Key Jokes

191 key jokes and hilarious key puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about key that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the key jokes that will have you in stitches! From lost key jokes to car key puns, this collection of key humor has something for everyone. Explore funny lock and key jokes as well as humorous takes on low-key and allen key jokes. Music-lovers will appreciate the range of piano key jokes, while readers of all ages can enjoy the important and pivotal key jokes. Find your favorite at this ultimate precinct of key humor!

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Short Key Jokes
Key One Liners
Car Key Jokes
Locke And Key Jokes
Lock And Key Jokes
Low Key Jokes
Lost Key Jokes
More Key Jokes

Funniest Key Short Jokes

Short key jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The key humour may include short important jokes also.

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00? Those are the pie rates of the carribean.
I accidentally locked my keys in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start." So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.
What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

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Key One Liners

Which key one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with key? I can suggest the ones about vital and lost key.

I love the smell of my f5 key... It is very refreshing
Someone keyed the music teacher's car Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor
Why do spies never use capitalization? They like to stay low-key.
What do prison and the shift key have in common they both turn your "o" into an "O"
There are 3 keys to make a good joke CTRL, C and V
v v
EDIT*: Looks like my CTRL key is broken
I'm pretty sure my F5 key isn't working anymore I keep seeing the same jokes on here
Why did no one notice Thor's brother? Because he was low-key
I went to a store that sells door locks for little people. Low key, it was pretty nice.
I love the F5 key... It's very refreshing.
I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key I lost Ctrl
What type of key opens a banana? A monkey :3
Did Thor ever mention he had a brother? He was very low-key about it.
What is Roy Moore's favorite piano key? A minor
I'm obsessed with my F1 key. I think I need help.

Car Key Jokes

Here is a list of funny car key jokes and even better car key puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common? Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.
I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key.. Stayed stationary.
Why couldn't Elon Musk enter his house? Because his door was locked and he left the keys in his car.
The fireman looked at my burning car and said, Any idea how it started? I said, I just had to use my keys.
If I locked my keys in my car outside of a abortion clinic... Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?
What would happen if you have a wooden car, with a wooden engine, and with a wooden key? That car wooden start.
One time I got so high, I was driving around looking for my car keys.
Locking your keys in the car is a lot like getting your girlfriend pregnant. A coat hanger should take care of the problem.

Locke And Key Jokes

Here is a list of funny locke and key jokes and even better locke and key puns that will make you laugh with friends.

If you ever get locked out Sit down and talk to the lock calmly,
Because communication is key.
A man was locked out of his apartment He started talking calmly but firmly to the lock...
Because end of the day, communication is key.
I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There's a lovely key change at the end.
What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors? A monkey and a donkey
A group of apes had locked everyone inside of a Himalayan monastery Escape was delayed because of the missing monk key.
I've just written a song about replacing my front door lock It's got a great key change at the end
Chewbacca locked the keys in the Millennium Falcon....... It was a Wookie mistake!
If you ever get locked outside, talk to your lock calmly Because communication is the key
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Communication is key.
If you're ever locked out of your house, start talking to your lock, calmly and clearly. After all, a good communication is the key!

Lock And Key Jokes

Here is a list of funny lock and key jokes and even better lock and key puns that will make you laugh with friends.

They say confidence is key... ... I guess that's why I'm always locked out.
They say that happiness is the key to everything... So when I got locked out of my house, I smiled at the lock
what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood? going inside to borrow a coat hanger
If you ever get locked out of your house, just talk to the lock calmly... After all, communication is key.
HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - Dude, press the Caps Lock key on your keyboard!
- WOW, THIS IS MUCH BETTER, I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT ANYMORE
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
Did you hear about the time the bassist locked his keys in his car? It took like two hours to get the drummer out.
This actually happened My brother has a lockbox and lost the key, so he said to me "Zaent, can you pick a lock?", I replied "Give me two and I'll pick one."
A drummer was standing outside of his car panicking because he accidentally locked his keys inside it. It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

