Jump Jokes
168 jump jokes and hilarious jump puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jump that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article covers the most hilarious jokes about all types of jumps, from high and long jumps to parachute, bungee, box, and vertical jumps. Whether you're a leaper, a vaulter, or a person who loves to jump through hoops, you'll love these jokes about jumping.
Quick Jump To
- Short Jump Jokes
- Jump One Liners
- High Jump Jokes
- Parachute Jump Jokes
- Bungee Jump Jokes
- Long Jump Jokes
- More Jump Jokes
Funniest Jump Short Jokes
Short jump jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jump humour may include short hoot jokes also.
- While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel
- I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore... They were real nice. Car started right up, and they even helped me with directions back to the interstate.
- A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
- I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore. The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
- What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a computer science student. I don't have either". - I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
- I went to a disco last night. I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.
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Jump One Liners
Which jump one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jump? I can suggest the ones about swing and skip.
- Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
- How do you jump higher on a water bed? You fill it with spring water.
- How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
- They used to be called "Jumpolines" ...until your mom jumped on one back in 1972.
- 2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico
silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico - Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins? Mankind
- Why did HD TV jump from 2K straight to 4k? Because 3k was considered too racist.
- Go bungee jumping for free! No strings attached.
- If I wanted to kill myself... I'd jump from your ego to your IQ.
- What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France? Eiffel
- what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction!
- Never do a parachute jump with your girlfriend... Do it with a parachute.
- Ever been to a bulimic's birthday party? (fixed) The cake jumps out of the girl.
- What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building? So far, so good.
- What kind of dog can jump higher than a building? Any kind. Buildings can't jump.
High Jump Jokes
Here is a list of funny high jump jokes and even better high jump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
- Kim Jong Un walked into a bar The North Korean media still said he got a gold for high jump
- So an Olympian walks into a bar... and is promptly disqualified from her final attempt at the high jump and has all her hopes and dreams of winning gold for her country destroyed.
- Why did the horse run into the bar? He didn't jump high enough.
- One day a physicist saw a young boy standing on the top of a high building, preparing to jump off. So he yelled at the boy: Don't do it! You have so much potential!
- "What are the chances of me dying?" I asked my skydiving instructor, moments before jumping. "Very high," he said. "My wife just left me."
- Nothing unleashes your potential like ... Jumping off a high building... m.g.h to be exact ...
- The average Elephant can jump as high as a house Mostly due to the fact that houses can't jump.
- Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics? Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.
- You know how some singers sing so high that windows break? When I sing, they also break because people jump out of them.
Parachute Jump Jokes
Here is a list of funny parachute jump jokes and even better parachute jump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom. But not twice.
- I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open. He said you're jumping to a conclusion.
- If you love skydiving, don't wear a parachute on your next jump Then you can skydive for the rest of your life!
- A man jumps off a plane. His friend says, "you need a parachute to go skydiving." The man says, "no, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
- What do you call Skydiving when the parachute doesn't work?
Jumping to a conclusion.. - You don't need a parachute to jump out of a plane You need a parachute to jump out of a plane twice.
- I accidentally jumped out of a plane without a parachute But dont worry i got the rest of my life to figure out how to survive it
- A skydiving instructor tells his student, "After jumping off the plane, count to ten and pull your parachute." "W-w-what w-w-was th-th-that n-n-numb-b-ber ag-g-gain?"
"Two." - Today I was jumping with a parachute for the first time and I was scared to death. It began when the guy who was in the tandem with me asked me how long am I working as an instructor.
- I've started a new hobby of jumping out of planes without a parachute.... ......The trick is to have the plane on the ground.
Bungee Jump Jokes
Here is a list of funny bungee jump jokes and even better bungee jump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school. I got suspended
- After reading about the dangers of bungee jumping, I decided not to go. I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I ain't going out cause of one.
- I will never go Bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isnt taking me out
- My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping... I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.
- I would never bungee jump... I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out cause of one.
- As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump... I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out because of one...
- "dad can I go bungee jumping?" "No son, your life started because of a broken rubber, it should not end by one too"
- I'm never going bungee jumping. A piece of broken rubber brought me into this world and it ain't gonna take me out.
- I'm never going bungee jumping. Broken rubber brought me into the world. It's not going to take me out.
- One of my proudest memories as a father was the day I got to cut the cord... Needless to say my son won't be bungee jumping again.
