Kids Doctor Jokes
119 kids doctor jokes and hilarious kids doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kids doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kids Doctor Short Jokes
Short kids doctor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids doctor humour may include short doctor specialist jokes also.
- After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
- I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids. I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
- "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8? Kid: It stops at 8?
Doctor: It does for you. - Im not going to vaccinate my kids because its too dangerous Id rather the doctors do it to ensure its done right
- As a doctor I never make fun of unvaccinated kids. I don't like to joke about dead people.
- I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy. The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?
I said, "Yes, they're in favor 14 to 3.." - I've chosen not to vaccinate my kids... I think it's better to let a professionel doctor handle that.
- Someday when I am a parent, I will not vaccinate my kids... I'll get a doctor to do it instead.
- A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except... the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.
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Kids Doctor One Liners
Which kids doctor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids doctor? I can suggest the ones about a young doctor and bad doctor.
- I can tell my kid's gonna be a doctor when he grows up. His handwriting is terrible.
- A doctor is weighing kids in Ethiopia. "40 kg, pretty good, send the next class"
- DO NOT VACCINATE YOUR KIDS! Let the doctors do it ;They're the professionals 😃.
- A doctor, a nurse, and a scientist walk into a bar Just kidding, they know better.
- Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids... - What did the doctor say to a kid who lost his IPod. Your father isn't coming back.
- My medical bills are so high That I got a thank you card from my Doctors kids' colleges
- Don't vaccinate your kids Have the doctor do it instead.
- Whatever you do, please don't vaccinate your kids! Get a doctor to do that you pickle!
- Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
- What did Doctor Who say to his wife when she said she wants kids? Experminate
- I don't vaccinate my kids I take them to the doctor and have him vaccinate them.
- Doctor: Your pregnant Patient:You have got to be kid in me
- My Doctor told me I'm pregnant... I told her she's got to be kid-in-me
- When you were born the doctor slapped your mama and said "oh goodie twins".
Comical Kids Doctor Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about kids doctor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids doctor pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’”
A small voice from the back of the room rang out,
“And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, n**..., and wrinkled”
A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?"
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.
"Someone else must of shot the bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success."
Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."
Responses:
American: "Keep trying!"
Briton: "Change Doctor!"
Aussie: "Follow a special diet."
Indian: "Practice yoga!"
Pinoy: "Let me try!"
A woman starts dating a doctor.
Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says.
So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth.
One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I am your mother, the archbishop is your father."
Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather supplies for the summer.
After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the doctor and said, "Doctor, I don't know how much more of this I can handle. We got us eight kids now and I just don't know how we can go on. I gotta do something about having all these babies or I'll just lose my mind!"
The doctor scratched his head and wondered how to gently instruct the woman on how to curb her ordeal and finally told her to pick up a ten-gallon bucket along with her supplies.
"And every night when you go to bed, I want both of your feet in that bucket and don't take them out until morning."
So the lady was off and all of her problems seemed to be solved.
That next spring, right on cue, she walked into the doctor's office and promptly delivered another child.
"Ma'am, I thought I told you to sleep each night with your feet in a ten-gallon bucket. What happened?"
"Well, you see doctor, the store was all out of ten-gallon buckets, so I just figured two five-gallon buckets would do the trick just the same"
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
Doctor: "Well, it looks like you're pregnant."
Woman: "Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!"
Doctor: "No, it just looks like you are."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a grocery store and gets shot 3 times in the stomach during a robbery...
She is rushed to the hospital and all known tests are run on her. The doctor approaches her and tells her the children are all fine, but it's too late in the pregnancy to safely remove the bullets. They would fall out in their own time.
The woman gives birth to 3 healthy kids. Two girls, and a boy.
16 years later, the first little girl comes running in yelling "mommy mommy! I was peeing and a bullet fell out!"
The mother reassures her daughter and explains the story to her.
The next week, the second little girl comes running in yelling "mommy mommy! I was peeing and a bullet fell out!"
So again, the mother reassures her daughter and explains the story.
The next week, the boy comes in distraught. There are tears running down his face and he is crying hard.
The mother takes a look at him worried and says "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet fell out?"
