The Best 35 Julius Caesar Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Julius Caesar jokes. There are some julius caesar brutus jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these julius caesar decimus puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Julius Caesar Jokes and Puns

Julius Caesar: Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?

Brutus: Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered."

Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

Julius Caesar sashays into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

A sperm donor, a carpenter and Mehmed II, Ottoman Emperor are in a room. Julius Caesar walks in the room. What did he say?

"Veni, vidi, vici."

Why was Julius Caesar's phone bill so high?

Because he was Roman.


Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport

Brutus: Which is our boarding gate Caesar?
Caesar: A-2 Brutus

Brutus: And what time is the flight Caesar?
Caesar: 8:02 Brutus

Brutus: By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?
Caesar: Ate two Brutus

Brutus: This is an unusual paper size for a ticket. What size is it Caesar?
Caesar: A2 Brutus

Brutus (Thinking to himself): This man is really getting on my nerves. One of these days I'm going to have to kill him

What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

What did Julius Caesar say after he made love to his wife

Veni

What did Julius Caesar say when he went to the strip club?

Veni, vidi, veni.

A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

How do we know Julius Caesar wasn't gay?

Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler

You can explore julius caesar augustus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean julius caesar tiberius dad jokes. There are also julius caesar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon

the rest is history

Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar...

He died surrounded by all of his friends.

What were Julius Caesar's dying words?

name... a salad.... after me...ahhh

Read this on an anniversary special edition of Reader's Digest

Julius Caesar was coming out of a fast food restaurant when Brutus bumped into him and asked,"How are the burgers, Julius?

Julius replied, "Ate two, Brute!"

What did Julius Caesar say towards the end of a passionate night with Cleopatra?

"Veni."

Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me

Talk about getting stabbed in the back

What did Julius Caesar say when the French tribesmen rebelled against him?

I can't believe you had the Gaul to do this.

You're driving me in-Seine. I can't handle this Rhine now.

Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?

He didn't speak English.


Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?

All that backstabbing was too much for him.

Julius Caesar goes to a nightclub with his friends

While there he breaks off from his group of friends to talk to an attractive young woman. His friends don't see him for the rest of the night, and the next morning they're all eager to find out what happened. So when they next see him they ask him what happened.

"Vidi, vici, veni" replies Ceasar.

Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?

He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.

People stabbing Julius Caesar were expecting a lot of things.......

Hearing Harder daddy! Was not one of them

What did the Senate say to Julius Caesar?

You've got a lot of Gaul!

One day, Julius Caesar was in the marketplace with a friend, looking for a celebratory item after coming back from a successful campaign. He was looking towards a bust of his face, carved in marble.

But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

Julius Caesar and Brutus are having a conversation

Brutus asks: How many apples did you eat last night?

Julius responds: Et two, Brute.

The night Julius Caesar met his wife

Julius Caesar is looking for a lady. A friend of his suggests a woman he knows. He meets the woman, and they go to his house. The next day, Caesar bumps into his friend again. The friend asks "how did it go"? Caesar replies, "I saw, I conquered, I came."

Gaius Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered

Gayus Julius Caesar: I saw, I conquered, I came

Gaius Julius Caesar walks into a baguette shop.

The owner stops him at the door and says: "I cannot believe you have the Gaul to just strut in here like that!"

I discovered that Julius Caesar was so religious...

that he died a holy man.

What did Julius Caesar exclaim after years of impotency?

Veni! Veni! Veni!

Julius Caesar bought a Google GPS

and said, 'Youtube, route us'.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and...

says to the bartender *I'll have 5 beers, please*

A lot of people say that Julius Caesar's invasion of France was "brave".

I have to agree, but it took a lot of Gaul.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the julius caesar julius ceaser jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working julius caesar gaius piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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