Keeper Jokes

134 keeper jokes and hilarious keeper puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about keeper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this collection of hilarious jokes and puns about keepers! From bee keepers to lighthouse keepers, you'll get a chuckle out of these amusing one-liners. Plus, we've included a few extra buz and alba puns for the keeper fans!

Funniest Keeper Short Jokes

Short keeper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The keeper humour may include short holder jokes also.

  1. I met my girlfriend whilst she was working at the zoo. There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.
  2. At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures. I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'
    'It was bread in captivity' she replied.
  3. LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player. There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
  4. My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her. I said "Son, she's a keeper."
  5. A guy walks into a bookstore and asks for a book on Pavlov and Schrodinger. The book keeper says it rings a bell but he doesn't know if it is there or not.
  6. Guys walks into a piano shop and asks the shop keeper for a wasp! The store keeper says sir. We are a piano shop. We don't sell wasps . The guys says. Then why have you got some in the window?
  7. What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job? He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.
  8. I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb. Knew right away she was a keeper.
  9. I met my girlfriend whilst visiting the London Zoo. Straight away I knew she was a keeper.
  10. Went on a date with a girl once and she told me she played goalie on her soccer team Right at that moment, I knew that meant she was a keeper

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Keeper One Liners

Which keeper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with keeper? I can suggest the ones about guard and manager.

  1. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she is a keeper.
  2. I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
  3. I found a girlfriend who's into bees. She's a keeper.
  4. What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal? A keeper
  5. So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper
  6. I started dating a girl who loves soccer She's a keeper
  7. My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our back yard. She's a keeper.
  8. My wife just set up her beehives in the garden I think she's a keeper
  9. My girlfriend is a keeper. She's perfect, but I never score.
  10. So I met this really nice girl at the zoo! She was a keeper.
  11. I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees I think she's a keeper
  12. Why was the dolphin keeper depressed? Because he had no porpoise.
  13. The first time I saw my girlfriend tending her beehive... I knew she was a keeper.
  14. My girlfriend is beautiful and awesome at soccer She's a keeper
  15. Yo mama's so fat... When she picked up a toddler the zoo keepers shot her.

Zoo Keeper Jokes

Here is a list of funny zoo keeper jokes and even better zoo keeper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'll never forget how I met my wife at the zoo From the moment I saw her I knew she was a keeper
  • I met my girlfriend while visiting the zoo. There she was, in her uniform... straightaway I knew she was a keeper
  • I'm dating a guy that works at the zoo... He's a keeper!
  • An orangutan in the zoo has two books The Bible and Darwin's Origin Of Species. He's trying to figure out if he's his brother's keeper—or his keeper's brother.
  • Got sacked from my job as a zoo keeper. But as I said in my disciplinary
    "all the signs say DON'T feed the animals"
  • What's the difference between a Stormtrooper and a Zoo Keeper? The Storm Trooper would have missed harambe
  • What did the zoo keeper say when he saw the elephant wearing sunglasses? nothing, he didn't recognise him
  • Why did the zoo keeper kill himself? He didn't have a porpoise.
  • Lost Elephants Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my
    Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
    Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"
  • What did the police officer say to the zoo keeper? Yeah I get it, I shoot monkeys on sight too.

Bee Keeper Jokes

Here is a list of funny bee keeper jokes and even better bee keeper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings You know she's a keeper.
  • My girlfriend surprised me when she came home today in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling of honey. She's a keeper.
  • my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there she's a keeper
  • today I met a girl that claims to work with bees yeah, she's definitely a keeper
  • If you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them That's how you know they're a keeper
  • If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them. They're a keeper.
  • Whenever my father, a bee keeper, would see a pretty lady walk by he would always say "Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder."
  • I have like Five Bees in my room I guess you can call me a keeper.
  • My wife loves bees. That's how I know she's a keeper.
  • If your girlfriend likes bees she's probably a keeper
Keeper joke, If your girlfriend likes bees

Crypt Keeper Jokes

Here is a list of funny crypt keeper jokes and even better crypt keeper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and the Crypt Keeper? The Crypt Keeper doesn't know it's a puppet.
Keeper joke, What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and the Crypt Keeper?

Rib-Tickling Keeper Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about keeper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean collector jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make keeper pranks.

A guy walks up to the shopkeeper and asks for a Fender Strat, an Orange Amp and a Mooger Fooger pedal...

...the shop keeper says: "Are you a drummer?" and the guy responds: "Yeah how can you tell?"
The shop keeper responds: "This is a fish and chip shop mate."

A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.

The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.
"You know, you're good as a keeper."
"Oh? What brought this about?"
"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."

Don't date a soccer player...

There's only a 1/11 chance they're a keeper.

Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?

Because she's probably a keeper.

Guy sitting in a graveyard

A man works at a graveyard, but he still gets the chills when he is around gravestones. The grave keeper passes by the graveyard one day and sees a man just sitting next to a couple of gravestones. He walks up to the man and asks him, Aren't you scared in this place?"
The man looks at him and smiles, Scared? Not really, I'm just glad to be out of that hole."

Cemetery joke

Man walks into a cemetery- "You have any openings?" The graves keeper nods "Lots!"

(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?

Cuz everyone was dying to get in.

A guy takes his family to see monkeys in a zoo...

Unfortunately, the monkeys are indoors furiously mating. The guy asks the keeper, ''Would they come out for a few nuts?'' The keeper replied, ''Would you? ''

What do you call the score keeper at a jihadi football game?

The Taliman.

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.
The stallion said, "I spent the whole night trying to take off her pajamas."

I met a girl at a soccer game...

...I think she's a keeper

Jesus and Paul are playing golf

Jesus hits his ball out into the middle of a water hazzard. He walks on the water and hits the ball to within a couple of feet of the cup.
The greens keeper walks up to Paul and says "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?"
Paul replies "no, he think's he's Arnold Palmer"

"Jesus, I've come to you for redemption," I pleaded.

"Sorry sir, that coupon is no longer valid," said the Mexican store keeper.

A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot.

She's a keeper.

Blind guy walks into a supermarket...

Starts swinging his dog around his head.
Shop keeper says: "What're you doing?"
Blind guy says "just having a look around"

Tried to score on my girlfriend in soccer yesterday, but kept failing,

Guess she's a keeper.

A daughter takes her new boyfriend home to meet her parents

Her dad asks, "so, what do you do?"
The boyfriend says, "Im training in Madrid as a goalie. I'm hoping to work my way into the first team next season!"
The dad winks at his daughter, nudges her on the arm and says, "watch out for this one, he's gonna be a real keeper"

Why shouldn't you date a keeper?

You'll never get to score

Why should you never breakup with a goalie?

Because he's a keeper.

My mom told me never date a soccer player,

Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.

The day I met her, I knew she was a keeper.

She completely lacked the skill, style or flair necessary to play out-field.

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."

I met a girl at a football game

I think she's a keeper.

My wife was a good house keeper

She kept the house.

My gf's soccer team won 1-0

She's a keeper.

A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…

Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'

A boy at school

A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

Helium, Argon, Neon, Krypton, and Helium walk into a LGBT bar

The bar keeper says: "get out of here, we don't want far right elements in here"

She's a keeper

This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook."

When my son told me that he found the love of his life at the zoo,

I told him that interspecies relationships are fraught with troubles and would eventually lead to heartbreak. But then I met her and I think she might just be a keeper.

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that

a chimp was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the chimp, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

My girlfriend came home in a big white suit smelling of honey.

She's a keeper.

My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

My GF plays soccer

I think she's a keeper

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"
"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."

A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit...

"Why are you doing that?" asked the keeper.
"The sign says it's okay," replied the visitor.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"

A shop keeper fought off a robber with just a price gun!

The police are now looking for a person with a price on their head

My wife is a keeper

She kept the house, the car, and the bank account.

Jesus walks into a Inn with 4 nails.....

He asks the Inn keeper
"Is this enough to put me up for the night?"

When your date shows up in a white suit that's covered in honey...

You know she's gonna be a keeper.

A guy goes into a grocery store.

He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper:
"What are those?"
"Those are potatoes"
"Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?"
The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes.
"What are those?"
"Those are plums..."
"Can I have a kilogram of plums all individually wrapped?"
The store keeper cusses under his breath and starts packing plums.
"... and what are those?!
"Those are poppy seeds and they are NOT for sale!"

When my girlfriend came home covered in honey and stings

I knew she was a keeper

A man is shopping without a mask on....

Man: *looks at store items without wearing a mask*
Shop Keeper: Hey sir, you can't shop hear without a mask on.
Man: Nah I have a Medical condition that makes it hard for me to breathe.
Shop Keeper: Oh, what condition?
Man: Covid-19

An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.

The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.

I met my wife at the zoo.

The moment I saw her there, dressed head to toe in khaki and covered in animal s**..., I knew she was a keeper.

A man goes into a pet store and demands an amazing pet for a very cheap price

The shop keeper says "I have a talking fox for only £20" the man exclaims " foxes can't talk!" While he's rambling on the fox puts his paw up on the desk and says "actually I can talk... I've written 3 books and I climbed up mount Everest for the 2nd time yesterday!" The man says "wow he's amazing, why are you selling him so cheap??" To which the shopkeeper replies "I just can't take the lies anymore..."

My girlfriend is so sweet and loving, plus she plays in goal for the local football team

She's a keeper

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper

She was wearing massive gloves

On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him...

"Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"

A man goes to the police to report s**... harassment in the work place by a group of h**... work colleagues.

He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.

Keeper joke, A man goes to the police to report s**... harassment in the work place by a group of h**... work col

jokes about keeper