Kidney Jokes
151 kidney jokes and hilarious kidney puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about kidney that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Kidney Short Jokes
Short kidney jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kidney humour may include short liver jokes also.
- When you are born you actually have 4 kidneys. But as you get older, two of them turn into adult knees
- I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero... I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
- It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby. Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.
- My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
- I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster - Thanos goes to his urologist. The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"
- Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student? Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
- Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint. But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
- When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero. But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.
- It took guts to buy the new iPhone X Specifically, both my kidneys, my pancreas, and my large intestine.
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Kidney One Liners
Which kidney one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kidney? I can suggest the ones about body organ and bladder.
- The UK doesn't have a kidney bank But it does have a Liverpool
- I like my women like I like my kidneys… One is fine but I'd rather have two
- Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?
- I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery hashtag nofilter
- Why are ten year olds wearing shorts vulnerable? They have exposed kidneys
- I used to have two kidneys Now I have two adult knees
- What did the child say when he bumped his knee? Ow, my kidney.
- I just bought an iPhone X It still hurts where my kidney used to me.
- My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers (I have kidney stones)
- I lost my kidneys when I turned 18 My knees are 100% adult now!
- What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones? Fruity pebbles
- What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone? "u**... my way."
- What do you call a person without kidneys? An adult
- I passed my kidney stones with flying colors! But mostly red.
- I woke up this morning and one of my kidneys was gone... It's been kidnapped!
Kidney Donation Jokes
Here is a list of funny kidney donation jokes and even better kidney donation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I donated a kidney once but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.
- I went to donate a kidney once.. I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr - If you donate one kidney everyone praises you! But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.
Sheesh! - I went to donate my kidney yesterday I went to donate my kidney yesterday... they called me a good person
I went in with 2 more today and they called the police on me - My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached. ..and veins and arteries.
- People are so ungrateful. smh. Donate 1 kidney: everyone loves you
Donate 4 kidneys: sudden yelling - When I donate one kidney, I am applauded as a hero... When I donate one hundred kidneys, people start asking questions.
- My brother once promised to donate me his liver. Turned out he was only kidneying me.
- Anonymous philanthropist donates.. ..59 human kidneys to local hospital!
- I donated a kidney last year Well, I never got to the donation part.. apparently I MUST state where I got it from
Kidney Stones Jokes
Here is a list of funny kidney stones jokes and even better kidney stones puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas! - How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy? After a a kidney stone, nobody says let's have another
- The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen. Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.
- The worst band to listen to if you have kidney problems. The Stones.
- Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones. Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.
- What did Phil Jackson name his kidney stone? Kobe because it never passed
- I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever They're infinity stones
- Someone asked me what I would do if I had a kidney stone ? I said I'll pass on that
- This shall not pass Your urologist about you kidney stone
- Why are GOP healthcare plans like kidney stones? They both hurt people when they pass
Passing Kidney Stone Jokes
Here is a list of funny passing kidney stone jokes and even better passing kidney stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just got home from the doctor, apparently I have a couple of kidney stones... It should be okay though, he told me that *these two shall pass.*
- Pete Carrol has kidney stone complications. It should have been removed by surgery....
(wait for it)....
But he decided to try to pass it. - Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone once.
That stone is now known as The Death Star. - What did King Solomon say when his doctor told him he had a kidney stone? "This, too, shall pass."
Kidney Transplant Jokes
Here is a list of funny kidney transplant jokes and even better kidney transplant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The shortage of transplant kidneys in Britain is pretty bad But at least they have a liver pool.
- I gave her my heart but what she really needed was kidney transplant...
- A DIY kidney transplant... ...is a home renalvation.
- What do you call a plant getting kidney surgery? A transplant
- What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
- The planted wanted to be a kidney... so it became a transplant.
Kidney Stone Jokes
Here is a list of funny kidney stone jokes and even better kidney stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It took me a couple attempts to clear out this kidney obstruction Two pees for one stone
- What do you call kidney stones made of lead? Flintstones.
- How do you call a band of people with kidney disease? The stones.
- When did Thanos realize that his quest is actually hurting him? When he acquired the kidney stones.
