Kids Christmas Jokes
97 kids christmas jokes and hilarious kids christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kids christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kids Christmas Short Jokes
Short kids christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids christmas humour may include short childrens christmas jokes also.
- I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
- What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
- When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
- Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
...shame really, they would have loved a kitten. - This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
- Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas? Me neither. He couldn't open his presents.
- If you want to save money this Christmas. Now is the perfect time to tell the kids.
Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.. - When I was a kid, for Christmas I asked for something to wear and something to play with .. So my father gave me a pair of sweatpants and cut the pockets out.
- My kids want a puppy for Christmas I mean, I normally do a ham, but they seem pretty adamant so we will see how it goes!
- How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the reindeer drowned.
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Kids Christmas One Liners
Which kids christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids christmas? I can suggest the ones about kids holiday and dog christmas.
- Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas. Normally we have turkey, but ok...
- My family was so poor when I was a kid... We could only exchange glances at Christmas!
- What does a black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.
- Why do Mexican kids eat tamales on Christmas? So they can have something to unwrap
- What did the handless kid get for Christmas? Idk, he couldnt open it
- I gave my kid a harmonica for Christmas. And unfortunately he loves it.
- What did German kids get for Christmas during th holocaust? Easy Bake Ovens
- I got my kid a puppy for Christmas but it died. Now all I have is this puppy.
- What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? Bullied.
- What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer
- What did the kid with cancer get for Christmas? Nothing, he didn't make it that far.
- Satan had a busy Christmas... He got a lot of letters from dyslexia kids
- I leave my tinder dates like my kids on christmas. Dissapointed.
- Who do dyslexic kids address their Christmas list to? Satan.
- Why did the kid get his Christmas present early? Because chemotherapy is very expensive
Gather Around for Heartwarming Kids Christmas Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about kids christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family christmas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids christmas pranks.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
According to my kids' Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.
Kentucky Christmas
What is the worst part of being a kid in Kentucky at Christmas? Only having one set of grandparents buying you gifts.
What did the kid with no arms get last Christmas?
No one knows, he's still chewing the wrapping paper.
Apparently I told this one as a kid: What do you call the day before Christmas Eve?
Christmas Adam
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the downside of being a r**... kid at Christmas?
You only get presents from one set of grandparents.
What do you get a kid without arms for Christmas?
Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it.
Better Luck Next Year Kiddo!
I'm going to give my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying Toys not included.
I wonder if poor kids in Africa dream of a white christmas?
Like spending time with your whole family, getting tons of Xboxes and play stations. Heaping servings of food, etc.
What is the black kid getting for Christmas?
Your T.V.
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas always s**... when I was a kid...
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.
Wife and I were watching a re-run of ALF.
There's a kid in the oncology ward and a couple of people talking in the hallway outside his room. One says to the other "What do you tell a kid who won't live until Christmas?"
My wife says "Shop early!"
Yep, that's why I married her.
Suzy
Why did Suzy fall of the swings?
Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Suzy.
What did Suzy get for Christmas?
Gloves
Ha Ha just kidding that's mean
We actually don't know she hasn't opened it yet.
My grandma is going celebrate her last Christmas as a kid.
...According to Nat King Cole at least, she turns 93 in January.
Kids these days
Kids these days are so lucky getting computers and game consoles for Christmas. When I was a kid my mom had to cut holes in my pockets that way I had something to play with
I can't wait to be a parent
Can't wait to be a parent and surprise my kids with a puppy for Christmas cause they asked for one, but jokes on them it's actually for me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree
With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... walks into a Christmas party
Just kidding.
He drove.
What console will Adrian Peterson be getting his kids for Christmas?
The Switch.
I remember the Christmas I found out Santa wasn't real
I wish my parents has warned me because my kids were really disappointed christmas morning
The perfect gift for somebody who is always complaining that they have no money to buy gifts for all their kids at Christmas...
A box of condoms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
CHRISTMAS TIP: Wrap empty presents and put under the tree.
When you kid starts misbehaving throw one in the fire place.
That'll teach them little b**....
So, the cops are going to be at my house Christmas Eve thanks to my kids
They know that Santa's on his way. He's loaded.
My kids wanted a dog for Christmas...
All of the german kids were crying on Christmas
...because their desert was Shtolen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently it's inappropriate for a group of white kids to put on a play of Aladdin, as it is racially insensitive and cultural appropriation. Possibly white washing.
I wonder if we'll see more Jews in Nativity Pageants come Christmas season this year.
My kids keep making fun of my Alzheimer's
Wait till they wake up Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire!
As a kid I always thought that Jesus was unbelievable...
...I thought it was impossible for him to perform all of those miracles in just the four months between Christmas and Easter.
What did the deaf kid get for Christmas?
Headphones,
Just kidding, no one told him yet.
Sorry kids, you won't get your Christmas gifts in time this year.
Santa is with Amazon Logistics now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kid: "Dear Santa, I want a younger brother for Christmas."
Santa: "Send me your mom."
What did a kid with no hands get for christmas?
Mittens!
Just kidding he's still trying to open it
what did the black guy get this Christmas?
BAIL!!
jk kidding he got a record deal
I've saved loads of money this Christmas.
I walked out on the wife and kids.
I'm getting my kids a new puppy for Christmas
I wrapped him last week, they are going to be so surprised.
My kids wanted a car for Christmas.
I was going to cook a turkey.
But hey, whatever makes them happy.
As a kid I got a blonde Labrador for christmas but we had to euthanize him
I WANTED A BROWN ONE
A Chinese kid asked his mom if he can have a dog for Christmas
His mom said no.
He gets turkey and stuffing like everyone else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas tip
Christmas tip: wrap a bunch of empty boxes under the tree and every time one your kids misbehaves toss one into the fire
Of course be careful not to run out of children
I couldn't afford to buy the Where's Waldo book for my kid for Christmas.
So I recorded a bunch of Trump rallies and let him try to find a black guy.
Why do only good kids get Christmas presents?
Because Santa comes with a Clause
Why did the kids start eating the puzzle on Christmas?
Because their uncle said it was a piece of cake!
In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...
"Because they make the toys."
Christmas night
One night as santa was doing his usual job of putting gifts under the Christmas tree a kid woke up and asked Santa
"Santa? Why are your sacks so big?"
"Because i come once a year"
Batteries
This year I'm getting my kids a set of batteries for christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic
Now the pesky buggers are b**... on the attic door asking to be let out
Last night I was reading "A Christmas Carol" to my kids when I dropped the book on my foot.
It hurt like the Dickens!
I was chatting to my mate from Liverpool.
Me: So what have you got your kids for Christmas?
Him: I got the youngest a trampoline and the
other 2 a bike each I found on the internet.
Me: What website were they on?
Him: Google Earth Street View.
Kids
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
"You can't do that," argued my four-year-old.
"Don't worry. Santa will never know."
He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know the cookie fell on the floor?
