Kids Christmas Jokes
97 kids christmas jokes and hilarious kids christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kids christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kids Christmas Short Jokes
Short kids christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids christmas humour may include short childrens christmas jokes also.
- I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
- What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
- When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
- What did the handless boy get for Christmas? glove.
Just kidding, he's still trying to open his present. - What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!!!
Just kidding, I'm actually not sure, they haven't opened it yet. - What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves.
Nah, I'm just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet. - Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
...shame really, they would have loved a kitten. - A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th august?
Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son. - What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet - What did the kid with no arms get for christmas? Gloves.
Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.
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Kids Christmas One Liners
Which kids christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids christmas? I can suggest the ones about kids holiday and dog christmas.
- Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas. Normally we have turkey, but ok...
- What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
- My family was so poor when I was a kid... We could only exchange glances at Christmas!
- What does a black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.
- Why do Mexican kids eat tamales on Christmas? So they can have something to unwrap
- What did the handless kid get for Christmas? Idk, he couldnt open it
- Why Hasn't Santa got any kids?
He only comes once a year and that's down a chimney - I gave my kid a harmonica for Christmas. And unfortunately he loves it.
- What did the poor, unfortunate, paraplegic kid get for christmas? Cancer.
- What did German kids get for Christmas during th holocaust? Easy Bake Ovens
- I got my kid a puppy for Christmas but it died. Now all I have is this puppy.
- What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? Bullied.
- What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer
- What did the kid with cancer get for Christmas? Nothing, he didn't make it that far.
- How do you save money this christmas? Tell the kids santa didnt make it through covid-19
Gather Around for Heartwarming Kids Christmas Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about kids christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family christmas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids christmas pranks.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
My favorite Christmas joke: Why do Mexicans have tamale making parties on Christmas Eve?
So the kids have something to unwrap on Christmas morning.
Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas?
Me neither. He couldn't open his presents.
Mall Santa
A Mall Santa is asking kids what they want for Christmas.
A little girl says, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa replies, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"
"No silly. Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She's only faking it with Ken."
Kentucky Christmas
What is the worst part of being a kid in Kentucky at Christmas? Only having one set of grandparents buying you gifts.
What did the kid with no arms get last Christmas?
No one knows, he's still chewing the wrapping paper.
What's the downside of being a r**... kid at Christmas?
You only get presents from one set of grandparents.
Better Luck Next Year Kiddo!
I'm going to give my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying Toys not included.
I wonder if poor kids in Africa dream of a white christmas?
Like spending time with your whole family, getting tons of Xboxes and play stations. Heaping servings of food, etc.
I forgot :(
Whilst climbing in the roof space to get down the kids Christmas gifts, I found a present I'd forgotten last year.
Such a shame - they would have loved that puppy.
Satan had a busy Christmas...
He got a lot of letters from dyslexia kids
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
Get a brother
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
A kid asks for a dog for Christmas.
His mom says "No, we're eating a turkey like always."
Christmas always s**... when I was a kid...
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents
Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the reindeer drowned.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.
Wife and I were watching a re-run of ALF.
There's a kid in the oncology ward and a couple of people talking in the hallway outside his room. One says to the other "What do you tell a kid who won't live until Christmas?"
My wife says "Shop early!"
Yep, that's why I married her.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves.
Just kidding he couldn't open it to find out
Suzy
Why did Suzy fall of the swings?
Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Suzy.
What did Suzy get for Christmas?
Gloves
Ha Ha just kidding that's mean
We actually don't know she hasn't opened it yet.
My grandma is going celebrate her last Christmas as a kid.
...According to Nat King Cole at least, she turns 93 in January.
Kids these days
Kids these days are so lucky getting computers and game consoles for Christmas. When I was a kid my mom had to cut holes in my pockets that way I had something to play with
I can't wait to be a parent
Can't wait to be a parent and surprise my kids with a puppy for Christmas cause they asked for one, but jokes on them it's actually for me
A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree
With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."
A t**... walks into a Christmas party
Just kidding.
He drove.
A man goes through 4 phases when its christmas in his life.
Kid - he believes in santa
Teenager - he stopped believing in santa
Dad - he is santa
Granddad - he looks like santa
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas?
No one knows, he hasn't opened his presents yet.
Who do dyslexic kids address their Christmas list to?
Satan.
I remember the Christmas I found out Santa wasn't real
I wish my parents has warned me because my kids were really disappointed christmas morning
The perfect gift for somebody who is always complaining that they have no money to buy gifts for all their kids at Christmas...
A box of condoms.
I leave my tinder dates like my kids on christmas.
Dissapointed.
CHRISTMAS TIP: Wrap empty presents and put under the tree.
When you kid starts misbehaving throw one in the fire place.
That'll teach them little b**....
In London this Christmas one in 5 children will not get a gift from Santa
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or unicef for you to donate
One in every 5 kids in London is a Muslim and they don't celebrate Christmas
When I was a kid - we were so poor ...
My ma would cut a hole in my pants pocket just so I would have something to play with on Christmas day.
A kid asks his mom: "Mom, why am I getting a Christmas gift in August?"
The mom answers:
\- Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? Gloves.
Just kidding he is still opening his present.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves
(Just kidding, he hasn't managed to get the wrapping paper off yet)
Apparently it's inappropriate for a group of white kids to put on a play of Aladdin, as it is racially insensitive and cultural appropriation. Possibly white washing.
I wonder if we'll see more Jews in Nativity Pageants come Christmas season this year.
My kids keep making fun of my Alzheimer's
Wait till they wake up Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire!
If you want to save money this Christmas.
Now is the perfect time to tell the kids.
Santa didn't make it through the pandemic..
I remember the Christmas I found out Santa wasn't real.
I wish somebody had warned me because my kids were really disappointed.
Why did the kids start eating the puzzle on Christmas?
Because their uncle said it was a piece of cake!
In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...
"Because they make the toys."
Christmas night
One night as santa was doing his usual job of putting gifts under the Christmas tree a kid woke up and asked Santa
"Santa? Why are your sacks so big?"
"Because i come once a year"
Batteries
This year I'm getting my kids a set of batteries for christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic
Now the pesky buggers are b**... on the attic door asking to be let out
Last night I was reading "A Christmas Carol" to my kids when I dropped the book on my foot.
It hurt like the Dickens!
My kids want a puppy for Christmas
I mean, I normally do a ham, but they seem pretty adamant so we will see how it goes!
I was chatting to my mate from Liverpool.
Me: So what have you got your kids for Christmas?
Him: I got the youngest a trampoline and the
other 2 a bike each I found on the internet.
Me: What website were they on?
Him: Google Earth Street View.
How does a redditor get karma when they don't deserve it?
Piece of ca.....I'm just kidding they ask what's a flat earther's favorite Christmas decoration?
Their s'no globe.
When I was a kid, for Christmas I asked for something to wear and something to play with ..
So my father gave me a pair of sweatpants and cut the pockets out.
what did the man with no hands get for christmas?
gloves.
haha just kidding he hasnt even opened his present yet
Christmas
Why can't Santa have kids?
He only comes once a year and that's down the chimney.
Kids
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
"You can't do that," argued my four-year-old.
"Don't worry. Santa will never know."
He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know the cookie fell on the floor?
My kids said they wanted a puppy for Christmas
I'd have opted for ham myself, but anything for the kids I guess.
