Junk Jokes
114 junk jokes and hilarious junk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about junk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Come for a laugh with these hilarious jokes about junk food, junk mail, junk removal, junk yards, junk cars, junk drawers, peeks, zips and trash cans. Enjoy a lighthearted peek into the world of junk with these comical jokes!
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Funniest Junk Short Jokes
Short junk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The junk humour may include short garbage jokes also.
- Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... .....and it was delicious
- I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale" Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
- The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me and said, Did you get our email? I said No . They said, Maybe you should check your junk.
- Have you heard about the film they're making, where Dallas gets destroyed by space junk? Debris Does Dallas.
- I went to a gay bar called The flea Market. I guess one man's junk really is another man's treasure.
- "New Years resoultion" I have been reading so many bad things lately about how all the bad things sugar and junk food could do to me, so my New Years resoultion is no more reading 😊
- I got fired from Arby's because I couldn't quit scratching my junk. I don't see what I did wrong! I mean, I had gloves on.
- Trash/rubbish bags and condoms are basically the same thing. You fill them with your junk and they always seem to break when carrying a big load
- Testicular cancer joke? Testicular Cancer Society: Hi there, did you receive our email?
Me: No... why?
Testicular Cancer Society: Maybe you should check your junk. - What do the Minnesota Vikings and a car in the junk yard have in common? Neither one has a title
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Junk One Liners
Which junk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with junk? I can suggest the ones about rubbish and waste.
- Which superhero loves to whip out his junk in public? The Flash
- How does a Tyrannosaurus Rex scratch it's junk? It squats down on a Triceratops.
- How can you tell if an elephant is sick? If it has junk in its trunk!
- What's a homeless man's favourite type of food? Junk food
- What do you call a spaceship, designed to collect space junk? A vacuum cleaner...
- What is a beavers favorite junk food? Woodchips
- My friends call me The Archeologist Because I date old, dusty pieces of junk
- Where does Sauron keep all his useless junk? In Hoardor.
- What did the Bostonian zookeeper say when the monkey hit him in the junk? Macaque!
- What do garbage man eat? Junk food
- What do you call trash that is 3 feet high? A junk yard.
- If Jazz and Funk fusion is called "Junk"... What is Funk and Rock fusion called?
- Why are anorexics cleaner than everyone else? Because they have no junk in their trunk
- What's Stormy Daniel's least favourite junk food? Toadstools...
- What kind of mail gets delivered to drug addicts? Junk e-mail
Junk Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny junk food jokes and even better junk food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have been trying to lose weight so I've been keeping my junk food in the basement. This makes it cellary.
- Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... ...now I'm eating from my trashcan.
- My love life is a lot like a celery stick I'm typically the better option, but everyone chooses junk food instead of me.
- I used to eat a lot of junk food and do Fortnite dances But my dad told me you are what you yeet.
- Most redittors would make excellent Presidents. We already sleep, eat junk food, watch TV and post on social media 21 hours a day.
- My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, "Everyone just eats it."
Junk Mail Jokes
Here is a list of funny junk mail jokes and even better junk mail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One of the most important skill my parents taught me is... How to tell what is junk mail and real mail.
- We sent you an email, please check... please check your junk...
Mail.
Junk Drawer Jokes
Here is a list of funny junk drawer jokes and even better junk drawer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does Iggy Azalea have in her kitchen junk drawers? Mainly doodads doodads.
Junk Removal Jokes
Here is a list of funny junk removal jokes and even better junk removal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who is the best employee for the junk removal company? The Rabbi
Quirky and Hilarious Junk Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about junk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bunk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make junk pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had such a strange dream last night...
everything was reversed. Vegans were eating meat. Christians were having un-married s**.... Bodybuilders were fat and eating junk food. And the weirdest of all I was getting laid.
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Someone keeps sending me envelopes with cartoon d**... on them.
I hate junk mail.
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Why do garbage men, TSA agents and h**... have in common?
They all get paid to touch your junk.
Yummy
So a husband and wife wake up one morning and the husband is the first to go to the bathroom. The wife patiently waits her turn until she hears her hair dryer is on. Confused and curious she opens the bathroom door to find her husband blow drying his junk. Naturally, she asks him what he is doing to which he responds, "Heating up your breakfast."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
j**... grandson : Grandma,grandma did you see my pills I left on the table ?
Grandma: F*c**... the pills,did you see those dragons in the kitchen ?
Did you heard about the elephant that was a hoarder?
He had a lot of junk in the trunk.
Come on, be easy on me, I made that up myself while staring at elephants at the zoo yesterday.
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Disrespectful parrot.
A little girl is playing around her sleeping dad, when she notices that her dad is n**... from the waist down under the blanket. Curious, she wakes up her dad and point to his junk and asks him what is it? Her dad embarrassed tries to explain keeping her innocence,
"sweetheart, this is a parrot, the one's in the bottom are its eggs and the foliage surrounding it is its nest". Saying that he sends her away and goes back to sleep.
A few hours later the girls mom comes home and is shocked to find EMT's taking her husband in an ambulance. While the little girl sits terrified and crying. The mom runs to her and asks what happened?
"Mommy, i got bored and decided to play with the parrot, but after a few minutes of playing the parrot spit on me and i got angry. So i cut the parrots neck, smashed its eggs with a wrench and burned its nest".
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Why did the zombie not eat your brain?
Because he doesn't eat junk food.
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A j**... walks into a gay bar,.....
he goes straight to the bathroom and starts b**... ron.
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Man I hate shower s**......
Its hot, crowded, and i can never fit my junk into the faucet.
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Why did the j**... walk into the pet store?
To buy some quack croakaine!
cheap grunt,who's looking for some simple, easy work that takes no real skill or qualification,just the boring junk you don't want to deal with.
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What's the difference between Jared from Subway's gut and his junk?
He prefers his gut when it's down 45 pounds, and his junk when it's up 45 pounds.
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The j**... tried but couldn't quit
All of his efforts were in vein
Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?
They know how to tuck away junk.
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Husband: Hey baby, hold my jock strap.
Wife: That's disgusting why would I hold your jock strap?
Husband: Well I always hold your purse for you.
Wife: That's not remotely the same.
Husband: Why not, they both hold our junk.
I hate having to delete all this junk postings on my facebook when I get hacked.
I have to figure out a way to stop being hacked by Al Cohol.
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What does a j**... use for protection during s**...?
a bus shelter
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Why is Junkrat a feminist's favorite class in Overwatch?
TRIGGERED
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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a homosexual?
One's crack is in a j**... and the other's junk is in a crack.
My mailbox is overflowing, my spam folder and junk folder rival each other in size, and I keep procrastinating on dealing with it...
But one day I'm gonna go clean all that up, you just wait and DNC.
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Did you see the Chinese pole vaulter whose junk pushed the bar over the edge?
It was ridickulous.
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What is Anthony w**...'s favorite type of mail?
Junk mail
Junk foods are so versatile!
A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election!
Pinocchio is having issues in bed.
He goes to his doctor, and says his girlfriend is complaining about splinters. The doctor tells him to apply some sandpaper to his junk and see if that helps.
A week later the doc sees Pinocchio skipping down the street and asks how his girlfriend is doing.
"Who needs a girlfriend?"
What is a junkies favorite drink?
Hepsi
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Girl, you must be a trash can...
Because I want to t**... top and stick my junk in you.
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What do you call a British chick with junk in the trunk?
A dame with rubbish in her boot.
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I've been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking, junk food and s**... that ..
I've finally decided to give up reading
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What's another name for a n**... beach?
A junk yard.
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I'll never forget the first woman that ever saw my junk
She grounded me for m**...
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What gets easier as you get taller?
Washing your junk in the sink
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I've decided to open a gay s**... club. I'll call it...
One Man's Junk.
I messed up today by sending a picture of my junk to everyone in my contact list.
Cost me a fortune in stamps too.
How do you get other people to pay you to haul away your old junk?
Tell them it's a garage sale.
You can tell if a guy is gay or straight by
You can tell if a guy is gay or straight by how he emphasizes in the phrase:
"One man's junk is another man's treasure"
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My j**... neighbor's girlfriend finally left him...
I guess she was tired of his s**... talk.
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Why did the j**... keep accidentally calling his dealer?
Because he had him on speed dial.
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I've decided to start sitting to pee instead of standing.
People may think it's weird, but I just really like the way the u**... cradles my junk.
What do you get when you grind up Kim Jung Un's junk, mix in some shredded potatoes, ball them up and deep fry them?
dicktator tots
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Two junkies are sitting on opposite sides of a table
The first j**... says "You know, its a thin line between you and me"
What's a junkies favourite cheese?
Blue vein
A man walks into a fast food restaurant, followed by a priest.
What can I get you today? Says the cashier.
I'll have one cheeseburger and a kid sized chicken nugget portion please.
The priest asks the man What are you getting the kid sized portion for?
Well, says the man my lazy 7 year old isn't doing his chores and says he won't do anything unless I get him some chicken nuggets. He says he'll do anything after I get him some.
He'll do anything? Asks the priest.
Yeah, I reckon any kid would do whatever you want for a bit of junk food. Says the man jokingly.
The priest thinks long and hard and says to the cashier
I'll have 20 kid sized chicken nugget portions please.
People don't understand me
I only really get mad as a joke at people but you know most people don't really get it. They're like stop throwing things at me and junk like that.
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I'm returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A j**... was disappointed after smoking c**....
He said it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Need to get rid of some of your junk?
Pack it up in Amazon boxes and leave it on your front porch.
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j**... is trying to sell his pet chameleon live on radio...
-"Hello, I want to sell my pet, yellow chameleon... I mean blue chameleon... Sorry red chameleon... Wooooooow, never mind! Not for sale!"
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Did you know there is a huge fair where people trade junk for s**... favors?
It's called a swap meat.
I don't know what all the fuss is about seeing Jeff Bezo's junk...
We already know he has a prime member.
One man's trash is another man's treasure...
That is until my friend found out I was digging through his wife's junk
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a j**... have in common with a quiet kid?
Shooting up
Why don't junkies like a good male protagonist in a story?
Because they prefer heroine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife accidentally ordered way too many chicken strips for lunch
She was quite upset about, as she hates wasting food. My daughter I were quite happy to have some tasty junk food for dinner though. I said to my wife "We could do this again, I don't mind eating KFC. I hope this wasn't just a s**... tease!"
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Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know...
A little *d**...-tater*
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That's my Charlie!
Three women are sitting around talking about their husbands s**... life when one posed the question, "If you could name your husbands junk after any soft drink what would it be?"
The first lady says, "Well I'd name my husbands Mountain Dew, because it's as big as a mountain and all he wants to do!"
The second lady quips, "I'd name my husbands 7-Up, because it's 7 inches and it's always up!"
The third lady responds, "Well I'd name my husbands Jack Daniel's!"
The other ladies laughed and said, "That's not a soft drink! It's a hard liquor".
The third ladies replies, "That's my Charlie!"