The boy responds "no! I was m**... and I shot the dog!"
From what I hear about time spent with abortion doctor's they're really not all that bad
Many patients have claimed it's really brought the kid out in them.
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
For my cake day, a joke...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Good and bad news.
So there was a couple who had 3 kids. All three were horribly disfigured, but the couple decided to give it one last shot at a healthy baby. So, 9 months later, the husband is sitting in the waiting room waiting to hear the news. Soon, the doctor comes out with the baby wrapped in a blanket.
The husband says, "So how is he?"
The doctor says, "Well, I've got some good news and bad news"
"Oh god, tell me the good news first!"
So the doctor pulled back the blanket and the husband saw that his child was just one big eyeball.
The husband cries, "Oh god this is horrible! What could possibly be the bad news?!"
The doctor replies, "He's blind!!"
maternity ward
A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joke directed insult
A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have s**.... The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.
A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.
Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, s**... kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.
*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.
*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"
*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."
Immaturity at its best.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jim and his s**... life...
A man named Jim has been married to his beautiful wife for 15 years. They have two wonderful kids, a dog and a nice home.
You see, Jim works really hard at his job, but lately his s**... life has suffered because of it.
Jim goes to his doctor to ask why he is so tired all the time.
Jim says to his doc "you know, I work 16 hour days and when I come home I just have no time to be intimate with my wife. I have no energy! What do I do!"
His doctor replies "Okay Jim I can see you're a little bit overweight so maybe you need some exercise to increase that stamina. Every day for 30 days I want you to walk a mile. I'll phone you after 30 days"
So Jim starts walking that day. He walks one mile every day, hoping this will help.
On the 30th day his doctor phones.
Doc: "Jim! Did you do what I told you?"
Jim: "Yeah I did doc."
Doc: "Well how's your s**... life? Did it improve?"
Jim: "I wouldn't know. I'm 30 miles from home!"
Told to me by my grandmother
What doctors really thinking?
- This should be taken care of right away.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the kid born without eyelids?
Yeah, apparently a baby boy was born without eyelids just last week! Obviously that was a problem and the child's sight wouldn't last long unless the doctors acted quick, so they decided to take a skin graft from the boy and use it to protect his eyes. The most logical solution for the quick thinking doctor was to use the child's f**..., since he would probably be circumcised anyways.
Those are about all the details I know from the story, but I guess the baby is doing ok. The doctor said he would be fine, and should keep his eyesight, he just might end up a little c**...-eyed.
A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...
...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.
"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.
"What!? You've got to be..."
She pauses for a moment.
"...Kid-in-me."
----
After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"
The woman says "It was totally birth it."
Late For The Gyno
A mother of 3 had an appointment one day at the gynaecologist. She was very late and had to rush to get her kids to school and her youngest was annoyed at not being able to remember where she had left her art project. She rushed the kids to school regardless and then realised when she got home she had no time to take a full shower and freshen up so instead she just used a facecloth very quickly.
She made it to her appointment on time and got undressed, put on the gown and lay up on the bench. The doctor entered the room and took up position at the bottom of the bench.
"Wow, we went all out today, didn't we?" he winked up at the woman. She wasn't sure what he was talking about but thanked him anyway and after the appointment she went on her way to collect her kids from school. As the youngest got into the car she asked "Mommy did you find my glitter project yet? I remember I left it in a facecloth somewhere..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went to a doctor
A man went to a doctor and said,"doctor my wife has given birth to 6 kids. Is there any way to stop her from giving birth to more kids?"
The doctor said,"Use a c**... while making love to your wife!"
The man thanked the doctor and left.
He returned after a year and told the doctor,"Doctor I used c**... while making love but my wife gave birth to one more kid"
The doctor said,"Ok dont worry here is a contraceptive. Ask your wife to take it the next day after you make love to her"
The man thanked the doctor and left.
He returned after a year and told the doctor,"doctor my wife took the contraceptive everytime but she still gave birth to another kid"
The doctor surprised at this,"Well all I can suggest is you dont make love to your wife to ensure she doesnt get pregnant and give birth to kids ever again"
The man returned after a year and told the doctor,"Doctor I didnt make love to my wife all year but she still gave birth to another kid!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to his doctor
The doctor says "Sir, you have h**...", the man responds "Wow, you can't even trust your own kids these days!".
This woman in India has given birth...
This woman in India has given birth to a 23 pound boy.
Doctors say they expect the kid to be walking 6 months before his mum.
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
A Bosnian Joke
Mujo is the husband.
Fata is the wife.
Fata has to go to the doctor.
After an hour the doctor comes out of the room and starts a conversation with Mujo.
Doctor: Mujo, I have some bad news... Fata doesn't look so good...
Mujo: I know Doctor... but She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids!
Hope you guys enjoyed this joke, I did.
what did the kid say when asked about elections?
If they last more than 4 hours, you need to call a doctor.
A woman pregnant with triplets is shot three times...
by a mugger in the stomach while she's walking home one night. The doctors save her and the babies but tell her that eventually the kids will have to have the bullets removed.
Well, they're born healthy, three strapping sons, and they grow normally and she forgets all about the bullets until one day one comes down, crying his eyes out. She asks him what's wrong and he says, "I was peeing and I peed out a bullet." She tells him the story and, satisfied, he goes on his way. Then another son comes down crying his eyes out. She asks him what's wrong and he also says, "I was peeing and I peed out a bullet." She tells him the story too and, satisfied, he goes on his way.
Then the third son comes down, crying his eyes out, and she says, "Let me guess, you were peeing and you peed out a bullet?" He shakes his head and replies, "No, I was jacking off and I shot the dog."
My Mommy, the Dancer
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children in her class what their mothers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, So when the teacher gently prodded him about his mother, He replied, "Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a club and takes off all her clothes in front of men, and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this bold statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to quietly ask him, "Is that really true about your mother, dear?"
Nope," the boy said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that In front of the other kids."
I keep having this reoccurring dream
Every night I dream I'm constantly changing between being a teepee and a wigwam. I went to the doctor and he told me "Calm down kid, you're two tents.".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets a STD test from his doctor...
...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I work in a hospital.
The neonatal intensive care unit is one of the toughest places to work. Rooms full of babies who were born too early and/or far too sick. It's really sad what you see.
One of the worst cases I ever saw, a baby was born with no eyelids. A very rare case that happens to 1 in every 500,000 kids. It took days for doctors to figure out what to do.
Finally, they decided to transfer f**... to the face to act as eye lids. Amazingly, it worked.
The kid turned out just fine, he's just a little c**...-eyed.
Doctor says my kid has some form of hereditary ADHD
He explained it to me, but I didn't really listen.
Pastor asks about the Resurrection of Christ?
Kid says: If you have one more than 4 hours, you should go to the doctor.
A doctor is examining a woman in the Emergency Room.
The doctor takes the husband aside and says, I don't like the looks of your wife at all.
Me neither, Doc. But she's a great cook and she is really good with the kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid doctor is called a pediatrician, and an animal lover is a z**..., what do you call someone who loves kids.
A Priest
Playing doctor
Susie and Johnny were playing doctor, when Susie suddenly started crying and ran to her mother.
Later the Susie's mother confronted the Johnny's mother. "My Susie said that your Johnny was playing doctor with her!".
Johnny's mother responded calmly, "that's OK, kids are always exploring. I wouldn't worry about it."
Susie's mom screamed out, "but he took out her appendix!"
The Perfect Man
So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:
Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.
Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?
Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?
A kid walks into his home room after being absent yesterday
The teacher says, "Why were you not here yesterday?" The kid says, "My father was in the hospital." The following week the teacher asked, "Is your father still in the hospital?" The kid laughs and then says, "Yes, my father's a doctor!"
It was difficult to turn off my wife's life support today
You try fighting off 2 nurses, 1 doctor, and my 3 kids!
Doctor : "I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life."
Me : OH MY GOD!
Doctor : Just kidding. She's dead.
I had a vasectomy.
The doctors will tell you that you won't be able to have kids anymore. I'm here to tell you that it just changes the color of the kids. #stayinformed
A kid was born without eyelids.
Don't worry the doctor assured the father.
When we circumcise him we will use the skin to make him new eyelids. After the procedure the father is with the doctor. Well what do you think of the procedure? asks the doctor. I don't know? Does he look a little cockeyed to you?
So a doctor is delivering a baby
He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:
" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."
After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:
"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"
The man's face brightening the doctor continued:
"Your wife is dead too"
As a kid I had a rare degenerative eye disease. Doctors couldn't help me so I got a second opinion from a donut.
To this day I still have a glazed look in my eyes.
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
My kid swallowed something...
Called the doctor. He said I should go to the emergency room immediately. It was det ergent.
"The doctor really said you can't have kids?" A man asked his wife.
She looked at him sadly. "I kid you not."
A mom takes her son to the doctor one day.
The mom says, "my child's knee hurts." The doctor says, "okay you should take him to the nephrologist then."
The mom looks confused and is about to ask why, when the doctor says, "... it's a kid-nee problem."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.
He runs to the doctor and asks:
"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"
The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:
"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."
How's a doctor's office similar to a US school?
Kids can get their shots there, if someone is ill.
A man gets a call that his wife was in a terrible accident....
He rushes off to the hospital, upon arriving he sees the doctor approaching him. The doctor says, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is she's going to make it, the bad news is, she's never gonna walk again, she'll need twenty-four hour care, and the insurance isn't going to cover it... upon hearing this the man is devastated, how will I pay for all this? The doctor replies, nah man I'm kidding, she's dead.
I don't get no respect. I was an ugly kid.
I was so ugly when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the front.
My Dad is an entertainer he works at night. He is a male stripper some times he doesn't come home after work. This makes my Mother cry because he is sleeping with a man to get enough money to buy us food.
The teacher tells the other kids to go outside for recess. She hugs Little Johnny and ask is that true? No Johnny states he plays baseball for the Baltimore Orioles, but am ashamed to tell the other kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised...
A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised. He meets with a pediatrician who says "ya know we used to use the f**... from the circumcision to do skin transplants for kids born without eyelids... But we had to stop because they started coming out cockeyed"
Please, whatever you do, just don't vaccinate your kids. Seriously!
Let the doctors do it.
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated kid.
But I'm thinking of taking a shot at it.
It's a good thing I didn't vaccinate my kids.
The doctor was more suited to give the shots instead.
Doctor asks his assistant how the the kid that swallowed a bunch of quarters is doing...
She says no change yet
Chiropractors are essentially crack dealers...
For cracking your spine...Just kidding they are doctors...Just kidding they aren't doctors...
I would never vaccinate my kids.
It would be dangerous and make my child autistic, I would just let my doctor do it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the doctor tell the frowning kid with down syndrome?
"Turn that syndrome upside down!"
I told friends and family that i will never vaccinate my kids...
I'll let the doctor do it.
Two kids are hurrying to school on their bikes to get there for their maths exam.
They get into a car accident on the way and have to be rushed to hospital.
In hospital they're surrounded by friends and family, and their maths teacher keeps trying to get into the room and is repeatedly told off by the doctors.
Later that night the teacher sneaks in. Waking the kids up, he says
"finally, here's the exam papers that you both need to complete."
Suddenly the light comes on and an angry doctor says "I have told you so many times you are not allowed in here, what do you think you are doing?"
The maths teacher points to the exams - "just testing your patients."
A man, who believes in avoiding doctors and hospitals at all cost, had to have emergency surgery for an inflamed appendix.
In pain, but still protesting the whole idea of an operation, he muttered,
"When God gave man an appendix, there must have been a reason for putting it there, am I right?"
"Oh there was," said the surgeon.
"God gave you that appendix so I could put my kids through university."
Doctor: "*I have some pressing news...*"
Me: "*Lay it on me Doc*"
Dr: "*I'll put this as lightly as I can, You have a mild blunt-force-trauma allergy*"
Me: "*Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks!*"
Dr: "*Don't let this hold you down...*"
Me: "*I's it congenital - because if it is, my kids'll be crushed*"
I would never vaccinate my kids. Its unnatural, dangerous, pointless, expensive, and reckless.
I take them to the doctors instead.
