The Best 35 Kermit Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kermit jokes. There are some kermit willie jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kermit miss piggy and kermit puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kermit Jokes and Puns

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?

They share the same middle name.

If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have?

Kermit the Frog's full attention.

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?


Kermit joke, What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is Mick Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

What is green and smells like a pig?

Kermit the frog's finger

What do frogs do when they are depressed?

They Kermit suicide.

What's green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger

Kermit joke, What's green and slimy and smells like bacon?

If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left

Then you have Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

how do frogs kill themselves?

They kermit suicide

Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.

Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,

"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends

He'd be a pastor of muppets

You can explore kermit marvin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kermit frog dad jokes. There are also kermit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My uncle worked in Hollywood and told me how sad it was at Jim Henson's funeral.

Kermit was speechless.

What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?

What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?

Kermit the Frog's Finger!!

Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower?

He wanted to Kermit suicide.

I'm not sure if it's been used before

What did Mr Krabs say to insult roblox players?

Go kermit die

How do muppets die?

They kermit suicide.

Kermit joke, How do muppets die?


..some frogs have been known to Kermit suicide

What did Kermit say at Jim Henson's funeral?


When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained

Now he's a Pastor of Muppets

If you have a green ball in one hand…

And another green ball in the other hand, what do you have?

Complete control over Kermit the frog.

What's green and goes red at a flick of a switch.

Kermit in a blender.

What did the depressed muppet say?

I want to Kermit suicide.

Kermit is so disrespectful

He didn't even say a thing at Jim Henson's funeral

What do Muppet's do after being fired over the phone?

Kermit suicide.

Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

What did Miss Piggy's boyfriend do after he found out she was unfaithful?

Kermit suicide.

Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation?

He gave a ribbeting performance

Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor.

His lectures are ribbiting.

Kermit the Frog's favorite sex position?

Pig in a Blanket.

Old but gold

What is green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frog's middle finger

What did the puppet say when he was depressed

I'm going to Kermit suicide.

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit the frogs fingers.

Kermit Jagger walks into a bank

and walks up to the teller, Patricia Whack and asks for a loan. The teller asks for something as collateral. Kermit produces a tiny porcelain elephant. The teller doesn't understand so Kermit asks to see the manager. The manager comes out and looks at Kermit and the tiny porcelain elephant. Patricia asks the manager what to do with the elephant? Manager says "it's a knick-knack Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy...

Haram bae?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kermit kermit miss piggy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kermit kermit the frog piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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