Comical & Quirky July Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What is a holocaust denier's favourite month?
JULY
Number 7
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
I have never understood why people abbreviate July as Jul.
i mean seriously y?
Need help: looking for parade jokes. (I know, right?)
I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.
The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.
Thanks
In which month should you not trust a Jew?
July!
-bored on a 28 hour road trip. It was the best we could do.
What does CNN call back-to-back aviation disasters?
Christmas in July
You're like school in July...
No class
I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
What do they do for the 4th of July in England?
Sulk.
Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!!!
Britain: "What happened to the T?"
America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"
What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?
That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community.
Haha, happy late 4th of July.
You can explore july sep reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean july jul dad jokes. There are also july puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
Mom, why am I getting Christmas gifts in July?
Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
I just asked my dad what his favourite part about being a teacher is...
He responded with June, July, and August
July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun.
On the other hand I only have 2 fingers.
Happy Fourh of July
"Hey England, Happy Fourh of July."
"Where's the T?"
"We threw it in the harbor."
Merica.
Happy Fourth of July Guys!
I hope Internet Explorer sends this in time.
I got this joke while watching Scrubs
Turk: You are like School in July
JD: Why
Turk: No Class
If 9/11 had happened in July...
7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
In *da* pendent
Today in the UK we celebrate the 4th of July.
The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.
4th of July,
The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
I held a door open for an Asian guy
and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July
Why do Pakistanis celebrate July 4th?
Because all the drone pilots are on vacation
Do not let the fact that today is July 4th distract you
From the fact that England blew a 13 colony lead
How is looking up your symptoms on WebMD like your July Horoscope?
It's probably cancer.
Hey girl, are you a parked car in July?
Because I want to leave a baby in you.
What did August say when June claimed that today is the last day of the month?
Don't July to me!
June's over...
Julying!
Nothing important happened today
- King George III, 4 July 1776
Brits have more reason than most to celebrate 4th of July
Surely 241 years of officially being separated from America is something to be happy about
HAPPY FOURH OF JULY
Looking for the T?
It's in Boston Harbor.
My dog hates the 4th of July
Not because of the fireworks or anything, he's just going through a communist phase right now
What is a pirate's favorite firework?
M-80. Happy 4th of July!
I put a picture of the USA in a heart locket to celebrate the 4th of July...
Now it is truly independent
Where did the fire go on 4th of july?
Firework
You should cut people born between June 21st and July 22nd out of your life...
They're Cancer.
7
One night I was dreaming the number 7, over an over. To my amazement, when I woke up it was 7 o'clock, on July the 7th. So I took the bus on line 7 straight to the racetrack and bet 7777$ on the 7th horse from the 7th round. It finished on 7th.
What month celebrates Holocaust deniers?
July.
What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th?
There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
Asking someone's favorite month (Bar joke)
A man walks into a bar and asks the guys beside him
Hmm do you have a favorite month?
The guy replied
Yes July
The man then asks
Why July?
The guy replies again
No no no July is actually my favorite month I didn't lie
WNBA announces plan to play abbreviated 22-game season in Florida beginning in late July without fans in attendance.
Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?
If you had told me back on NYE all the sh*t that'd happen in the first half of 2020...
I would've said, Don't July.
If something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore...
It will be a monumental disaster.
Last year I blew all my fingers off on the 4th of July
And now my friends say they don't trust me. They say they can't count on me.
Everyone enjoys the Fourth of July.
Except fire. Fire works on the Fourth of July.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
The 4th of July is an annual reminder
of how useless my dog would be in a war.
As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July.
It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.
Most people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July
Except fire. Fire works on the 4th of July.
Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.
This 4th of July, the British should celebrate Independence Day too.
Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
4th of July
A lot of people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July. Not fire though.
Fire works on July 4th
Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year
Hers is in February and mine in July
The Emperor Nero was struggling with deciding his gender.
He spent months waffling back and forth until finally in July of AD 64 he decided to make his decision public.
Everything in Rome was fine until that gender reveal party.
A woman hadn't had s**... with her husband in 10 years, yet she berated him every day for their lack of children. Finally having enough, he told her to put a sock in it!
She's due in July.
I tell my friends I'm there for them 24/7.
It sounds better than saying I'm there for them on the 24th of July.
I broke up with my girlfriend on the 4th of July...
It was a Declaration of Independence.
Took my last shower for the year...
...in July.
I brought a date to the 4th of July party...
...really sweetened up the fruit salad.
It was recently announced that on July 20th, Jeff Bezos and his brother will launch into space on one of his Blue Origin spacecraft
If nothing else, now they will know what it's like to p**... in a bottle
I was standing outside the gym...
And there was a billboard that said: "OPEN 24/7!"
"That's not very helpful," I told myself. "July is ages away."
###
Fourth of July,
The only time of the year an American can say the day and month in the correct order.
This 4th of July it's important to remember that calling all Americans "Yanks" is a racist stereotype.
We have r**... and h**... too!
My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.
It's the day I lost my independence.
(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).
Is there a 4th of July in the UK?
Yeah… right after the 3rd of July.
Not everyone has off for the 4th of July..
Fire works.
This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
My son is a man trapped inside a womans body.
He'll be born in July.
What kind of work do firefighters do on the 4th of July?
Firework
4th of July picnic
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your 4th of July picnic?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. Everyone came down with food poisoning," the guy replies. "I knew the hot dogs might have gone bad, but turns out the brats were the wurst."
Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?
January = Greg
February = Ian
March = Greg
April = Ian
May = Ian
June = Greg
July = Ian
August = Greg
September = Greg
October = Ian
November = Greg
December = Ian
How many Seconds are in a year?
12!
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
On a blind date, the girl told me, Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Me: I'm terrible with dates.
Her: Don't worry. You're doing fine so far.
Me: Christmas is on July 4th.
