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Kicking Jokes

108 kicking jokes and hilarious kicking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kicking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud as you read this article about the funny ways of getting kicked out of a party, how to get kicked out of bed, and the "three kick rule"! Learn how to laugh as you find yourself in these relatable, humorous situations.

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Funniest Kicking Short Jokes

Short kicking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kicking humour may include short kicked jokes also.

  1. My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
  2. My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry I'll return.
  3. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
  4. I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…
  5. My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad arnold schwarzenegger references, but don't worry... I'll return
  6. My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
    (Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)
  7. My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
  8. I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em... "I'll be returning"
  9. I got kicked out of the library today... Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
  10. I went to a disco last night. I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.

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Kicking One Liners

Which kicking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kicking? I can suggest the ones about knock kick and slapping.

  1. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? You get kicked out of sea world…
  2. A Jake Paul fan walked into a bar and got kicked out for being 10.
  3. What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
  4. Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class? She forgot her Algae-bra.
  5. If I was invisible for a day... I'd kick a mime artist to death.
  6. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin And giraffes were born
  7. What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
  8. What do you get when you mix human DNA and Gorilla DNA? Kicked out of the zoo.
  9. Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything
  10. What do you get if a dinosaur kicks you in the backside? Megasoreass
  11. Was kicked out of Walmart today. When I walked in I saw a "Wet Floor" sign. So I did.
  12. What do you get when you mix human and goat dna? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
  13. I got kicked out of the hospital because I told the Covid patients to stay positive
  14. This joke has no punch line But you might get a kick out of it
  15. Why did the clock get kicked out of the library? It tocked too much.

Kicking And Screaming Jokes

Here is a list of funny kicking and screaming jokes and even better kicking and screaming puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave... roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.
  • Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox? She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"
  • Even after muting "Walker, Texas Ranger", you can still hear Chuck Norris's victims screaming after getting roundhouse kicked.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my uncle Charlie Not k**... and screaming like the passengers on his bus
  • Winter vacation is over and returning to school is tough for my girl... ...the crying, the k**..., the screaming...but it has to be done, after all, she's the teacher.
  • What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today ? k**... and screaming let me out from inside his coffin.
  • Why is dad excluded from the wedding? Because he'd have to be dragged down the isle k**... and screaming
  • When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my uncle. I don't want to die k**... and screaming, like his passengers did.
  • I want to die in my sleep like my granddad not k**... and screaming like the passengers on the plane he was flying.

Kicking From Party Jokes

Here is a list of funny kicking from party jokes and even better kicking from party puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just got kicked out of the weirdest Gender Reveal party.. Apparently we had to wear pants...
  • I was at a party last weekend The DJ played the Macarena, so I did the Macarena
    Next, he played the Hustle, so I did the Hustle
    Finally, he played "Come on, Eileen". I got kicked out for that one.
  • Just got kicked out of a Greek themed costume party apparently coming dressed as an ancient Greek olympian 'wasn't appropriate'
  • I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.
  • I was arrested at a New Year's party last night I'm sorry, but when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your fight or flight instincts kick in...
  • Why did the man dressed as a ghost get kicked out of the Halloween party? He showed up sheetfaced.
  • Why did Blacula get kicked out of a Yale Halloween party? The party was for "Wights only."
  • Why was the socialist kicked from his party? Because he was anti social.
  • I dressed up as a coprophiliac Taurus to the Halloween party, but got kicked out because apparently it was "indecent." Bull-f**...-s**....

Kicking Safe Jokes

Here is a list of funny kicking safe jokes and even better kicking safe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do Welsh farmers practice safe s**...? Spray a red 'X' on the back of ones that kick.
  • How do ISIS members practice safe s**...? they mark the camels that kick
  • How do they practice safe s**... in Scotland? They brand the sheep that kick.
  • How do they promote safe s**... in Wales? They put signs next to the sheep that kick
  • What is the definition of safe s**... for r**...… Making sure you brand all the sheep that kick
  • How do they practice safe s**... in Wyoming? They mark the sheep that kick.
Kicking joke, How do they practice safe s**... in Wyoming?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about kicking can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of kicking puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Kicking Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about kicking you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean hitting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make kicking prank.

Picking up Women

The worst part about picking up a girl, is when she wakes up halfway through the ride home, and starts k**... the roof of your trunk.

A drunk wandering around the alley at night...

(...) when in front of him appeared a nun, all dressed in nun clothes. The drunk then starts r**... on the nun, k**... and punching her all over. When he finished her and knocked her out with a round house kick he looked down and screamed:
C'mon BATMAN! C'MON! REACT! LET's FIGHT!!

For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.

One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby k**.... Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"

That half man, half horse...

Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was k**... over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.

Gladiator's Monday

A gladiator was having a rough Monday at the arena.
His opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he fought on, k**... and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both of his feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up.
He was now both unarmed and defeated.

A couple of jokes on the theme of "How I would like to die"

1) When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in t**... like his passengers
2) I want to leave this world as I entered it - k**..., screaming, and covered in somebody else's blood

I came last in a karate competition yesterday

I was k**... myself!

What's a Muslim soccer player's favorite way to move the ball?

A. k**.... B. Heading. C. Kneeing?

Three year old goes to prison.

A police officer was investigating a noise complaint coming from a daycare in downtown Detroit. The officer realized that it was just a three year old kid k**... and screaming because he didn't want to nap during nap time. The officer charged the child with resisting a rest, and took him to prison.

I saw your mother k**... a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe.

"Naw, found one"

The anesthesia is k**... in...

AMA!

I'm not worried about chemtrails anymore.

My flu shot must be k**... in.

Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy k**... children.

I like to go to the movies and politely ask the people in front of me to stop k**... my seat.

A rich kid sees a poor kid k**... a can down the road

The rich kid says "Hey, you, what're you doing?"
The poor kid says "Moving."

My girlfriend told me that she's sick of me pretending I'm a cat

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a cat. I packed your bags. I want you to go."
Me: "Wait, are you k**... MEEEOOWWT???"

What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time?

k**... the old drunkard out won't start world war III.

A doctor brings new born baby to father

Doctor walks up to the father with baby in arms. He starts repeatedly punching it, k**... it and then throws it in the ground and stomps on it. The father was in shock with his jaw dropped. The doctor then says "just kidding, it was already dead"

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed k**... children.

What do beers and babies have in common?

At the end of a long, hard day, nothing feels better than k**... back, relaxing, and cracking open a cold one.

If Trump becomes president...

It would be the first instance of a white billionaire k**... a black family out of public housing.

Why was Trump excited to move into the Whitehouse?

Because he loves k**... black families out of government funded housing!

My girlfriend took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.

While she screamed and stomped around the house, k**... and hitting whatever she came into contact with, her father walked over.
With a pitiful eye, he looked at me and said, "You should have worn a c**...."
I said, "I'm not the only one."

George Michael was no stranger to controversy but the most unforgivable thing he ever did

Was k**... off Limp Bizkit's career

What did the drunk cat say when leaving the bar?

They're k**... MEOWT!

Yo mamma' so poor...

I saw her k**... a thirst buster cup down the street the other day and asked her what she was doing. She told me she was moving.

I saw a black guy k**... a can down the road

Me "what are you doing?"
Him "moving"

What's the worst part of eating rabbit?

Their little legs k**... you in the forehead.

What do you call it when an insect dies?

k**... the buggit

Whats the worst thing about eating rabbit?

Their tiny legs k**... you in the forehead.

TIFU by k**... my computer monitor...

and my foot still hertz.

I was at the swimming centre with my son. I said, "Use your legs, come on. Keep k**.... Your arms are doing all the work."

His chocolate bar got stuck in the vending machine.

What Is it called when a nun leaves the abbey?

k**... the habit.

