kick Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious kick puns

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row...

...they told me I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts

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I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em...

"I'll be returning"

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I got kicked out of the library today...

Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.

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How do you chop a neo nazi's dick off?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

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I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

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I was pissing against a wall when I remembered an old Indian saying

Hey, asshole, if I catch you pissing on my wall again I'm gonna kick your ass.

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I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.

I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)

Great success.

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I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

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When do you have the right to kick a midget in the balls?

When he says your girlfriend's hair smells nice.

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How do you find out the gender of a cat?

Easy. You kick it in the ass.

If she runs away, it's a girl. But if he runs away, it's a boy.

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If I was invisible for a day...

I'd kick a mime artist to death.

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I'll never forget

I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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"My first son has a PHD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar."

Friend: "Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!"

Dad: "Nah... he is the only one who makes money."

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Aids or Alzheimer's

A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."

"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."

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A blonde is driving down the road.

She looks out her window and sees another blonde rowing a boat in a wheat field. She stops and yells to her, "Why are you rowing a boat in a field?"

The second blonde replies, "Because it is an ocean of wheat."

The first blonde says, "It's dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name, and if I could swim I'd kick your ass!"

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An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

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I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket...

"Hey, how far do you reckon I could kick this bucket?"

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I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket...

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket

Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket

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Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.

Because actions speak louder than words

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A major yet unspoken difference between medieval times and now is...

These days, if someone owns a sword, it's a pretty safe bet you can kick their ass.

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Grandpas last words before he kicked the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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Health Class

Three boys received their grades from their sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.

"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.

"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"

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I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said,

"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

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I will never forget that last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket"

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I got kicked out of the swimming pool today.

Apparently the breast stroke isn't what I thought it was.

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Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer?

She cant seem to kick anything

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I was kicked out of the army when they caught me masturbating.

They said it was a dishonorable discharge.

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I've been trying to kick my roommates out for months now.

But they keep insisting that I call them my parents.

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If I was invisible for a day...

I would find a mime artist and kick him to death

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I got kicked out of the library today

I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section

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When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?

When he is standing next to your lady saying her hair smells nice.

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What are the most funny Kick jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Kick? Well, here are the best Kick dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Kick pick up lines to share with friends.

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