Long Jump Jokes
Here is a list of funny long jump jokes and even better long jump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
- What's long and hard and makes mom jump into bed? Her day.
- How long does it take a cross dresser to get to the ground if they jump out of a plane? Depends on the drag coefficient
- I love it when elderly people are queue-jumping ahead of me in the grocery store. In a patronizing way I then say: "It's ok, you don't have for so long anymore."
- If you jump off a bridge in Bristol, how long does it take before you hit the wate Severn seconds.
- Upon hearing the news he would be confirmed, Judge Kavanaugh was quoted as saying "I think I'll jump in my Ford and go for a long drive"
- My cousin decided to try parkour, so he jumped off a single floor hotel. Anyway, to make a long story short would've helped. f**...'s Thursday.
- This s**... long fall is really bringing me down. Maybe I should not have jumped after all.
Cheeky Jump Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about jump you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean join jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jump pranks.
A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover your tab for the whole rest of the night. However, if you attempt to slap the meat and miss, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks in the bar until we close". The bartender looks back at the customer and asks "So what do you say, would you like to give the challenge a shot?" The customer quickly responds with a "No". "Why not?" The bartender asks. The customer replies, "The stakes are too high".
Two jumper cables walk into a bar and order a drink.
The bartender says "Okay, but don't start anything."
A maintenance matter
A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room, "Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel."
The manager responded, "Sir that's a personal matter."
The husband responded, "Idiot, the window won't open! That's a maintenance matter!"
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...
He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."
Lately people have been trying to get me to jump off a dock
But I don't give into pier pressure.
Let's hear some Confucius Jokes
I'll start
Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.
A girl was about to jump off a cliff...
A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have s**... with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."
Still the best blonde joke to date..
A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...
Mom and dad are having s**... when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"
Three men and a parachute
So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to c**.... There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.
The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.
The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."
The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."
To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."
The Super Bowl
Surprised to see an empty seat at the Super Bowl, a diehard fan remarked about it to a woman sitting nearby.
"It was my husband's," the woman explained, "but he died."
"I'm very sorry," said the man. "Yet I'm really surprised that another relative, or friend, didnt jump at the chance to take the seat reserved for him."
"Beats me," she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."
the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me
a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"
he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet"
he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted
"frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet"
he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted
"frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot"
the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted
"frog with 0 legs, deaf"
Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...
...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.
"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.
Stalin lit his pipe and replied:
"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."
Heresy
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" and pushed him off.
~Emo Philips
A man is driving his car when suddenly the door of a parked car is swung open in front of him.
He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".
The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".
The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"
A man goes to a store to buy groceries.
When he gets to the Butchery, he asks for three steaks.
The butcher asks if he'd like to play a game, after which the man replies that he would.
The butcher climbs a ladder up to the ceiling, easily 9 or 10 feet, and hangs them on hooks up there.
When he climbs down, the butcher says "If you can jump up and get all of your steaks in 3 tries, all of your groceries are free."
The man asks, "What's the catch?"
The butcher replies, "If you fail to get the steaks in three tries, you have to pay for your groceries and those of the man behind you in line."
After some consideration, the man replies "No."
The butcher asks, "Why not?"
The man simply replies "The stakes are too high."
I was walking across a bridge...
and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
I said, "Well there's so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"
"Baptist."
"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" as I pushed him off the bridge.
Clever Insult joke
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...
They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.
A man walks into a bar
He notices some pieces of meat hanging down from the ceiling. He goes up to the bartender and asks "What's with the meat on the ceiling?"
Bartender:"It's a challenge. If you can jump up and touch one, you get free beer for a night."
Man:"Nah, pass".
Bartender: "What? Why not?"
Man:"The steaks are too high"
Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.
A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"
The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have s**... with me? I haven't had s**... in 25 years."
The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."
The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"
The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."
What did the physicist say to the man about to jump off a building?
"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Why do scuba-divers jump backwards into the water?
Because if they jumped forwards they'd still be in the boat.
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
A Joke by my Physics Teacher
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.
Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
A man walks into a bar
and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."
A man calls up his hotel's reception
He says, "Please send someone over, I'm having an argument with my wife and she's threatening to jump out the window."
The manager replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we cannot intervene, this seems to be a personal issue."
"d**... man, this is a maintenance issue; I can't get the window open!"
A physicist sees a man about to jump off from the top of Sears Tower...
He yells to him "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
A Hotel guest calls the front desk
and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.
A physicist saw a man standing on a ledge
The physicist yelled out "Don't jump, you have so much potential!"
A physicist notices a man about to jump of a really tall building, he yells:
DONT JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL
Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?
Society
I went to a dance club last night...
They played "The Twist, " so I twisted.
Then they played "Jump, " so I jumped.
Then they played "Come on Eileen, "
....and I got thrown out. :-(
A Dutch and a Belgian are sitting in a bar, watching the evening news.
They see a woman ready to jump from the 6th floor, shouting "I'm going to jump, I'm going to jump!". The Dutch says: "I bet she's gonna jump." The Belgian replies: "And I bet she won't." So they bet, and the woman jumps. Then the Dutch tells the Belgian: "I have to confess that I cheated, as I already saw it on the 1pm news." - "Me too", says the Belgian, "I saw it on the 1pm news already. But I did not think that she would be s**... enough to jump twice."
A vegan buddhist...
...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.
I nearly jumped 10 feet in the air during my first prostate exam.
Good thing the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders.
A man claimed he could jump higher than his house...
A man was talking to his friend and he said, "Dude, I bet $20 that I can jump higher than my house." His friend replied, "Ok, deal."
They went outside and the man jumped a foot into the air. "Well, time to pay up!" said his friend. "Nope!", the man said, "You owe me $20!" "How?" "I jumped a foot in the air, and my house can't jump at all!"
2 men are robbing an apartment...
...when they hear sirens outside the building.
"We need to jump!" says the first man.
The second man replies "But we're on the 13th floor!"
"This is no time to be superstitious!" exclaims the first man.
A man from out of town walks into a bar...
he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.
A guy walks into a bar.
Inside the bar he sees a blonde sitting at the bar, she's intently watching the 10 pm news. The news story is about a man who's standing atop a building, preparing to jump. The guy says to the blond "I bet you $50 he'll jump". The blonde takes the bet and continuous to watch.
Some time later, the man on the building jumps. The guy turns to the blonde and says "I'm sorry but I can't take your money. I watched this on the 6 pm news and knew he would jump". The blonde replies "I watched it at 6 pm too, but I didn't think he'd jump again"
A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".
I jumped on the bus, and said, "Two, please."
The driver said, "This is a school bus."
I replied, "I know, and make them good looking."
A physicist sees a man about to jump from a building
'Don't do it! ' he shouts 'You have so much potential! '
The trump family is flying from New York to DC
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump
I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.
Girl about to jump of a bridge.....
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit s**..., she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow b**....
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best b**... I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing s**...?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
"Don't jump!"
One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. He stepped onto the ledge and shouted "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump!"
A physics professor passing by heard the commotion and looked up. He shouted back to the man "Don't do it! Don't jump! You've got so much potential!"
My girlfriend was fighting 5 people, so I had to jump in...
There's no way she could take all 6 of us.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.
He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.
I had a terrible night out at the club
I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...
A man walks into a steakhouse
A man walks into a steakhouse and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling.
"What's with the meat?" he asks the hostess.
She says, "It's a contest we are running. If you can jump up and grab a piece, your entire meal is free."
"And what if I miss?"
"Then you need to buy everyone in the restaurant a drink. Do you want to try?"
He looks up again.
"No, the steaks are too high."
A man is standing on a tall ledge.
A physicist yells from the street, "Don't jump! You have too much potential!"
What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof?
Don't do that, you have so much potential!
So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....
He then asks the bartender why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling? The bartender says well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else's drinks for the next hour. The guy ponders for a minute and then says, I would do it, but the stakes are too high.
Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.
Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.
Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?"
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"
People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.
Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.
North Korea is participating in the olympics this year, but they won't win.
Because all of their athletes that can run jump or swim are in south korea
A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof
The physicist shouts Don't jump, you have so much potential!
Scientists tested a frog.
They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
A man offers Descartes $100 to jump in a lake.
Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.
Two nuns are walking down a dark alley one night.
Two men suddenly jump out of the shadows and start to r**... them. The first nun looks up toward heaven and says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are doing."
The second nun looks up and says,
"This one does!"
Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump
A man calls the hotel front desk
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
Yesterday I saw some kid getting g**... up behind the school by 4 other kids.
As a senior, I have experienced bullying myself so I immediately jump in.
That kid got no chance against 4 of us.
Plot Twist
A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.
