The Best 88 Kidney Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kidney jokes. There are some kidney rica jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kidney kidney transplant puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kidney Jokes and Puns

I donated a kidney once

but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.

I went to donate a kidney once..

I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from

-Jimmy Carr

What do you say to a guy with kidney stones?

Urine trouble!

Kidney joke, What do you say to a guy with kidney stones?

What did the kidney say to the other kidney when it failed?

Urine trouble now.

My Grandma E-Mailed me this one

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.


I heard my ex girlfriend needs a new kidney

I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an organ in 25 years.

-Tom Cotter

I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery

hashtag nofilter

Kidney joke, I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery

Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago?

He's doesn't have that problem anymore. He's knees are normal sized now.

I gave her my heart

but what she really needed was kidney transplant...

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

Doctor said I had kidney failure.

I asked "How can that be? I am an adult, I have adult knees."

You can explore kidney pancreas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kidney uti dad jokes. There are also kidney puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I tried to donate a kidney once...

...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it.

My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers

(I have kidney stones)

My friend said she's had kidney problems since she was 7

I told her it's fine cause once she turns 18 she'll get adult knees

What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones?

Fruity pebbles

A man is granted one wish, but with a catch

A man unlocks a genie, and the genie tells him that he will grant him one wish, but whatever he wishes for, all lawyers in the world will be granted double.

The man thinks long and hard about his one wish, and calmly states "I wish to donate a kidney"

Kidney joke, A man is granted one wish, but with a catch

Just got home from the doctor, apparently I have a couple of kidney stones...

It should be okay though, he told me that *these two shall pass.*

A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes

However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.

**Genie:** What is your first wish?

**Man:** I want a million dollars.

**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.

**Genie:** What is your second wish?

**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.

**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.

**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?

**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.

What do you call a plant getting kidney surgery?

A transplant


The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen.

Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.

What did the man, who had his kneecap replaced by that of a child's, say when he bumped his leg on a table?

Ow, my kidney!

Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?

He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.

Human-beings get rich as they grow old:

Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas!

Mick Jagger's Big Announcement

As Mick and his fellow musicians continue to age, they've decided on a new name for the group:

"The Rolling Kidney Stones"

What did the doctor say to the patient with kidney stones?

Urine trouble but it'll pass.

It took me a couple attempts to clear out this kidney obstruction

Two pees for one stone

A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.

Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."

Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."

Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."

Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."

Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby.

Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.

I just bought an iPhone X

It still hurts where my kidney used to me.

I had two kidneys growing up..

Now I've got two adult knees

What did the child say when he bumped his knee?

Ow, my kidney.

Why are GOP healthcare plans like kidney stones?

They both hurt people when they pass

What did Phil Jackson name his kidney stone?

Kobe because it never passed

I donated a kidney last year

Well, I never got to the donation part.. apparently I MUST state where I got it from

Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student?

Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.

How come when someone donates a kidney, they get called a hero

But when I go ahead and donate five, I get arrested?

Doctor to Patient - Your kidney failed.

Patient - What was the pass marks?

If a person donates a kidney, he's a hero

But when I donate 5, I get arrested.

Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"

Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.

I donate five, and get arrested?

Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.

I donate sperm, and get arrested? guess the recipient has to be awake to receive it.

My grandfather donated his kidney and was considered a hero

I donated 5 and was arrested.

The UK doesn't have a kidney bank

But it does have a Liverpool

A DIY kidney transplant...

...is a home renalvation.

My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached.

..and veins and arteries.

Guy and genie in a bottle

Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:

"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."

And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"

Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"

Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"

Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"

Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"

Someone donates a kidney, gets called a hero...

I donate 5 and get arrested.

Someone asked me what I would do if I had a kidney stone ?

I said I'll pass on that

I don't understand when someone donates a kidney they get praised a hero,

But when I donate 5, I get arrested?

Thanos goes to his urologist.

The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"

I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever

They're infinity stones

Chuck Norris once had the case of the kidney stones

Now they are known as the infinity stones

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal

Organ donation has a nasty double standard when it comes to praise.

Some guy donates his kidney, he's praised as a hero. I donate 5, and I get arrested? Double standards smh

Why is it that when someone donates a kidney they're called kind-hearted?

But when I donate seven it is apparently "illegal" and "immoral".

I asked the seller on the black market how much a kidney costs

He said it would be worth an arm and a leg

My dog managed to get a kidney stone into its ejaculatory duct

It must come to pass

If you donate a kidney your'e a hero

If you donate five you get arrested

I used to have two kidneys

Now I have two adult knees

If someone donates their kidney, they get praised for their selflessness...

But if I donate five, I get arrested?

Why did the little boy think that his father had kidney failure?

His father said, "You're in trouble".

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero,

but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.

Chuck Norris once passed 6 kidney stones.

They were then subsequently collected by Thanos to wipe out half of all life in the universe.

I passed my kidney stones with flying colors!

But mostly red.

What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?

Politicians won't pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.

Donate a kidney and you're a hero

Donate 5 and they keep asking whose are these? Where did you get them

A guy goes into a grocery store and says, "I'd like a can of kidley beans."

The grocer says, "Don't you mean kidney beans?"
The man says, "I said kidley, diddle I?"

A guy donated a kidney and they called him a "Hero"..

I donated 7 and they called me a monster

How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy?

After a a kidney stone, nobody says let's have another

When I donate one kidney, I am applauded as a hero...

When I donate one hundred kidneys, people start asking questions.

Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.

But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.

I tried to donate a kidney

But they kept asking where I got it

What happens when a kidney smokes weed?

It gets kidney stoned.

As told by my 11 year old son.

I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero



I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster

What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?

A meaty-urologist

How do you get a kidney stone?

By living a sedimentary life style.

Two friends are driving through a town...

They see a billboard saying:

Vodka + water = kidney problems;

Rum + water = liver problems;

Whiskey + water = heart issues;

Gin + water = brain damage;

Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.

Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.

In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: what God has joined let no man put asunder. The groom interrupted: what's asunder?

The preacher said apart. The farmer said a part of what? Apart from your wife said the now frustrated minister. The groom said shit! I already got a part from her.

A man was hospitalised for 3 weeks.

He fell in love with the young pretty nurse.

He sent her a note: "You have stolen my heart".

The Young Nurse in panic responded: No Sir, We have stolen your kidney, haven't touched your heart.

People are so ungrateful. smh.

Donate 1 kidney: everyone loves you

Donate 4 kidneys: sudden yelling

If you donate one kidney everyone praises you!

But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.

Sheesh!

When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you

When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh

If animal organs were compatible with humans...

Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.

Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.

Are you my uncles kidney?

Because you're a failure.

When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero.

But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kidney kidney stone jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kidney kidney stones piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes