Khrushchev Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...

The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."

After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"

The great train of Communism grinds to a halt...

Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are riding on the great train of communism together when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin pokes his head out of the window and shouts, "Take the engineers behind the tool sheds and have them shot, then get new engineers!" But the train still does not move.

Khrushchev has a go at it next. "Pardon the engineers, retrain them, then put them back to work!" But still the train does not move.

Finally, after hours at complete standstill, Brezhnev turns to his fuming compatriots and says, "Gentlemen, let us simply close the blinds and pretend that we are moving!"

An old Soviet joke

Nikita Khrushchev and John Kennedy are chilling at a bar after a hard day of work.

"You know, Nick", says Kennedy, "Here, in the United States of America, we have a real, undisputed democracy. In my country, every citizen can come over to the White House and call John F. Kennedy a faggot freely."

"In this case", answers Khrushchev , "we have undisputed democracy too. Back in my country, every Soviet citizen can come over to the Kremlin and call John F. Kennedy a faggot as well".

One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Khrushchev is a fool!"

He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.

Old Russian joke from Soviet times

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly, the train stops.

Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should announce a subbotnik (volunteer work-program), so that workers and peasants will fix the problem."

Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not start moving, the driver will be shot!"

Khrushchev then chimes in, "Let's take the rails from behind the train and use them to lay the tracks in front".

Then Brezhnev says, "Comrades, Comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"

An American, Russian and Malaysian are having a conversation

The American says: "We have the best stealth planes ever. We can fly our B-2 stealth bomber over Beijing and the Chinese will never see."

The Russian, not willing to be out done, says "We also have good stealth planes, so stealthy like Khrushchev and very accurate. 100% not bootleg."

The Malaysian said, "I have the best stealth plane. MH370 hasn't been found for 4 years."

1961. Khrushchev says: We're going to build a wall around Berlin. And we'll make the Germans pay for that.

I call it: Kraut-Funding.

What do you call the cook on a Soviet battleship?

The khrushchev

Kennedy, Charles De Gaul, and Khrushchev ask god. . .

Kennedy: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 25 years.
Kennedy weeps and walks away.

Charles De Gaul: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 50 years.
Charles De Gaul weeps and walks away.

Khrushchev: God, when will my people be happy?
God weeps and walks away.

What are the funniest khrushchev jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Khrushchev? Well, here are the best Khrushchev puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Khrushchev pick up lines to share with friends.

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