The Best 81 Kevin Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Kevin jokes. There are some kevin jason jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kevin kevin spacey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Kevin Jokes and Puns
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
What did Hannibal Lector have for breakfast?
Kevin Bacon.
...
And Jon Hamm.
^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.
I was Jesus last time!
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s hooker."
A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...
A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".
I got 6 numbers at the bar last night...
One more and it would have been a complete telephone number.
(special thanks to Kevin Malone)
Can a woman make a man a millionaire?
Only if he's a billionaire.
Credits to Kevin Hart
Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine...
"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs.
Please, do not let Kevin Bacon die.
Source: The Bluegrass Grill and Bakery in Charlottesville, VA.
Strange trend at my office...
People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
There's a strange new trend in my office...
People have started naming food in the office fridge
Today I ate a turkey sandwich called Kevin.
You can explore kevin brendan reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kevin kathy dad jokes. There are also kevin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
A touching story of a boy and his cat
one day,a boy named Kevin found a cat in the streets. He touched the cat. Touched it again.
and again.
and again and again and again and again...
told you it was a touching story
Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?
His life improved after he met the rock.
Years later, Kevin McCallister murdered his older brother at a family Christmas party.
It was a total buzzkill.
My husband is allergic to our cat, so I have to give him away :/
He's a sweet-natured ginger, comes when called, well-trained, and works in IT. 28 years old, answers to "Kevin".
There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge
Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin
That World Series game was so long...
When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.
I honestly believe if Kevin Spacey confesses his crimes that he can be forgiven.
As a Catholic Priest.
Did you hear Kevin Spacey is making a prequel to 21?
It's called "Always Hit on 14"
Why was Kevin Spacey so good at Blackjack?
He knew to hit on everything under 17
Why did Kevin Spacey go to Mars?
To molest more young boys
What do Kevin Spacey and Santa Claus have in common?
They both like to empty their sacks for young boys.
(I know it's an old MJ joke)
Kevin Spacey walks into a bar
But after realizing the drinking age is 21 decides that he'd rather hang out somewhere else.
Why did Kevin Spacey go to space?
To molest young stars.
Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races?
Because he likes to come in a little behind.
What did the man at the beach say to Kevin Spacey?
Hey, get out of my son!
What do Michael Jackson and Kevin Spacey have in common?
They were both born in the late 50s.
Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek?
He comes out at the wrong time.
what do kevin spacey and walmart have in common?
They both have small boys pants at half off!
Kevin Spacey is like a TV
Even a 3 year old can turn him on
After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.
Unless he runs for President of the United States.
Kevin Spacey walks into a bar
and he yells "Who wants me to push in their stool?"
How many Kevin Spaceys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One but he's just gonna stay in the dark from now on.
Why is Kevin Spacey so good at writing sad songs
Because he's great at fingering minors
They're re-making Gone in 60 Seconds
It's a bio-pic about Kevin Spacey's reputation.
I hear the new Predator movie will star..
Kevin Spacey.
Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...
Blackjack Dealer
Because they hit on anything under 17.
What did the woman say to Kevin Spacey on the beach?
Could you please move, you're in my son.
What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?
The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.
Did you know Kevin Spacey was a composer?
His most famous song is titled *Drunk Mistake* in A minor.
Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey walk up to a bar
The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."
How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass?
Satisfying.
Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey...
12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.
Did you hear Kevin Spacey is writing a song?
The entire thing is written in A minor
Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?
His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.
It makes more sense now why Kevin Spacey helped Baby in Baby Driver
He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.
Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa.
Apparently they didn't trust him with the naughty list.
How is Kevin Spacey like Walmart?
They both have boys pants half off.
Kevin Spacey is undergoing conversion therapy and hope to eventually have a normal marriage.
He says, "I want to have kids."
TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.
Kept hitting on 17.
Kevin Bacon once had a friend named Johnny Eggs
They were known as Kevin and Johnny.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Kevin Spacey.
Why is 6 afraid of 7...
Because 7 is Kevin Spacey
What do you call a basketball player who smells really good?
Kevin Deodurant.
Kevin Spacey is no longer going to be an actor. He's going to teach guitar.
Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.
When was bed time at Kevin Spacey's house?
When the big hand touched the little hand.
Why can Kevin Spacey never win a race?
