Kicked Jokes
166 kicked jokes and hilarious kicked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kicked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the world of kicked jokes, from getting kicked out of parties to getting kicked out of bed. Learn about the three kick rule, plus funny scenarios and stories about getting the boot. Whether you're the one getting kicked or the one doing the kicking, you'll find something to laugh at here.
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Funniest Kicked Short Jokes
Short kicked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kicked humour may include short kicking jokes also.
- My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
- My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry I'll return.
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
- I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…
- My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad arnold schwarzenegger references, but don't worry... I'll return
- My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
(Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave) - My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
- I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em... "I'll be returning"
- I got kicked out of the library today... Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
- I went to a disco last night. I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.
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Kicked One Liners
Which kicked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kicked? I can suggest the ones about kicks and kicking from party.
- What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? You get kicked out of sea world…
- A Jake Paul fan walked into a bar and got kicked out for being 10.
- What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
- Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class? She forgot her Algae-bra.
- If I was invisible for a day... I'd kick a mime artist to death.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin And giraffes were born
- What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
- What do you get when you mix human DNA and Gorilla DNA? Kicked out of the zoo.
- Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything
- What do you get if a dinosaur kicks you in the backside? Megasoreass
- Was kicked out of Walmart today. When I walked in I saw a "Wet Floor" sign. So I did.
- What do you get when you mix human and goat dna? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
- I got kicked out of the hospital because I told the Covid patients to stay positive
- This joke has no punch line But you might get a kick out of it
- Why did the clock get kicked out of the library? It tocked too much.
Kicked From Party Jokes
Here is a list of funny kicked from party jokes and even better kicked from party puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just got kicked out of the weirdest Gender Reveal party.. Apparently we had to wear pants...
- I was at a party last weekend The DJ played the Macarena, so I did the Macarena
Next, he played the Hustle, so I did the Hustle
Finally, he played "Come on, Eileen". I got kicked out for that one. - Just got kicked out of a Greek themed costume party apparently coming dressed as an ancient Greek olympian 'wasn't appropriate'
- I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.
- I was arrested at a New Year's party last night I'm sorry, but when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your fight or flight instincts kick in...
- Why did the man dressed as a ghost get kicked out of the Halloween party? He showed up sheetfaced.
- Why did Blacula get kicked out of a Yale Halloween party? The party was for "Wights only."
- Why was the socialist kicked from his party? Because he was anti social.
- I dressed up as a coprophiliac Taurus to the Halloween party, but got kicked out because apparently it was "indecent." Bull-f**...-s**....
Kicked Out Jokes
Here is a list of funny kicked out jokes and even better kicked out puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
- My grandpa tried to warn everyone The Titanic was gonna sink. When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.
- My wife kicked me out because she's tired of all of my bad Schwarzenegger references, but... I will return
- I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket. 'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'
- My wife kicked me out. She says it's because I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- They played the Macarena, I did the Macarena. They played the Twist, I did the twist. They played Come On Eileen… …I got kicked out for that one…
- Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony? He kept getting in everyone's hair.
- I went to a dance. First they played 'Jump', so I jumped.
Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted.
Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out. - The reason Nevada doesn't have any election results yet is If you count in Vegas, you get kicked out
- Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight: 1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket
-Dan Regan
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Kicked Jokes
What funny jokes about kicked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stomped jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kicked pranks.
Two men are out on the street with only $3.00...
The first guy says "I want a beer but we don't have enough money." The second guy replies "I have an idea, I'm going to go buy a hotdog from the vender across the street remove it from the bun and put it in my pants. Then we will go to a bar, order a drink for each of us, drink them then I'll unzip and you'll start s**... on this hotdog so we will get kicked out and not have to pay." The first guy, although skeptical, goes along with it. After the first bar works perfectly they decide to try their luck at a few more bars, so after the 7th bar both guys are very drunk, the second guy says "Okay, I'm hungry I want that hotdog now." The first guy replies with "Hotdog? Oh yeah, I ate that 3 bars ago."
String
A piece of string walks into a bar and takes a seat.
The bartender says to the piece of string "We don't serve your kind around here!" and kicks the string out of the bar.
The string gathers his composure, messes his hair up, and ties himself in a knot. He then resumes his seat at the bar.
The bartender says "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I just kicked out?"
The string replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
adam and eve finally figured out the whole s**... thing...
afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.
god asks "son, where's eve?"
to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."
god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."
When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...
One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on f**... myself
A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...
Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."
An anatomical original
Thought you'd like a pun.
What sound does a pigeon make
when kicked in the nuts?
[A high coo](/spoiler)
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
She kept running away from the ball!
I'll never forget
I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.
"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
Anarchy is bad for you.
So there's two guys at a bar and the first one says
##So, how's it been going with your anarchist club recently?
###I got kicked out recently, sadly.
##Kicked out? Why?
###I don't know, I was just following the rules!
What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA?
Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters.
A piece of rope walks into a bar.....
The bartender says, "hey, we don't serve your kind here. Now get out!" The piece of rope leaves, but it's determined to get a drink, so it starts rolling on the ground, ties itself up and splits it's ends. Looking beat up, the rope walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at the rope and says, "hey, aren't you that piece of rope that I just kicked out of here?" The rope looks at the bartender and says, "nope, I'm a frayed knot."
A piece of rope walks into a bar...
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve rope here"
Rope walks outside, frizzes up his hair, and ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar.
Bartender says "Hey, aren't you the same piece of rope that I just kicked out of here?"
Rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot"
Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the "Caution Wet Floor" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle.
Why was Dr. Dre kicked out of the farmer's market?
He kept dropping the beets.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team?
Because she ran away from the ball!
I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.
I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.
Once he went though, He said, 'Sank you'.
I Swore at him and kicked him in the Shin.
I Then said, 'Never bring up Pearl Harbor like that'
Why was h**... kicked off the track team?
He could never finish a race.
I agree
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.
The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another soda, and some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,
"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket...
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of m**......
Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.
I was kicked out of the army because I got gonorrhea
It was a dishonorable discharge
So I was at the club
They played crank that, and I did the Superman.
They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.
They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.
A genie gives a man three wishes...
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
I went to a dance club last night...
>They played 'The Twist', and so I did the twist.
>They played 'Jump', and I jumped.
>They played 'Come on Eileen', and I got kicked out of the club.
-Not mine, but I thought I'd share.
I got kicked out of the conga festival
I don't blame them. I was way out of line.
No plastic surgeon will help me!
I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.
Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team?
She ran away from the ball.
The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket
Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket
A rope walks into a bar..
A rope walks into a bar, and the bartender says we don't serve ropes here. So the
rope goes outside and tangles himself all up and does his hair all funny, and walks back inside. And the bartender says "Aren't you the rope I just kicked out a moment ago?" And the rope says, " No I'm a frayed knot."
Why did the midget get kicked off a n**... beach?
People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.
I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on..
.. the suspension is killing me.
I visited my friend in his flat
He told me to make myself at home. So I kicked him out. I hate having visitors
I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said,
"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
What do you get when yo cross sheep DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday
As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.
I got kicked out of the library today
I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section
On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."
Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!
Giving birth isn't as painful as being kicked in the nuts
I've never heard a man say 'let's do that again' afterwards
As I looked at my n**... body in the mirror...
I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."
You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?
I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.
I was amazed
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
Friend: I got kicked out of math class today.
Me: Why?
Friend: Turns out mouthwash doesn't come after 69.
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.
On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
I got kicked off a plane today.
All I did was greet my friend Jack whom I haven't seen in years.
My dad always used to say " fight fire with fire"
That's probably why he got kicked out the fire brigade.
I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket
Daniel I'm sick of this bucket
I was kicked out of the army when they caught me m**....
They said it was a dishonorable discharge.
My Chinese wife kicked me out because I wouldn't get off my Chinese phone.
She said it's Mai Wei or the Huawei.
Today I kicked a breastfeeding mom out of my restaurant
Not because other customers thought she was indecent, but because we have a no outside food or drinks policy
I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket...
"Hey, how far do you reckon I could kick this bucket?"
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "s**... patients here" meant something totally different.
Grandpas last words before he kicked the bucket
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.
Because actions speak louder than words
I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it
The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
"But not while standing on the diving board!"
I'll always remember what my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket
Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!
I still remember what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket
How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
My grandpa knew the Titanic was going to sink. He said it loudly countless times...
Then he got kicked out of the theater.
An 18 year old walks into a bar with an AR-15
He gets kicked out as he is below the drinking age
My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she's never...
...playing Scrabble with me again.
I got kicked out of the swimming pool today.
Apparently the breast s**... isn't what I thought it was.
My grandfather saw the Titanic and he warned everyone that it would sink, but no one listened
He told people a few more times and then he was kicked out of the cinema
I will always remember what my Dad told me before he kicked the bucket
He said "Hey. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
So i went to a dance club the other night...
... I had a great time
They played the Macarena, so I did the Macarena.
They played Jump Around, so I jumped around.
They played The Twist, so I did The Twist.
Then they played Come on Eileen, so I was promptly kicked out of the club.
I got kicked out of my aunt's f**... for singing a song...
It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...
A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".
A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".
So the string goes outside, ties himself up, messes up his hair and comes back into the bar. The bartender yells "aren't you that string I just kicked out?" The string replies "I'm a frayed knot!"
