kicked Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious kicked puns

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

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My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry

I'll return.

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A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.

Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home.
"You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants."
"Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?"
"When she tried to take your pants off to wash them, you slapped her hand away and said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!'"

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

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My brother got kicked out of his house by his wife for measuring his penis.

For the record, it reaches the back of her sister's throat.

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A Jake Paul fan walked into a bar

and got kicked out for being 10.

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My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off...

I said son that's 4 schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row...

...they told me I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts

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I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em...

"I'll be returning"

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I got kicked out of the library today...

Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.

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My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she's never...

...playing Scrabble with me again.

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I went to a disco last night.

I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.

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My son just got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off.

I said son, that's the third school this year, maybe teaching isn't for you.

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The other day a girl asked me if I like breasts or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed pussy with thin lips...

So I got kicked out of KFC.

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This asshole calling himself a "food critic" said my cooking was shit, so I kicked him in the mouth

He didn't enjoy the taste of defeat

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What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

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My son was kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off. I said, "Son, that's the third school this year..."

"Maybe teaching isn't for you."

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I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

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My penis was in the Guiness World Records book.

Until I got kicked out of the library.

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As I looked at my naked body in the mirror...

I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."

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My wife kicked me out. She says it's because I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

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They played the Macarena, I did the Macarena. They played the Twist, I did the twist. They played Come On Eileen…

…I got kicked out for that one…

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I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

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Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?

He kept getting in everyone's hair.

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I went to a dance.

First they played 'Jump', so I jumped.

Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted.

Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out.

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My dick was in the Guinness World Records Book

Then they kicked me out of the library.

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My friend called me a cunt because i always buy him socks for Xmas

I said, " You bastard, its the thought that counts".

I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs

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A guy wakes up, still hungover from the last night...

He notices his wife is being super nice to him - she makes him breakfast in bed, asks him if he needs anything, hums to herself happily.

Confused, he asks his kid: "Psst, hey, what's going on?".

The kid says: "Well, last night you came home drunk as a skunk, kicked the dog, vomited on the carpet, and pissed in the flower pot. And when mom tried to take off your clothes to put you to bed, you said - leave me alone bitch, I'm married!"

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adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

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I once won a 5 on 1 street fight.

We kicked that guy's ass!

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My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off in class.

That's three schools now. Maybe teaching isn't for him.

(Joke by Jimmy Carr)

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Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight:

1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket

-Dan Regan

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A piece of rope walks into a bar...

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve rope here"

Rope walks outside, frizzes up his hair, and ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar.

Bartender says "Hey, aren't you the same piece of rope that I just kicked out of here?"

Rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot"

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I'll never forget

I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket

Daniel I'm sick of this bucket

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What are the most funny Kicked jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Kicked? Well, here are the best Kicked dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Kicked pick up lines to share with friends.

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