He always comes in a little behind.
What do doctors call a tiny heart?
Kevin
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and says to the bartender I'll have one scotch thanks.
The bartender, amazed says to the grasshopper: You know we have a drink named after you.
The grasshopper looks at the man confused.
What, you have a drink named Kevin?
A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender says hey, we've got a drink named after you .
And the grasshopper says what? ..Kevin?
A White horse walks into a bar.
The barman remarks "Did you know there's a drink named after you?"
The horse replies "Kevin ?"
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.
She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
Well Done?
Kevin was furious when his steak arrived cooked too rare.
'Waiter,' Kevin shouted, 'Didn't you hear me say "well done"?'
'Of course I did, sir, I can't thank you enough, sir,' replied the waiter. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'
The local weatherman named the upcoming snowstorm after his oldest son Kevin.
Because he didn't think it was going to amount to much either.
An elderly couple are making their funeral arrangements.
They get to choose what is engraved on each other's headstones.
Husband says, "Here lies Karen. Quiet at last"
Wife says, "Here lies Kevin, stiff at last"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because the villian in 7 was played by Kevin Spacey, and we all know he is a six offender.
20 years ago we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no Cash, no Jobs and no Hope. I really hope Kevin Bacon doesn't die.
Did you hear the news? Kevin Bacon has leprosy.
It's true. Doctors say he's got a foot loose.
Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office?
Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson
Kevin Bridges bus stop joke
I am a bus stop, ready on a bus, whilst a pleasant madman confirmed up.
He changed into throughout the road. He shouted “Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”.
Now whilst u are at a bus stop, at midnight, and a person instigates a communication with
“Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”,…, you type a,…,shite yourself!
You try to preserve your head down. Then the fellow shouts: “Oi fats boy!”.
I’m status there, searching at the two different human beings on the bus stop. I’m looking to discern out their BMI!
But beside me had been those 2 thin pensioner types.
I wager this one’s for me!
And the fellow said: “Fat boy. Give me a quid,…,or you’re getting stabbed!”
And I thought,…,a quid ? That is,…,pretty reasonable! Panic over!
I mean, I’ve by no means been stabbed, however I can believe it being really inconvenient.
You’d be blanketed in blood, need to visit the hospital, and be bodily and emotionally traumatized.
And here,…,we’ve were given a gentleman,…,providing me the threat to skip this sort of horrendous ordeal,…,
In this contemporary economic climate,…, for a trifling pound!
Now I’m a sucker for a bargain!
Is black comedy allowed on here?
Wanted to post a Kevin Hart joke.
Kevin Bacon should get a job at Chippendales.
The sign out front would read "Bacon Strips'
Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...
At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"
Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machines weren't hacked. The hand recounts were accurate. Just go into Heaven, you're already ticking me off!"
As they walk through the gates Babbitt and Greeson look at each other and say, "this goes up a lot higher than we thought."
One day Kevin was taking a stroll through the beach and found a magic lamp
Kevin immediately rubbed the magic lamp and a genie appeared
Genie : "You have freed me from 1000 years of slavery and I shall be granting you a wish. So be very careful when you wish."
Kevin : "Oh um, I wanna be Rich"
Genie : "Alright then, your wish is granted"
Rich : "Oh no, this is not what I meant!"
Kevin Bacon
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
How does Kevin Bacon escape from a bear trap?
He's gotta cut footloose
Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.
They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.
A couple Roman soldiers walk into a bar.
The buddies order drinks and start chatting.
John: I heard somewhere your name is actually Kevin? But I know you as Ken?
Ken: That is correct.
John: How does one get Ken from Kevin?
Ken: Easy, I'm not six anymore.
Mom I'm Pregnant....
-Mom I think I'm pregnant
-Are you drunk?
-How do you know?
-A mother knows everything Kevin...
A teacher is teaching a notorious class...
A teacher is teaching physics. Then he notices a boy is day dreaming. So the teacher asks that boy,
"Do you know who Albert Einstein is?"
The boy says "No, I don't".
"If you paid more attention to the lesson you should know" scolded the sir.
Then the boy asks the teacher "do you know who Kevin is?"
The teacher says "No I don't"
"If you paid more attention to your daughter you should know" said the boy.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kevin kevin harts jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working kevin kevin heart piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.