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July Jokes

142 july jokes and hilarious july puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about july that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

July is a great time to commemorate with laughter. With Christmas in July and Dry July, why not start the month off with a round of July jokes? With June being the last full month of the summer and September just around the corner, it’s time to get your funny bone ready for some lighthearted laughing.

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Funniest July Short Jokes

Short july jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The july humour may include short 4th of july jokes also.

  1. 4th of July, The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
  2. As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July. It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.
  3. I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
  4. My daughter was born this morning, July 4th. It's the day I lost my independence.
    (This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).
  5. This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
  6. If 9/11 had happened in July... 7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
  7. This 4th of July, the British should celebrate independence day too. Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
  8. How many seconds are there in one year? 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, august 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
  9. Happy Fourh of July "Hey England, Happy Fourh of July."
    "Where's the T?"
    "We threw it in the harbor."
    Merica.
  10. I tell my friends I'm there for them 24/7. It sounds better than saying I'm there for them on the 24th of July.

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July One Liners

Which july one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with july? I can suggest the ones about fourth of july and celebrate.

  1. Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
  2. Mom, why am I getting christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
  3. June is already over? Julying
  4. HAPPY FOURH OF JULY Looking for the T?
    It's in Boston Harbor.
  5. My dad said everything would be back to normal by June So I told him yesterday "Julyed"
  6. Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire. Fire-works on 4th of July.
  7. I have never understood why people abbreviate July as Jul. i mean seriously y?
  8. I brought a date to the 4th of July party... ...really sweetened up the fruit salad.
  9. You're like school in July... No class
  10. How is looking up your symptoms on WebMD like your July Horoscope? It's probably cancer.
  11. What do you say when your friend says it's June 31st? July'd.
  12. Not everyone has off for the 4th of July.. Fire works.
  13. The 4th of July is an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.
  14. Where did the fire go on 4th of july? Firework
  15. Is there a 4th of July in the UK? Yeah… right after the 3rd of July.

4th Of July Jokes

Here is a list of funny 4th of july jokes and even better 4th of july puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th? There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
  • July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand I only have 2 fingers.
  • On a blind date, the girl told me, Tell me a little bit about yourself. Me: I'm terrible with dates.
    Her: Don't worry. You're doing fine so far.
    Me: Christmas is on July 4th.
  • Do not let the fact that today is July 4th distract you From the fact that England blew a 13 colony lead
  • If something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore... It will be a monumental disaster.
  • I broke up with my girlfriend on the 4th of July... It was a Declaration of Independence.
  • Why do Pakistanis celebrate July 4th? Because all the drone pilots are on vacation
  • What kind of work do firefighters do on the 4th of July? Firework
  • I put a picture of the USA in a heart locket to celebrate the 4th of July... Now it is truly independent
  • My dog hates the 4th of July Not because of the fireworks or anything, he's just going through a communist phase right now

Fourth Of July Jokes

Here is a list of funny fourth of july jokes and even better fourth of july puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do they call the Fourth of July in Hawaii? Dependence day.
  • Happy early 4th of July everyone And to those who've been a defendant a fourth time then happy 4th of jury
  • What do they call the fourth of July outside of the USA? The fourth of July
  • Does England have a Fourth of July? They do, they just don't celebrate it.
  • What did the parrot want in the Fourth of July? A firecracker
  • What do you call laundry day when it's on the Fourth of July? Washington
  • What's the difference between a cow and the Fourth of July? You can't milk a cow for over 240 years.
  • A limerick for The Isle of Skye When I was on the Isle of Skye
    I overdid the old Spanish fly
    I had a stiff member
    From the fourth of December
    Till Friday the tenth of July
  • What does a pirate light on the Fourth of July? A m80.
  • For dogs in the U.S. Sorry about the Fourth of July

Christmas In July Jokes

Here is a list of funny christmas in july jokes and even better christmas in july puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does CNN call back-to-back aviation disasters? Christmas in July
  • I'm going to give my neighbors calendars for Christmas. They obviously don't know when 4th of July is because I hear fireworks everywhere.
  • He says to his wife: "Sleeping with you is like Christmas, Birthday and the 4th of July in a single moment." To which she replies: "Well, each of those dates is just once per year too."

July 5th Jokes

Here is a list of funny july 5th jokes and even better july 5th puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Does Britain have the 4th of July? Or do the calendars just go July 3rd, July 5th, July 6th?
  • July 4th! How do you have fun on the 4th?
    And: Buy a 5th on the 3rd.
  • What do you call a firecracker that doesn't go off until July 5th? A late boomer
July joke, What do you call a firecracker that doesn't go off until July 5th?

