The Best 54 Kidnapped Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kidnapped jokes. There are some kidnapped terrorists jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kidnapped defuse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Kidnapped Jokes and Puns

Vegetables

What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?

Lettuce go

Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped?

An abduction.

I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

Part of our choir got kidnapped last week!

Two guys just got arrested for grand theft alto.

Did you hear? Sting was kidnapped!

The Police still have no lead.

jokes about kidnapped

TIL Supreme Court judge kidnapped by cannibals in the Caribbean!

Justice was served.


I kidnapped this girl last night...

And she yelled "Please, I don't want to die a virgin!". If that isn't consent, I don't know what is.

Justin Bieber has been kidnapped!

They want $100 million and a charter plane to Mexico or else they will release him.

Kidnapped joke, Justin Bieber has been kidnapped!

My wife...

My wife just got kidnapped by a group of muslim cannibals.

I'm not worried though, I heard muslims don't eat pigs.

Someone kidnapped my mother-in-law

He threatened that unless I pay up, he'll release her.

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."

"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I'll leave now.

You can explore kidnapped kidnapped wife reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kidnapped ransom dad jokes. There are also kidnapped puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones.

If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes....

they performed unspeakable acts on me. ..!!

Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped?

Demeter wasn't working.

I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered and his son is left physically disabled...

...Then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Finding Nemo is a real thriller!

One time a guy said to me "Yeah, keep on stealing jokes for all I care."

So I kidnapped him.

Kidnapped joke, One time a guy said to me "Yeah, keep on stealing jokes for all I care."

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...

The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."

A solicitor walks up to a car

...and says,

"Good afternoon, have you heard the news? There is a tragedy happening. Terrorists kidnapped our President Donald Trump. If they don't receive $100 million in ten hours, they say they will soak Trump in gasoline and set him on fire! And that's why I and others are going around and asking people to donate what they can. Would you like to make a contribution?"

The driver responds,

"Okay, you can take a gallon."


If you see me in a restaurant and I am having a salad

I have been kidnapped and I am signaling you.

Hello! Police! I was kidnapped by aliens!

"Sir! Are you drunk?"

"Yes, but it's coincidence."

My wife has been kidnapped in Rio.

The kidnappers are willing to pay any amount for her release.

Man, being kidnapped is so easy...

I can do it with both hands tied behind my back.

A grape is kidnapped and dies of dehydration

At the funeral, the wife of the grape asks if the policegrape has any leads, to which he responds.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't comment on currant investigations"

Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader".

Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.

P.S. I ve donated 5 litres.

A man is walking on the interstate

He stops a car and says to the driver,
"Hi, terrorists have kidnapped our beloved president Mr. Trump. They're demanding we pay them 50 million dollars, or else they'll pour gasoline on him and burn him alive. Can you please give something."
The driver thinks for a while and anwsers,
"I can spare 5... no, 6 gallons."

Kidnapped joke, A man is walking on the interstate

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

I saw a duck get kidnapped

It was an abduction

Movies

Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?

Friend 1: Finding Nemo


I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

My Aunt Ruth went missing

It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to torture some of them. You could say he was.....

Ruthless

I'm so good at being kidnapped.

I can do it with my arms tied behind my back.

I was kidnapped by a group of mimes

They threatened to do unspeakable things !

I was kidnapped my a mime

He threatened to do unspeakable things.


I was kidnapped by a group of mimes.

They did unspeakable things ito me.

So I stopped a woman from getting kidnapped today

It took a lot of self control though

Sting was kidnapped last night...

The Police are looking for a lead.

I was kidnapped by mimes once.

They did unspeakable things to me.

I woke up this morning and one of my kidneys was gone...

It's been kidnapped!

PLEASE stop asking Santa for the perfect woman.

I was almost kidnapped three times today.

What's a kidnapped child's favourite Christmas Carol?

Away with a stranger

My Siberian cousin was kidnapped while taking a selfie.

In Soviet Russia, pictures take you.

We kidnapped your wife and are sending you her thumb. We'll kill her if you don't pay us 100000 USD.

The thumb can belong to anyone. Send her head instead.

Kidnapped?

I prefer the term "Surprise Adoption"

When I was a child, I was kidnapped by mimes

They did unspeakable things to me

An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia…

An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia, who want him to tell them where his company's money is hidden. They put him in a chair at gunpoint and demand the location, but he won't tell them a single word.

After a while, the mafia members decide that he isn't going to be of any use to them, so they kill him.

At the gates of heaven, god asks the Italian why he didn't just give them the information they needed, and that he probably would still be alive if he had.

The Italian responds, How could I? Those rascals had tied up my hands!

A wife asked her husband,If you got a million dollars as lottery and kidnappers kidnapped me and asked a ransom of million dollars, what would you do?

The husband said, I don't think I could get 2 jackpots on the same day.

My wife was kidnapped by two mime artists

She said they did some unspeakable things to her!

I got kidnapped by a Mime once.

It did unspeakable things to me

I once was kidnapped by mimes.

They performed unspeakable acts

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.

Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said,

We want ten thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

The traffic jam in Russia.

There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.

Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!

Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"

The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."

The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"

The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."

Got kidnapped on my birthday party…

Guess I was taken by surprise.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kidnapped kidnapper puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kidnapped raped piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes