Silly Jungle Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
A little lizard
A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"
An Australian on safari...
An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful n**... women sprawled out across a bed of leaves.
"My god," he says. "Are you game?"
She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am."
So he shoots her.
What should you do if you're in the jungle and come upon a tiger?
Say you're sorry, wipe him off, and run.
The Drums Must Not Stop
A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.
The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink due to the ongoing drumming so he spoke to the chief. "Chief, I got no sleep last night. Could you maybe stop the drumming for a night so I could rest?"
The chief replied, "The drums must not stop."
The man figured it was their culture and focused on enjoying the day, studying and spending time with the tribe.
That night, the drums again kept the man awake for the whole night and in the morning he spoke with the chief.
"Chief, please! I need some sleep; couldn't the drums cease for just one night for my health?"
The chief replied, "The drums must not stop."
The man, exacerbated, let the issue drop and tried to focus on the day at hand, but could not focus due to lack of sleep and the incessant pounding of the drums.
That night, the beating of the drums left the man sleepless yet again in the morning he angrily approached the chief.
"Chief, I've just about had it. The drums must stop; it is impossible to get any rest with them!"
The chief replied, "The drums must not stop."
"Why! Why can the drums not stop? What happens when the drums stop?!"
The chief replied, "Bass solo."
Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.
Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.
How do you know Stephen Hawking has jungle fever?
He knows a lot about black holes
What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle?
Wipe it off and say you're sorry.
A cannibal in the jungle passed his brother.
Think about that.
Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.
As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"
What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?
The polar bear.
A cannibal took his young son for a walk in the jungle.
They came across a beautiful, n**... girl lying asleep on the ground. The boy got excited and said, "Let's eat her now, Dad!" But the father said, "No, I have a better idea. Let's bring her home and eat your mother".
You can explore jungle village reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jungle tarzan dad jokes. There are also jungle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
Wipe it off and apologise.
What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle?
A snooker table. (Courtesy of Leigh Hart on the Alternative Commentary Collective during the New Zealand v South Africa Cricket World Cup semi-final)
Lions sleep 18 hrs a day..
If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!
What's the stupidest animal in the jungle?
The Polar bear.
Ambush Watch
Down at the Senior Center the other day Joe was telling a tale about his experience in the jungle during his war. It seems that he was wearing a cheap watch one night while on an ambush and it made so much noise that his buddy insisted that he douse the watch with bug spray . . . to get rid of the ticks.
A lost dog strays into the jungle..
Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...
Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other one, "we're both about to die!".
"I know...but I just peed in their soup."
What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?
A topical rainforest.
The jungle book has been adapted into a live action play
But after the show at the Cincinnati zoo all other showings have been cancelled.
John and Peter
John: Dude my girlfriend is pregnant, but I use a c**... every time.
Peter: Come here my dear friend and I will explain it to you
John: Ok.
Peter: A man went into the jungle with an umbrella. He saw a tiger coming right at him. He touched the button of his umbrella and the tiger died.
John: Haha!But that's impossible. Maybe someone else shot the tiger.
Peter: Exactly..
There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.
But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''
Why do elephants paint their t**... red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.
Yoko Ono is apparently being lined up to assist with the bush tucker trials in the I'm a Celebrity jungle.
After all she has been living off a dead beetle for the last 36 years.
On a particularly beautiful day, I took my young son to the park. He was playing on the jungle gyms, and I was standing with the other parents, watching our kids play. I turned to one of the fathers and asked, "So which one's yours?"...
"Oh, I haven't decided yet," he said.
Trump, Putin, and Kim Jong Un are walking through the jungle
They all trip and fall into a pit of quicksand. A sign next to the pit reads, "the more you lie, the faster you sink." Kim Jong Un is up to his neck, and Putin is at his waist. Trump appears to be perfectly calm and not sinking at all. Putin asks how this is possible. Trump replies, "I'll be alright. I'm standing on Sean Spicer."
Who's the best rapper in the jungle?
Kendrick Lemur
My wife's pregnant
90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!
A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.
One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.
b**... b**...
Two adventurers were captured by a tribe in the jungle.
The chief asked the first one: "Decide your fate: Death or b**... b**..."
He answered: "I choose b**... b**..." and was r**... by the whole tribe.
So the chief asked the second adventurer: "Death or b**... b**...".
He answered: "I choose death"
The chief: "Well, so it shall be. Death by b**... b**...!"
m**... in the jungle
A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
A cannibal and his son were walking through the jungle looking for food
when they came across a beautiful n**... woman.
"Shall we take her home to eat, Dad?" asked the son.
"We'll take her home," replied Dad, "but we'll eat your mother."
Why can't you take a test in the jungle
Too many cheetahs.
Do you know why they don't play poker in the jungle?
Because there's too many cheetahs. I'm not lion.
The other day I got lost in the jungle but luckily I had a compass
So i was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil
TIL
There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.
But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''
Jungle animals started a softball league...
The teams are separated by species.
A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.
He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."
"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just want to know which field I'm on."
"Species puns, huh?" he replied, "Well toucan play at that game."
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn't they call it a reignforest?
Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate
What is the difference between a freshly made pizza and a hungry jungle tiger?
One tastes delicious to you and you taste delicious to one.
In a jungle, there are two cannibals eating a man
They ate their victim, one starting at the head and the other starting at the feet.
After a while, the cannibal who had started at the feet asked his friend, "How are you doing?"
"I'm having a ball!" came the reply.
"Slow down, you're eating too fast!"
My grandpa was telling me about when he used to hunt tigers.
He said, "this one time I was alone in the jungle when out of the bushes, right in front of me, a huge tiger leaped out suddenly and went RRROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! Kid, you won't believe it, I s**... myself."
I raised my eyebrows. "You bet I believe it, I'd have s**... myself too if that happened to me."
"That's not what I mean g**..., go fetch me some toilet paper."
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
African Safari
A young couple went on a safari to Africa, accompanied by the woman's mother.
On the second day, they got separated from their party and found themselves in a remote part of the jungle. Suddenly, a lion jumped out of the undergrowth and stood growling ferociously in front of the mother-in-law.
"Quick, George!" screamed his wife, "do something!"
"Not b**... likely," he replied, "that lion got himself into this mess, he can get himself out of it again."
What happens when you come across a lion in the jungle?
Wipe it off and politely apologise
For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his b**... red.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries!
(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)
The other day I got lost in the Jungle, but luckily I had a compass with me...
So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.
A couple of German jokes...
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a p**... to subsidise her drug habit.'
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle.
The boy obeyed. The boy returned home and reported to his mom.
Son: Mom! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!
Mother: How were you able to come back home?
Son: I followed the cat.
Pretend you're in a jungle, what do you do if a tiger is chasing you and catching up to you?
Stop pretending.
So an African pastor is heading to his church Sunday morning
So as he's walking through the jungle he hears growling. He turns around and sees a lion. He starts running and running until he gives up and gets on his knees and starts praying: God please dont let this lion eat me.
The pastor stops praying because he couldn't hear the lion anymore. He turns around and sees the lion on his knees praying. The pastor says hey lion I didnt know you prayed and the lion says im saying Grace
A soldier, airman, marine, and a sailor walk into a bar...
The soldier boasts, "Our camouflage is so good, we put 50 men in the desert and only 20 were found."
The airman retorts, "That's nothing. Our camouflage is so effective, we put 50 jets in the sky, and only 15 were found!"
The marine says, with a big grin, "Amateurs, our camouflage is so superior, we put 50 devil dogs in the jungle, and only 10 were found!"
Finally, a clearly distraught sailor on his 6th shot of whiskey says, "Our camouflage was so terrible, we pushed 50 sailors into the ocean, and only 5 were found."
The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle
He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.
After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.
He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself t**... and looks down and sees a spit with glowing coals warming up below him.
He screams for mercy and says You don't understand, I'm the chief editor of the New York Times!! .
The head cannibal replied, relax…
Soon you'll be the editor in chief…
Why don't you see elephants hiding in a tree?
Because they're very good at it.
Why do the elephants paint their b**... red?
So they can hide in a cherry tree.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries.
I'll see your dad joke an raise you one
Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
Too many chee-tahs
I was walking in the jungle…
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes
I turn to the local tribesman and said That lizard is really funny.
The tribesman replied That's not a lizard…
He's a stand up chameleon…
A cannibal was walking through the jungle
and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry,he sat down and looked over the menu.
*Grilled Tourist: $5.00
*Broiled m**...: $10.00
*Fried Explorer: $15.00
*Baked Politician: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and
asked, "Why such a high price for
politicians?" The cook replied, "Have you
ever tried to clean one? They are so full of
s**... that it takes all day!"
One day, Tarzan is swinging through the jungle on his favourite vine when he crashes into a monkey swinging in the other direction.
They both land safely on a tree limb below, but when Tarzan looks up, there is only one vine hanging above them. Next to it, there is only a very thin branch.
"Were you swinging on that thing?" asks Tarzan.
"Yes," replies the monkey.
Tarzan is amazed. "How do you do that?"
The monkey rolls his eyes. "Am I the only one in this whole jungle who knows how to drive a stick?"
My Club
A hunter walking through the jungle found a huge, dead rhino with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?" The pigmy said, "Yes." The hunter asked, "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" The pigmy said, "I killed it with my club."
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "There's about 60 of us."
What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?
One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy
Why can't you play games in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What animal in the jungle isn't allowed to play poker?
Cheetahs.
A wolf and A donkey were arguing about the color of the grass.
The wolf was saying: the grass is green.
The donkey was saying: the grass is blue.
They went to the king of the jungle to judge between them.
The lion king has ordered to send the wolf to jail.
The wolf asked the lion: isn't the grass green?
The lion said: yes.
The wolf said: then why did you put me in jail?
The lion said: I didn't put you in jail because you were wrong, I put you in jail because you were arguing with a donkey.
Why do elephants paint their t**... red?
So they can hide in apple trees.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Giraffes eating apples
What's sweet and crumbly and swings through the jungle?
A meringue-atan
Why don't people play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle
one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"Nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
How do elephants camouflage themselves in the jungle?
They paint their b**... pink and hide up cherry tree's.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Giraffes eating the berries.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do elephants paint their b**... red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries
The song Jungle Love is stuck in my head.
It's driving me mad.
It's making me crazy.
Why does the lion say I'm the king of the jungle ?
Because he has mane character syndrome
Why don't people play poker in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs
Why do elephants paint their t**... red?
-So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
-A giraffe eating cherries.
Why are divorce rates so high in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.
Animals in the jungle played hide and seek, and always…
the leopard was spotted!
