Quirky and Hilarious Junk Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
I had such a strange dream last night...
everything was reversed. Vegans were eating meat. Christians were having un-married s**.... Bodybuilders were fat and eating junk food. And the weirdest of all I was getting laid.
What do the Minnesota Vikings and a car in the junk yard have in common?
Neither one has a title
Where does Sauron keep all his useless junk?
In Hoardor.
Someone keeps sending me envelopes with cartoon d**... on them.
I hate junk mail.
Testicular cancer joke?
Testicular Cancer Society: Hi there, did you receive our email?
Me: No... why?
Testicular Cancer Society: Maybe you should check your junk.
Why do garbage men, TSA agents and h**... have in common?
They all get paid to touch your junk.
Yummy
So a husband and wife wake up one morning and the husband is the first to go to the bathroom. The wife patiently waits her turn until she hears her hair dryer is on. Confused and curious she opens the bathroom door to find her husband blow drying his junk. Naturally, she asks him what he is doing to which he responds, "Heating up your breakfast."
j**... grandson : Grandma,grandma did you see my pills I left on the table ?
Grandma: F*c**... the pills,did you see those dragons in the kitchen ?
How does a Tyrannosaurus Rex scratch it's junk?
It squats down on a Triceratops.
Did you heard about the elephant that was a hoarder?
He had a lot of junk in the trunk.
Come on, be easy on me, I made that up myself while staring at elephants at the zoo yesterday.
Why did the zombie not eat your brain?
Because he doesn't eat junk food.
You can explore junk trashcan reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean junk junk food dad jokes. There are also junk puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A j**... walks into a gay bar,.....
he goes straight to the bathroom and starts b**... ron.
How can you tell if an elephant is sick?
If it has junk in its trunk!
My friends call me The Archeologist
Because I date old, dusty pieces of junk
2 guys walking down the road...
they see a dog, l**... its junk.
"I wish I could do that."
"Uhhh....you might want to try petting him first."
I have been trying to lose weight so I've been keeping my junk food in the basement.
This makes it cellary.
The j**... tried but couldn't quit
All of his efforts were in vein
Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?
They know how to tuck away junk.
Husband: Hey baby, hold my jock strap.
Wife: That's disgusting why would I hold your jock strap?
Husband: Well I always hold your purse for you.
Wife: That's not remotely the same.
Husband: Why not, they both hold our junk.
Credit to /u/WhistleWhileYouLurk.
I hate having to delete all this junk postings on my facebook when I get hacked.
I have to figure out a way to stop being hacked by Al Cohol.
What does a j**... use for protection during s**...?
a bus shelter
Why is Junkrat a feminist's favorite class in Overwatch?
TRIGGERED
Tumblr is like junk food
They're both filled with trans fat.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a homosexual?
One's crack is in a j**... and the other's junk is in a crack.
My mailbox is overflowing, my spam folder and junk folder rival each other in size, and I keep procrastinating on dealing with it...
But one day I'm gonna go clean all that up, you just wait and DNC.
One man's junk is another man's treasure...
especially to gay people
What is Anthony w**...'s favorite type of mail?
Junk mail
Junk foods are so versatile!
A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election!
What's the difference between a kid and a drawer?
A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.
Pinocchio is having issues in bed.
He goes to his doctor, and says his girlfriend is complaining about splinters. The doctor tells him to apply some sandpaper to his junk and see if that helps.
A week later the doc sees Pinocchio skipping down the street and asks how his girlfriend is doing.
"Who needs a girlfriend?"
What is a junkies favorite drink?
Hepsi
One of the most important skill my parents taught me is...
How to tell what is junk mail and real mail.
Girl, you must be a trash can...
Because I want to t**... top and stick my junk in you.
What do you call trash that is 3 feet high?
A junk yard.
I've been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking, junk food and s**... that ..
I've finally decided to give up reading
Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house....
.....and it was delicious
Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house....
...now I'm eating from my trashcan.
What's another name for a n**... beach?
A junk yard.
I'll never forget the first woman that ever saw my junk
She grounded me for m**...
Which superhero loves to whip out his junk in public?
The Flash
I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale"
Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
What gets easier as you get taller?
Washing your junk in the sink
I've decided to open a gay s**... club. I'll call it...
One Man's Junk.
What's a homeless man's favourite type of food?
Junk food
What is a cannibals favorite junk food?
HANDburgers
I messed up today by sending a picture of my junk to everyone in my contact list.
Cost me a fortune in stamps too.
How do you get other people to pay you to haul away your old junk?
Tell them it's a garage sale.
What do garbage man eat?
Junk food
You can tell if a guy is gay or straight by
You can tell if a guy is gay or straight by how he emphasizes in the phrase:
"One man's junk is another man's treasure"
"New Years resoultion"
I have been reading so many bad things lately about how all the bad things sugar and junk food could do to me, so my New Years resoultion is no more reading 😊
Why did the j**... keep accidentally calling his dealer?
Because he had him on speed dial.
I've decided to start sitting to pee instead of standing.
People may think it's weird, but I just really like the way the u**... cradles my junk.
What do you get when you grind up Kim Jung Un's junk, mix in some shredded potatoes, ball them up and deep fry them?
dicktator tots
Two junkies are sitting on opposite sides of a table
The first j**... says "You know, its a thin line between you and me"
What is a beavers favorite junk food?
Woodchips
What's a junkies favourite cheese?
Blue vein
Trash/rubbish bags and condoms are basically the same thing.
You fill them with your junk and they always seem to break when carrying a big load
People don't understand me
I only really get mad as a joke at people but you know most people don't really get it. They're like stop throwing things at me and junk like that.
Most redittors would make excellent Presidents.
We already sleep, eat junk food, watch TV and post on social media 21 hours a day.
I used to eat a lot of junk food and do Fortnite dances
But my dad told me you are what you yeet.
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I'm returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
An interesting comparison between the love of my life and a garbage can.
Many men put their junk inside.
My love life is a lot like a celery stick
I'm typically the better option, but everyone chooses junk food instead of me.
A j**... was disappointed after smoking c**....
He said it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Need to get rid of some of your junk?
Pack it up in Amazon boxes and leave it on your front porch.
j**... is trying to sell his pet chameleon live on radio...
-"Hello, I want to sell my pet, yellow chameleon... I mean blue chameleon... Sorry red chameleon... Wooooooow, never mind! Not for sale!"
Did you know there is a huge fair where people trade junk for s**... favors?
It's called a swap meat.
You know what they say about gay relationships...
One man's junk is another man's treasure.
The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me and said, Did you get our email? I said No .
They said, Maybe you should check your junk.
I don't know what all the fuss is about seeing Jeff Bezo's junk...
We already know he has a prime member.
What do you call a spaceship, designed to collect space junk?
A vacuum cleaner...
One man's trash is another man's treasure...
That is until my friend found out I was digging through his wife's junk
What does a j**... have in common with a quiet kid?
Shooting up
Why don't junkies like a good male protagonist in a story?
Because they prefer heroine.
My wife accidentally ordered way too many chicken strips for lunch
She was quite upset about, as she hates wasting food. My daughter I were quite happy to have some tasty junk food for dinner though. I said to my wife "We could do this again, I don't mind eating KFC. I hope this wasn't just a s**... tease!"
Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know...
A little *d**...-tater*
What did the Bostonian zookeeper say when the monkey hit him in the junk?
Macaque!
I think Louis c**... has been misunderstood.
He was testing out new material. He just wanted to see whether women would laugh at his junk!
The clinic where I had my recent testicular cancer exam called me and asked, Did you get our email? Rather alarmed, I exclaimed, No! What should I do!?" They replied...
You better check your junk.
Two old men sitting on a park bench discussing their junk
First one says, I'll bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
Second one says, That's ridiculous. I've known you my whole life. Never have you, _or your wife_, bragged of such a thing.
Fifty bucks says mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
You're on. How long is yours soft?
Seventeen years.
Once I met a gay man and asked him what his outlook on life was. You know what he said?
One man's junk is another man's treasure!
Two guys at a yard sale are chatting, one says whatcha got there, pal?
Fella over there sold me a bunch of dominoes, a paint can, a ball, and a mousetrap
What in the h**... would you need all that junk for?
He said I can use it to crack an egg
You're such a rube, Goldberg
I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent,
so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge. That's when I realized a juice jug had leaked so I needed to clean it up but when I went to grab a rag, I saw that the pantry closet was a nightmare so I started organizing it.
And that's how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from 1990s and not doing laundry.
Have you heard about the film they're making, where Dallas gets destroyed by space junk?
Debris Does Dallas.
I went to a gay bar called The Flea Market.
I guess one man's junk really is another man's treasure.
I got fired from Arby's because I couldn't quit scratching my junk.
I don't see what I did wrong! I mean, I had gloves on.
