Because I want to leave a baby in you.
The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.
You may be entitled to condensation.
EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.
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In *da* pendent
Looking for the T?
It's in Boston Harbor.
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
"Hey England, Happy Fourh of July."
"Where's the T?"
"We threw it in the harbor."
Merica.
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July
M-80. Happy 4th of July!
A pedophile. You call him a pedophile.
I had this strange dream the other night, July 7th to be exact. I was alone in this wide open field, and on this field was a large number seven. This confused me, and woke me up, I looked at the clock and sure enough it was seven o'clock. I thought this was strange but didn't think too much into it, that was until I hailed a taxi and, of course it was number seven as well. I got to thinking, how can I use this to my advantage? So I went to the local horse track, and in the seventh race of the day, there was a horse named Lucky Number Seven, so I placed my bet and wouldn't you know it,
He came in seventh.
Turk: You are like School in July
JD: Why
Turk: No Class
i mean seriously y?
The sign reads "Turn here to speak to the native American with the most incredible memory"
Curious, the man takes the turning. He comes across the native American man standing at the side of the road.
He approaches him and gives his best "How!"
The native American replies "How!"
"Is your memory really as good as the sign suggests?" asks the man.
"Try me" replies the native American.
"Okay, what did you have for breakfast on July 18th 1986?"
The native American thinks for a moment and then replies, "Eggs."
Amazed, the man thanks the native American and gets back in his car and continues his journey.
15 years later, he is travelling through the same desert and notices the same sign. Having forgotten all about the native American until seeing the sign, he decides to go ask another question.
Upon reaching the native American, he again gives his best "How!"
"Scrambled"
I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.
The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.
Thanks
The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.
He looks at his watch '7:07'. Oh man, what are the odds that I wake up at 7:07 on 07/07 on the day of my birthday. Could be my lucky day!
He drives to the grocery store and starts freaking out as the total at the cash shows 77.77$. Oh my, this cannot be a coincidence .
He then drives back home and parks his car, only to realize his mileage is now at 77,777km. Ok this is it, it is my lucky day, I'm going to pick a horse and bet 7777$ on it in tonight's race. Easy money!
The horse finishes 7th.
There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
No class
Surely 241 years of officially being separated from America is something to be happy about
On the other hand I only have 2 fingers.
Britain: "What happened to the T?"
America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"
It's probably cancer.
From the fact that England blew a 13 colony lead
They're Cancer.
of how useless my dog would be in a war.
A man walks into a bar and asks the guys beside him
Hmm do you have a favorite month?
The guy replied
Yes July
The man then asks
Why July?
The guy replies again
No no no July is actually my favorite month I didn't lie
Firework
It will be a monumental disaster.
Except fire. Fire works on the Fourth of July.
A friend of mine has two tickets for the England v. Sweden football match this Saturday. He has already paid £800 for flights and accommodation. However, he was devastated the other day when he realised it clashes with his wedding and he won't be able to attend after all.
Would anyone be interested in taking his place? It all gets underway in West London at 3pm on Saturday July 7th. The bride's name is Lucy, 30 years old, weighs about 60kg. She is financially independent and an excellent cook, and her other interests include tennis and classical music.
Christmas in July
Except fire. Fire works on the 4th of July.
Sulk.
He responded with June, July, and August
And now my friends say they don't trust me. They say they can't count on me.
Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?
Don't July to me!
I hope Internet Explorer sends this in time.
Now it is truly independent
One night I was dreaming the number 7, over an over. To my amazement, when I woke up it was 7 o'clock, on July the 7th. So I took the bus on line 7 straight to the racetrack and bet 7777$ on the 7th horse from the 7th round. It finished on 7th.
July.
JULY
British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.
When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea
July
July!
-bored on a 28 hour road trip. It was the best we could do.
I would've said, Don't July.
Julying!
It's at Sheffield Town Hall at 4pm. Her name is Nicola -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook. Message me for more details.
- King George III, 4 July 1776
Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.
That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community.
Haha, happy late 4th of July.
Him: "Ok, see you on the 24th of July"
And we even get it first!
Don't July to me
Not because of the fireworks or anything, he's just going through a communist phase right now
And to those who've been a defendant a fourth time then happy 4th of jury
Because all the drone pilots are on vacation
In actuality, it was a naan-issue.
Just like the children of Kabul.
Dependence day.
That the British blew a 13 colony lead
If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.
They both are cancer
All of the supermarkets near me say "24/7/365".
We have collected gags that can be used as July pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about July, here are one liners and funny July pick up lines.