Kidnapping Jokes
94 kidnapping jokes and hilarious kidnapping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kidnapping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Accentuate the positive in your school day with these "kidnapping" jokes. Enjoy the lighthearted take on a dark subject, as we explore the criminally funny kidnapping jokes. Have a good laugh while learning about the trickery, hostages and woke kidnapped wives!
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Funniest Kidnapping Short Jokes
Short kidnapping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kidnapping humour may include short kidnapper jokes also.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- Ladies please stop asking Santa for the perfect man That fella has tried to kidnap me 4 times this week
- Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped? An abduction.
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door. - I saw a kidnapping in the park Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.
- Justin Bieber has been kidnapped! They want $100 million and a charter plane to Mexico or else they will release him.
- I tried to kidnap a blacksmith, but when I turned my back ... ... he made a bolt for the door.
- Sting was kidnapped last night... The Police are looking for a lead.
- I once was kidnapped by mimes. They performed unspeakable acts
- I got kidnapped by a Mime once. It did unspeakable things to me
- The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want ten thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
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Kidnapping One Liners
Which kidnapping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kidnapping? I can suggest the ones about abducted and mugging.
- PLEASE stop asking santa for the perfect woman. I was almost kidnapped three times today.
- Son, was there a kidnapping at school today? Yeah Dad, but he woke up.
- Did you hear? Sting was kidnapped! The Police still have no lead.
- When I was a child, I was kidnapped by mimes They did unspeakable things to me
- I was kidnapped by a group of mimes They threatened to do unspeakable things !
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
- I saw a kidnapping today.. So I didn't disturb him
- What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention? Don't get carried away.
- I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school for the deaf? Neither did they.
- So I stopped a woman from getting kidnapped today It took a lot of self control though
- Fat people are harder to kidnap But skinny people are worth less at the meat market
- Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for like 5 hours.
- There was a kidnapping in my school. Don't worry, he eventually woke up.
- I saw a kidnapping today But I decided to let him sleep.
Kidnapping In School Jokes
Here is a list of funny kidnapping in school jokes and even better kidnapping in school puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school yesterday? It's ok, he woke up.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school? He's awake now!
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don't worry, he's awake now
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Well, he finally woke up (cr
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school? Don't worry they woke him up.
- Have you ever heard of a kidnapping in school? Took him about an hour to wake up!
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? The teacher woke him up.
- [BREAKING NEWS] There's been a kidnapping at Lakewood Elementary School today It's ok, he woke up.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school today? The kid woke up, he was fine
- There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don't worry, though—he woke up.
Silly Kidnapping Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about kidnapping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smuggling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kidnapping pranks.
Vegetables
What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?
Lettuce go
Oh my god! there was a kidnapping right outside my house today...
So weird to see a kid sleeping on the sidewalk in the middle of the day.
Newspapers
The paperboy didn't deliver my newspaper this morning, so I snuck next door and took the neighbours.
In hindsight, kidnapping might have been a little excessive
TIL Supreme Court judge kidnapped by cannibals in the caribbean!
Justice was served.
I kidnapped this girl last night...
And she yelled "Please, I don't want to die a v**...!". If that isn't consent, I don't know what is.
What does an elephant say when it kidnaps someone?
"Get in the trunk"
My wife...
My wife just got kidnapped by a group of muslim cannibals.
I'm not worried though, I heard muslims don't eat pigs.
Someone kidnapped my mother-in-law
He threatened that unless I pay up, he'll release her.
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes....
they performed unspeakable acts on me. ..!!
I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered and his son is left physically disabled...
...Then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Finding Nemo is a real thriller!
I dont know why its called kidnapping,
Ive never got one of those little b**... to fall asleep
Have you heard about the kidnapping?
I heard he slept for like 3 hours.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.
You just witnessed a kid-napping
If you see me in a restaurant and I am having a salad
I have been kidnapped and I am signaling you.
Man, being kidnapped is so easy...
I can do it with both hands tied behind my back.
Did you hear about the model who thought she was going to a beauty pageant? Turns out it was a kidnapping.
She was Miss Taken
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a t**... organization.
Al-gebra.
Movies
Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?
Friend 1: Finding Nemo
I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.
So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.
There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood.
After about half an hour of nap, the kid woke up and went to play.
My Aunt Ruth went missing
It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to t**... some of them. You could say he was.....
Ruthless
I witnessed a kidnapping today.
I let him sleep.
I was kidnapped my a mime
He threatened to do unspeakable things.
I was kidnapped by a group of mimes.
They did unspeakable things ito me.
What's a kidnapped child's favourite Christmas Carol?
Away with a stranger
Did you hear about the kidnapping in Detroit today?
He woke up a half hour later
My Siberian cousin was kidnapped while taking a selfie.
In Soviet Russia, pictures take you.
A wife asked her husband,If you got a million dollars as lottery and kidnappers kidnapped me and asked a ransom of million dollars, what would you do?
The husband said, I don't think I could get 2 jackpots on the same day.
My wife was kidnapped by two mime artists
She said they did some unspeakable things to her!
There was a kidnapping down the street today.
He woke up eventually.
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.
Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
The traffic jam in Russia.
There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.
Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"
The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"
The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."
The kidnap
A blonde is running a little short of cash, so she goes to the playground and kidnaps Johnny.
She takes him to her home and writes a note:
\- If you want to see Johnny again, leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a plain paper bag by the merry-go-round at the playground by 8 AM tomorrow. Signed, A Blonde.
She pins the note to Johnny's shirt and sends him home.
In the morning she goes to the playground, and sure enough, there is the plain brown bag containing a large stack of bills, along with a note that reads,
\- How could you do this to a fellow blonde?
Got kidnapped on my birthday party…
Guess I was taken by surprise.
Ladies! Please stop asking Santa Claus for the perfect man!
I almost got kidnapped 3 times today!