My sister is pregnant, and suddenly said, He's k**...!

So I punched her in the stomach. Can't believe her son thinks it's okay to hit women.

My brother keeps k**... me in the leg for no reason...

I can't stand it!

My missus was furious at me for k**... dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

Yo mamma so poor

I saw her k**... a can down the street. Asked her what she was doing and she said "Movin'"

Last night, my wife got mad at me for k**... some ice cubes under the refrigerator...

...but now it's just water under the fridge.

I saw six men k**... and punching my mother-in-law.

My neighbour said 'Well, are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Why was the Brazilian boy arrested?

He was seen k**... two cans.

On a film set, everyone is getting ready to start shooting, when the director calls for his assistant to bring him the script.

The assistant runs onto set and starts k**... over props, crawling around the floor and frantically pulling his hair.
As the assistant starts tearing off his clothes and shaking them around, the director thinks to himself, "He's lost the plot!"

I got fired for getting stressed and k**... the project I was working on.

I'm sorry, but defusing bombs just makes me really stressed.

I saw Chuck Norris today,

He's alive and he's still k**....

I couldn't stop high k**... radishes

I was practicing Daikondo

Asthmatic people are so aggressive

This girl was punching and k**... me and kept on gasping and making noises.
All I really did was take her inhaler.

How do you stop pro-life protesters from dropping their phones?

Stop roundhouse k**... them.

I was k**... it with my friends the other day

Then the weird kid stopped moving so we went to hang out at Calvin's

Had my first t**... yesterday.

I could almost feel the baby k**...

The last thing my grandfather said to me just before k**... the bucket…

Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket

What did the Billboard Top 40 artist say when she broke up with her boyfriend before k**... him out of a helicopter?

new single dropping soon!

Landlord: That Spanish actor out of Skyfall was k**... off in my pub the other night.

Customer: Javier Bardem?
Landlord: No, but he IS on his final warning.

Betsy Devos wants to defund the Special Olympics

Talk about k**... someone when they're Downs

Just seen a burglar k**... his own door in.

I asked: What are you doing?
He said: Working from home.

Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch ...

Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch, wearing their overalls, chewing on a piece of grass.
Bubba: "Hey Clem, y'all 'member that Farmer's Daughter from lass week?"
Clem: "Ye-up", as a smile crosses his face.
Bubba: "Clem, you really care if'n she gets all pregnant?"
Clem: "Nah'really, and bu'now, she lon' gone, leff da county."
Bubba: "So, I'ma guess'n we'all can take off these here condoms now."
Clem: "Ye-up."

My boyfriend is k**... me out of his house for constantly singing lyrics from "Take on me"

He said he's giving me the weekend to move all my stuff out, and he asked me when I would be able to finally leave, so I replied with "I'll be gone in a day or two."

10 underage jokes walk into a bar

They approach the bartender to ask for drinks and he says I'm going to need to see some ID, however, I'm an expert at detecting fake ID's, and if you have one I'm k**... you out. So he checks all 10 of their ID's, which are fake, and kicks all of them out.
Another bartender approaches and says What happened, why did you kick out all of those jokes? To which the original replies I checked to see if they had real ID's, and no pun in ten did.

How do you circumcise a guy from alabama?

By k**... his sister in the jaw

My wife is k**... me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...

'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'

I saw a man k**... a gallon of milk down the isle while throwing a big bag of cheese around complaining about the cleanliness of the store and I thought to myself

How dairy.

The last thing my grandpa said before k**... the bucket...

Hey Ed, how far do you think I can kick this bucket? He tripped and fell into a ravine. RIP pops.

Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!

**

A blond Joke I've only heard once before.

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
"Because I'm the Goalie!"

Blonde PE Teacher

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher at a school.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!

What do you call a death by someone k**... your b**...?

*Assass*ination

Kicking joke, What do you call a death by someone k**... your b**...?

jokes about kicking

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these kicking jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.