The Best 80 Jumping Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jumping jokes. There are some jumping hop jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jumping ledge puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Jumping Jokes and Puns

What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!

How are Bungee jumping and visiting a prostitute a like?

If the rubber breaks, you're dead.

What does having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common?

If the rubber brakes, you're screwed.

Jumping joke, What  does having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common?

Did you hear about the Egyptian murderer who evaded capture by jumping into a river?

Police said he was in denial.

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."

The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"

Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.

"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."


As we stripped off jumping into the bed I said to my boyfriend, "Can you give me a minute?"


"Why? Want to freshen up?" He asked.

"No," I replied. "Its just that last time you only gave me 30 seconds."

A Native American boy goes up to his father and asks him how they are given their names...

"Father, how are our names chosen?"
"Well, when a baby is born, the father walks out of the tent, and the first thing he sees, he names his new son.
If he sees a bird flying, he names 'flying bird'. A deer jumping? 'Jumping Deer'.
So tell me, young Sheep-a-Shittin', why do you ask?"

Jumping joke, A Native American boy goes up to his father and asks him how they are given their names...

21, 21, 21

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."

Fat chick

I was ice-skating today, just minding my own business, when I noticed a rather plump woman, who kept giving me the eye.

Eventually, she came over to me.

"Hi there. I'm a bit shy and I'm not very good at breaking the ice!" she laughed.

"Have you tried jumping?" I asked.

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

An udder disaster.

Somewhere off Gilligan's Island...

On a Christmas cruise on a luxury ocean liner in the Pacific,
a passenger sees seven straggly people on a small island
jumping up and down and waving their hands and shouting.

"Who are they?" the passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. But each year when we pass, they go nuts."

You can explore jumping trampoline reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jumping hoops dad jokes. There are also jumping puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Three guys are aboard a jet as it's about to crash and there are only two parachutes...

The first guy has the parachutes and gives both of them to the others, the second guy says thank you and jumps. The third guy before jumping asks "Wow, why would you do such a thing, why not save your own life?". The first guy then looks at him and says, "What are you crazy, I gave the second guy an empty backpack".

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder Destruction.

I swear this joke is funnier in person.
Try it, trust me.
Panty dropper for sure.

Naked man doing jumping jacks...

db qp db qp db qp db qp

10 little monkeys jumping on the bed...

10 little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and broke his head.

Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

.....

6 little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and broke his head.

Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

"I'm calling social services."

I wonder how many calories women burn by...

... jumping to conclusions.

Jumping joke, I wonder how many calories women burn by...

A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:

and says my wife wants to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.

The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.

Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.

I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...

They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.

My Grandpa told me this joke when I was 16... It took me a few years to understand it.

How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.


"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.

A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"

The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have sex with me? I haven't had sex in 25 years."

The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."

The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"

The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."

Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead.

Whats the resemblance between a prostitute and bungee jumping?

You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps.

how is bungee jumping like having sex?

a life depends on whether or not the rubber breaks

How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

My friend called me today and said he was going to kill himself by jumping off of a cliff that overlooked a body of water unless I stopped specifying the names of geological formations for him.

I said back, "That's a bluff".

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..

Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...

Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...

''Where the Fakawi?''

Did you hear about the physics student that committed suicide by jumping off a skyscraper?

What a shame. He had so much potential.

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.

**

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog

The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

A little kid walks into his parents' bedroom while they're having sex

The little boy asked, "What are you doing?"

His mother explains, "Your dad was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out."

The boy says, "That's really funny. Whenever you go out for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."

Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because everyone who is good at running, jumping, and swimming have already made it into the U.S.

I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...

Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...

How is Bungee jumping similar to hanging hanging out with a prostitute?

If the rubber breaks, your dead

Sex is like bungee jumping

I've never done either.

Go bungee jumping for free!

No strings attached.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog......

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."

The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."

The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"

The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence ?

Utter destruction...

My wife was depressed

She phoned me and said "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're doing nothing to help me"

So I sent her a timetable.

"What did the homeless man say to the breakdancer?"

"No jumping on the bed!"

Why is bungee jumping, and a prostitute similar?

You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!

A prisoner spends years digging a tunnel out of jail ...

He comes up inside a preschool yard. He starts jumping up and down and screaming "I'm free!! I'm free!!"

A little kid tugs on his pants. The prisoner looks down and the kid says nonchalantly: "So what? I'm four."

Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.

Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.

Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.

A scientist performed an expirement on a spider...

He put the spider on a table and told it to jump, and it did. Then, he plucked off one of its legs and told it to jump, and it jumped again, but not as high as the first time. The scientist did this again and again, taking off another leg each time until all of its legs were gone. When the spider had no legs, he told it to jump. It just laid there, not jumping.

The scientist's conclusion: Spiders without legs are deaf.

Nothing unleashes your potential like ...

Jumping off a high building... m.g.h to be exact ...

My first time bungee jumping.

*Licks lips nervously*

Me: This is my first time bungee jumping.

Instructor: Can you please stop licking my lips.

My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping...

I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.

One of my proudest memories as a father was the day I got to cut the cord...

Needless to say my son won't be bungee jumping again.

A doctor, a lawyer and a statistician go hunting.

After a while they spot a deer. The doctor shoots first missing the shot by a meter to the left. The lawyer proceeds to shoot and misses the shot by a meter to the right.

That's when the statistician throws his gun to the ground, start jumping and cheers "Yaaaayy, we hit it!!!!"

Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?

This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump

"What are the chances of me dying?" I asked my skydiving instructor, moments before jumping.

"Very high," he said. "My wife just left me."

First time bungee jumping...

ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.

TIL

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.



But how did they get this name?..



Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...



Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...



''Where the Fakawi?''

No more Polish jokes folks.

All these Polish jokes here are very hurtful. Yesterday my friend who is Polish had read enough and tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window.

A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

How is having sex with a hooker and Bungie Jumping similar?

They both cost around 100 dollars and if the rubber breaks you're screwed

I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises...

Other than jumping to conclusions.

A dwarf walks into a bar, he's very, very thirsty.

The dwarf approaches the counter. It's very high up, so he can't see the other side.

He tries anyway and says: "Can I have a Coke please?"

(no answer)

He tries to jump as high as he can, saying "Can I have a Coke please?"

(no answer)

He jumps up and down, saying every time he gets to the top, "Can I have a Coke please?"

(still no answer)

He's fed up, so he goes around the counter, and on the other side...

...he sees another dwarf, jumping up and down saying, "Is Pepsi OK?"



PS: Google tells me that "dwarf" and "little person" are equally non-offensive. Feel free to educate me if it's the wrong term.

I'm never going bungee jumping.

A piece of broken rubber brought me into this world and it ain't gonna take me out.

I really don't understand how Karen's aren't in better shape...

They're always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions

I will never go Bungee jumping.

A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isnt taking me out

What is the difference between an angel of love jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire and a Karen?

One is a cupid stunt and the others a....

A horse walks into a bar

.. and just like that my Olympic Equestrian Show Jumping dream was over. Thanks a lot you stupid horse.

An inspector goes to a mental institution to check if any of the patients had been cured

When he gets there he places an empty pool on the ground. All the patients start squealing with joy, and jumping in the pool, hurting themselves. Only one patient stands to the side and doesn't jump. The inspector goes to ask him why he isn't jumping. The patient says: do you think I'm crazy? I can't swim

My friend has been terribly depressed since he went bungy jumping and the cord snapped.

He just hasn't bounced back.

What do you call

Skydiving when the parachute doesn't work?

Jumping to a conclusion..

I refuse to go bungie jumping

I came into this world because or a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one.

I'm never going bungee jumping.

Broken rubber brought me into the world. It's not going to take me out.

Why scuba divers always flip backwards when jumping from boat in water?

Because if they flip forward they would still be in boat.

What would you call if spiderman starts jumping around buildings instead of swinging using his spider webs?

Peter Parkour

Every day, a woman stood on her porch and shouted ,"Praise the Lord!"

And every day the atheist next door yelled, "There is no Lord!"

One day she prayed, "Lord, I'm hungry. Please send me groceries."

The next morning she found a big bag of food on the stairs. "Praise the Lord," she shouted.

"Ha! I told you there was no Lord," her neighbour said, jumping from behind a bush.

"I bought those groceries." "Praise the Lord!" the woman said.

"He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them."

3 men are standing on a cliff near the ocean.

Suddenly, a genie appears and says: "I can turn you into anything you want, if you jump off this cliff. Just say what you want to transform into after jumping, and I will work my magic."

The first man jumps, and shouts:

"Seagull!"

He then transforms into a seagull, and flies away.

The second man jumps, and shouts:

"Whale!"

He turns into a whale, and lands in the water.

The third man, tripped on a rock and shouted:

"Shit!"

I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open.

He said you're jumping to a conclusion.

Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?

Because it broke the laws of physics!!

(my son says he made this up himself!! can't find it anywhere else so maybe....)

Did you hear about the crossword experts that prevented a group of people from jumping off a bridge?

They got 6 Down and 3 Across.

I was the first person to install trampolines on musician's tour buses.

Now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.

What did they say about the artist who completed suicide by jumping off a building?

Well, at least they finally made an impact on the world.

An unintentional dad joke from my 5 yr old son…

Yesterday, my son found a set of Hotel Transylvania stuffed toys at a children's consignment event. He squealed and was jumping up and down, he was so excited. But then all of a sudden he got a dejected look on his face. One is missing, he said. I asked what he meant. I don't see the invisible man.

Even after we discussed it, he kept insisting they could have at least included the glasses.

Free Bungie Jumping Lessons

No strings attached!

I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school.

I got suspended

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jumping jump jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jumping skydive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes