Jumper Jokes
63 jumper jokes and hilarious jumper puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about jumper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Look no further than these hilarious jumper jokes! From trampolines to turtle necks, cardis to smoke jumpers, there is no shortage of humour to be found with these jokes. Discover the funny side of jumpers this holiday season with these go-to gags.
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Funniest Jumper Short Jokes
Short jumper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jumper humour may include short box jump jokes also.
- Two jumper cables walk into a bar and order a drink. The bartender says "Okay, but don't start anything."
- What's the difference between a jumper and a sweater? A sweater doesn't go splat after falling 40 stories...
- Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games? All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.
- Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because all their good runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America
- What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A wooly jumper (I'll see myself out)
- I used to think I was a fast reader And I was quite proud of it until I heard about these so called "9- 11 Jumpers" who went through over 100 stories in 10 seconds
...Incoming repost comments - My friend died when she saw a wild ox wearing a knitted jumper. It was a Cardi yak arrest.
- Two high jumpers walked into a bar Two high jumpers walked into a bar.
The third one won. - My jumper cables stopped working the other day So I called triple A to bounce up my trampoline
- Traditionally, we always have a family christmas jumper... ...It's always my job to talk him down :/
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Jumper One Liners
Which jumper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jumper? I can suggest the ones about jumping jack and jockey.
- A high jumper walks into a bar and is eliminated.
- A failed hurdle jumper walks into a bar... Get it ?
- What's a bouncer's favourite clothing? The jumper.
- What's every bungee-jumper's favorite pasta? Farfalle
- What do you call a sheep that jumps? A wooly jumper
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it starts beating you with jumper cables.
- What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper ! - Why couldn't the jumper cable start up his girlfriend? She was on her deep cycle
- Apparently Mao Zedong was a champion long jumper Everyone else was starving
- I come from a family of triple jumpers... But with me I think it skipped a generation
- Why did the bungee jumper hit the ground? He didn't pay a tension.
- Who are the world's fastest readers? 911 jumpers, they go 20 stories a second.
- What's the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers? Their ankles
- What is this jumper made of? Boyfriend material
- I don't have any idea how to fix this hole in my jumper... Darn it.
Jumper Cable Jokes
Here is a list of funny jumper cable jokes and even better jumper cable puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My battery was dead... So I tried to fix it by attaching it to two jumper cables near a power source.
No luck so far.
I missed many calls that day. - How do you know your dad's into cars? The first thing he grabs to beat you with is jumper cables.
- My laptop in college was So bad.. To start it I needed my friends car and some jumper cables
Christmas Jumper Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas jumper jokes and even better christmas jumper puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone asked me if I wanted to do Christmas Jumper day next week with them. I said it has to be the right building I don't want to end up only being disabled.
- The new Jeremy Corbyn christmas jumper is really tricky to make... It's very labour intensive.
Comedy Jumper Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about jumper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bouncer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jumper pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what's the slowest thing in the world?
A Mexican f**... with only one set of jumper cables
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jumper
On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.
The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit s**...," she says.
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.
After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing s**...?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".
The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar...
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. Immediately, the bartender walks up and says: "Hey! You guys can hang out here...just don't try and start anything."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stopped from going into a bar, dis is discrimination.
A brain and a jumper cable walked up to the bar, "I'm sorry , I can't serve you guys " said the barman,
Why? said the brain,
You're outta youre head and he is going to start something.
I work for AAA
I was called out to help a woman whose car wouldn't start. Used jumper cables to hook it up to my truck, started right up.
Woman: "Thank you so much, is there a charge?"
Me: "Just your battery."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
was trimming my beard with my jumper today
it was a **clothes** shave...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The scariest Halloween costume this year will be s**...' Kim Davis...
Glasses, Crystal Gayle wig, and an ugly blue jumper with nothing underneath.
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
What did the policeman say to the jumper?
Pullover
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar...
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, just don't start anything."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... victim in December?
A Christmas Jumper.
A man walks into a restaurant and requests a table for one.
The host explains that the restaurant has a dress code, and men at minimum need to be wearing a tie. The man says, "Okay." and walks back out to his car to see if he has a tie in his back seat from the work week. He's looking and looking and can't find one. He pops the trunk and even searches in there. He still can't find a tie but finds his jumper cables. So he puts the jumper cables around his neck and ties them in a Windsor knot and walks back inside.
"So can I have a table now?" the man asks.
The host replies, "Alright, sir, that'll work for tonight. But if I seat you, please don't try to start anything."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The jumper ....
A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit s**...," she says.
s**... driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing s**...?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."
A blonde and a businessman are watching the 11 o'clock news when reports of a jumper on the roof comes on.
The businessman turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $20 that the guy jumps."
The blonde agrees and 5 minutes later the guy jumps. As the blonde takes out her wallet to pay the businessman, he says, "no it's ok, i saw this story on the 8 o'clock news and i knew that would happen."
The blonde turns to the man with a somber expression and says, "I watched it too, but I didn't think he'd jump again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Question
Which n**... does the red jumper cable go on again?
Dress Code
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who reads the fastest? ..... A s**... jumper....
Because he can finish 88 stories in 2 seconds flat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bra, a battery, and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar...
The battery and cables sit down at a table while the bra approaches the bartender.
Bra says, "Three pints, please."
Bartender replies, "I'm not serving you."
The bra asks why not.
Bartender answers, "Because you're clearly off your t**... and your friends look like they're about to start something."
A pair of sunglasses and a set of jumper cables were lined up waiting to get into a nightclub.....
The bouncer was letting everybody in front of them in but when they get to the velvet rope the bouncer says: Sorry fellas, I can't let you in.
Feeling dejected the sunglasses said Why not?
The bouncer replies Well for a start, you're off your head and your mate here looks like he could start something.
No tie, no entry
Guy decides to go to a swanky new nightclub. He gets to the door and the bouncer stops him. "You have to have a tie to get in".
Guy goes back to his car to see if he has a tie laying around. No dice. So he takes his jumper cables and ties them around his neck.
Goes back to the door, bouncer looks him over, says "ok, you can go in, just don't start anything ".
Set up by a 4 year old
True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn't know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it's a baby that jumps.
Bear with me. I didn't realize her literal answer was just a set up.
She then asked me if I knew what had brown spots and ate leaves. I followed her earlier approach and said a brown spotted leaf eater?
She then really laughed and said in a gotcha voice: No silly! A giraffe!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... man walked into a bar
He was carrying a pair of jumper cables draped around his neck. The man went up to the bartender and asked "Can I get a whiskey sour?"
"OK," said the bartender- "but don't start anything!"
