The Best 57 Ketchup Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ketchup jokes. There are some ketchup relish jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ketchup ketchup and mustard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Ketchup Jokes and Puns

Ketchup and rubber buns

DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".

KID: Gotcha.

DAD: what did you buy at the store?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What did you have for dinner?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What do you do when an old lady crosses the street?

KID: Ketchup and rub....... HEY!

Mental illness is on the increase...

At least that's what the ketchup bottle told me this morning.

Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle.

Easy when I have a knife.

Ketchup joke, Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle.

Tomato Family

A Papa Tomato, a Mama Tomato, and a Baby Tomato are all walking down the street. The Baby Tomato starts to trail behind. The Papa Tomato turns around and walks over to the Baby Tomato, SMASHES him, and says "Ketchup!"

The tomato family was walking down the street....

...when daddy tomato and mommy tomato noticed that baby tomato had started to fall behind so daddy tomato went back to the baby and stomped on him and said "Ketchup!"


Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....

with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"

Two tomatoes are walking across the road when a car drives over one of them.


the other turns around and says "Hurry up ketchup!"

Ketchup joke, Two tomatoes are walking across the road when a car drives over one of them.

Convincing someone to have sex is a lot like getting ketchup out of a glass bottle.

It's a lot easier with a knife.

[OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race?

Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.

Getting laid for me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle

easy if i have a knife

Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

You can explore ketchup sauce reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ketchup dijon dad jokes. There are also ketchup puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


When your SO asks Daddy for ketchup at the family BBQ.

And you BOTH grab it at the same time.

I decided to put some ketchup in my eyes...

...but in Heinzsight, it wasn't a good idea.

A cabbage, a tap and a tomato had a race

The Cabbage was ahead, the tap was running and the tomato tried to ketchup

Why did the chip chase the sauce?

To ketchup

Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

Ketchup joke, Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

I could see every bottle of ketchup in the restaurant.

Heinz sight is 20/20.

My girlfriend is like ketchup.

I always bang her on the table.

Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?"

So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.


I smeared ketchup all over my eyes once...

It was kind of a bad idea in Heinz-sight

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips?

I was checking out at Tesco...

I was checking out at Tesco today when I noticed the man in front of me put one item on the conveyor belt... a box of condoms. Not only did he notice me staring, but decided to make super uncomfortable eye contact. So, to lighten the mood I put my bottle of ketchup on and said, "Looks like we've both bought something to put on our sausages!".

A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race...

the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.

What do french fries do when they met after a long time?

They ketchup

I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.

It caused immense pain to ma toes.

I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.

But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.

A tomato family is walking down the road...

when baby tomato falls behind. Daddy tomato goes back, smacks him on the head and says, "Ketchup!"

Why do they call it Heinz field?

Because the Steelers can't seem to ketchup.

Who won the race?

Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?

The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

You know that sound when the ketchup bottle falls against the cabin you just closed?

That's the sound of someone else's problem.

What did Donald Trump get on his SATs?

Ketchup

Why is it good to wash your eyes with ketchup?

Because Heinzsight is 20/20.

A staggering drunk knocks over a pregnant lady who is carrying a bag of groceries...

2 eggs and a bottle of ketchup fall and break to the sidewalk. The drunk say "Sorry lady, but it would have died anyway. Its eyes were too far apart.

My sister came in my room and said this

Ok, so say ketchup and liquor after each sentence ok?

What did you eat for breakfast?

ketchup and liquor

What did you eat for dinner?

ketchup and liquor

What do you do when a girl runs

...
Nice

My daughter was inspecting our seedlings this morning: "The tomato is catching up with the other plants! But I shouldn't be surprised..."

"Of course a tomato would ketchup."

She's only five and already a dad...

I used to think that putting ketchup on my glasses was a great way to clean them.

But in Heinz sight, I don't think that was such a good idea.

What does shampoo and ketchup have in common?

My dad waters both down when we get to the end of the bottle.

Why did the ketchup blush?

He saw the salad dressing.

In retrospect, I should have known rubbing ketchup on my eyes would be useless.

Oh well, Heinz-sight is 20/20 I guess.

I used to rub ketchup in my eye

Now i've got Heinz sight

I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.

Still can't get the last of that ketchup out though.

Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.

"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"

What do you call a person who eats chocolate with ketchup?

An idiot. You call them an idiot.

A wife says to her husband put ketchup on the shopping list . He reluctantly agrees.

I can't read it anymore he replies

Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?

Because they can't ketchup.

What's sneezing on your period like?

Smacking the bottom of an open ketchup bottle.

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.

Now I can't read any of it.

Why did the mustard lose the race between sauces?

Because it couldn't ketchup

Three moles live in a hole together.

One day a pancake breakfast is set up around the mole hole. One of the three moles sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell syrup!"

The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell ketchup!"

The third mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but cannot because the other two are blocking him. Frustrated, he says, "All I smell is molasses!"

The Ketchup shortage this year was so predictable.

But I guess Heinz sight is 2020

Shortage of Heinz ketchup packets...

... now secretly caused by usage for hemorrhoids. The company will now market "A" Heinz for restaurants and "B" Heinz for hemorrhoids.

I rubbed ketchup in my eyes

Now i have Heinzsight.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes...

I now have Heinzsight.

What did the tomato say to the wheat?

You go pasta, I'll ketch-up.

Did you know that putting ketchup on your glasses makes you see better

It's because Heinz-sight is 20 20

I dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday....

It caused severe pain To-ma-toes.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street

Three tomatoes are walking down the street,Papa tomato, Mama tomato and Baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind and Papa tomato gets really angry. Papa goes back and squishes him and says,

"KETCHUP"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ketchup ketchup liquor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ketchup tomato piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes