Jumping Jokes
186 jumping jokes and hilarious jumping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jumping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the best jumping jokes from around the world! From jumping castles to jumping to conclusions to jumping jacks and jumping spiders, we've got jokes about all kinds of jumping activities. Plus, we've got jokes about bungee jumping, cliff jumping, horse jumping, and even jokes about madly jumping budgies and trampolines! Get ready to giggle and marvel at our collection of jumping jokes!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Jumping Short Jokes
Short jumping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jumping humour may include short jumps jokes also.
- While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel
- I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore... They were real nice. Car started right up, and they even helped me with directions back to the interstate.
- A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
- I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore. The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
- What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a computer science student. I don't have either". - I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
- I went to a disco last night. I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.
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Jumping One Liners
Which jumping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jumping? I can suggest the ones about hopping and box jump.
- Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
- How do you jump higher on a water bed? You fill it with spring water.
- How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
- They used to be called "Jumpolines" ...until your mom jumped on one back in 1972.
- 2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico
silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico - Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins? Mankind
- Why did HD TV jump from 2K straight to 4k? Because 3k was considered too racist.
- Go bungee jumping for free! No strings attached.
- If I wanted to kill myself... I'd jump from your ego to your IQ.
- What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France? Eiffel
- what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction!
- Never do a parachute jump with your girlfriend... Do it with a parachute.
- Ever been to a bulimic's birthday party? (fixed) The cake jumps out of the girl.
- What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building? So far, so good.
- What kind of dog can jump higher than a building? Any kind. Buildings can't jump.
Jumping Window Jokes
Here is a list of funny jumping window jokes and even better jumping window puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who's guilty here? A wife is dreaming while asleep in the bed, she suddenly wakes up and shouts, "quick, my husband is home!"
Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window! - A wife was dreaming... Suddenly she wakes up and yells "Quick get out my husband's home!" her husband hurriedly wakes up and jumps out the window.
- I went to a expensive restaurant last night and I got a meal and a bottle of champagne for free. They do it for everyone who jumps out of the toilet window and runs off.
- A man and his wife were sleeping in their bedroom. The woman shouts in her sleep, "Run my husband is home!"
The man gets up and jumps off the window. - Who's guiltier in this situation? Husband and wife are both sleeping. Suddenly, the wife yells out "My Husband's Home!!" And the husband rolls out of bed and jumps out of the window.
- Say what you want about Windows but you can't jump out of a Mac
- You know how some singers sing so high that windows break? When I sing, they also break because people jump out of them.
- My little brother jumped out the window when I told him a cannibal clown was coming upstairs to feast on his flesh. I can't believe he fell for It.
- I thought my dad was a superhero but he lied When he jumped out the window, he didn't fly.
- "A boy jumped through the window". What is the subject? English literature
Bungee Jumping Jokes
Here is a list of funny bungee jumping jokes and even better bungee jumping puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school. I got suspended
- After reading about the dangers of bungee jumping, I decided not to go. I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I ain't going out cause of one.
- I will never go Bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isnt taking me out
- My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping... I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.
- I would never bungee jump... I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out cause of one.
- As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump... I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out because of one...
- "dad can I go bungee jumping?" "No son, your life started because of a broken rubber, it should not end by one too"
- I'm never going bungee jumping. A piece of broken rubber brought me into this world and it ain't gonna take me out.
- I'm never going bungee jumping. Broken rubber brought me into the world. It's not going to take me out.
- One of my proudest memories as a father was the day I got to cut the cord... Needless to say my son won't be bungee jumping again.
Cliff Jumping Jokes
Here is a list of funny cliff jumping jokes and even better cliff jumping puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the Jew jump off the cliff? He couldn't resist a free fall.
- I'm an undecided voter. Shoot myself, overdose, or jump off a cliff?
- A vegan and a vegetarian jump off a cliff to see who hits the bottom first? Who wins?
Society. - A man asks out a woman... Him: "If you don't say yes I'm going to jump off that 500 foot cliff over there."
Her: "I call that a bluff." - Two drums and a cymbal jump off a cliff... Ba dum tss.
- There's a kid about to jump off a cliff. His dad walks up and asks why he's going to jump. The kid says, I'm depressed and I hate your dad jokes. Hi depressed...
- Why did the rock jump of the cliff? It wanted to be boulder
- "Mom I wanna go bungee jumping." "NO!"
"But all my friends are going"
"Oh! So if your friends jump off a cliff, will you too?"
"Er...yes" - Confucius say... man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.
