Comedy Jumper Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
Two jumper cables walk into a bar and order a drink.
The bartender says "Okay, but don't start anything."
A man tries to get into a classy nightclub
but gets stopped by the bouncer. "You have to have a tie to get in here bro," says the bouncer. Distraught the man goes to his car and searches for a tie but can only find jumper cables. He wraps them around his neck and goes back to the club. "Can I get in now?" he asks. "Yea ok," says the bouncer, "But don't start anything!"
A Jumper
On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.
The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit s**...," she says.
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.
After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing s**...?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".
The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar...
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. Immediately, the bartender walks up and says: "Hey! You guys can hang out here...just don't try and start anything."
Stopped from going into a bar, dis is discrimination.
A brain and a jumper cable walked up to the bar, "I'm sorry , I can't serve you guys " said the barman,
Why? said the brain,
You're outta youre head and he is going to start something.
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables...
The bartender says, you can have a drink, but ya better not start anything
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar
The waiter looks at him and says " I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A guy walks into a bar....
...holding a set of jumper cables and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says "okay, I'll serve you, but don't you start anything!"
I work for AAA
I was called out to help a woman whose car wouldn't start. Used jumper cables to hook it up to my truck, started right up.
Woman: "Thank you so much, is there a charge?"
Me: "Just your battery."
was trimming my beard with my jumper today
it was a **clothes** shave...
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar...
The bartender looks right at him and says, " Hey! Don't you go starting anything!"
You can explore jumper turtleneck reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jumper dunk dad jokes. There are also jumper puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A jumper cable walks into a bar
The bartender says, "Sure, you can stay, but don't start anything!"
Guy walks into a bar...
Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck.
Bartender said "alright...but don't start nothing!"
My friend died when she saw a wild ox wearing a knitted jumper.
It was a Cardi Yak arrest.
A pair of jumper cables goes into a bar
After requesting a drink, the bartender says, "OK... but just don't start anything."
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
A guy walks into a bar holding a pair of jumper cables
He says, "Hey bartender, can I get a drink over here?" The bartender says, "Alright, but don't go trying to start anything in here"
Jumper Cables
A set of jumper cables walks in a bar. Says to the bartender, "Can I get a drink?"
Bartender says, "Ya, but just don't start anything!"
A man walks into a fancy bar
A man walks into a fancy bar. The bartender says, "Sir, you cannot be in here without a tie." The man walks back to his car and finds some jumper cables, and makes a tie out of them. He walks back in to the fancy bar and gets a stern look from the bartender who says, "That will do, but please don't start anything."
Two jumper cables walk into a bar..
The bartender says "I'm gonna serve you guys, but you have to promise not to start something".
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck...
Bar tender looks at him and says, "I guess I'll let you hang out but you better not start anything."
Set of jumper cables walks into a bar...
The bartender looks them up and down really slow and says, OK, I'll serve you, but don't be starting anything.
What do you call a s**... victim in December?
A Christmas Jumper.
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar
The bar tender looks at him for a few seconds and finally says " alright, you can stay..just don't start anything"
What's common between a bungee jumper and a h**...?
If the rubber snaps, you're s**...
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar
The bartender says "I'll serve you, but you better not start anything"
Why couldn't the jumper cable start up his girlfriend?
She was on her deep cycle
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper (I'll see myself out)
What do you call a sheep that jumps?
A wooly jumper
A tough looking guy walks into a bar with some jumper cables hanging around his neck...
...The bar tender looks at the guy and says, "you can stay, but don't start anything!"
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it starts beating you with jumper cables.
A man walks up to a bar...
... and the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". The guy goes back to his car, looking for a tie; only finds jumper cables. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in. The bouncer gives him an appraising glance, and says "OK; I'll let you in. But don't start anything!".
The jumper ....
A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit s**...," she says.
s**... driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing s**...?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."
Did you hear about the bungee jumper who got kicked out of school?
He was suspended.
A failed hurdle jumper walks into a bar...
Get it ?
A man walks up to a night club and tries to enter.
The bouncer turns him away saying he needs to wear a tie or something around his neck.
The man walks back to his car and comes back a few minutes later with some jumper cables around his neck.
The bouncer reluctantly lets him in saying, "alright, but don't start anything"
A man with jumper cables...
... Walks into a bar, he asks the bartender for a beer and a shot of tequila.
The bartender replies "I hope you aren't trying to start something in here"
Question
Which n**... does the red jumper cable go on again?
A guy goes to a club.No entry_-_
A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."
Someone asked me if I wanted to do Christmas Jumper day next week with them.
I said it has to be the right building I don't want to end up only being disabled.
Apparently Mao Zedong was a champion long jumper
Everyone else was starving
Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie.
Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie. So I went back to my car and wrapped my jumper leads around my neck, and tried my luck again. The guy on the door said "o.k, you can come in, but don't start anything"
A man walks into a bar
He has jumper cables around his neck. The bartender tells him, you can stay, but don't try and start anything.
A high jumper walks into a bar
and is eliminated.
Who reads the fastest? ..... A s**... jumper....
Because he can finish 88 stories in 2 seconds flat.
A bra, a battery, and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar...
The battery and cables sit down at a table while the bra approaches the bartender.
Bra says, "Three pints, please."
Bartender replies, "I'm not serving you."
The bra asks why not.
Bartender answers, "Because you're clearly off your t**... and your friends look like they're about to start something."
What's the difference between a jumper and a sweater?
A sweater doesn't go splat after falling 40 stories...
A pair of sunglasses and a set of jumper cables were lined up waiting to get into a nightclub.....
The bouncer was letting everybody in front of them in but when they get to the velvet rope the bouncer says: Sorry fellas, I can't let you in.
Feeling dejected the sunglasses said Why not?
The bouncer replies Well for a start, you're off your head and your mate here looks like he could start something.
No tie, no entry
Guy decides to go to a swanky new nightclub. He gets to the door and the bouncer stops him. "You have to have a tie to get in".
Guy goes back to his car to see if he has a tie laying around. No dice. So he takes his jumper cables and ties them around his neck.
Goes back to the door, bouncer looks him over, says "ok, you can go in, just don't start anything ".
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.
What's a bouncer's favourite clothing?
The jumper.
Set up by a 4 year old
True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn't know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it's a baby that jumps.
Bear with me. I didn't realize her literal answer was just a set up.
She then asked me if I knew what had brown spots and ate leaves. I followed her earlier approach and said a brown spotted leaf eater?
She then really laughed and said in a gotcha voice: No silly! A giraffe!
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar
The bartender says, You can stay, but don't start anything .
A n**... man walked into a bar
He was carrying a pair of jumper cables draped around his neck. The man went up to the bartender and asked "Can I get a whiskey sour?"
"OK," said the bartender- "but don't start anything!"
