Kermit Jokes
100 kermit jokes and hilarious kermit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kermit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny Kermit the Frog jokes? We've got you covered! Check out our collection of the best jokes about everyone's favorite swamp-dwelling amphibian.
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Funniest Kermit Short Jokes
Short kermit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kermit humour may include short miss piggy jokes also.
- What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
- If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.
- If James Hetfield officiated Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding... He'd be a Pastor of Muppets!
- I'm not sure if it's been used before What did Mr Krabs say to insult roblox players?
Go kermit die - What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
Kermit the Frog's Finger!! - Did you know Metallica has a new album about the leader of Kermit's church? It's called Pastor of Muppets
- How come Miss Piggy hasn't thought about dating Porky Pig? Because she's in a kermitted relationship.
- I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.
- When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained Now he's a Pastor of Muppets
- Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation? He gave a ribbeting performance
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Kermit One Liners
Which kermit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kermit? I can suggest the ones about frog and sesame street.
- What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers
- Why did Miss Piggy never marry? *She's afraid of kermitment.*
I'm here all week. - Why can't miss piggy hold down a relationship? Because she's afraid of kermit-ment
- What's green and goes red at a flick of a switch. Kermit in a blender.
- Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
- Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frog's middle finger - My frog went to prison the other day... He kermitted a serious crime!
- Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy? Under the mistletoad
- Why did Mrs. Piggy's relationship fail? She couldn't stand making Kermitments
- If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy... Haram bae?
- Kermit Doesn't Always Eat Pork But when he does, he makes her shower first.
- How do frogs die? They kermit sucide
- Why did Kermit break up with Miss Piggy? He wasn't ready for a Kermitment.
- Why did one of the muppets go to jail? It Kermit a crime.
- The real reason Kermit and Miss Piggy broke up They just couldn't kermit to each other
Kermit Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kermit frog jokes and even better kermit frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name... Hmmmm
- Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.
- Kermit the Frog has been really rude ever since Jim Henson's death. He doesn't talk to anyone.
- Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it.
(blame Happy International Bacon Day) - I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname... Kermit the frog.
- What did the ISIS frog say to the nervous bomb strapped toad? "You must kermit to the cause."
- What's warm, slippery and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger because of Ms. Piggy
- What did Kermit the Frog say after Jim Hensen died? Nothing...
- What's green, fuzzy, and stinks of pork? Kermit the frog's finger
- What's wet, green, and covered in bacon? Kermit the frog.
Kermit The Frog Jokes
Here is a list of funny kermit the frog jokes and even better kermit the frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Name ONE famous frog apart from Kermit. Napolean.
- What's Kermit the Frog's favorite song? "Whib It" by Devo.
Kermit Miss Piggy Jokes
Here is a list of funny kermit miss piggy jokes and even better kermit miss piggy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did I miss something? Kermit has a new gf and Miss Piggy is seeing David Cameron?
- Kermit has cured Miss Piggy With salt
Gather Around for Fun Kermit Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about kermit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean miss piggy and kermit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kermit pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower?
He wanted to Kermit s**....
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was Kermit chased by n**... as a kid?
He was a Tad-Pole
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.
He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.
Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"
The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.
Kermit: "My father, m**... Jagger is friends with the manager. Go ask him if he will accept it."
So Mrs. Whack goes to the manager with the request and the pink elephant.
Manager: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone."
I hope this hasn't been posted before. I just remembered it while reading a joke about a bank. Sorry if this is a repost.
(JOKE)."LOVE IS IN THE AIR" sammy:have you notice every time miss piggy is not around and kermit the frog smell bacon cooking,he has a panic attack.
sammy:have you notice every time miss piggy is not around and kermit the frog smell bacon cooking,he has a panic attack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frog walks into a bank looking for a loan
Bank Teller ("Whack" on her name tag"): Hello, what would you like?
Frog: I would like a loan.
Mrs. Whack: What is your name?
Frog: Kermit.
Mrs. Whack: You're not Kermit The Frog.
Kermit: No, I was named after him. Name's Kermit Jagger, father's name is m**... Jagger, mother's a frog.
Mrs. Whack: Okay, do you have any collateral
Kermit pulls out a tiny pink elephant
Mrs. Whack: Let me check that with my manager
Patty Whack goes into the back and asks the manger what the pink elephant is
Manager: That's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
Cr
What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit?
