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Kidney Jokes

160 kidney jokes and hilarious kidney puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about kidney that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Kidney Short Jokes

Short kidney jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kidney humour may include short liver jokes also.

  1. When you are born you actually have 4 kidneys. But as you get older, two of them turn into adult knees
  2. My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
  3. Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero. I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.
  4. I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero... I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
  5. It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby. Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.
  6. My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
  7. I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
    I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster
  8. So when I donate a kidney I'm hailed as a hero, but when I donate 20 kidneys I get arrested? Make up your mind hospitals!
  9. Thanos goes to his urologist. The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"
  10. Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student? Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.

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Kidney One Liners

Which kidney one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kidney? I can suggest the ones about body organ and bladder.

  1. Babies are born with 4 kidneys. When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
  2. The UK doesn't have a kidney bank But it does have a Liverpool
  3. I like my women like I like my kidneys… One is fine but I'd rather have two
  4. Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?
  5. I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery hashtag nofilter
  6. Why are ten year olds wearing shorts vulnerable? They have exposed kidneys
  7. I used to have two kidneys Now I have two adult knees
  8. Children are born with 4 kidneys. Upon maturity, 2 develop into adult knees.
  9. Did you know humans are born with four kidneys? Two of them grow into adult knees.
  10. What did the child say when he bumped his knee? Ow, my kidney.
  11. I just bought an iPhone X It still hurts where my kidney used to me.
  12. My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers (I have kidney stones)
  13. If a person donates a kidney, he's a hero But when I donate 5, I get arrested.
  14. Are you my uncles kidney? Because you're a failure.
  15. TIL when you're a child, you have 4 kidneys Well, 2 kidneys and 2 kid knees.

Kidney Donation Jokes

Here is a list of funny kidney donation jokes and even better kidney donation puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint. But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
  • When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero. But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.
  • A guy donated a kidney and they called him a "Hero".. I donated 7 and they called me a monster
  • If someone donates their kidney, they get praised for their selflessness... But if I donate five, I get arrested?
  • I donated a kidney once but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.
  • I don't understand when someone donates a kidney they get praised a hero, But when I donate 5, I get arrested?
  • How come when someone donates a kidney, they get called a hero But when I go ahead and donate five, I get arrested?
  • How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero, but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.
  • I tried to donate a kidney once... ...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it.
  • I went to donate a kidney once.. I went in to donate a kidney once
    but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
    -Jimmy Carr

Kidney Stones Jokes

Here is a list of funny kidney stones jokes and even better kidney stones puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
    Gold in Teeth;
    Sugar in Blood;
    Precious Stones in Kidney;
    And a never ending supply of Gas!
  • What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones? Fruity pebbles
  • What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone? "u**... my way."
  • I passed my kidney stones with flying colors! But mostly red.
  • How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy? After a a kidney stone, nobody says let's have another
  • The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen. Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.
  • The worst band to listen to if you have kidney problems. The Stones.
  • Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones. Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.
  • What did Phil Jackson name his kidney stone? Kobe because it never passed
  • I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever They're infinity stones
Kidney joke, I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever

Passing Kidney Stone Jokes

Here is a list of funny passing kidney stone jokes and even better passing kidney stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Someone asked me what I would do if I had a kidney stone ? I said I'll pass on that
  • Chuck Norris once passed 6 kidney stones. They were then subsequently collected by Thanos to wipe out half of all life in the universe.
  • This shall not pass Your urologist about you kidney stone
  • Why are GOP healthcare plans like kidney stones? They both hurt people when they pass
  • Just got home from the doctor, apparently I have a couple of kidney stones... It should be okay though, he told me that *these two shall pass.*
  • Pete Carrol has kidney stone complications. It should have been removed by surgery....
    (wait for it)....
    But he decided to try to pass it.
  • Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone once.
    That stone is now known as The Death Star.
  • What did King Solomon say when his doctor told him he had a kidney stone? "This, too, shall pass."
  • What did the doctor say to the patient with kidney stones? u**... trouble but it'll pass.

Kidney Transplant Jokes

Here is a list of funny kidney transplant jokes and even better kidney transplant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The shortage of transplant kidneys in Britain is pretty bad But at least they have a liver pool.
  • I gave her my heart but what she really needed was kidney transplant...
  • A DIY kidney transplant... ...is a home renalvation.
  • What do you call a plant getting kidney surgery? A transplant
  • Did you hear about the man who got a brain transplant? He thought he needed a kidney transplant but he changed his mind.
  • What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
  • The planted wanted to be a kidney... so it became a transplant.