- What one stone Thanos is afraid of? Kidney.
- So I got a kidney shaped pool... It has a stone in it... :'(
- If Socrates had kidney problems He could find a philosopher's stone
Cheerful Fun Kidney Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about kidney you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lungs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kidney pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you say to a guy with kidney stones?
u**... trouble!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the kidney say to the other kidney when it failed?
u**... trouble now.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Grandma E-Mailed me this one
When you drink v**... over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink r**... over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard my ex girlfriend needs a new kidney
I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an o**... in 25 years.
-Tom Cotter
Do you have kidneys?
No, you have adult knees
*DISCLAIMER: Should be directed to adults, not children. Dad jokes FTW.
White kidney bean extract-The Doctor's recommendations
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom had kidney stones.
The expecting mother had a kidney stone during her pregnancy of her daughter but the stone somehow moved into the fetus, it lived in the girl until she was 12 when it came out during a pee.
She had another daughter and the same thing happened with the kidney stone and again she had a pee at 12 and it came out.
She then had a boy and again he had her kidney stone and when he was 12...."Mom! you'll never guess what happened?"
"Did you pee out the kidney stone?"
"What? no, I was m**... and I shot the dog!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Its s**... of Apple to include Health apps with their products...
...Everybody knows that people with one Kidney are not supposed to run.
Why did the man's kidneys fail?
They didn't study.
Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago?
He's doesn't have that problem anymore. He's knees are normal sized now.
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
Doctor said I had kidney failure.
I asked "How can that be? I am an adult, I have adult knees."
My friend said she's had kidney problems since she was 7
I told her it's fine cause once she turns 18 she'll get adult knees
A man is granted one wish, but with a catch
A man unlocks a genie, and the genie tells him that he will grant him one wish, but whatever he wishes for, all lawyers in the world will be granted double.
The man thinks long and hard about his one wish, and calmly states "I wish to donate a kidney"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes
However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.
Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?
He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.
I don't recommend eating kidney beans the night before church...
...I've been sitting in my own pew all morning.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... Jagger's Big Announcement
As m**... and his fellow musicians continue to age, they've decided on a new name for the group:
"The Rolling Kidney Stones"
A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.
Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."
Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."
Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."
Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."
Pie rates of the Caribbean joke
In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean
Thought I would do something admirable this holiday season and donate a kidney
but I got nothing but grief from the Salvation Army bell ringer who's bucket I was trying to shove it in
Kidneys init
British boy: Yo, Wat does a kidney do blud?
Generic boy: Yes
Doctor to Patient - Your kidney failed.
Patient - What was the pass marks?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.
I donate s**..., and get arrested? guess the recipient has to be awake to receive it.
Guy and genie in a bottle
Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it that when someone donates a kidney they're called kind-hearted?
But when I donate seven it is apparently "i**..." and "immoral".
I asked the seller on the black market how much a kidney costs
He said it would be worth an arm and a leg
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an o**... that gets no respect?
Kidney Dangerfield
Why did the little boy think that his father had kidney failure?
His father said, "You're in trouble".
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A warning to people with kidney disease.
u**... trouble.
The world is so unfair nowadays.
I saw on the news a story of a man who donated a kidney and he was a hero. But when I donated 4 I was arrested!
Why so many people with iPhones have cracked screen?
Because after selling one kidney to buy the phone you biologically can't remove the other one to replace the cracked screen.
Why do people that give one kidney get praised...
But I try to give 5 and get arrested?
Someone donates one kidney and they're hailed as a hero.
I donate five and suddenly I'm being arrested.
What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?
Politicians won't pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A guy goes into a grocery store and says, "I'd like a can of kidley beans."
The grocer says, "Don't you mean kidney beans?"
The man says, "I said kidley, d**... I?"
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What happens when a kidney smokes w**...?
It gets kidney s**....
As told by my 11 year old son.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two friends are driving through a town...
They see a billboard saying:
v**... + water = kidney problems;
r**... + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: what God has joined let no man put asunder. The groom interrupted: what's asunder?
The preacher said apart. The farmer said a part of what? Apart from your wife said the now frustrated minister. The groom said s**...! I already got a part from her.
