Kermit Frog Jokes
66 kermit frog jokes and hilarious kermit frog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kermit frog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kermit Frog Short Jokes
Short kermit frog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kermit frog humour may include short kermit the frog jokes also.
- What do kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
- If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.
- What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
Kermit the Frog's Finger!! - I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.
- When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained Now he's a Pastor of Muppets
- Why did Kermit the Frog's stage play get a standing ovation? He gave a ribbeting performance
- Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name... Hmmmm
- Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.
- Kermit the Frog has been really rude ever since Jim Henson's death. He doesn't talk to anyone.
- Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it.
(blame Happy International Bacon Day)
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Kermit Frog One Liners
Which kermit frog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kermit frog? I can suggest the ones about kermit and miss piggy and kermit miss piggy.
- Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
- Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frog's middle finger - My frog went to prison the other day... He kermitted a serious crime!
- Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy? Under the mistletoad
- If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy... Haram bae?
- How do frogs die? They kermit sucide
- I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname... Kermit the frog.
- What did Kermit the Frog say after Jim Hensen died? Nothing...
- What's green, fuzzy, and stinks of pork? Kermit the frog's finger
- What's wet, green, and covered in bacon? Kermit the frog.
- Name ONE famous frog apart from Kermit. Napolean.
- What's Kermit the Frog's favorite song? "Whib It" by Devo.
- Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower? He wanted to Kermit s**....
- Kermit the Frog has a bit of European ancestry. Yep, he's a tad Pole.
- Kermit the Frog's favorite s**... position? Pig in a Blanket.
Witty Kermit Frog Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about kermit frog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kissing frog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kermit frog pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Home Loan Troubles
So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit.
He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says "Here's my deposit, give me a loan". The teller replies "I'm sorry that's really not good enough, you need money".
Kermit tells her that it's all he has and it will have to do. When the teller denies his request once more, he starts to get a bit angry. "Do you know who my dad is? He's m**... JAGGER." Kermit says forceably.
"I WANT YOUR MANAGER", Kermit yells. She lets out a sigh and wanders off to find her manager.
The teller explains to her manager the story about the deposit, the china elephant, and who it belongs to.
The manager places his palm on his face, looks up and says, "Jesus christ.. it's a knick knack Paddywhack, give the frog a loan.. his old man's from The Rolling Stones".
It is a cringe worthy joke, but I thought I'd share it.
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller...
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's this lady who works in a bank...
... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.
He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.
Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"
The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.
Kermit: "My father, m**... Jagger is friends with the manager. Go ask him if he will accept it."
So Mrs. Whack goes to the manager with the request and the pink elephant.
Manager: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone."
I hope this hasn't been posted before. I just remembered it while reading a joke about a bank. Sorry if this is a repost.
(JOKE)."LOVE IS IN THE AIR" sammy:have you notice every time miss piggy is not around and kermit the frog smell bacon cooking,he has a panic attack.
sammy:have you notice every time miss piggy is not around and kermit the frog smell bacon cooking,he has a panic attack.
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A Frog walks into a bank looking for a loan
Bank Teller ("Whack" on her name tag"): Hello, what would you like?
Frog: I would like a loan.
Mrs. Whack: What is your name?
Frog: Kermit.
Mrs. Whack: You're not Kermit The Frog.
Kermit: No, I was named after him. Name's Kermit Jagger, father's name is m**... Jagger, mother's a frog.
Mrs. Whack: Okay, do you have any collateral
Kermit pulls out a tiny pink elephant
Mrs. Whack: Let me check that with my manager
Patty Whack goes into the back and asks the manger what the pink elephant is
Manager: That's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
Cr
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Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.
A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.
Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous m**... Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.
Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?
Kermit: As a matter of fact I do. (Pulls out a small porcelain elephant from his pocket and gives it to the teller)
Patty Wack: (Unsure of what to do) I'll go ask the manager.
Patty Wack: (explains the situation to the manager) And then he handed me this little elephant and I don't even know what it is!
Bank Manger: It's a nick nack Patty Wack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog needs a loan...
...so he goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks 'Okay, well what's your name?' The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, son of the musician m**... Jagger.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who wants a loan and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?' The bank manager looks back at her and says 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes to the bank to get a loan...
A frog goes to the bank to get a loan, walks up to the teller, sees her name tag and says politely "Hello Ms. Pattywack I would like to take out a loan." She asks him his name and he replies "Kermit McJagger". She then asks him if he has any collateral and he places a small elephant statue on the table. She says "Sir this will not do." The frog says that's ridiculous let me see the manager. So she calls out the manager and explains the situation. He says everything is fine he gets the loan. Ms. Pattywack was very annoyed he would give a loan to this frog that easily when he had no collateral. She yells at the manager "what do you think you're doing?! He doesn't have anything!" Then she turns to the frog and yells "What is that s**... thing anyway?" By now the manager has had enough and says "That's a knick knack Pattywack now give this frog a loan, cuz his old man's a rolling stone!"
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What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common?
They both like to pork.
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What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?
Nothing. She had a frog in her t**....
What's warm, slippery and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog's finger because of Ms. Piggy
What did the ISIS frog say to the nervous bomb strapped toad?
"You must kermit to the cause."
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I always get slapped when I greet women by saying 'Hi h**...'
But when Kermit the Frog does it no one seems to care
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What is it called when a frog does something i**...?
It Kermit a crime.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What did the r**... frog say?
It's time to Kermit a crime
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Frogs don't live that long
They Kermit s**... within a few days
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What did the frog say to the human?
I'm going to Kermit s**....
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So did any of you hear about the guy who got ran over yesterday?
They say he leap-frog'd right into trafic and has undeniably croaked. I guess you can say he kermit s**....
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A talking frog walks into a bank
and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter.
"I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her.
"How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief.
The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and m**... jagger, i guess i got the best of both worlds".
The teller isn't sure on what to do so she excuses herself to talk to the manager. She fills the manager in on the situation and after a heft debate he replies;
"Knick knack patty mack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone"
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What is the difference between a s**... and Kermit the Frog
The s**... craves a cig in the pack. Kermit the frog craves a pig in the sack.
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Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.
The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.
"Well, my dad's m**... Jagger," Kermit replied.
Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.
"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.
Now confused, Patty told him she had to speak with her manager.
"Mr Jones," she said, "I don't know what to do. Kermit the Frog is asking for money, he says his dad is m**... Jagger, and his only collateral is this thing. I don't even know what it is!"
The manager replies, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."