The Best 35 Kermit The Frog Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kermit The Frog jokes. There are some kermit the frog frogs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kermit the frog jim henson puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kermit The Frog Jokes and Puns

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?

They share the same middle name.

If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have?

Kermit the Frog's full attention.

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?


A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is Mick Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

What is green and smells like a pig?

Kermit the frog's finger

What do frogs do when they are depressed?

They Kermit suicide.

What's green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger

If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left

Then you have Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

how do frogs kill themselves?

They kermit suicide

Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.

Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,

"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?

What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?

Kermit the Frog's Finger!!

You can explore kermit the frog treefrog reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kermit the frog rainbow connection dad jokes. There are also kermit the frog puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower?

He wanted to Kermit suicide.

I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog.

It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.

I robbed a bank dressed as a frog the other day

It was the first time I Kermit-ed a crime

What do you call it when a frog jumps off a bridge?

Kermitting suicide.


..some frogs have been known to Kermit suicide

When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained

Now he's a Pastor of Muppets

If you have a green ball in one hand…

And another green ball in the other hand, what do you have?

Complete control over Kermit the frog.

Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation?

He gave a ribbeting performance

Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor.

His lectures are ribbiting.

Kermit the Frog's favorite sex position?

Pig in a Blanket.

Old but gold

What is green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frog's middle finger

My frog went to prison the other day...

He kermitted a serious crime!

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit the frogs fingers.

Kermit Jagger walks into a bank

and walks up to the teller, Patricia Whack and asks for a loan. The teller asks for something as collateral. Kermit produces a tiny porcelain elephant. The teller doesn't understand so Kermit asks to see the manager. The manager comes out and looks at Kermit and the tiny porcelain elephant. Patricia asks the manager what to do with the elephant? Manager says "it's a knick-knack Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy...

Haram bae?

The other day, a frog jumped underneath my lawmower..

I guess he was trying to *kermit* suicide.

What is long, green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frogs finger

Frogs don't live that long

They Kermit suicide within a few days

Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name...


Out of desperation, I robbed a bank dressed as a frog and being a novice, the cops caught me right away. I thought I was going away to the big house for a very long time, but surprisingly, the judge was lenient and let me go...

...because it was the first time I had ever Kermitted a crime.

How do frogs die?

They kermit sucide

Last week i just robbed my first bank in my new Frog outfit.

I Kermited a major offense

What is the difference between a smoker and Kermit the Frog

The smoker craves a cig in the pack. Kermit the frog craves a pig in the sack.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kermit the frog tadpoles jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kermit the frog muppet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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