The Best 35 Kids Birthday Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kids Birthday jokes. There are some kids birthday nursery jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kids birthday trick treating puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kids Birthday Jokes and Puns

What did the fat kid get for his Birthday?

Bullied

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.

We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.

I was sitting on the couch naked.

Careful what you wish for!

I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.

β€”Anthony Jeselnik

Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party?

He wanted something a little more Loki.

My sister turns 42 on Monday

Considering it's a weeknight and we have kids and all, I told her not to get her hopes up.

"As it is," I say, "we'll only celebrate it for less than a minute."

When she asked what the heck I was talking about, I reminded her: "This is your forty-second birthday."


My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son's birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

What did the kid with no hands get for his birthday?

Gloves! Nah, just kidding. He hasn't unwrapped it yet.

I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.

The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.



I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.

So, there's a Mexican Magician

A Mexican Magician stands up on stage in front of a kids birthday party. He looks at the kids with a smile and says, "Okay kids, on the count of three, I'm gonna disappear." He holds up his fingers and starts counting "Uno, Dos..." and then he disappeared without a tres.

Did you hear about that rich kid who got a car for his birthday?

He drove it into a tree to see how his Mercedes bends.

I saw a little kid crying. He told me he lost the $200 he had saved for his mom's birthday gift. So I opened my wallet and gave him $40

Why not? Just five minutes earlier, I found ten $20 bills!

You can explore kids birthday kid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kids birthday child dad jokes. There are also kids birthday puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was asked to be an Elvis impersonator for a kid's birthday party.

I showed up drunk, shot the TV, then died on the toilet.

A hundred year old woman from Texas was asked the secret to longevity.

On her birthday the local news came by and asked her the secret to long life. She said that every morning she takes a shot of whiskey and a spoonful of gunpowder with her breakfast. Her family agreed that every day for decades she had downed a spoonful of gunpowder. She died not long after this of natural causes. She left her house to her kids, her money to charity, and a fifty foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

How can you tell which two year old birthday party is for the anti- vaxxer's kid?

It's the one being held in the cemetery.

A Father goes to the toy store to buy a doll for his daughter

"It's my daughter's birthday and I want to buy her a barbie."

the toy salesman replies "well, you came to the right place. We have 'barbie goes to the beach' for 30 dollars, 'barbie super party funhouse' for 20 dollars, 'barbie learns to drive' that comes with a toy car and 'divorced barbie' for 100 dollars.

"why is divorced barbie so expensive" the father ponders aloud.

"because she comes with ken's house, car, and kids

How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday?

They bring flowers to his grave.

Home Alone Joke

When I was a kid I was obsessed with the Home Alone movie. My parents decided to throw me a home alone themed birthday. Which was a really easy to pull off since all they had to do was leave...

So a dad and his son go into a bar...

His son is literally only a head (doesn't need vital organs to live in this joke)
Sons birthday so the dad buys him a shot
Son takes shot and boom he becomes a full bodied functional man
Dad is so happy he says shots all around
The son takes another shot and dies
Dad is now crying hysterically
Bartender says
Kid should've stopped while he was ahead.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

What's the difference between a terrorist training compound and a kids birthday party?

I don't know man, I'm just the drone pilot.


How do anti-vaxxers celebrate their kid's sixth birthday?

They put flowers on their grave.

The funniest but meanest thing I heard a parent say to his kid on her birthday.

Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!"

She is referring to our cat.

10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid."

What does a black kid get for his birthday?

Your bike.

What did the anti-vaccer's kid get for her 4th birthday?

A coffin.

What did the Mexican kid get for his birthday?

My bike :(

Did you hear about the spy who trashed a kid's birthday party?

He was a good anti-caking agent

What do you get antivaxxer kids for their 3rd birthday?

Tombstone

My go-to response when someone says "tell me a joke"

What did the clown say to the birthday boy? I don't do jokes, kid.

Facebook Birthdays.

Facebook birthdays don't remind me to say happy birthday. Instead, they remind me to systematically remove the kids from high school who I haven't talked to in five years.

Mexican Magician

A Mexican magician was preforming for a large group of kids at a birthday party. He announced at the end of his act that he would now dissappear on the count of three. He grabbed his cape, counted "Uno! Dos!" and he disappeared without a tres.

Frank doesn't have arms, he gets a watch for his birthday..

Just kidding, he hasnt unwrapped the gift yet.

What did the kid with Down syndrome get on his birthday?

An extra chromosome.

Where would you find the emo kid at his birthday party?

Just *hanging* out by himself in the bedroom

What did the little nerdy kid get for his birthday?

Bullied

Pedophile Clown

Inside of an Interrogation room
Investigator: Where were you on the 5th of March?
Clown: I was at a kids birthday party
Investigator: what were you doing at the party?
Clown: I was the Clown
Investigator: what were you doing as the clown?
Clown: Showing them my shoe size
Investigator: ...What do you mean?
Clown: I took them into the Closet
Investigator: Did you at least let them out?
Clown: Oh they definitely came out of the Closet when I was done

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kids birthday preschool jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kids birthday parents piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes