just cant figure it out Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious just cant figure it out puns

My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,

But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity

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The Musical Octopus

A guy walks into a bar carrying a bucket.

Bartender ask's "what's in the bucket"?

Guy say " it's my octopus and he plays musical instruments ".

Bartender says " bullshit "

Guys says " I bet you free drinks, he will play whatever you got "

Bartender says " fine, here is a harmonica "

Octopus looks at it, intrigued, then begins to play some blues.

Bartender " Whoa shit, free drinks "

Guy comes back next week, same thing.

Bartender gives the octopus a saxophone.

Octopus again looks at it, then wow, plays some jazz.
free drinks again.

Next week

Bartender says " I got you this time "

Bartender hands the octopus Bag pipes.

Octopus looks at it, squeezes it, but it just wont make a tune.

Bartender says " Hah, told ya "


Guy says " Hold on, Hold on. Once he figures out he cant fuck it, hell play it".

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Blonde vs. Lawyer

A blonde sits next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him. After several minutes of arguing with her, he says you give me $5 for every question you cant answer and i'll give you $50 for every question i cant answer. The lawyer figured he couldnt lose and the blonde accepted.

The lawyer proceeded to ask his first question, "What's the distance between the earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

The blonde then asked her question, "What goes up a hill with four legs and comes down with three?"

The lawyer was searching his laptop for hours and calling everyone he knows to find the answer. Finally he gave up and handed the blonde $50.

After the plane landed, he decided to ask her the answer to her question.

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5

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Is there a way i can get some help with my new keyboard?

I cant figure out what the F1 key does.

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