Jumper Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Two jumper cables walk into a bar and order a drink.

The bartender says "Okay, but don't start anything."

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar

The bartender says "I'll serve you, but you better not start anything"

A man walks up to a bar...

... and the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". The guy goes back to his car, looking for a tie; only finds jumper cables. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in. The bouncer gives him an appraising glance, and says "OK; I'll let you in. But don't start anything!".

A high jumper walks into a bar

and is eliminated.

Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.

Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".



....I'll see myself out now.

A man walks into a restaurant and requests a table for one.

The host explains that the restaurant has a dress code, and men at minimum need to be wearing a tie. The man says, "Okay." and walks back out to his car to see if he has a tie in his back seat from the work week. He's looking and looking and can't find one. He pops the trunk and even searches in there. He still can't find a tie but finds his jumper cables. So he puts the jumper cables around his neck and ties them in a Windsor knot and walks back inside.
"So can I have a table now?" the man asks.
The host replies, "Alright, sir, that'll work for tonight. But if I seat you, please don't try to start anything."

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar

The bar tender looks at him for a few seconds and finally says " alright, you can stay..just don't start anything"

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar...

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. Immediately, the bartender walks up and says: "Hey! You guys can hang out here...just don't try and start anything."

The jumper ....

A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.
Sleazy driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables...

The bartender says, you can have a drink, but ya better not start anything

A man walks into a fancy bar

A man walks into a fancy bar. The bartender says, "Sir, you cannot be in here without a tie." The man walks back to his car and finds some jumper cables, and makes a tie out of them. He walks back in to the fancy bar and gets a stern look from the bartender who says, "That will do, but please don't start anything."

Set of jumper cables walks into a bar...

The bartender looks them up and down really slow and says, OK, I'll serve you, but don't be starting anything.

Two jumper cables walk into a bar..

The bartender says "I'm gonna serve you guys, but you have to promise not to start something".

A blonde and a businessman are watching the 11 o'clock news when reports of a jumper on the roof comes on.

The businessman turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $20 that the guy jumps."

The blonde agrees and 5 minutes later the guy jumps. As the blonde takes out her wallet to pay the businessman, he says, "no it's ok, i saw this story on the 8 o'clock news and i knew that would happen."

The blonde turns to the man with a somber expression and says, "I watched it too, but I didn't think he'd jump again."

A man tries to get into a classy nightclub

but gets stopped by the bouncer. "You have to have a tie to get in here bro," says the bouncer. Distraught the man goes to his car and searches for a tie but can only find jumper cables. He wraps them around his neck and goes back to the club. "Can I get in now?" he asks. "Yea ok," says the bouncer, "But don't start anything!"

A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar...

A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, just don't start anything."

A Jumper

On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.

The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".

The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!

A man walks into a bar

He has jumper cables around his neck. The bartender tells him, you can stay, but don't try and start anything.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper (I'll see myself out)

A failed hurdle jumper walks into a bar...

Get it ?

A man walks up to a night club and tries to enter.

The bouncer turns him away saying he needs to wear a tie or something around his neck.

The man walks back to his car and comes back a few minutes later with some jumper cables around his neck.

The bouncer reluctantly lets him in saying, "alright, but don't start anything"

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar

The waiter looks at him and says " I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck...

Bar tender looks at him and says, "I guess I'll let you hang out but you better not start anything."

Dress Code

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

What do you call a sheep that jumps?

A wooly jumper

A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar...

The bartender looks right at him and says, " Hey! Don't you go starting anything!"

Jumper Cables

A set of jumper cables walks in a bar. Says to the bartender, "Can I get a drink?"

Bartender says, "Ya, but just don't start anything!"

My friend died when she saw a wild ox wearing a knitted jumper.

It was a Cardi Yak arrest.

I work for AAA

I was called out to help a woman whose car wouldn't start. Used jumper cables to hook it up to my truck, started right up.

Woman: "Thank you so much, is there a charge?"

Me: "Just your battery."

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it starts beating you with jumper cables.

Did you hear about the bungee jumper who got kicked out of school?

He was suspended.

A guy goes to a club.No entry_-_

A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."

A guy walks into a bar holding a pair of jumper cables

He says, "Hey bartender, can I get a drink over here?" The bartender says, "Alright, but don't go trying to start anything in here"

What's common between a bungee jumper and a hooker?

If the rubber snaps, you're screwed

Who reads the fastest? ..... A suicide jumper....

Because he can finish 88 stories in 2 seconds flat.

A guy walks into a bar....

...holding a set of jumper cables and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says "okay, I'll serve you, but don't you start anything!"

A pair of jumper cables goes into a bar

After requesting a drink, the bartender says, "OK... but just don't start anything."

Stopped from going into a bar, dis is discrimination.

A brain and a jumper cable walked up to the bar, "I'm sorry , I can't serve you guys " said the barman,
Why? said the brain,

You're outta youre head and he is going to start something.

Why couldn't the jumper cable start up his girlfriend?

She was on her deep cycle

Question

Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?

What do you call a suicide victim in December?

A Christmas Jumper.

Guy walks into a bar...

Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck.

Bartender said "alright...but don't start nothing!"

A tough looking guy walks into a bar with some jumper cables hanging around his neck...

...The bar tender looks at the guy and says, "you can stay, but don't start anything!"

A jumper cable walks into a bar

The bartender says, "Sure, you can stay, but don't start anything!"

was trimming my beard with my jumper today

it was a **clothes** shave...

Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie.

Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie. So I went back to my car and wrapped my jumper leads around my neck, and tried my luck again. The guy on the door said "o.k, you can come in, but don't start anything"

A guy walk into a bar carrying jumper cables

The bartender says, "Hey buddy, don't start anything in here."

What are the funniest jumper jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Jumper? Well, here are the best Jumper puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Jumper pick up lines to share with friends.

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