Following is our collection of funny Kevin jokes. There are some kevin jason jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kevin kevin spacey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
Kevin Bacon.
...
And Jon Hamm.
^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be KevinΒΉs hooker."
A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".
One more and it would have been a complete telephone number.
(special thanks to Kevin Malone)
Only if he's a billionaire.
Credits to Kevin Hart
"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."
Please, do not let Kevin Bacon die.
Source: The Bluegrass Grill and Bakery in Charlottesville, VA.
People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
People have started naming food in the office fridge
Today I ate a turkey sandwich called Kevin.
You can explore kevin brendan reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kevin kathy dad jokes. There are also kevin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
one day,a boy named Kevin found a cat in the streets. He touched the cat. Touched it again.
and again.
and again and again and again and again...
told you it was a touching story
His life improved after he met the rock.
It was a total buzzkill.
He's a sweet-natured ginger, comes when called, well-trained, and works in IT. 28 years old, answers to "Kevin".
Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin
When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.
As a Catholic Priest.
It's called "Always Hit on 14"
He knew to hit on everything under 17
To molest more young boys
They both like to empty their sacks for young boys.
(I know it's an old MJ joke)
But after realizing the drinking age is 21 decides that he'd rather hang out somewhere else.
To molest young stars.
Because he likes to come in a little behind.
Hey, get out of my son!
They were both born in the late 50s.
He comes out at the wrong time.
They both have small boys pants at half off!
Even a 3 year old can turn him on
Unless he runs for President of the United States.
and he yells "Who wants me to push in their stool?"
One but he's just gonna stay in the dark from now on.
Because he's great at fingering minors
It's a bio-pic about Kevin Spacey's reputation.
Kevin Spacey.
Blackjack Dealer
Because they hit on anything under 17.
Could you please move, you're in my son.
The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.
His most famous song is titled *Drunk Mistake* in A minor.
The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."
Satisfying.
12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.
The entire thing is written in A minor
His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.
He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.
Apparently they didn't trust him with the naughty list.
They both have boys pants half off.
He says, "I want to have kids."
Kept hitting on 17.
They were known as Kevin and Johnny.
Kevin Spacey.
Because 7 is Kevin Spacey
Kevin Deodurant.
Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.
When the big hand touched the little hand.
He always comes in a little behind.
Kevin
A grasshopper walks into a bar and says to the bartender I'll have one scotch thanks.
The bartender, amazed says to the grasshopper: You know we have a drink named after you.
The grasshopper looks at the man confused.
What, you have a drink named Kevin?
And the grasshopper says what? ..Kevin?
The barman remarks "Did you know there's a drink named after you?"
The horse replies "Kevin ?"
She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
Kevin was furious when his steak arrived cooked too rare.
'Waiter,' Kevin shouted, 'Didn't you hear me say "well done"?'
'Of course I did, sir, I can't thank you enough, sir,' replied the waiter. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'
Because he didn't think it was going to amount to much either.
They get to choose what is engraved on each other's headstones.
Husband says, "Here lies Karen. Quiet at last"
Wife says, "Here lies Kevin, stiff at last"
Because the villian in 7 was played by Kevin Spacey, and we all know he is a six offender.
Now we have no Cash, no Jobs and no Hope. I really hope Kevin Bacon doesn't die.
It's true. Doctors say he's got a foot loose.
Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson
I am a bus stop, ready on a bus, whilst a pleasant madman confirmed up.
He changed into throughout the road. He shouted βHoi u, Hoi u,β¦, Ai u β.
Now whilst u are at a bus stop, at midnight, and a person instigates a communication with
βHoi u, Hoi u,β¦, Ai u β,β¦, you type a,β¦,shite yourself!
You try to preserve your head down. Then the fellow shouts: βOi fats boy!β.
Iβm status there, searching at the two different human beings on the bus stop. Iβm looking to discern out their BMI!
But beside me had been those 2 thin pensioner types.
I wager this oneβs for me!
And the fellow said: βFat boy. Give me a quid,β¦,or youβre getting stabbed!β
And I thought,β¦,a quid ? That is,β¦,pretty reasonable! Panic over!
I mean, Iβve by no means been stabbed, however I can believe it being really inconvenient.
Youβd be blanketed in blood, need to visit the hospital, and be bodily and emotionally traumatized.
And here,β¦,weβve were given a gentleman,β¦,providing me the threat to skip this sort of horrendous ordeal,β¦,
In this contemporary economic climate,β¦, for a trifling pound!
Now Iβm a sucker for a bargain!
Wanted to post a Kevin Hart joke.
The sign out front would read "Bacon Strips'
At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"
Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machines weren't hacked. The hand recounts were accurate. Just go into Heaven, you're already ticking me off!"
As they walk through the gates Babbitt and Greeson look at each other and say, "this goes up a lot higher than we thought."
Kevin immediately rubbed the magic lamp and a genie appeared
Genie : "You have freed me from 1000 years of slavery and I shall be granting you a wish. So be very careful when you wish."
Kevin : "Oh um, I wanna be Rich"
Genie : "Alright then, your wish is granted"
Rich : "Oh no, this is not what I meant!"
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
He's gotta cut footloose
They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.
The buddies order drinks and start chatting.
John: I heard somewhere your name is actually Kevin? But I know you as Ken?
Ken: That is correct.
John: How does one get Ken from Kevin?
Ken: Easy, I'm not six anymore.
-Mom I think I'm pregnant
-Are you drunk?
-How do you know?
-A mother knows everything Kevin...
A teacher is teaching physics. Then he notices a boy is day dreaming. So the teacher asks that boy,
"Do you know who Albert Einstein is?"
The boy says "No, I don't".
"If you paid more attention to the lesson you should know" scolded the sir.
Then the boy asks the teacher "do you know who Kevin is?"
The teacher says "No I don't"
"If you paid more attention to your daughter you should know" said the boy.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kevin kevin harts jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working kevin kevin heart piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.