Kidding Jokes
125 kidding jokes and hilarious kidding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kidding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh at some of the best kidding jokes around and learn the art of being a jokester! Get your gotcha moments ready with these fun jokes designed to have your friends and family in stitches. Get inspired and master the art of the kidding joke!
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Funniest Kidding Short Jokes
Short kidding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kidding humour may include short joking jokes also.
- When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
- When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
- In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point." We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today
- My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. You're coming home now! she screamed.
No, I'm not, I laughed.
She said, I'm talking to the kids. - I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- How did kim kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye? North, things between West and I have gone South.
- Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!' and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
- What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened? "...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
- Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were: "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
- I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids. But when I came back home, they were still there.
Share These Kidding Jokes With Friends
Kidding One Liners
Which kidding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kidding? I can suggest the ones about poking fun and mocking.
- '90s kids won't get this Social security
- I help blind kids Verb, not adjective
- Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
- Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
- "I won't use stores that gender kids' beds" "Like a boycott?"
"Don't you start" - What did the Indian kid say to his parents when he left for school Mum bai
- I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
- Only 1300's kids will get this.. The Black plague
- 90's kids won't get this 😂😂 Affordable housing prices
- 1984 is a great work of literature. I think all kids should be forced to read it.
- Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
- Only 2010's kids will get this... Measles
- No matter how kind you are... No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
- A Muslim walks into the U.S Just kidding
- When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.
Just Kidding Jokes
Here is a list of funny just kidding jokes and even better just kidding puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?" She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."
- I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
- After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
- Told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.
- One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore.. It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
- I saw a crying kid and asked him where his parents were. And that's how I lost my job at the orphanage.
- For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero? Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.
- I think my family is racist
I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner and my wife and kids were very rude to her. - You know you're a 90s kid when... your vaccinations were mandatory and no one in your class got measles.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
Laughter Kidding Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about kidding you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pulling your leg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kidding pranks.
A woman visits her husband in prison
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"b**...! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
For my cake day, a joke...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Train Tracks
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.
maternity ward
A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."
A joke a Jewish speaker at my Catholic college told the student body in front of a bunch of nuns
So a man walks into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". The priest says "What have you done, my son?"
"I'm 72 and just had s**... with two 25 year olds" he claimed.
"Are you kidding?!" the priest said. "You can't do that. 100 Hail Mary's and run around the church 1000 times. By the way is this your first confession?"
"Yes I've never been to confession before. I'm Jewish."
"If you are Jewish why are you telling me this?" begged the priest.
"I'm telling everybody"
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves.
Nah, I'm just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet.
3 jewish moms
3 moms are talking about their sons:
The first one says "my son is so rich that he can buy Paris!", the second one answers "are you kidding me? Mine is so rich that he can buy Paris AND New York!", the third one looks at them and seems surprised, then she says: "and what makes you think my son wants to sell???"
A old man goes into confession
"Father, all my life I've been faithful, but last night, I met two beautiful blonde 21-year-old girls and I slept with them, twice each!"
"Well, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Oh, never Father, I'm Jewish!"
"Well, why are you telling me then??"
"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!!"
A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.
I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.
as i get to the soda machine...
... I find a blonde already there. She puts in some change, makes a selection, and the soda pops out at the bottom of the machine. She then puts in more change, makes a selection, and again, another soda appears.
This goes on for several minutes and I finally ask if I could step in and get a soda really quickly.
The blonde looks up and glares at me. "Are you kidding? Not while I'm winning!"
An Irishman walks into an AA meeting.
Just kidding.
A vegetable walks into a bar...
Just kidding, he'll never walk again.
One woman stops a taxi....
"To the airport, please." After a few minutes, the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says, "You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today." She says, "Are you kidding me? I am not pregnant." "Well, you haven't arrived at the airport yet, either.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Just kidding, i'm not racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
An elderly man was out on a drive...
An elderly man was out on a drive when he received a phone call from his wife.
"Honey, be careful. I just heard on the radio that one idiot out there is driving the wrong way on the highway."
To which he replied, "Are you kidding me? There are hundreds of them!"
My girlfriend said that if this gets 1000 upvotes....
...who am I kidding? Me? A girlfriend?
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkeys. I thought she was kidding...
...and then I saw her face.
"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.
"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."
Screw anyone
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.
He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it."
He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients...
The worst part is that he's a veterinarian.
Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician.
What present did the kid with no hands get?
Gloves.
Ha! Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.
How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
Things Men Shouldn't Say in a Victoria's Secret Store
1. No thanks... Just sniffing.
2. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
3. Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
4. No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
5. Will you model this for me?
6. Oh, honey, I'll never fit into that.
7. $85? Are you kidding? She's just going to end up *n**...* anyway!
If I wasn't too busy adulting...
I'd be kidding
In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute Banker girl
The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."
So, I brought my girlfriend some flowers today...
she looked at me, sighed and said, "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."
so I asked her, "why, don't you have a vase?"
hahahahaha
just kidding...
I don't have a girlfriend
A Dad tells his son he is adopted...
Dad: I wanted to let you know you were adopted.
Son: Your kidding right?
Dad: Nope, they'll be picking you up in about an hour.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves.
Just kidding he couldn't open it to find out
A man was talking to his girlfriend...
When the girlfriend said, "I'm pregnant."
The man replied, "I don't want to be a parent! Are you serious?!"
The girlfriend said, "I'm serious."
Then the man said, "Good, otherwise you'd be kidding me."
Suzy
Why did Suzy fall of the swings?
Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Suzy.
What did Suzy get for Christmas?
Gloves
Ha Ha just kidding that's mean
We actually don't know she hasn't opened it yet.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Just kidding.
What did the kid with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves! Nah, just kidding. He hasn't unwrapped it yet.
Boy: My mother's name is Laughing and my father's name is Smiling.
Teacher: You must be Kidding.
Boy: No, that's my sister's name, I'm Joking.
Teacher: What are your parents' names?
Boy: My dad's name is laughing and my mum's name is smiling.
Teacher: You must be kidding!
Boy: Nope, I am joking.
What did the handless boy get for Christmas?
Gloves.
Just kidding, he's still trying to open his present.
A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination
The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.
The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name
A little boy with no arms wanted some chocolate
He walks into the kitchen and asks his mom,
"Mom, may I please have a piece of chocolate?"
"You know the rule: No arms, no chocolate." She replies.
As the boy begins to cry the mother says,
"Oh, I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"
What happens to horses when the get hurt?
They go to the Horse-spital!
Just Kidding they get shot.
Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?"
I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"
because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband Says..
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven.
Haha just kidding.
So a doctor is delivering a baby
He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:
" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."
After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:
"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"
The man's face brightening the doctor continued:
"Your wife is dead too"
What happens to a sick horse?
It goes to the horsepital. Nah just kidding it gets shot.
So, a lawyer goes to heaven...
Just kidding.
A Welsh guy was getting his driver's license.
He had to take a vision test, so they showed him a line of letters that said: B W N S T R Y D D W L L
They asked, "Can you read the letters?" The man replied, "Are you kidding? I'm *from* that town!"
I started jogging today
Just kidding. I exercised restraint instead.
What is a nice guys' favorite cooking utensil?
M'Ladle
*tips fedora*
Just kidding, it's his mom. He doesn't cook.
My girlfriend said she left me because of my obsession with The Monkees. At first I thought she was kidding..
..but then I saw her face.
Where do horses go when they get sick?
To the horse-pital.
Just kidding, they get shot.
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.
Did you know you can't breathe while smiling?
Just kidding, wanted to make you smile.
Her: You got a vasectomy without telling me! Are you serious?
Me: Yes, I'm not kidding you.
Golden Toilet
Two colleagues, Elon and Felix, meet after work and Felix is all excited: "Man, I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude's house who had toilet made of gold!"
"You're kidding!".
"Nope" said Felix as he took Elon to the house.
They rang the doorbell and a middle-aged lady opens and Felix asks,"Can we see the toilet made of gold?"
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells inside the house, "Roger, the pig that s**... in your t**... is here!"
Told my wife I got a vasectomy and she said "Are you serious?"
Yup - I'm not kidding you
I was going to make a pun about birth control, but it's a serious subject.
I'm not kidding.
How many CIA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
They're not telling. They would prefer to keep you in the dark.
Just kidding. It's actually [████████████████████](#s)
If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?
'American'.
Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
I've always wanted kids.
But I can never lure them into my car.
Just kidding of course.. I don't have a license!
When my girlfriend told me she has an abduction f**..., I thought she was kidding.
But she demands to be taken, seriously!
My wife said, You got a vasectomy without telling me. Are you serious?
I said, I'm not kidding you.
I cut myself while eating cheese...
They weren't kidding when they said it was sharp cheddar
A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.
As they are u**... for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.
"Here, try these on," he says.
"What? Why?" she says.
"Just put them on," he insists.
"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."
"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."
"Got it," she says, slipping off her p**... and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."
He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.
"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your p**...!"
"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
Honey, I accidentally set your son on fire!
Just kidding, it's not your son, it's arson.
What did the kid with no arms get for christmas?
Gloves.
Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.
A beer bottle is sitting on a table.
And it is saying Well you know if you break me you get a years bad luck
The mirror is sitting on the wall and saying Are you kidding me if you break me you get seven years bad luck
And the c**... is just sitting there saying HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated
When I told him this, he said, 'Are you kidding me?'.
I said, 'I s**... you not.'
My mutant power
professor x: Whats your mutant power
me: I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try [points up] two pulls
professor x: [Stands up and pulls twice] not bad, but not a power
me: I'm kidding i can heal paraplegics
professor x: [Still standing] holy s**...
Airport trouble
An airplane lands at an airport with great difficulty, stopping, just short of an accident. When they arrive at the gate, the captain wipes his brow and says,"My God that's the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
"You're not kidding" says his co-pilot, looking out of the window "but it sure is wide."
As a blind comedian, I've been trying to understand my audience.
But who am I kidding?
My friend told me yesterday that he's buying me a goat for Xmas.
I said, you're kidding me.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves!
Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet
A Brit, a French person and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Brit says, Look, they are so calm and reserved, they must be British.
The French person says, No, look at how beautiful they are, they must be French.
The Russian says, Are you kidding me? They have no clothes and no shelter with only an apple to eat and they're being told they live in paradise. Clearly they're Russian.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves!!!
Just kidding, I'm actually not sure, they haven't opened it yet.
How does a redditor get karma when they don't deserve it?
Piece of ca.....I'm just kidding they ask what's a flat earther's favorite Christmas decoration?
Their s'no globe.
Did you know you can't breath when you smile?
Just kidding. Just wanted to make you guys smile :)
My Wife said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ?
I said :- I am not kidding you .
I finally switched from Internet Explorer to Chrome!
Just kidding, happy April fools day!
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "OH. MY. GODDD !!!!"
