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Kennedy Jokes

96 kennedy jokes and hilarious kennedy puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about kennedy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

A collection of jokes and puns related to President Kennedy and his administration. Explore the humor of the moment including references to his colleagues like Robert F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, and Jimmy Carter, as well as iconic events like the Cuban Missile Crisis and the motorcade.

Funniest Kennedy Short Jokes

Short kennedy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kennedy humour may include short carter jokes also.

  1. Under Kennedy, America went to the moon... Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.

    Much love from Toronto, stay safe!
  2. John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon... History shows if you don't want your child assassinated, don't name them after an airport.
  3. I saw a clickbait article: "Watch eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked." I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.
  4. Not only was John F. Kennedy's assassination an unexpected thing... It was also mind blowing.
  5. How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination? Well he's dead, isn't he?
    (Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)
  6. A week before Abraham Lincoln was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland... A week before Kennedy was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe.
  7. The Kennedys Everyone says Teddy Kennedy was the big alcoholic of the family. But when you think about it, it was John who was taking shots in the middle of his own parade!
  8. A lot of people say John F. Kennedy was goal-focused and determined... But, by the end of his presidency, his mind was all over the place.
  9. Why was John F. Kennedy secretly a more successful actor than Ronald Reagan? He always knew how to take the perfect headshot.
  10. What would have happened had it been Khrushchev instead of Kennedy that was assassinated? Dunno about politics, but I'm really sure Onassis would not have married the widow.

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Kennedy One Liners

Which kennedy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kennedy? I can suggest the ones about administration and assassination.

  1. "sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." - John. F. Kennedy
  2. His original name was John Kennedy They added the F later to pay respects
  3. I just read John F Kennedy's biography The end was mind blowing
  4. Why did President Kennedy never get drunk? He wasn't very good at taking shots.
  5. Why were Lincoln and Kennedy such good presidents? They were open-minded
  6. John F. Kenndy's birth name was John Kennedy The f was added to pay respect
  7. Kennedy put a man on the moon.... Obama put a man in the ladies room.
  8. Why did John F. Kennedy take a cab home? Because he had too many shots.
  9. Why did John F. Kennedy die? He was too open-minded.
  10. Good thing Kennedy was in Berlin when he made his famous speech, instead of Hamburg.
  11. Politicians always lie... Didn't John F. Kennedy promise to serve a full term?
  12. "So, Mrs. Kennedy, how was that parade?" "Mind blowing"
  13. What does John F. Kennedy have in common with the current Democratic Party? No brains
  14. Every Half Dollar is Lee Harvey Oswald Cus each one has a headshot of Kennedy
  15. Why did Jackie Kennedy go to McDonalds? Because Jack in the Box gives her nightmares.

John Kennedy Jokes

Here is a list of funny john kennedy jokes and even better john kennedy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Jackie Kennedy: "Not now. I have a headache." John F Kennedy: "We do this, not because it is easy, but because it is hard!"
  • Did you know John F Kennedy was called John Kennedy before he was shot? Apparently, the F was added later to pay respects
  • John F Kennedy was the smartest president America has ever had. He's the only president we know for sure had a brain.
  • TIL John F. Kennedy used to be called John Kennedy until he died. The F was added after his assassination to pay respects.
  • "Don't stop until you're ahead of John F. Kennedy." -50 Cent
  • The most shocking info that we'll get from the classified Kennedy documents will be that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't shoot the president, he ate him. Because John F. Kennedy was a berliner.
  • Did John F Kennedy get sniped because he wasn't at his keyboard? JAFK?
  • John F. Kennedy was feeling down one November afternoon. He decided to go on a ride to clear his head.
  • John F. Kennedy bought an iPhone7 and people started calling him Dan Quayle... because Dan was No-Jack Kennedy
  • Before his death, JFK was just known as John Kennedy. The F was added after to pay respects.

