Kids Baseball Jokes
22 kids baseball jokes and hilarious kids baseball puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kids baseball that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kids Baseball Short Jokes
Short kids baseball jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kids baseball humour may include short baseball kid jokes also.
- Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
- Why did the police arrest the baseball player? Because he allegedly murdered his wife and kids.
- When I was a kid I wanted to stop riding horses and start playing baseball, but my dad wouldn't let me. I had too many foals.
- You hear the one about the kid in Las Vegas? He asks his dad, "Pop, why can't I go out in the street and play football and baseball like the other kids?" And his father says, "Keep dealing."
- When I was a kid, I played Cops and Robbers with my black friend. After I got cuffed, I was beaten with a baseball bat, shot with a NERF gun, and then he put a knife in my hand.
- Why does the kid with abusive parents never play baseball? Because he was to afraid of home
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Kids Baseball One Liners
Which kids baseball one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kids baseball? I can suggest the ones about kids basketball and kids football.
- What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball? 2^nd base.
Quirky and Hilarious Kids Baseball Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about kids baseball you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean league baseball jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kids baseball pranks.
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
So a kid is standing in the middle of a field with a baseball and a bat...
He tosses the ball up to hit it. He swings, misses, and yells "Strike ONE!"
Tosses it up a second time. Swings. Misses. "Strike TWO!"
On the third time he tosses it up, he swings, and yet again, misses. "Strike THREE!"
"Wow," he said. "I didn't know I was such a good pitcher!"
A Jew, A Catholic, and a m**... are in a bar discussing their families...
...The Jew says "I have 8 kids, one more and I'll have enough for a baseball team!" The Catholic says "I have 10 kids, one more and I'll have enough for a football team!" The m**... says "That's nothing, I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have enough for a golf course!"
more dad-jokes (the limb-less edition)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
The neighborhood kids came to Timmy's house and asked if he could come out to play. "Shame on you kids," says Timmy's mom. "Don't you know Timmy doesn't have any arms or legs? He can't play with you."
"But we're playing baseball and we need a home base."
Bill and Joe were best friends...
Bill and Joe were best friends since they were kids and had always shared an extreme love of baseball. One day, when Bill was on his deathbed, Joe asked him to find a way to tell him if there was baseball in heaven. Bill promised he would.
A few months after Bill had died, Joe woke up in his bed to the ghost of Bill calling his name.
"Bill!" Joe exclaimed
"Joe!" 'I have good news and bad news, The good news is there's baseball in heaven!"
"That's great Bill, but what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching on Tuesday"
Boy do i have an act for you! A talking dog!
"a talking dog? This I gotta see! You have one minute, so make it good, kid!"
"Rex, what's on top of a building?"
"ROOF!"
"What? You kidding me? He just says woof, any dog can do that."
"How about this? Rex, who's the greatest baseball player ever?"
"RUTH!"
"That's it, kid, you're wasting my time, get that fleabag out of my office!"
As they walked out of the building Rex looked over to his master and said "Well, kid, that's show business."
An Awful Joke I Heard as a Kid.
A bunch of boys knock on a door and when a woman answers they ask her, "Can Johnny come out and play baseball with us?"
The woman says, "You boys know Johnny doesn't have any arms and legs."
"We know," they say, "we just wand to use him for second base."
A Baptist, a Catholic, and a m**... are in the maternity ward. The Baptist says, “One more son and I have a basketball team.” The Catholic says, “That’s nothing, one more kid and I have a baseball team.” The m**... guy says, “That’s nothing, one more wife and I have a golf course.”
Little Johnny
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the front.
My Dad is an entertainer he works at night. He is a male stripper some times he doesn't come home after work. This makes my Mother cry because he is sleeping with a man to get enough money to buy us food.
The teacher tells the other kids to go outside for recess. She hugs Little Johnny and ask is that true? No Johnny states he plays baseball for the Baltimore Orioles, but am ashamed to tell the other kids.
Baseball in Heaven
Two kids, Adam and John, absolutely love playing baseball. They play every day of their lives until years down the road Adam and John are now two old men who sit in the park feeding the birds and watching kids play baseball. One week later John passes away. Adam is sitting at the park alone when he hears Johns voice.
John -- Psst, Adam, its John.
Adam -- John buddy I miss ya! Hows heaven?
John -- Its great! But there is good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?
Adam -- The good news.
John -- There's baseball in heaven!
Adam -- That's great! What's the bad news?
John -- You're pitching next Monday.
A guy meets an old friend in the street
**Guy:** Hi ! It's been what... 30 years ?? How are you ? What happened in your life during all this time ?
**Old friend:** Well, I've been married four times, but all my wives died...
**Guy:** Oh my god, that's terrible ! Sorry to hear that. What happened to the first one ?
**Old friend:** Poisonous mushrooms...
**Guy:** Aww that's so sad. What happened to the second ?
**Old friend:** Poisonous mushrooms...
**Guy:** Again ! What happened to the third ?
**Old friend:** Poisonous mushrooms...
**Guy:** Are you kidding me ?
**Old friend:** I swear I'm not.
**Guy:** Ok, what happened to the fourth ?
**Old friend:** She got punched in the head, with a baseball bat.
**Guy:** Whaaaat ? Why ?
**Old friend:** She didn't want to eat her poisonous mushrooms...
Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian
"Me and girlfriend..... we're not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I've heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."
"My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore.
When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head." - Anthony Jeselnik
A man walks into a bar with a dog...
A man walks into a bar with a dog, and says he'll bets $50 his dog can talk. The bartender, thinking that's ridiculous, takes up his offer. The man asks the dog
"What do you find on top of a house?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Hey, that's not fair, ask it a real question!" says the bartender. The man asks again
"What do you find on a tree?"
"Bark!" answers the dog again.
"Are you kidding me? Ask it something a human could answer or I'm k**... you out." The man asks the dog
'Who's the best baseball player?" The dog replies
"Ruth!" and the bartender angrily kicks them out. Outside, the dog looks at it's owner, and says "DiMaggio?"
(Sorry it's kinda lame, but it's one of my favorite)
A young man was sent to prison,
Upon his arrival an older man welcomed him to make sure he was comfortable.
The older man asked "Do you like baseball?" the young man replied "of course, I loved playing it as a kid" the older man said "we'll that's great we play baseball all day Monday".
The older man asked "Do you like movies?" The young man replied, "yes, I love watching a good movie" the older man replied "that's great, Tuesday is movie night."
Next the old man asked "Do you like Italian food?" The young man replied "yes, that's actually my favorite". The old man replied "Wonderful, on Wednesdays its Italian food night in the cafeteria".
Lastly the old man ask "Son, are you a homosexual?" The young man replied "No sir, I have a wife on the outside. The older man replied "Well young man, you're not going to enjoy Thursday nights."