Kermit The Frog Jokes
88 kermit the frog jokes and hilarious kermit the frog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kermit the frog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kermit The Frog Short Jokes
Short kermit the frog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kermit the frog humour may include short kermit frog jokes also.
- What do kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
- If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.
- If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left Then you have Kermit the Frog's undivided attention
- What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
Kermit the Frog's Finger!! - I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.
- When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained Now he's a Pastor of Muppets
- If you have a green ball in one hand… And another green ball in the other hand, what do you have?
Complete control over Kermit the frog. - Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation? He gave a ribbeting performance
- Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name... Hmmmm
- Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.
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Kermit The Frog One Liners
Which kermit the frog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kermit the frog? I can suggest the ones about kermit and miss piggy and kermit miss piggy.
- What is green and smells like a pig? Kermit the frog's finger
- What's green and slimy and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger
- What are long, green,and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's fingers…
- I robbed a bank dressed as a frog the other day It was the first time I Kermit-ed a crime
- Kermit the Frog has a bit of European ancestry. Yep, he's a tad Pole.
- What's long, green and reeks of bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers.
- Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
- Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frog's middle finger - My frog went to prison the other day... He kermitted a serious crime!
- Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy? Under the mistletoad
- What's green and smells of pork? Kermit the frogs fingers.
- If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy... Haram bae?
- What is long, green and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger
- How do frogs die? They kermit sucide
- Last week i just robbed my first bank in my new Frog outfit. I Kermited a major offense
Hilarious Kermit The Frog Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about kermit the frog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kissing frog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kermit the frog pranks.
Q: How did the frog die?
A: He Kermit s**....
Q: How did the frog die?
A: He Kermit s**....
Q: How did the frog die?
A: He Kermit s**....
What's Kermit the Frog's favorite song?
"Whib It" by Devo.
Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower?
He wanted to Kermit s**....
What do frogs do when they are depressed?
They Kermit s**....
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller...
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
A frog goes into a bank...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
Sadly..
..some frogs have been known to Kermit s**...
Kermit Jagger walks into a bank
and walks up to the teller, Patricia Whack and asks for a loan. The teller asks for something as collateral. Kermit produces a tiny porcelain elephant. The teller doesn't understand so Kermit asks to see the manager. The manager comes out and looks at Kermit and the tiny porcelain elephant. Patricia asks the manager what to do with the elephant? Manager says "it's a knick-knack p**... Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.
He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.
Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"
The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.
Kermit: "My father, m**... Jagger is friends with the manager. Go ask him if he will accept it."
So Mrs. Whack goes to the manager with the request and the pink elephant.
Manager: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone."
I hope this hasn't been posted before. I just remembered it while reading a joke about a bank. Sorry if this is a repost.
(JOKE)."LOVE IS IN THE AIR" sammy:have you notice every time miss piggy is not around and kermit the frog smell bacon cooking,he has a panic attack.
sammy:have you notice every time miss piggy is not around and kermit the frog smell bacon cooking,he has a panic attack.
A Frog walks into a bank looking for a loan
Bank Teller ("Whack" on her name tag"): Hello, what would you like?
Frog: I would like a loan.
Mrs. Whack: What is your name?
Frog: Kermit.
Mrs. Whack: You're not Kermit The Frog.
Kermit: No, I was named after him. Name's Kermit Jagger, father's name is m**... Jagger, mother's a frog.
Mrs. Whack: Okay, do you have any collateral
Kermit pulls out a tiny pink elephant
Mrs. Whack: Let me check that with my manager
Patty Whack goes into the back and asks the manger what the pink elephant is
Manager: That's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
Cr
The other day, a frog jumped underneath my lawmower..
I guess he was trying to *kermit* s**....
Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.
A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.
Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous m**... Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.
Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?
Kermit: As a matter of fact I do. (Pulls out a small porcelain elephant from his pocket and gives it to the teller)
Patty Wack: (Unsure of what to do) I'll go ask the manager.
Patty Wack: (explains the situation to the manager) And then he handed me this little elephant and I don't even know what it is!
Bank Manger: It's a nick nack Patty Wack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone!
What did Kermit the frog do when he found out Ms. Piggy was cheating on him?
He kermitted s**...!
What do Kermit The Frog'S fingers smell like?
Bacon.
A frog needs a loan...
...so he goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks 'Okay, well what's your name?' The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, son of the musician m**... Jagger.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who wants a loan and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?' The bank manager looks back at her and says 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!'
Mrs. Piggy
Q. Why does Mrs. Piggy d**... with honey? A. Because Kermit the frog likes sweet and sour pork.
What's green, fuzzy, and stinks of pork?
Kermit the frog's finger
What do you call it when a frog jumps off a bridge?
Kermitting s**....
I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname...
Kermit the frog.
Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?
Because she wouldn't rub it rub it.
(blame Happy International Bacon Day)
What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?
Nothing. She had a frog in her t**....
Why does Miss Piggy d**... with sugar and vinegar?
Because Kermit the frog likes to eat sweet and sour pork.
What did Kermit the Frog say after Jim Hensen died?
Nothing...
Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?
Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her t**....
Kermit the Frog's favorite s**... position?
Pig in a Blanket.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's f**...?
Nothing
What's warm, slippery and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog's finger because of Ms. Piggy
What did the ISIS frog say to the nervous bomb strapped toad?
"You must kermit to the cause."
I always get slapped when I greet women by saying 'Hi h**...'
But when Kermit the Frog does it no one seems to care
Out of desperation, I robbed a bank dressed as a frog and being a novice, the cops caught me right away. I thought I was going away to the big house for a very long time, but surprisingly, the judge was lenient and let me go...
...because it was the first time I had ever Kermitted a crime.
What is it called when a frog does something i**...?
It Kermit a crime.
Why did the frog hop off of the ledge?
He wanted to Kermit s**....
What did the r**... frog say?
It's time to Kermit a crime
how do frogs kill themselves?
They kermit s**...
Frogs don't live that long
They Kermit s**... within a few days
What did the frog say to the human?
I'm going to Kermit s**....
So did any of you hear about the guy who got ran over yesterday?
They say he leap-frog'd right into trafic and has undeniably croaked. I guess you can say he kermit s**....
Fozzie: Kermit, why can't miss piggy count to one hundred?
Kermit: I don't know, why?
Fozzie: Because when she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her t**...
A talking frog walks into a bank
and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter.
"I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her.
"How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief.
The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and m**... jagger, i guess i got the best of both worlds".
The teller isn't sure on what to do so she excuses herself to talk to the manager. She fills the manager in on the situation and after a heft debate he replies;
"Knick knack patty mack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone"
What is the difference between a s**... and Kermit the Frog
The s**... craves a cig in the pack. Kermit the frog craves a pig in the sack.
Kermit the Frog has been really rude ever since Jim Henson's death.
He doesn't talk to anyone.
Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.
The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.
"Well, my dad's m**... Jagger," Kermit replied.
Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.
"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.
Now confused, Patty told him she had to speak with her manager.
"Mr Jones," she said, "I don't know what to do. Kermit the Frog is asking for money, he says his dad is m**... Jagger, and his only collateral is this thing. I don't even know what it is!"
The manager replies, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
What do you have when you have two green b**... in your hand?
Kermit the Frogs undivided attention