Rib-Tickling Julius Jokes that Bring Friends Together
The night Julius Caesar met his wife
Julius Caesar is looking for a lady. A friend of his suggests a woman he knows. He meets the woman, and they go to his house. The next day, Caesar bumps into his friend again. The friend asks "how did it go"? Caesar replies, "I saw, I conquered, I came."
What's it called when a Roman sees too many flashing colors?
A Julius Seizure.
What Roman dictator suffered from Epilepsy?
Julius Seizure.
A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...
A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".
Julius Caesar sashays into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"
How do we know Julius Caesar wasn't gay?
Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler
What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?
Veni, Vidi... Veni.
What does Julius Ceasar say after s**...?
Veni.
Julius Caeser and Alexander the Great are in a bathroom together
They are both going pee in two urinals right next to each other. Alexander the Great leans over the divider looks at Caeser and says "My empire is bigger than yours"
What did Julius Caesar say towards the end of a passionate night with Cleopatra?
"Veni."
What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?
Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered."
Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."
You can explore julius julia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean julius brute dad jokes. There are also julius puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?
All that backstabbing was too much for him.
The White House bar and restaurant, upon Trump's arrival, will reduce their beverage selections to just two choices:
You can get a White Russian or an Orange Julius.
What do you call a Roman dictator having an epileptic fit?
Julius Seizure
Gaius Julius Caesar walks into a baguette shop.
The owner stops him at the door and says: "I cannot believe you have the Gaul to just strut in here like that!"
What do you call an epileptic emperor?
Julius Seizure
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What were Julius Caesar's dying words?
name... a salad.... after me...ahhh
So, Julius Ceaser was afraid of storms but one night he had to go out.
A big storm was brewing, he ordered one of his minders to go out and report the weather to him. Upon his return he was asked " so was it raining?" To which his minder reported " all hail Ceaser"!!
Why did Julius Ceaser wear sandals?
For roamin' around
Gaius Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered
Gayus Julius Caesar: I saw, I conquered, I came
What did Julius Caesar say after he made love to his wife
Veni
Julius Caesar and Brutus are having a conversation
Brutus asks: How many apples did you eat last night?
Julius responds: Et two, Brute.
Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy?
It was Julius Seizure.
Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar...
He died surrounded by all of his friends.
Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me
Talk about getting stabbed in the back
Julius Caesar goes to a nightclub with his friends
While there he breaks off from his group of friends to talk to an attractive young woman. His friends don't see him for the rest of the night, and the next morning they're all eager to find out what happened. So when they next see him they ask him what happened.
"Vidi, vici, veni" replies Ceasar.
Julius Caesar: Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?
Brutus: Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.
What did Julius Caesar say when the French tribesmen rebelled against him?
I can't believe you had the Gaul to do this.
You're driving me in-Seine. I can't handle this Rhine now.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
One day, Julius Caesar was in the marketplace with a friend, looking for a celebratory item after coming back from a successful campaign. He was looking towards a bust of his face, carved in marble.
But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"
What did the Senate say to Julius Caesar?
You've got a lot of Gaul!
People stabbing Julius Caesar were expecting a lot of things.......
Hearing Harder daddy! Was not one of them
Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport
Brutus: Which is our boarding gate Caesar?
Caesar: A-2 Brutus
Brutus: And what time is the flight Caesar?
Caesar: 8:02 Brutus
Brutus: By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?
Caesar: Ate two Brutus
Brutus: This is an unusual paper size for a ticket. What size is it Caesar?
Caesar: A2 Brutus
Brutus (Thinking to himself): This man is really getting on my nerves. One of these days I'm going to have to kill him
What do you call a Roman Emperor, without his epileptic pills?
Julius Seizure
Why was Julius Caesar's phone bill so high?
Because he was Roman.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says
I'll have a Martinus.
The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, Don't you mean a Martini?
Look, Caesar replies, If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!
What did Julius Caesar say when he went to the s**... club?
Veni, vidi, veni.
Julius Ceasar after discovering Onlyfans
"Veni, Vidi, Veni"
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Read this on an anniversary special edition of Reader's Digest
Julius Caesar was coming out of a fast food restaurant when Brutus bumped into him and asked,"How are the burgers, Julius?
Julius replied, "Ate two, Brute!"
A s**... donor, a carpenter and Mehmed II, Ottoman Emperor are in a room. Julius Caesar walks in the room. What did he say?
"Veni, vidi, vici."
Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon
the rest is history
What is the similarity between Julius Caesar and Tifa Lockhart?
Both of them were witnessed getting impaled in the Italian senate...
What did Julius Caesar say after visiting a s**... club?
Veni vidi veni
I have an epileptic cousin.
His name? Julius Seizure
One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees.
He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.
Not everyone thinks that Cleopatra is beautiful...
... but that's the way Julius Caesar.
