Jump Lead Jokes
16 jump lead jokes and hilarious jump lead puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jump lead that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Jump Lead Short Jokes
Short jump lead jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jump lead humour may include short jump jokes also.
- My dad died last year. among the things he left us in his Legacy : were some jump leads,
a tartan blanket
and the original subaru owners manual. - Doc: Yes, there's some swelling in the area and it could possibly lead to bruising... but I don't want to jump to contusions.
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Jump Lead One Liners
Which jump lead one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jump lead? I can suggest the ones about box jump and jumping jack.
- A bad detective will never be able to jump start a car... They can't find any leads!
- What do mechanics skip rope with? Jump leads...
Jump Lead Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about jump lead you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean high jump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jump lead pranks.
Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...
...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.
They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"
"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.
He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"
"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.
"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.
The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"
Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"
The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."
The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fella rescued a damsel in distress.
Fella was heading home when he saw a lady beside the road with a flat tire. Being kind hearted, Fella stopped to change the tire for her. Lady was so thankful she invited Fella back to her place for a thank you drink. One thing lead to another and soon they were in the sack together. He realized the time and jumped up with a start. Running around getting his clothes on, he said, "What am I going to tell my wife?" "Wait, do you have any baby powder" he asked. "Certainly" she replied. He dusted his hands with the powder and headed home.
Walking in the door, he was greeted by his wife demanding to know where he had been. So he told her the truth, how he had stopped to change a woman's tire then wound up spending the afternoon in bed with her.
His wife looked at him for a moment, then grabbed his hands looking at them. She screamed at him, "You s**..., you spent the day playing pool again, didn't you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is murdered in a dessert factory.
The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the m**... weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
The proof is in the pudding!
Blind man walks into a bar..
He sits down, pint for him, shandy for the dog. The bar man asks him "So fella, what ya been up to recently?"
"Skydiving" said the blind man.
"Skydiving?!" said the barman astonished "How long have you been doing that now?"
"A few months now, did my first solo jump there last weekend."
"That's amazing." said the barman still astonished, "Tell me this though, how do you know you're getting near the ground?"
"Oh that's easy." says the blind man. "I wait for the dog's lead to go slack."
A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window
The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"
One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.
Figuring out what the dog came here for, the receptionist gets the office manager, who looks at the dog surprised. However, the dog looked so confident that the manager leads him into the office, where the dog jumps on a chair and looks at the manager. The manager sits down, looks back at the dog and says "I can't hire you, the sign says that you have to be able to use a computer and Word."
The dog jumps down, walks to a computer and begins to create a word document, drafting a letter for the manager. Caught off guard but unconvinced, the manager says "The sign also says you have to be good with excel."
The dog then goes on to create a perfect spreadsheet that works flawlessly the first time.
Dumb-founded, the manager looks at the dog and says "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog with some interesting abilities. However, I still can't hire you."
The dog jumps down and walks over to a copy of the sign, putting his paw on the phrase "Equal Opportunity Employer".
The manager says "Yes, we are an equal opportunity employer. However, the sign also says you need to be bilingual." The dog looks at the manager confidently and says, "Meow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old guys are sitting around talking.
One subject leads to another, when the subject of pain comes up.
First guy says "you ever zipped your f**... into your jeans? That's pain.."
Second guy, "that's not pain, you ever had the t**... and went to jump on the toilet in a hurry and trapped one of your nuts between your leg and the toilet seat??"
Third guy says "That's nothing, you ever been out in the woods hunting, went to go squat behind a tree to do some business, and accidentally dropped your nuts on to a bear trap?"
First two fellas cringe, interrupt, and start agreeing that's probably the most painful thing they've heard.
Third guy, "that's not pain... Pain is when you run out of chain."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Cats in a Triathalon
So, there are three cats competing in a triathlon. One is an English cat, named "One Two Three", one is German and named "Eins Zwei Drei", and the last is French and named "Un Deuz t**...". They're all very dedicated and have been training for this event since they were kittens.
When the race starts Un Deuz t**... leaps out front. He is sleek and nimble and leads for the running portion of the event. However, when they get on bicycles Eins Zwei Drei finishes first due to superior German engineering.
When they reach the pool for the swimming portion all cats jump in without hesitation. One Two Three finishes first, as he had been practicing swimming in the English Channel. Eins Zwei Drei comes out second. Hours pass, and the French Cat never exits.
Un Deuz t**... Quatre Cinq.
GovSchwarzenegger's musical talents.
One day Arnold Schwarzenegger and his two friends Bill and Tom were going for a stroll downtown.
Suddenly a man jumped out of a doorway and said "Help! We've just lost our three leads for our movie on famous European composers!"
Arnie and the boys, ever the gentlemen, decided to help the poor fellow.
Once inside, the director told them who the three composers in question were and that they could pick each part for themselves.
"I'll be Mozart." Said Bill.
"I'll be Beethoven!" Said Tom.
"I'll be Bach..."
A blonde and brunette are watching the 10 o'clock news...
The lead story is a man threatening to jump off a building. Before the end of the bit, the news breaks to commercial.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $10 he jumps."
"Okay, I'll take that bet," replies the blonde.
The news comes back from break and the story ends with the man tragically jumping to his death. The blonde pulls out a $10 bill and holds it out to the brunette.
"I can't take your money," says the brunette.
"You won. He jumped," insists the blonde.
"But I cheated," replies the brunette. "I already saw this story on the 6 o'clock news."
"So did I," says the blonde. "But I didn't think he would be dumb enough to jump twice."
A young Russian hockey star comes to America...
After joining a team in the NHL, he quickly establishes himself as a prodigy, and leads them to the Stanley cup in his first year.
He calls his mother to tell her the good news, but she replies; "Don't call here anymore, you're no son of mine."
"But mother, I'm a star, the people in town love me!"
She replies; "Alright, mister star, let me tell YOU something. Last week, your younger brother got jumped by hoodlums just walking home from school. Yesterday, your sister got assaulted right in our front yard. And there's gunshots all around us every night."
She sighs and says "I'll never forgive you for moving us to Detroit."