Kansas Jokes
66 kansas jokes and hilarious kansas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kansas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a chuckle with these humorous jokes about the state of Kansas! Learn about Kansas City Chiefs, Kansas City Royals, Kansas Jayhawk, Kansas State, Kansas basketball, Kansas weather, and more. Laugh your way through the heart of America with these hilarious jokes!
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Funniest Kansas Short Jokes
Short kansas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kansas humour may include short kansas city jokes also.
- What do a Florida hurricane, a Kansas tornado, and an Arkansas divorce have in common? Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.
- I started taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen got mad at me. I said, What, I'm just putting them out of their Missouri
- 'Twister kills fifteen in Kansas' Anybody else think the Americans may be playing it wrong.
- Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.
- I recently visited a US state north of Texas and south of Kansas. It wasn't great, but it was OK.
- How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house? Paint a goal line on your driveway.
- Arkansas is where all the pirates from Kansas moved. And they originally spelled it Cansas but being so far from the coast they found they missed the C too much.
- Did you hear about the band Kansas getting arrested for kidnapping at the airport? They tried to carry-on my wayward son.
- What's the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
- What did Kansas say they're lesser known sister band? O-hi-o! I must have missed you there!
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Kansas One Liners
Which kansas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kansas? I can suggest the ones about drought and coast.
- What do buzzards in Kansas eat? Carrion, my wayward son.
- If Dorothy missed Kansas, what did Toto miss? They missed the rains down in Africa
- Why don't any pirates live in Kansas? Because they all live in *Ar*kansas.
- What's the inverse of Kansas? Arkansas
- Why can't you find pirates in Kansas? They all live in Arkansas
- What do you call a Kansas cover band composed of physicists? Baryon my wayward son!
- Bernie Sanders is like the wizard of oz... ...because he took Kansas by storm.
- What is a good reason to live in Kansas? Family.
- Did you ever notice... That Kansas is a progressive rock band but a conservative state?
- What do you call Kansas overrun by pirates? Arkansas
- What do you call Kansas with a gun? Arkansas
- What does Kansas and jews have in common Dust in the wind
- Is the Capitol of Kansas pronounced "Wichitay" or "Wichitah?" It's pronounced "Topeka."
- Where did the Pirate from Kansas move to? Ar-Kansas
- What is a Kansas pirate's favorite state? Arrrrkansas
Kansas City Jokes
Here is a list of funny kansas city jokes and even better kansas city puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In retrospect... it probably wasn't a good idea when Kansas City Urban Friends decided to use their acronym for the new dyslexia outreach program.
- Why did Missouri decided to also name their side of the river "Kansas City"? Because Missouri loves company.
- 100% chance of showers for SF Giants victory parade. 100% chance of schadenfreude in Kansas City.
- Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking m**...? The Joint Chiefs of Staph
Kansas State Jokes
Here is a list of funny kansas state jokes and even better kansas state puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've heard there used to be so many pirates in Kansas But they were eventually kicked out and made their own state, arr-kansas
- What other US state can fit Kansas inside of it? Arkansas
Hilarious Kansas Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about kansas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pirate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kansas pranks.
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
Why is Oklahoma so windy?
Because Kansas s**..., and Texas blows
Where Do Pirates From Kansas Go?
AR-kansas
What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas?
He'd be an i**... alien.
Why do all the trees in Kansas lean south?
Because Oklahoma s**....
Why do diners in Kansas put a red star next to Vanilla ice cream?
to warn that it may be considered "too spicey" for the average customer
The Wizard of Oz takes on a whole new plot when you look at it from Toto's perspective...
... as much as Dorothy misses Kansas, Toto misses the rains down in Africa.
I took pi to Idaho, Kansas and Utah ....
My math teacher always told me to take it to three dismal places
The kid of a guy from Kansas asked his dad which type of bag to bring for his flight.
"'Carry on', my wayward son..."
I was looking through the accents on my GPS when I came across Kansas
I turned it on and all it said was "carry on wayward son."
A guy is scoping out chicks in a bar...
...when he sees one wearing a Kansas City Chiefs jersey.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi. My name is 21 Point Lead."
The woman laughs and replies, "That's not your name!"
The guy says, "You're right, but I figured anyone wearing a Chiefs jersey would blow a 21 point lead."
Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.
After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."
A man had a terminal illness.
His doctor says he only had six months to live and there is only one treatment. The doctor tells him he had to marry a woman that yells at him constantly and move to Kansas.
Will it help? asks the man.
No, says the doctor, but it will be the longest six months of your life.
The University of Kansas football program just traded in all their company vehicles for new ones...
They wanted Les Miles
It was decided that a great banquet would be held to honor Midwestern athletes
The organizers decided to invite twelve of America's finest sportsmen, specifically Cleveland baseball players and Kansas City (American) footballers. Six special chairs were made with the Cleveland logo, and six with the Kansas City. On the night of the banquet, though, there was a problem. Seven KC players showed up, while only five Clevelanders did. Since the special chairs could not be fixed, this was a calamity! The evening's host decided to contact the chief organizer, who could not attend due to a conflict.
"What's the issue?" barked the suit.
Responded his deputy, "We've got too many Chiefs, and not enough Indians."
My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry
... but you can't count Missouri twice.
Classic Rock and Roll Trivia
I learned today that 3 of the guys who performed on "Rosanna" and "Africa" also played on "Dust in the Wind". Music journalist asked them why they joined the new band and they said
"Toto? We aren't in Kansas anymore".