Low Key Jokes

Here is a list of funny low key jokes and even better low key puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do you call a Norse god who doesn't draw much attention to themselves? Low Key.......!
Why is Thor's brother always overlooked? Because he's low key.
Why do introverts identify so much with Thor's brother? Because he's low-key.
Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend? Loki: nothing, just hanging out
Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...
Loki: no
Thor: low key
What do you call it when a trickster god is singing just a little flat, but nobody really notices? Low-key low key Loki.
Why Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron. Maybe Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron cause he's trying to stay low key.
I had this great joke about Thor... but thinking about it now, it's actually really low key.
Have you heard of the piano-playing spy? Neither have I. He's very low-key.
I saw a Norse god discreetly playing 49Hz notes on a piano in space... I thought to myself: "What a low G low G low key low key Loki."
what's it called when you're secretly a norse god? you're low key loki

Lost Key Jokes

Here is a list of funny lost key jokes and even better lost key puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do you get when you cross a beginner accordion player with a GPS? A lost musician who can’t find the right key.
they'll never listen to us Wife: I lost my keys again
Me: Its in your jeans
Wife: Don't drag my family into this
Women never listen properly Wife: I lost my keys
Man: Its in your jeans
Wife: Dont drag my family into this.
Why did the musician break into song? Because he lost the key.
What did the melon say to his wife when he lost his keys? Honeydew you know where my keys are?
My laptop is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
Son: Dad is something lost when you know where it is? Dad: No, son
Son:Good, your car keys are at the bottom of the well
In class, Jose is asked to use the word "Cherokee" in a sentence. He pauses and says, "I lost my house key and now I have to Cherokee with my sister."
Someone keeps taking my task manager combination keys off my keyboards. I've lost all control, and I have not alternative but to delete this horrible joke.
A Bostonian and a Californian walk into a bar. "I lost my car keys!", the Bostonian realized, exasperated.
The Californian replied, "What are you talking about? You're wearing them!"

Heartwarming Key Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about key you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car key jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make key pranks.

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day
2. I run for an hour before breakfast
3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up.
4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something.
5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it.
6. My dad owns a Fortune 500 company.
7. I meditate every day

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. Stay where you are, she whispered. He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me.

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?
You're so drunk you miscounted, said the wife. "Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: "One, two, three, four. Oh, you're right."

I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.
When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.
I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)
Great success.

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.

The King was leaving his castle to fight in the Crusades. He left the key to his wife's chastity belt with his most trusted knight.

"God commands that I fight, but not even he can promise that I will return. If I die fighting in these holy wars, I leave it to you to release my wife to marry again." The king mounted his horse and rode off the horizon.
As he nearly rode out of sight, he turned back and looked at his kingdom one last time.... only to see his most trusted knight, chasing after him, shouting.....
"IT'S THE WRONG KEY! IT'S THE WRONG KEY!"

A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.

One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"
Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall

Last night I m**... over my ex-girlfriend.

I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.

Good gynecologists know the key to success

Great customer c**....

During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...

The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'
The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'

How about some Little Johnny...

Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."

Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."

What key can open a banana?

A mon**key**
Credit to a 4 year old

A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

My wife called me earlier.

Where are you?" she screamed. "I've been stuck outside this house in the rain for an hour!"
I'm having a few beers with the guys" I said.
Well, I need you to come and open the door for me" she snapped "I've forgotten my key!"
Calm down, I replied. "I'll send Dave through from the kitchen.

How do you know when there's a banjo player at the front door?

He's got the wrong key and he doesn't know when to come in.

What is between moms legs?

One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?
The father reply, The door to heaven!
Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!
Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.

Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day

The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...

And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!

A knight was about to ride off into battle.

Afraid that his wife would be unfaithful, he fitted her with a chastity belt. He gave the key to his best friend, telling him that he was the only person he could trust.
The knight rode off, and an hour later he heard the sound of galloping hoofbeats behind him. His friend rode up next to him.
"I'm glad I caught you," said the friend. "You gave me the wrong key."

Heaven Between Legs

A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession.
"Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying ba***rd !" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"

How do you know when there's a lead singer on your porch?

