family that i will never vaccinate my kids...
I'll let the doctor do it.
A man, who believes in avoiding doctors and hospitals at all cost, had to have emergency surgery for an inflamed appendix.
In pain, but still protesting the whole idea of an operation, he muttered,
"When God gave man an appendix, there must have been a reason for putting it there, am I right?"
"Oh there was," said the surgeon.
"God gave you that appendix so I could put my kids through university."
Doctor: "*I have some pressing news...*"
Me: "*Lay it on me Doc*"
Dr: "*I'll put this as lightly as I can, You have a mild blunt-force-trauma allergy*"
Me: "*Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks!*"
Dr: "*Don't let this hold you down...*"
Me: "*I's it congenital - because if it is, my kids'll be crushed*"
I would never vaccinate my kids.
That is unnatural, dangerous, pointless,
expensive, reckless, and harmful. I take
my kids to the doctor so they can
vaccinate them instead
I would never vaccinate my kids. Its unnatural, dangerous, pointless, expensive, and reckless.
I take them to the doctors instead.
A doctor asks her patient...
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes, a lot," the patient replies.
"Now," says the doctor, "shall we vaccinate that kid or do you want another walloping?"
If I were to ever become a parent, I would never vaccinate my kids...
I'd get my doctor do it because I am not a medical professional.
A man goes to the doctor and finds out he only has three months to live...
He says, "but Doc...three months isn't enough TIME!"
The doctor pauses and thinks. Then he says, "Stay home every day, all day long with your wife and kids - no office, restaurtants, movies, or shopping...and only leave the house once a week for groceries...."
"Trust me, it will be the LONGEST three months of your life !"
