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Kermit Jokes

121 kermit jokes and hilarious kermit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kermit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some funny Kermit the Frog jokes? We've got you covered! Check out our collection of the best jokes about everyone's favorite swamp-dwelling amphibian.

Funniest Kermit Short Jokes

Short kermit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kermit humour may include short miss piggy jokes also.

  1. What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
  2. If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.
  3. If James Hetfield officiated Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding... He'd be a Pastor of Muppets!
  4. If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left Then you have Kermit the Frog's undivided attention
  5. If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends He'd be a pastor of muppets
  6. I'm not sure if it's been used before What did Mr Krabs say to insult roblox players?
    Go kermit die
  7. What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
    Kermit the Frog's Finger!!
  8. Did you know Metallica has a new album about the leader of Kermit's church? It's called Pastor of Muppets
  9. How come Miss Piggy hasn't thought about dating Porky Pig? Because she's in a kermitted relationship.
  10. I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.

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Kermit One Liners

Which kermit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kermit? I can suggest the ones about frog and sesame street.

  1. What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers
  2. What is green and smells like a pig? Kermit the frog's finger
  3. What's green and slimy and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger
  4. Why did Miss Piggy never marry? *She's afraid of kermitment.*
    I'm here all week.
  5. What's green and covered in bacon grease? Kermit's finger
  6. Why didn't Miss Piggy get married? She was afraid of Kermit-ment
  7. What are long, green,and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's fingers…
  8. I robbed a bank dressed as a frog the other day It was the first time I Kermit-ed a crime
  9. Why can't miss piggy hold down a relationship? Because she's afraid of kermit-ment
  10. Kermit the Frog has a bit of European ancestry. Yep, he's a tad Pole.
  11. What's long, green and reeks of bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers.
  12. What's green and goes red at a flick of a switch. Kermit in a blender.
  13. Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
  14. Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
    Kermit the frog's middle finger
  15. My frog went to prison the other day... He kermitted a serious crime!

Kermit Frog Jokes

Here is a list of funny kermit frog jokes and even better kermit frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained Now he's a Pastor of Muppets
  • If you have a green ball in one hand… And another green ball in the other hand, what do you have?
    Complete control over Kermit the frog.
  • Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation? He gave a ribbeting performance
  • Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy? Under the mistletoad
  • What's green and smells of pork? Kermit the frogs fingers.
  • If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy... Haram bae?
  • What is long, green and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger
  • Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name... Hmmmm
  • How do frogs die? They kermit sucide
  • Last week i just robbed my first bank in my new Frog outfit. I Kermited a major offense

Kermit The Frog Jokes

Here is a list of funny kermit the frog jokes and even better kermit the frog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.
  • Kermit the Frog has been really rude ever since Jim Henson's death. He doesn't talk to anyone.
  • Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it.
    (blame Happy International Bacon Day)
  • I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname... Kermit the frog.
  • What did the ISIS frog say to the nervous bomb strapped toad? "You must kermit to the cause."
  • What's warm, slippery and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger because of Ms. Piggy
  • What did Kermit the Frog say after Jim Hensen died? Nothing...
  • What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common? They both like to pork.
  • What's green, fuzzy, and stinks of pork? Kermit the frog's finger
  • What do Kermit The Frog'S fingers smell like? Bacon.
Kermit joke, What do Kermit The Frog'S fingers smell like?

Kermit Miss Piggy Jokes

Here is a list of funny kermit miss piggy jokes and even better kermit miss piggy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did Miss Piggy become when Kermit converted to Islam? Haram-Bae
  • Why did Kermit break up with Miss Piggy? He wasn't ready for a Kermitment.
  • The real reason Kermit and Miss Piggy broke up They just couldn't kermit to each other
  • Did I miss something? Kermit has a new gf and Miss Piggy is seeing David Cameron?
  • Kermit and Miss Piggy never married. He has Kermitment issues.
  • What's long, green and smells like Miss Piggy? Kermit's finger...
  • Kermit has cured Miss Piggy With salt
  • Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred? Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her t**....
  • What did Miss Piggy's boyfriend do after he found out she was unfaithful? Kermit s**....
  • Why does Miss Piggy d**... with sugar and vinegar? Because Kermit the frog likes to eat sweet and sour pork.

