Kansas City Jokes
16 kansas city jokes and hilarious kansas city puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kansas city that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Kansas City Short Jokes
Short kansas city jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kansas city humour may include short york city jokes also.
- I started taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen got mad at me. I said, What, I'm just putting them out of their Missouri
- How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house? Paint a goal line on your driveway.
- What's the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
- In retrospect... it probably wasn't a good idea when Kansas City Urban Friends decided to use their acronym for the new dyslexia outreach program.
- Why did Missouri decided to also name their side of the river "Kansas City"? Because Missouri loves company.
- 100% chance of showers for SF Giants victory parade. 100% chance of schadenfreude in Kansas City.
- Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking m**...? The Joint Chiefs of Staph
Share These Kansas City Jokes With Friends
Kansas City Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about kansas city you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new york city jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kansas city pranks.
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
A guy is scoping out chicks in a bar...
...when he sees one wearing a Kansas City Chiefs jersey.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi. My name is 21 Point Lead."
The woman laughs and replies, "That's not your name!"
The guy says, "You're right, but I figured anyone wearing a Chiefs jersey would blow a 21 point lead."
It was decided that a great banquet would be held to honor Midwestern athletes
The organizers decided to invite twelve of America's finest sportsmen, specifically Cleveland baseball players and Kansas City (American) footballers. Six special chairs were made with the Cleveland logo, and six with the Kansas City. On the night of the banquet, though, there was a problem. Seven KC players showed up, while only five Clevelanders did. Since the special chairs could not be fixed, this was a calamity! The evening's host decided to contact the chief organizer, who could not attend due to a conflict.
"What's the issue?" barked the suit.
Responded his deputy, "We've got too many Chiefs, and not enough Indians."
Southwest Airlines
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.
The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant asked: "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
He said that she had.
With a clever grin, she said: "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
Four former U.S. presidents...
Four former U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado that hits a state f**... they're all attending in Kansas.
Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.
What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I've come for some courage.
No problem! says the Wizard. Who is next?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well…I…I think I need a heart.
Done, says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?
Up steps George W. Bush, who says, I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
Not a problem! says the Wizard. Consider it done.
There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, What do you want?
Ummm, he says quietly, is Dorothy around?
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado...
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado, that hits a state f**... they're all attending in Kansas.
Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.
What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I've come for some courage.
No problem! says the Wizard. Who is next?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well…I…I think I need a heart.
Done, says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?
Up steps George W. Bush, who says, I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
Not a problem! says the Wizard. Consider it done.
There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, What do you want?
Ummm, he says quietly, is Dorothy around?
Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City.
He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past few months:
"Dolf, are you sure its just rain for tomorrow? I bet everyone's praying for a little snow tonight!"
"No no Erin, just rain for tomorrow"
"Are you sure we can't look forward to a white Christmas?"
"NO! RUDOLF THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR!"
Long Flight
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."