They can't find the right key and don't know when to come in.

I just got my F5 key working again.

It's really refreshing!

Me: The mail man told me he was going on holidays to spain...

...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.
Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery

why is the bass player stuck outside?

he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway

Leaving for the Crusades...

*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am
leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend yelling, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!"

I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads:

This is ground ctrl.
TO: Major Tom

(Merry Christmas David Bowie!)

A little boy asks his dad

Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

What's Hillary Clinton's key to success?

The Delete Key

To whoever stole my Microsoft 365 activation key:

I will find you. You have my Word.

A drunk guy walks out of a bar..

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his c**... and without Missing a beat, blurts out....
"F*c**... Me! My girlfriend's gone, too!!"

Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.

It feels like I'm losing control.

I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...

He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.

As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.

It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.

Men Will Be Men

Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ),
in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says : If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours....
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
"What's wrong ?" King asks.
.
.
.
.
Out of breath, his friend answers, "It is the wrong Key...!! "

A man decided to march in the holy crusades...

Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. What's wrong?' he asks.

You gave me the wrong key!

Chastity Belt

So, this guy was going to Crusade. He put on a chastity belt on his wife, gave the key to his best friend and said, "if I don't come back in 3 years, set her free." He starts off on his horse. After a while, he sees a big cloud of dust behind him. Someone was riding his horse really fast. So, he waits. The horse catches up to him. It's his best friend.
"You gave me the wrong key", yells his friend.

Oldest known British Joke from 10th century AD.

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
A key

The key to a successful relationship

Find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.

Did you sit on the F5 key?

Because your a**... is refreshing

The key of C takes its relative to the bar and orders them both a beer.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve A minor."

Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?

Because the & is near

What kind of key opens a banana

A mon-key

I wrote a book about famous pianists

It covers all the key players

I m**... over my ex-wife last night.

I know I shouldn't but I've still got a key and she's a heavy sleeper.

A man broke the Guinness World Record by playing the same piano key 1,000 times in 1 minute

He then went home and broke the world record for most satisfied girlfriend.

No one expects it!

A guy was traveling in the Spanish countryside, and after driving all day he stopped for the night at a tiny inn. The innkeeper, upon giving him his key, asked him if he would like to participate in a battle of wits with his special chicken. "If you stump him, you get a wish, any wish you like!" he explains. The man agrees to it, and he's led into the bar, whereupon sits a healthy sized hen. He proceeds to have a battle of wits, and is roundly defeated by the hen. "I didn't expect the chicken to be so smart!" says the man. "No," says the innkeeper, "no one expects the Spanish inn quiz wish hen!"

Got home unannounced from college to find my parents had taken a vacation and not left the keys behind. Not a problem though, all I've got to do is talk to the door lock...

... because communication is key

My music teacher told me to stay on key

I said "pitch please"

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a police officer

He said, "Officer, someone stole my car!"
The officer in disbelief asked him "Oh yeah where was it last?" The drunk replied "right on the end of this key."
The officer, clearly unimpressed and wanting to move on with his day said to him "Okay buddy, why don't you just take yourself down to the station. They'll have the proper paperwork for you to fill out there. But before you go, zip up your fly." The drunk looked down at his fly, and then back up at the police officer.
"s**..., they got my girl too."

What kind of key does a ghost use?

a spoo-key

What do you call a mafia boss' key?

A don-key

C Major is the healthiest key to play in

It's all natural.

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

Frodo collected the keys to Macy's, JCPenney, McDonald's, etc. and put them on a single key ring

It was one ring to rule the mall.

The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...

So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.

What is an aliens favorite keyboard key

The space key

Oldest cake joke

A rabbit visits a bakery and asks if they make carrot cake.
The baker says they don't, so the rabbit buys a key lime pie.
This repeats several days until the baker is sick of it and decides to try making one.
The next time the rabbit enters, the baker proudly tells that they do have a carrot cake now.
The rabbit says: sorry, I'll have to take my business somewhere else: I'm highly alergic and can't risk cross-contamination.