I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green.
MEME this photo!
Think this deserves a Kermit style MEMe!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kermit and Miss Piggy never married.
He has Kermitment issues.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.
A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.
Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous m**... Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.
Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?
Kermit: As a matter of fact I do. (Pulls out a small porcelain elephant from his pocket and gives it to the teller)
Patty Wack: (Unsure of what to do) I'll go ask the manager.
Patty Wack: (explains the situation to the manager) And then he handed me this little elephant and I don't even know what it is!
Bank Manger: It's a nick nack Patty Wack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Miss Piggy was arrested for smoking w**....
When the cops asked her what she was thinking she replied, "Kermit said he wanted baked ham for Christmas."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog needs a loan...
...so he goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks 'Okay, well what's your name?' The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, son of the musician m**... Jagger.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who wants a loan and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?' The bank manager looks back at her and says 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!'
What did Kermit eat after he got divorced?
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A frog goes to the bank to get a loan...
A frog goes to the bank to get a loan, walks up to the teller, sees her name tag and says politely "Hello Ms. Pattywack I would like to take out a loan." She asks him his name and he replies "Kermit McJagger". She then asks him if he has any collateral and he places a small elephant statue on the table. She says "Sir this will not do." The frog says that's ridiculous let me see the manager. So she calls out the manager and explains the situation. He says everything is fine he gets the loan. Ms. Pattywack was very annoyed he would give a loan to this frog that easily when he had no collateral. She yells at the manager "what do you think you're doing?! He doesn't have anything!" Then she turns to the frog and yells "What is that s**... thing anyway?" By now the manager has had enough and says "That's a knick knack Pattywack now give this frog a loan, cuz his old man's a rolling stone!"
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What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common?
They both like to pork.
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Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar d**...?
Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
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What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?
Nothing. She had a frog in her t**....
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What did Miss Piggy's boyfriend do after he found out she was unfaithful?
Kermit s**....
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Kermit the Frog's favorite s**... position?
Pig in a Blanket.
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What did the depressed muppet say?
I want to Kermit s**....
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What do Muppet's do after being fired over the phone?
Kermit s**....
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If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends
He'd be a pastor of muppets
How to tell a muppet you're breaking up with them
I'm sorry, I just can't Kermit to this relationship and whenever you're with other guys, I get green with envy.
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I always get slapped when I greet women by saying 'Hi h**...'
But when Kermit the Frog does it no one seems to care
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What is it called when a frog does something i**...?
It Kermit a crime.
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If a muppet were depressed they would try to...
Kermit s**...
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What did the r**... frog say?
It's time to Kermit a crime
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Kermit is so disrespectful
He didn't even say a thing at Jim Henson's f**...
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If Kermit and Miss Piggy made a s**... tape...
They'd call it Frogsporn.
Why couldn't Ms. Piggy count to 70 in front of Kermit?
Because she chokes at 69.
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Frogs don't live that long
They Kermit s**... within a few days
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What did the frog say to the human?
I'm going to Kermit s**....
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Why should depressed muppets seek help?
So they don't Kermit s**....
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So did any of you hear about the guy who got ran over yesterday?
They say he leap-frog'd right into trafic and has undeniably croaked. I guess you can say he kermit s**....
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Why did big bird get arrested after sending death threats to Kermit?
Conspiracy to Kermit m**...
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A talking frog walks into a bank
and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter.
"I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her.
"How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief.
The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and m**... jagger, i guess i got the best of both worlds".
The teller isn't sure on what to do so she excuses herself to talk to the manager. She fills the manager in on the situation and after a heft debate he replies;
"Knick knack patty mack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What is the difference between a s**... and Kermit the Frog
The s**... craves a cig in the pack. Kermit the frog craves a pig in the sack.
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My uncle worked in Hollywood and told me how sad it was at Jim Henson's f**....
Kermit was speechless.
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Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.
The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.
"Well, my dad's m**... Jagger," Kermit replied.
Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.
"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.
Now confused, Patty told him she had to speak with her manager.
"Mr Jones," she said, "I don't know what to do. Kermit the Frog is asking for money, he says his dad is m**... Jagger, and his only collateral is this thing. I don't even know what it is!"
The manager replies, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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Kermit the Frog has a bit of European ancestry.
Yep, he's a tad Pole.