Kidney Stone Jokes

Here is a list of funny kidney stone jokes and even better kidney stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris once had the case of the kidney stones Now they are known as the infinity stones
  • It took me a couple attempts to clear out this kidney obstruction Two pees for one stone
  • What do you call kidney stones made of lead? Flintstones.
  • How do you call a band of people with kidney disease? The stones.
  • When did Thanos realize that his quest is actually hurting him? When he acquired the kidney stones.
  • What one stone Thanos is afraid of? Kidney.
  • Found a cure for kidney stone. Eat paper.
  • So I got a kidney shaped pool... It has a stone in it... :'(
  • Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Chuck Norris' glare will liquify your kidney.
  • If Socrates had kidney problems He could find a philosopher's stone
Kidney joke, If Socrates had kidney problems

Cheerful Fun Kidney Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about kidney you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kidney pranks.

What do you say to a guy with kidney stones?

u**... trouble!

What did the kidney say to the other kidney when it failed?

u**... trouble now.

My Grandma E-Mailed me this one

When you drink v**... over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink r**... over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.

I heard my ex girlfriend needs a new kidney

I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an o**... in 25 years.
-Tom Cotter

Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago?

He's doesn't have that problem anymore. He's knees are normal sized now.

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

Doctor said I had kidney failure.

I asked "How can that be? I am an adult, I have adult knees."

My friend said she's had kidney problems since she was 7

I told her it's fine cause once she turns 18 she'll get adult knees

A man is granted one wish, but with a catch

A man unlocks a genie, and the genie tells him that he will grant him one wish, but whatever he wishes for, all lawyers in the world will be granted double.
The man thinks long and hard about his one wish, and calmly states "I wish to donate a kidney"

A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes

However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.

What did the man, who had his kneecap replaced by that of a child's, say when he bumped his leg on a table?

Ow, my kidney!

Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?

He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.

m**... Jagger's Big Announcement

As m**... and his fellow musicians continue to age, they've decided on a new name for the group:
"The Rolling Kidney Stones"

A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.

Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."
Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."
Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."
Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."

Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

I had two kidneys growing up..

Now I've got two adult knees

Thought I would do something admirable this holiday season and donate a kidney

but I got nothing but grief from the Salvation Army bell ringer who's bucket I was trying to shove it in

I donated a kidney last year

Well, I never got to the donation part.. apparently I MUST state where I got it from

Doctor to Patient - Your kidney failed.

Patient - What was the pass marks?

Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your t**...".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"

My grandfather donated his kidney and was considered a hero

I donated 5 and was arrested.

My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached.

..and veins and arteries.

Guy and genie in a bottle

Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"

Someone donates a kidney, gets called a hero...

I donate 5 and get arrested.

o**... donation has a n**... double standard when it comes to praise.

Some guy donates his kidney, he's praised as a hero. I donate 5, and I get arrested? Double standards smh

Why is it that when someone donates a kidney they're called kind-hearted?

But when I donate seven it is apparently "i**..." and "immoral".

I asked the seller on the black market how much a kidney costs

He said it would be worth an arm and a leg

If you donate a kidney your'e a hero

If you donate five you get arrested

Why did the little boy think that his father had kidney failure?

His father said, "You're in trouble".

What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?

Politicians won't pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.

Donate a kidney and you're a hero

Donate 5 and they keep asking whose are these? Where did you get them

A guy goes into a grocery store and says, "I'd like a can of kidley beans."

The grocer says, "Don't you mean kidney beans?"
The man says, "I said kidley, d**... I?"

When I donate one kidney, I am applauded as a hero...

When I donate one hundred kidneys, people start asking questions.

I tried to donate a kidney

But they kept asking where I got it

What happens when a kidney smokes w**...?

It gets kidney s**....
As told by my 11 year old son.

What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?

A meaty-urologist

Two friends are driving through a town...

They see a billboard saying:
v**... + water = kidney problems;
r**... + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town

In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: what God has joined let no man put asunder. The groom interrupted: what's asunder?

The preacher said apart. The farmer said a part of what? Apart from your wife said the now frustrated minister. The groom said s**...! I already got a part from her.

A man was hospitalised for 3 weeks.

He fell in love with the young pretty nurse.
He sent her a note: "You have stolen my heart".
The Young Nurse in panic responded: No Sir, We have stolen your kidney, haven't touched your heart.

People are so ungrateful. smh.

Donate 1 kidney: everyone loves you
Donate 4 kidneys: sudden yelling

Kidney joke, People are so ungrateful. smh.

jokes about kidney