Miss Piggy And Kermit Jokes

Here is a list of funny miss piggy and kermit jokes and even better miss piggy and kermit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Miss Piggy was arrested for smoking w**.... When the cops asked her what she was thinking she replied, "Kermit said he wanted baked ham for Christmas."
  • Fozzie: Kermit, why can't miss piggy count to one hundred? Kermit: I don't know, why?
    Fozzie: Because when she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her t**...
  • Why didn't Miss Piggy dump her boyfriend? He threatened to Kermit s**....
  • What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date? Nothing. She had a frog in her t**....
  • If Kermit and Miss Piggy made a s**... tape... They'd call it Frogsporn.
Kermit joke, If Kermit and Miss Piggy made a s**... tape...

Gather Around for Fun Kermit Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about kermit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean miss piggy and kermit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kermit pranks.

Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower?

He wanted to Kermit s**....

What do frogs do when they are depressed?

They Kermit s**....

Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

Why was Kermit chased by n**... as a kid?

He was a Tad-Pole

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

Sadly..

..some frogs have been known to Kermit s**...

Kermit Jagger walks into a bank

and walks up to the teller, Patricia Whack and asks for a loan. The teller asks for something as collateral. Kermit produces a tiny porcelain elephant. The teller doesn't understand so Kermit asks to see the manager. The manager comes out and looks at Kermit and the tiny porcelain elephant. Patricia asks the manager what to do with the elephant? Manager says "it's a knick-knack p**... Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit?

I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green.

The other day, a frog jumped underneath my lawmower..

I guess he was trying to *kermit* s**....

Mrs. Piggy

Q. Why does Mrs. Piggy d**... with honey? A. Because Kermit the frog likes sweet and sour pork.

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar d**...?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

Kermit the Frog's favorite s**... position?

Pig in a Blanket.

What did the depressed muppet say?

I want to Kermit s**....

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's f**...?

Nothing

How do muppets die?

They kermit s**....

What do Muppet's do after being fired over the phone?

Kermit s**....

How to tell a muppet you're breaking up with them

I'm sorry, I just can't Kermit to this relationship and whenever you're with other guys, I get green with envy.

I always get slapped when I greet women by saying 'Hi h**...'

But when Kermit the Frog does it no one seems to care

Why did one of the muppets go to jail?

It Kermit a crime.

If a muppet were depressed they would try to...

Kermit s**...

Why did the frog hop off of the ledge?

He wanted to Kermit s**....

What did the puppet say when he was depressed

I'm going to Kermit s**....

Kermit Doesn't Always Eat Pork

But when he does, he makes her shower first.

how do frogs kill themselves?

They kermit s**...

Kermit is so disrespectful

He didn't even say a thing at Jim Henson's f**...

Why couldn't Ms. Piggy count to 70 in front of Kermit?

Because she chokes at 69.

Frogs don't live that long

They Kermit s**... within a few days

What did the frog say to the human?

I'm going to Kermit s**....

Why should depressed muppets seek help?

So they don't Kermit s**....

Why did big bird get arrested after sending death threats to Kermit?

Conspiracy to Kermit m**...

What is the difference between a s**... and Kermit the Frog

The s**... craves a cig in the pack. Kermit the frog craves a pig in the sack.

My uncle worked in Hollywood and told me how sad it was at Jim Henson's f**....

Kermit was speechless.

What did Kermit say at Jim Henson's f**...?

Nothing!

What do you have when you have two green b**... in your hand?

Kermit the Frogs undivided attention

Kermit joke, Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy?

jokes about kermit