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Kevin Jokes

127 kevin jokes and hilarious kevin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kevin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious Kevin jokes! From German Kevin to Kevin Hart to Spaceys, Colin and Brendan, these jokes are guaranteed to give you an unforgettable comedic experience. Get ready to hear some of the funniest and silliest jokes about Kevin Durant's hair, and more.

Funniest Kevin Short Jokes

Short kevin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kevin humour may include short kevin hart jokes also.

  1. Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races? Because he likes to come in a little behind.
  2. What is the difference between Kevin McCarthy and a newborn baby? In a few months, the baby will be a speaker.
  3. My buddy asked me how I got ahold of Kevin bacon's phone number Told him I know a guy ^(who knows a guy) ^^who ^^knows ^^a ^^guy ^^^who ^^^knows ^^^a ^^^guy
  4. TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money. Kept hitting on 17.
  5. Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in vegas,... Blackjack Dealer
    Because they hit on anything under 17.
  6. I think John is having an affair with my wife Kevin: I think John is having an affair with my wife.
    Jim: What makes you think that?
    Kevin: He is so miserable lately..
  7. Strange trend at my office... People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
  8. Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... "One liter of water." it read.
    Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
    "This speaks volumes..."
  9. That World Series game was so long... When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.
  10. Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey... 12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.

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Kevin One Liners

Which kevin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kevin? I can suggest the ones about kevin bacon and cyclops.

  1. How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass? Satisfying.
  2. Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire.
    Credits to Kevin Hart
  3. Why was Kevin Spacey so good at Blackjack? He knew to hit on everything under 17
  4. Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek? He comes out at the wrong time.
  5. Kevin Spacey is like a TV Even a 3 year old can turn him on
  6. Did you hear Kevin Spacey is making a prequel to 21? It's called "Always Hit on 14"
  7. Why can Kevin Spacey never win a race? He always comes in a little behind.
  8. Did you hear about the 2 gay Irish men? Kevin Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzkevin.
  9. I hear the new Predator movie will star.. Kevin Spacey.
  10. How is Kevin Spacey like Walmart? They both have boys pants half off.
  11. Did you hear Kevin Spacey is writing a song? The entire thing is written in A minor
  12. Kevin Bacon once had a friend named Johnny Eggs They were known as Kevin and Johnny.
  13. They're re-making Gone in 60 Seconds It's a bio-pic about Kevin Spacey's reputation.
  14. What's worse than ants in your pants? Kevin Spacey.
  15. When was bed time at Kevin Spacey's house? When the big hand touched the little hand.

Kevin Bacon Jokes

Here is a list of funny kevin bacon jokes and even better kevin bacon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did Hannibal Lector have for breakfast? Kevin Bacon.
    ...
    And Jon Hamm.
    ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.
  • 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
    God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
  • Kevin Bacon 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
    Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
    God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
  • 20 years ago we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Jobs and no Hope. I really hope Kevin Bacon doesn't die.
  • Did you hear about that guy from Footloose cannibalising that girl from Wendy's? Kevin Bacon ate 'er.
  • I grew up with Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope Now there's no jobs, no cash, and no hope. Please don't let anything happen to Kevin Bacon.
  • Did you hear the news? Kevin Bacon has leprosy. It's true. Doctors say he's got a foot loose.
  • Kevin Bacon should get a job at Chippendales. The sign out front would read "Bacon Strips'
  • How does Kevin Bacon escape from a bear trap? He's gotta cut footloose
  • Fighting COVID-19 by contact tracing and quarantining those with connections to infected people means that... Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.

Kevin Hart Jokes

Here is a list of funny kevin hart jokes and even better kevin hart puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office? Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson
  • Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher? His life improved after he met the rock.
  • Is black comedy allowed on here? Wanted to post a Kevin Hart joke.
  • Kevin Hart and his Wife are expecting their first child together and its already taller than Kevin.
  • Kevin Hart is so short He calls Lil Wayne "Wayne"
  • Kevin Hart is performing in Baltimore tonight..... Should be a riot :p
  • Yo if my son comes home & try's to play with my daughters doll house... I'm going to break it over his head & say n my voice stop that's gay .
    - Kevin Hart
  • I love dark humor... Eddie Murphy, Kevin Hart, Kat Williams, Chappelle
  • You ever notice how most stand-up specials have the comedian in darkness on the cover art? There's usually a lot of black in the posters. Except for Kevin Hart's. There's only a little black on his.
  • About to see the new Kevin Hart movie
Kevin joke, About to see the new Kevin Hart movie

Kevin Durant Jokes

Here is a list of funny kevin durant jokes and even better kevin durant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Kevin Durant should be sponsored by Old Spice. He can have his own scent: Deo-Durant.
  • What do you call Kevin Durant's brand of sneakers? Snakers.
  • Been watching basketball lately, and I gotta say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant. He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.
  • Whats kevin durants favorite band of all time? DURANt DURANt
  • Wanna know why Kevin Durant is so skinny? Because he chokes on his food.
  • Why can't Kevin Durant stand on his tippy toes? Snakes don't have toes.
  • What's Kevin Durant's go-to garment? A choker.
  • Who is the freshest basketball player? Kevin deo-Durant.

Kevin Mccallister Jokes

Here is a list of funny kevin mccallister jokes and even better kevin mccallister puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Years later, Kevin McCallister murdered his older brother at a family Christmas party. It was a total buzzkill.
  • If Kevin McCallister was Home Alone... Who was filming?
  • What do Jared Fogle and Kevin McCallister have in common? They both like Cheese Pizza.
  • Jesus will never come again, because I kicked his nuts in. Kevin McCallister
Kevin joke, Jesus will never come again, because I kicked his nuts in.

Playful Kevin Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about kevin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kevin hart jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kevin pranks.

Deer Season

Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.

I was Jesus last time!

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"


Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..

And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."

A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

I got 6 numbers at the bar last night...

One more and it would have been a complete telephone number.

(special thanks to Kevin Malone)

There's a strange new trend in my office...

People have started naming food in the office fridge
Today I ate a turkey sandwich called Kevin.

A touching story of a boy and his cat

one day,a boy named Kevin found a cat in the streets. He touched the cat. Touched it again.
and again.
and again and again and again and again...
told you it was a touching story

My husband is allergic to our cat, so I have to give him away :/

He's a sweet-natured ginger, comes when called, well-trained, and works in IT. 28 years old, answers to "Kevin".

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge

Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

Why did Kevin Spacey go to Mars?

To m**... more young boys

Kevin Spacey walks into a bar

But after realizing the drinking age is 21 decides that he'd rather hang out somewhere else.

Why did Kevin Spacey go to space?

To m**... young stars.

What did the man at the beach say to Kevin Spacey?

Hey, get out of my son!

what do kevin spacey and walmart have in common?

They both have small boys pants at half off!

After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a s**... predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

Why is Kevin Spacey so good at writing sad songs

Because he's great at f**... minors

What did the woman say to Kevin Spacey on the beach?

Could you please move, you're in my son.

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious b**....

Did you know Kevin Spacey was a composer?

His most famous song is titled *Drunk Mistake* in A minor.

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey walk up to a bar

The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."

Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin h**... Malone?

His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.

It makes more sense now why Kevin Spacey helped Baby in Baby Driver

He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.

Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa.

Apparently they didn't trust him with the naughty list.

Kevin Spacey is undergoing conversion therapy and hope to eventually have a normal marriage.

He says, "I want to have kids."

Why is 6 afraid of 7...

Because 7 is Kevin Spacey

Kevin Spacey is no longer going to be an actor. He's going to teach guitar.

Be cause he's good at f**... A Minor.

What do doctors call a tiny heart?

Kevin

A White horse walks into a bar.

The barman remarks "Did you know there's a drink named after you?"
The horse replies "Kevin ?"

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.

She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."

The local weatherman named the upcoming snowstorm after his oldest son Kevin.

Because he didn't think it was going to amount to much either.

An elderly couple are making their f**... arrangements.

They get to choose what is engraved on each other's headstones.
Husband says, "Here lies Karen. Quiet at last"
Wife says, "Here lies Kevin, stiff at last"

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because the villian in 7 was played by Kevin Spacey, and we all know he is a six offender.

Kevin Bridges bus stop joke

I am a bus stop, ready on a bus, whilst a pleasant madman confirmed up.
He changed into throughout the road. He shouted “Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”.
Now whilst u are at a bus stop, at midnight, and a person instigates a communication with
“Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”,…, you type a,…,s**... yourself!
You try to preserve your head down. Then the fellow shouts: “Oi fats boy!”.
I’m status there, searching at the two different human beings on the bus stop. I’m looking to discern out their BMI!
But beside me had been those 2 thin pensioner types.
I wager this one’s for me!
And the fellow said: “Fat boy. Give me a quid,…,or you’re getting stabbed!”
And I thought,…,a quid ? That is,…,pretty reasonable! Panic over!
I mean, I’ve by no means been stabbed, however I can believe it being really inconvenient.
You’d be blanketed in blood, need to visit the hospital, and be b**... and emotionally traumatized.
And here,…,we’ve were given a gentleman,…,providing me the threat to skip this sort of horrendous ordeal,…,
In this contemporary economic climate,…, for a trifling pound!
Now I’m a s**... for a bargain!

Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"
Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machines weren't hacked. The hand recounts were accurate. Just go into Heaven, you're already ticking me off!"
As they walk through the gates Babbitt and Greeson look at each other and say, "this goes up a lot higher than we thought."

One day Kevin was taking a stroll through the beach and found a magic lamp

Kevin immediately rubbed the magic lamp and a genie appeared
Genie : "You have freed me from 1000 years of slavery and I shall be granting you a wish. So be very careful when you wish."
Kevin : "Oh um, I wanna be Rich"
Genie : "Alright then, your wish is granted"
Rich : "Oh no, this is not what I meant!"

Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.

They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.

A couple Roman soldiers walk into a bar.

The buddies order drinks and start chatting.
John: I heard somewhere your name is actually Kevin? But I know you as Ken?
Ken: That is correct.
John: How does one get Ken from Kevin?
Ken: Easy, I'm not six anymore.

Mom I'm Pregnant....

-Mom I think I'm pregnant
-Are you drunk?
-How do you know?
-A mother knows everything Kevin...

Why can't Kevin Spacey win at blackjack (despite his role in "21")?

He keeps hitting on 17.

Be first

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

Why did Kevin McCarthy go as a microphone for Halloween?

Because he couldn't be a speaker.

What's the difference between Kevin McCarthy and Amazon Alexa?

One's a speaker that runs the house and the other is a congressman…

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Kevin McCarthy: Hold my beer.

Wife to husband on their son's 10th birthday: Honey, Kevin still doesn't look like either of us. Why is that?

Husband: Of course he doesn't! Don't you remember when we were leaving the hospital and he had soiled his diaper? You told me to go change him. And I did!

Kevin joke, Wife to husband on their son's 10th birthday: Honey, Kevin still doesn't look like either of us. Why

jokes about kevin