Kennedy Assassinated Jokes

Here is a list of funny kennedy assassinated jokes and even better kennedy assassinated puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Kennedy, Lennon, Gandhi If you don't want you kids assassinated, don't name them after an airport.
  • How do we know the CIA wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination? Well he's dead, isn't he?
  • Last night was like the Kennedy assassination... ...nobody is sure how many shots there were
  • The Kennedy Assassination it really blows my mind
  • What was going through John F Kennedy's head when he was assassinated? a bullet
Kennedy joke, What was going through John F Kennedy's head when he was assassinated?

Ted Kennedy Jokes

Here is a list of funny ted kennedy jokes and even better ted kennedy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why was Ted Kennedy called the "Lion of the Senate"? Because he mated at will and killed without remorse.
  • What was Ted Kennedy's favorite sport at Hogwarts? Chappaquidditch.
  • What do you get when you cross Ted Kennedy with Harry Potter? Chappaquidditch
  • What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy? Ted can swim away from an accident.
  • Why was Ted Kennedy the hearse driver at Rose Kennedy's f**...? They wanted a burial at sea.

Jackie Kennedy Jokes

Here is a list of funny jackie kennedy jokes and even better jackie kennedy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Great 1st Ladies of the United States have there own cause. Michelle Obama's: Your Truth, Melania Trump's: Be Best... Jackie Kennedy's: Take your shot
  • You should see that new movie about Jackie Kennedy the ending is a real mind blower
Kennedy joke, You should see that new movie about Jackie Kennedy

Amusing Kennedy Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about kennedy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean president jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kennedy pranks.

Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?

When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher up then I imagined."

There was one similarity between Lincoln and Kennedy's assassination that everyone overlooked...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe

Kennedy, Charles De Gaul, and Khrushchev ask god. . .

Kennedy: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 25 years.
Kennedy weeps and walks away.
Charles De Gaul: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 50 years.
Charles De Gaul weeps and walks away.
Khrushchev: God, when will my people be happy?
God weeps and walks away.

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...

Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.

Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.

A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.

---
Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged

The referees from the Cowboys/Lions game have reviewed the footage aaand...

It looks like President Kennedy is going to be alright!

Kennedy wasn't really a fan of GM

He wouldn't be caught dead in a Cadillac.

Why did Kennedy throw his head back?

He was taking a shot.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Republican whose wife is a member of the Kennedy family.

That makes him and his family...The Red Kennedys.

How do we know Kennedy wasn't killed by the CIA?

Well he's dead, isn't he?

Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents

Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States
-Eisenhower
-Kennedy
-Johnson
-Nixon
-Ford
-Carter
-Reagan
-Bush
-Clinton
-GW Bush
-Obama
But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump

JFK

So, John F Kennedy promised us a FULL 4 year term....
Liar

Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger?

To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet.

s**... positions

My favourite s**... position is the Teddy Kennedy.
That's where she drowns in it and I quickly leave the scene.

Next time you're at a Waffle House, ask for the Kennedy special.

It's a hashbrown double capped.

What state was president Kennedy in when he was killed?

Worst f**... in golf history

1. Stormy Daniels
2. O. J. Simpson
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Bill Clinton
Why? You ask
1. Stormy is a h**....
2. O. J. is a slicer.
3. Ted can't drive over water, and
4. Bill can't remember which hole he played last..

Kathleen Kennedy: The force is female.

Me: That explains why it's constanly out of balance.

How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. One to hold the bulb and three to drink until the room starts spinning.

so today I found out

the f in John F Kennedy was added to pay respects.

I was watching a miniseries about the Kennedy assassination on Netflix...

I had to use the bathroom and realized I just missed the end of the last episode. I really wanted to see it and wondered how to do this.
Then it struck me, I just needed to go back and to left.

What did Presidents Kennedy and Reagan have in common?

They both failed because they went with the top down.

t**...

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Kennedy joke, A lot of people say John F. Kennedy was goal-focused and determined...

jokes about kennedy