Comical & Quirky July Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about july you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fireworks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make july pranks.

Number 7

Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.

Need help: looking for parade jokes. (I know, right?)

I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.
The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.
Thanks

4th of july

British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.
When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea

So I'm dating this European girl. I told her I wanna be with her 24/7.

She said: "ok, see you the 24th of July"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Rioters are like school in July.

No class.

What do the 12th of July and the end of an essay have in common?

They're both summary!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do they do for the 4th of July in England?

Sulk.

Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!!!

Britain: "What happened to the T?"
America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"

What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community.
Haha, happy late 4th of July.

Her: "Honey, I want to be with you 24/7"

Him: "Ok, see you on the 24th of July"

What's brown, sticky and runs down your leg?

Chocolate Ice Cream in July!

When is a rabbi dishonest?

July

I just asked my dad what his favourite part about being a teacher is...

He responded with June, July, and August

What do FBI agents grill for the 4th of July?

Hillary.

If Rihanna were born in July...

Then could it said that in 2009, Chris Brown beat Cancer?

I got this joke while watching Scrubs

Turk: You are like School in July
JD: Why
Turk: No Class

I beat cancer once!

Technically, I beat up a guy born between June 22 and July 22.

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
In *da* pendent

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Today in the UK we celebrate the 4th of July.

The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.

4th July

If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.

I don't understand how people don't like country music? I mean have they ever heard of the greats? Like...

Waylon Jennings, Hank Williams Jr, or Texas in July???

What did May tell June when they were fighting?

Don't July to me

Subscribers to Bread Enthusiast Monthly were upset when the July edition was all about flat bread. They said it was too big of a change from all the magazine's usual topics.

In actuality, it was a naan-issue.

Something really important must've happened on July 24th, 365 AD.

All of the supermarkets near me say "24/7/365".

What did August say when June claimed that today is the last day of the month?

Don't July to me!

There's a DLC for football on July 15th.

It's the World Cupdate.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

The FBI just thwarted a July 4th t**... attack in Cleveland.

But they couldn't stop LeBron from dropping a bomb on the city last night.

I wanted to start July off with a bang

Unfortunately my girlfriend is on her period.

This 4th of July, remember: Alcohol and Fireworks do NOT mix

Spilling even a little beer on a fuse can ruin fireworks.

Nothing important happened today

- King George III, 4 July 1776

Can confirm: England Does have a 4th of July

And we even get it first!

July 4th, 1776

British: Just saying it, doesn't make you independent..
Thomas Jefferson: I didn't say it, I declared it.

Merry 4th of July! The difference between Uncle Sam and Santa Claus is...

Santa Claus gives notes with his presents... Uncle Sam takes note of your presence.

Amidst all of the distractions on this 4th of July, let's not forget what we're celebrating

That the British blew a 13 colony lead

On the 4th of july firefighters fight fire with fire

Because fireworks

Attorney "when is your birthday?"

Witness "July 26th"
Attorney "What year?"
Witness "Every year"

James A. Garfield was shot on Saturday, July 2, 1881.

He died months later, on Monday, September 19, 1881.
Garfield hates Mondays.

What month celebrates Holocaust deniers?

July.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Christopher Nolan's film about the war on the Drugs to release in July 2020.

To star Michael c**... and Christian Bail

rescuers find a dead body floating in a lake in july

They take him out of the water and immidiately start resuscitating him. After an hour has passed another rescuer who has stood silent finally says
Boys I think you can stop now. You see, he has his skates on

What do John Cena and 4th of July fireworks in Alaska have in common?

Can't see 'em.

Asking someone's favorite month (Bar joke)

A man walks into a bar and asks the guys beside him
Hmm do you have a favorite month?
The guy replied
Yes July
The man then asks
Why July?
The guy replies again
No no no July is actually my favorite month I didn't lie

WNBA announces plan to play abbreviated 22-game season in Florida beginning in late July without fans in attendance.

Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

If you had told me back on NYE all the sh*t that'd happen in the first half of 2020...

I would've said, Don't July.

July in Honolulu

July in Honolulu is a tough time flower-wise for making garlands. Often they run out of the desired plumerias, carnations, and orchids. When that happens, they have to make substitutions, which is why the Hawaiians refer to July's garlands as the Daisy Leis of Summer

My girlfriend broke up with me on July 4th.

She said she needed more independence.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Last year I blew all my fingers off on the 4th of July

And now my friends say they don't trust me. They say they can't count on me.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade w**....

Just like the children of Kabul.

What do TikTok and people born in July have in common?

They both are cancer

Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.
EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.

July joke, Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

jokes about july