Rib-Tickling Keeper Jokes that Bring Friends Together
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our back yard.
She's a keeper.
A guy walks up to the shopkeeper and asks for a Fender Strat, an Orange Amp and a Mooger Fooger pedal...
...the shop keeper says: "Are you a drummer?" and the guy responds: "Yeah how can you tell?"
The shop keeper responds: "This is a fish and chip shop mate."
A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.
The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.
"You know, you're good as a keeper."
"Oh? What brought this about?"
"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."
I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb.
Knew right away she was a keeper.
My girlfriend is a keeper.
She's perfect, but I never score.
Why was the dolphin keeper depressed?
Because he had no porpoise.
So I met this really nice girl at the zoo!
She was a keeper.
Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?
Because she's probably a keeper.
(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?
Cuz everyone was dying to get in.
A guy takes his family to see monkeys in a zoo...
Unfortunately, the monkeys are indoors furiously mating. The guy asks the keeper, ''Would they come out for a few nuts?'' The keeper replied, ''Would you? ''
So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally
I think she's a keeper
You can explore keeper alba reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean keeper protector dad jokes. There are also keeper puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.
As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.
The stallion said, "I spent the whole night trying to take off her pajamas."
I met a girl at a soccer game...
...I think she's a keeper
"Jesus, I've come to you for redemption," I pleaded.
"Sorry sir, that coupon is no longer valid," said the Mexican store keeper.
What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal?
A keeper
I found a girlfriend who's into bees.
She's a keeper.
I'm dating a guy that works at the zoo...
He's a keeper!
A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot.
She's a keeper.
Blind guy walks into a supermarket...
Starts swinging his dog around his head.
Shop keeper says: "What're you doing?"
Blind guy says "just having a look around"
Cr
Tried to score on my girlfriend in soccer yesterday, but kept failing,
Guess she's a keeper.
Why should you never breakup with a goalie?
Because he's a keeper.
My mom told me never date a soccer player,
Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.
At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.
I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'
'It was bread in captivity' she replied.
The day I met her, I knew she was a keeper.
She completely lacked the skill, style or flair necessary to play out-field.
My new girlfriend works at the Zoo.
I think she is a keeper.
A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..
A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."
Cr
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings
You know she's a keeper.
My wife just set up her beehives in the garden
I think she's a keeper
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…
Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'
A boy at school
A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''
How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?
2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.
my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there
she's a keeper
She's a keeper
This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook."
What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job?
He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.
My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team
She's a keeper
If you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them
That's how you know they're a keeper
My GF plays soccer
I think she's a keeper
One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...
One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"
"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit...
"Why are you doing that?" asked the keeper.
"The sign says it's okay," replied the visitor.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"
today I met a girl that claims to work with bees
yeah, she's definitely a keeper
I met my girlfriend while visiting the zoo. There she was, in her uniform...
straightaway I knew she was a keeper
My wife is a keeper
She kept the house, the car, and the bank account.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees
I think she's a keeper
Jesus walks into a Inn with 4 nails.....
He asks the Inn keeper
"Is this enough to put me up for the night?"
When your date shows up in a white suit that's covered in honey...
You know she's gonna be a keeper.
A guy goes into a grocery store.
He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper:
"What are those?"
"Those are potatoes"
"Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?"
The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes.
"What are those?"
"Those are plums..."
"Can I have a kilogram of plums all individually wrapped?"
The store keeper cusses under his breath and starts packing plums.
"... and what are those?!
"Those are poppy seeds and they are NOT for sale!"
When my girlfriend came home covered in honey and stings
I knew she was a keeper
I'll never forget how I met my wife at the zoo
From the moment I saw her I knew she was a keeper
My girlfriend is beautiful and awesome at soccer
She's a keeper
A guy walks into a bookstore and asks for a book on Pavlov and Schrodinger.
The book keeper says it rings a bell but he doesn't know if it is there or not.
The first time I saw my girlfriend tending her beehive...
I knew she was a keeper.
A man is shopping without a mask on....
Man: *looks at store items without wearing a mask*
Shop Keeper: Hey sir, you can't shop hear without a mask on.
Man: Nah I have a Medical condition that makes it hard for me to breathe.
Shop Keeper: Oh, what condition?
Man: Covid-19
An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
I met my wife at the zoo.
The moment I saw her there, dressed head to toe in khaki and covered in animal s**..., I knew she was a keeper.
A man goes into a pet store and demands an amazing pet for a very cheap price
The shop keeper says "I have a talking fox for only £20" the man exclaims " foxes can't talk!" While he's rambling on the fox puts his paw up on the desk and says "actually I can talk... I've written 3 books and I climbed up mount Everest for the 2nd time yesterday!" The man says "wow he's amazing, why are you selling him so cheap??" To which the shopkeeper replies "I just can't take the lies anymore..."
I met my girlfriend whilst visiting the London Zoo.
Straight away I knew she was a keeper.
The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper
She was wearing massive gloves
I met my girlfriend whilst she was working at the zoo.
There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.
If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them.
They're a keeper.
On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him...
"Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"
A man goes to the police to report s**... harassment in the work place by a group of h**... work colleagues.
He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.
I started dating a girl who loves soccer
She's a keeper
I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands.
She's a keeper.
I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the a**..., and walks in to have a stiff drink.
The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the a**... before coming in? You got s**... all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps with chapped lips?"
"Nah," says the cowboy. "But it keeps me from lickin' 'em"
My girlfriend surprised me when she came home today in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling of honey.
She's a keeper.
My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her.
I said "Son, she's a keeper."
This new girl joined our soccer team
I was amazed, she was exactly what we wanted
She was tall, she was athletic, her legs were long, she wasn't fragile and she was extremely good with her hands
The moment I saw her I knew,
She's a keeper.
Someone Opened the Cages in the Reptile House at the Zoo
The keeper tried everything but couldn't get the snakes back in their cages.
Frantic, he yelled to his assistant, Call a lawyer!
A lawyer? Why?
We need someone who speaks their language.
Why did the guy marry his wife above all the other women on the soccer team.
She's a keeper.
My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game.
That's how I knew he was a keeper.
My niece just showed me a picture of her new girlfriend dressed in hockey gear, pads, mask and all
I said "She looks like a keeper"
Guys walks into a piano shop and asks the shop keeper for a wasp!
The store keeper says sir. We are a piano shop. We don't sell wasps . The guys says. Then why have you got some in the window?
LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player.
There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player
There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