- Three elephants jump off a cliff, two land on the beach, one in the ocean... ba-dum tshh
Jumping To Conclusions Jokes
Here is a list of funny jumping to conclusions jokes and even better jumping to conclusions puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open. He said you're jumping to a conclusion.
- I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises... Other than jumping to conclusions.
- People always jump to ridiculous conclusions. Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.
- Yo mama is so fat that she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
- I wonder how many calories women burn by... ... jumping to conclusions.
- I really don't understand how Karen's aren't in better shape... They're always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions
- What do you call Skydiving when the parachute doesn't work?
Jumping to a conclusion.. - Why did the conspiracy theorist have such strong legs? Because he spent so much time jumping to conclusions
- There should be a female only sport in the Olympics called Conclusions. Women jump to them every day.
- What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*
Jumping Castle Jokes
Here is a list of funny jumping castle jokes and even better jumping castle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a security guard in a jumping castle? A Bouncer
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Jumping Jokes
What funny jokes about jumping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean high jump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jumping pranks.
Did you guys hear about Evil Kinevil's brother Ku Klux Kenivel?
He tried to break a world record by jumping over 1000 black men with a steam roller.
What does bungee jumping and h**... have in common?
Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're s**...!
Police dog
One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."
How are Bungee jumping and visiting a p**... a like?
If the rubber breaks, you're dead.
Why do tampons have strings?
So c**... can go bungee jumping
What does having s**... with a h**... and bungee jumping have in common?
If the rubber brakes, you're s**....
Did you hear about the Egyptian m**... who evaded capture by jumping into a river?
Police said he was in denial.
A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.
The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."
As we stripped off jumping into the bed I said to my boyfriend, "Can you give me a minute?"
"Why? Want to freshen up?" He asked.
"No," I replied. "Its just that last time you only gave me 30 seconds."
A Native American boy goes up to his father and asks him how they are given their names...
"Father, how are our names chosen?"
"Well, when a baby is born, the father walks out of the tent, and the first thing he sees, he names his new son.
If he sees a bird flying, he names 'flying bird'. A deer jumping? 'Jumping Deer'.
So tell me, young Sheep-a-Shittin', why do you ask?"
21, 21, 21
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."
Fat chick
I was ice-skating today, just minding my own business, when I noticed a rather plump woman, who kept giving me the eye.
Eventually, she came over to me.
"Hi there. I'm a bit shy and I'm not very good at breaking the ice!" she laughed.
"Have you tried jumping?" I asked.
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?
An udder disaster.
How do u stop a black person from jumping on the bed
Put Velcro on the roof
Somewhere off Gilligan's Island...
On a Christmas cruise on a luxury ocean liner in the Pacific,
a passenger sees seven straggly people on a small island
jumping up and down and waving their hands and shouting.
"Who are they?" the passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. But each year when we pass, they go nuts."
Woman goes to the vet because her Great Dane keeps jumping on her when she is in the shower...
VET: Ok, so want him Neutered?
Woman: No, declawed.
Three guys are aboard a jet as it's about to c**... and there are only two parachutes...
The first guy has the parachutes and gives both of them to the others, the second guy says thank you and jumps. The third guy before jumping asks "Wow, why would you do such a thing, why not save your own life?". The first guy then looks at him and says, "What are you crazy, I gave the second guy an empty backpack".
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?
Udder Destruction.
I swear this joke is funnier in person.
Try it, trust me.
p**... dropper for sure.
n**... man doing jumping jacks...
db qp db qp db qp db qp
10 little monkeys jumping on the bed...
10 little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and broke his head.
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"
.....
6 little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and broke his head.
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"I'm calling social services."
I'm no longer with a girl because she lied about her weight.
She died in a bungee jumping accident.
A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:
and says my wife wants to commit s**... by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.
I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...
They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.
My Grandpa told me this joke when I was 16... It took me a few years to understand it.
How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...
"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."
A blind man decided to kill himself...
Q: When the blind man decided to kill himself by jumping off of the Empire State Building, how did he know when he was just about to hit the ground?
A: The dog quit barking.
Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.
A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"
The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have s**... with me? I haven't had s**... in 25 years."
The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."
The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"
The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."
If I ever wanted to kill myself...
climbing up your ego and jumping down to your IQ level would get the job done.
Why is having fun with a p**... like bungee jumping?
Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
Whats the resemblance between a p**... and bungee jumping?
You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps.
R.I.P.
Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility.
The coroner ruled it a sewercide.
how is bungee jumping like having s**...?
a life depends on whether or not the rubber breaks
I've had a bungee jumping incident
But I'm sure I'll bounce back
How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling.
My friend called me today and said he was going to kill himself by jumping off of a cliff that overlooked a body of water unless I stopped specifying the names of geological formations for him.
I said back, "That's a bluff".
There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.
But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''
bungee jumping
A kid walks up to his mom and asks, Mom, can I go bungee jumping?
The mom says No, you were born from broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!
Did you hear about the physics student that committed s**... by jumping off a skyscraper?
What a shame. He had so much potential.
I'm never going bungee jumping.
I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be d**... if I leave because of it.
**
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog
The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
A little kid walks into his parents' bedroom while they're having s**...
The little boy asked, "What are you doing?"
His mother explains, "Your dad was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out."
The boy says, "That's really funny. Whenever you go out for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."
Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?
Because everyone who is good at running, jumping, and swimming have already made it into the U.S.
Why is jumping from great heights the most influential way to die?
Because you make an impact
I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...
Perhaps calling it s**... on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...
How is Bungee jumping similar to hanging hanging out with a p**...?
If the rubber breaks, your dead
s**... is like bungee jumping
I've never done either.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed...
One fell off and bumped his head, his momma called the doctor, and the doctor said, "I'm calling Child Protective Services."
What do you call a bungee jumping cow.
Cow-a-bungee.
Someone surprised me by jumping out and taking a Polaroid of me
Afterwards I was visibly shaken
Do you know why New Zealand has banned blind people from bungee jumping?
It kept scaring the life out of the seeing eye dogs.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog......
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
Have you ever heard of Ku Klux Knievel?
I hadn't either until he tried jumping 14 black guys and 6 Mexicans in a steam roller.
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence ?
Utter destruction...
My wife was depressed
She phoned me and said "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're doing nothing to help me"
So I sent her a timetable.
"What did the homeless man say to the breakdancer?"
"No jumping on the bed!"
Why is bungee jumping, and a p**... similar?
You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!
A prisoner spends years digging a tunnel out of jail ...
He comes up inside a preschool yard. He starts jumping up and down and screaming "I'm free!! I'm free!!"
A little kid tugs on his pants. The prisoner looks down and the kid says nonchalantly: "So what? I'm four."
Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.
Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.
Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.
A scientist performed an expirement on a spider...
He put the spider on a table and told it to jump, and it did. Then, he plucked off one of its legs and told it to jump, and it jumped again, but not as high as the first time. The scientist did this again and again, taking off another leg each time until all of its legs were gone. When the spider had no legs, he told it to jump. It just laid there, not jumping.
The scientist's conclusion: Spiders without legs are deaf.
Nothing unleashes your potential like ...
Jumping off a high building... m.g.h to be exact ...
My first time bungee jumping.
*Licks lips nervously*
Me: This is my first time bungee jumping.
Instructor: Can you please stop l**... my lips.
A doctor, a lawyer and a statistician go hunting.
After a while they spot a deer. The doctor shoots first missing the shot by a meter to the left. The lawyer proceeds to shoot and misses the shot by a meter to the right.
That's when the statistician throws his gun to the ground, start jumping and cheers "Yaaaayy, we hit it!!!!"
Jumping in a river
I jumped in a river in Paris. It was freezing.
I must have been in-Seine
Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump
"What are the chances of me dying?" I asked my skydiving instructor, moments before jumping.
"Very high," he said. "My wife just left me."
My wife had to die because she lied about her weight one time too much.
Bungee jumping...
First time bungee jumping...
ME: [l**... lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.
If someone kills their self by jumping down a manhole...
Is it sewercide?
Saw 4 guys jumping this old lady
I felt bad and had to jump in and help.
She put up a fight but noway 1 old lady could beat all 5 of us
TIL
There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.
But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''
What's a woman's favorite sport?
Jumping to conclusions!
I asked ryu if I could do a jumping uppercut on him...
He said Shoryuken
I wasn't afraid of heights until my significant other told me about her bungee jumping accident
I got the fright of my wife.
No more Polish jokes folks.
All these Polish jokes here are very hurtful. Yesterday my friend who is Polish had read enough and tried to commit s**... by jumping out his basement window.
A blonde joke
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
How is having s**... with a h**... and Bungie Jumping similar?
They both cost around 100 dollars and if the rubber breaks you're s**...
Did you hear about the guy who invented base jumping?
It was the highpoint of his career. It was all downhill after.
