The Best 71 Keeper Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Keeper jokes. There are some keeper stung jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these keeper zookeeper puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Keeper Jokes and Puns

My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our back yard.

She's a keeper.

A guy walks up to the shopkeeper and asks for a Fender Strat, an Orange Amp and a Mooger Fooger pedal...

...the shop keeper says: "Are you a drummer?" and the guy responds: "Yeah how can you tell?"

The shop keeper responds: "This is a fish and chip shop mate."

A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.

The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.

"You know, you're good as a keeper."

"Oh? What brought this about?"

"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."

Keeper joke, A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.

I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb.

Knew right away she was a keeper.

My girlfriend is a keeper.

She's perfect, but I never score.


Don't date a soccer player...

There's only a 1/11 chance they're a keeper.

Why was the dolphin keeper depressed?

Because he had no porpoise.

Keeper joke, Why was the dolphin keeper depressed?

So I met this really nice girl at the zoo!

She was a keeper.

Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?

Because she's probably a keeper.

(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?

Cuz everyone was dying to get in.

A guy takes his family to see monkeys in a zoo...

Unfortunately, the monkeys are indoors furiously mating. The guy asks the keeper, ''Would they come out for a few nuts?'' The keeper replied, ''Would you? ''

You can explore keeper alba reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean keeper protector dad jokes. There are also keeper puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call the score keeper at a jihadi football game?

The Taliman.

So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally

I think she's a keeper

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.

The stallion said, "I spent the whole night trying to take off her pajamas."

I met a girl at a soccer game...

...I think she's a keeper

"Jesus, I've come to you for redemption," I pleaded.

"Sorry sir, that coupon is no longer valid," said the Mexican store keeper.

Keeper joke, "Jesus, I've come to you for redemption," I pleaded.

What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal?

A keeper

I found a girlfriend who's into bees.

She's a keeper.

I'm dating a guy that works at the zoo...

He's a keeper!


A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot.

She's a keeper.

Blind guy walks into a supermarket...

Starts swinging his dog around his head.

Shop keeper says: "What're you doing?"

Blind guy says "just having a look around"

Cr

Tried to score on my girlfriend in soccer yesterday, but kept failing,

Guess she's a keeper.

A daughter takes her new boyfriend home to meet her parents

Her dad asks, "so, what do you do?"

The boyfriend says, "Im training in Madrid as a goalie. I'm hoping to work my way into the first team next season!"

The dad winks at his daughter, nudges her on the arm and says, "watch out for this one, he's gonna be a real keeper"

Why should you never breakup with a goalie?

Because he's a keeper.

My mom told me never date a soccer player,

Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

The day I met her, I knew she was a keeper.

She completely lacked the skill, style or flair necessary to play out-field.

My new girlfriend works at the Zoo.

I think she is a keeper.

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."

Cr

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

You know she's a keeper.

My wife was a good house keeper

She kept the house.

My wife just set up her beehives in the garden

I think she's a keeper

A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…

Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'

A boy at school

A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there

she's a keeper

She's a keeper

This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook."

What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job?

He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.

Whenever my father, a bee keeper, would see a pretty lady walk by he would always say

"Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder."

My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

If you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them

That's how you know they're a keeper

My GF plays soccer

I think she's a keeper

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."

Got sacked from my job as a zoo keeper.

But as I said in my disciplinary

"all the signs say DON'T feed the animals"

A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit...

"Why are you doing that?" asked the keeper.
"The sign says it's okay," replied the visitor.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"

today I met a girl that claims to work with bees

yeah, she's definitely a keeper

I met my girlfriend while visiting the zoo. There she was, in her uniform...

straightaway I knew she was a keeper

My wife is a keeper

She kept the house, the car, and the bank account.

I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees

I think she's a keeper

Jesus walks into a Inn with 4 nails.....

He asks the Inn keeper
"Is this enough to put me up for the night?"

When your date shows up in a white suit that's covered in honey...

You know she's gonna be a keeper.

A guy goes into a grocery store.

He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper:

"What are those?"

"Those are potatoes"

"Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?"

The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes.

"What are those?"

"Those are plums..."

"Can I have a kilogram of plums all individually wrapped?"

The store keeper cusses under his breath and starts packing plums.

"... and what are those?!

"Those are poppy seeds and they are NOT for sale!"

When my girlfriend came home covered in honey and stings

I knew she was a keeper

I'll never forget how I met my wife at the zoo

From the moment I saw her I knew she was a keeper

My girlfriend is beautiful and awesome at soccer

She's a keeper

A guy walks into a bookstore and asks for a book on Pavlov and Schrodinger.

The book keeper says it rings a bell but he doesn't know if it is there or not.

The first time I saw my girlfriend tending her beehive...

I knew she was a keeper.

A man is shopping without a mask on....

Man: *looks at store items without wearing a mask*

Shop Keeper: Hey sir, you can't shop hear without a mask on.

Man: Nah I have a Medical condition that makes it hard for me to breathe.

Shop Keeper: Oh, what condition?

Man: Covid-19

An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.

The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.

The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.

The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.

The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.

The art collector asks why it is lucky.

The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.

I met my wife at the zoo.

The moment I saw her there, dressed head to toe in khaki and covered in animal shit, I knew she was a keeper.

A man goes into a pet store and demands an amazing pet for a very cheap price

The shop keeper says "I have a talking fox for only Β£20" the man exclaims " foxes can't talk!" While he's rambling on the fox puts his paw up on the desk and says "actually I can talk... I've written 3 books and I climbed up mount Everest for the 2nd time yesterday!" The man says "wow he's amazing, why are you selling him so cheap??" To which the shopkeeper replies "I just can't take the lies anymore..."

I met my girlfriend whilst visiting the London Zoo.

Straight away I knew she was a keeper.

My girlfriend is so sweet and loving, plus she plays in goal for the local football team

She's a keeper

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper

She was wearing massive gloves

I met my girlfriend whilst she was working at the zoo.

There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.

If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them.

They're a keeper.

On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him...

"Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"

A man goes to the police to report sexual harassment in the work place by a group of horny work colleagues.

He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.

I started dating a girl who loves soccer

She's a keeper

I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands.

She's a keeper.

I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...

But he never made it as a wise man

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the keeper curator jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working keeper gnu piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes