The Best 56 Kidnap Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kidnap jokes. There are some kidnap ownership jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kidnap huck puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kidnap Jokes and Puns

I was kidnapped by the president of IKEA...

Now I can`t stop buying furniture...

I have stock home syndrome.

Kidnapping 72 virgins...

is harder than making an idiot go kill himself.

What do you call a computer programmer that likes to kidnap children?

A PDFile.

Kidnap joke, What do you call a computer programmer that likes to kidnap children?

There was a kidnapping at my school today

Don't worry he woke up though

(Sorry if this joke has been said, a certain subsitute in my school just says these random jokes)

I kidnapped this girl last night...

And she yelled "Please, I don't want to die a virgin!". If that isn't consent, I don't know what is.


Catnapping keeps you well rested, kidnapping gets you arrested.

When I was 12 I got kidnapped. When my parents found out they snapped into action.

They rented out my room.

Kidnap joke, When I was 12 I got kidnapped. When my parents found out they snapped into action.

How I would kidnap pedophiles.

Have a white van advertisting free kids.

Why did the man kidnap 100 children and kill 10 of them?

So that only 90 kids will remember.

A kidnapper and his victim are walking into a dark forest together

Kidnapper says "I don't know what your crying for I'm the one who has to walk back on my own"

On the Beauty of Nordic Women...

Question: Why are Nordic women so beautiful?

Answer: Well, the Vikings didn't kidnap the ugly ones...

You can explore kidnap burgle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kidnap kidnapped wife dad jokes. There are also kidnap puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Someone kidnapped my mother-in-law

He threatened that unless I pay up, he'll release her.

There was a kidnapping at my son's school..

Then nap time ended.

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

Really puts the "nap" in "kidnap".

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones.

If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes....

they performed unspeakable acts on me. ..!!

Kidnap joke, I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes....

Don't worry if a fat guy comes to kidnap you...

I told Santa all I want for Christmas is you.

Sometimes I kidnap holes filled with water

*Well, well, well... What have we here?*

There was a kidnapping at the school today

The teacher had to wake him up

I saw a kidnapping today

But I decided to let him sleep.

I saw a kidnapping today!

He slept for at least 30 minutes

I saw a kidnapping today...

I decided not to wake him up.

Fat people are harder to kidnap

But skinny people are worth less at the meat market

I saw a kidnapping today..

So I didn't disturb him

I saw a kidnapping in the park

Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.

Someone went around kidnapping all the unmarried women on my road

It was a misstake

How to catch a Tiger?

3 ways to catch a tiger....

Newtons law : allow the tiger to catch u, then u catch the tiger...

Veerappan's law : kidnap tiger's wife and ask the tiger to surrender..

Indian Police Method : Catch a cat and beat it until it agrees it is a tiger...

EA kidnapped my friend! So I paid the ransom and got him back.

well, most of him anyway.

A man received a letter from some kidnappers

A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, "If you don't promise to send us
$100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my
promise but I hope you
will keep yours."

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White Vans.

If you've been kidnapped by immigrants

You've been abducted by aliens

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Wife: actually I'm holding my son.

Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?

Wife: oh god.

Kidnapper: what?

Wife. you have my husband.

I kidnapped my neighbour's dog.

Let's see how he likes the constant barking.

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday.

Don't worry, thoughβ€”he woke up.

When I was kidnapped, my parents immediately sprung into action.

They spent my college fund on a luxury cruise.

There was a kidnapping at my son's school today

So they woke him up

Kidnapper called my boss after kidnapping his mother in-law..

And said - If you fail to deliver the money, we will release her.

There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood.

After about half an hour of nap, the kid woke up and went to play.

There was a kidnapping in my school.

Don't worry, he eventually woke up.

I was kidnapped by a group of mimes

They threatened to do unspeakable things !

I was kidnapped my a mime

He threatened to do unspeakable things.

I was kidnapped by a group of mimes.

They did unspeakable things ito me.

I was kidnapped by mimes once.

They did unspeakable things to me.

Ladies please stop asking Santa for the perfect man

That fella has tried to kidnap me 4 times this week

What's a kidnapped child's favourite Christmas Carol?

Away with a stranger

How did the kidnappers get away?

They just ransomware.

We kidnapped your wife and are sending you her thumb. We'll kill her if you don't pay us 100000 USD.

The thumb can belong to anyone. Send her head instead.

Someone stole my newspaper this morning, so I quickly sneaked next door and took my neighbours.

Now that I've calmed down, I think kidnap may have been excessive.

I tried to kidnap a blacksmith, but when I turned my back ...

... he made a bolt for the door.


I prefer the term "Surprise Adoption"

A new Taken movie is being made.

In it, Liam Neeson feels like nobody appreciates the effort he went through to get his family back. So he pays people to kidnap him to make his family see the lengths he went through to save them.

It's going to be called Taken 4 Granted.

I got kidnapped by a Mime once.

It did unspeakable things to me

I once was kidnapped by mimes.

They performed unspeakable acts

Was awoken this morning by a loud banging on my front door. Got up and someone was there yelling and screaming in terror Help! Help! there is a crazy person trying to kidnap me. They kept screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs and banging on the door.

Finally got so annoying I unlocked the door and let them out.

kidnapping a duck

is called an abduction

There was a kidnapping down the street today.

He woke up eventually.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kidnap abduct jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kidnap killi piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes