The Best 68 Juice Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Juice jokes. There are some juice blower jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these juice orange juice puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Juice Jokes and Puns

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

4 out of 5 urologists...

...smell their apple juice before they drink it.

I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.

Juice joke, I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

This Joke Is A Real Lemon

A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.

So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'

A little boy wants his toy,

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.

When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"

"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"

"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"


Bag Boy

This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years. One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.The manager says no. The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?" The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."

What kind of juice does hitler drink?

Concentrated juice.

Juice joke, What kind of juice does hitler drink?

A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our FΓΌhrer does not want us to have juice in our house."

How are synagogues like lemons?

They're full of acidic juice.

Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha walks into a bar...

The bartender asks each of them what they want.

Muhammad orders a glass of cranberry juice.

Jesus orders a glass of water, and promptly turns it into wine.

Then the bartender asks Buddha, "what do you want?"

Buddha replies, "Make me one with everything."

My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework...

... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.

You can explore juice juicer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean juice lemon dad jokes. There are also juice puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How did Hitler like his orange juice?

Concentrated.

Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?

Because, it's acidic juice.

What was Hitler's favorite kind of juice?

Concentrated.

Best part of banging a milf

What's the best part of having sex with a milf?

Leaving with a juice box and bagged lunch in the morning!

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice.

I shall take my leave now.

Juice joke, Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

What kind of orange juice do Jews drink?

All kinds, just not concentrated

My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice...

I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.

Q: why did the blond stare at her orange juice for 2 hours?

A: because it said "concentrate"


I lost my job at the orange juice factory

They said I couldn't concentrate

What is the richest beverage?

Juice.

I Just got fired from the orange juice factory.

They said I could not concentrate

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.

He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"

You know why I drink apple juice?

Because OJ will kill you

A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people

and squeezed it dry. He said, 'If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I'll give them 100 bucks.'

Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, 'Who are you?'

The second man replied, 'Income tax officer.'

My first job was working in an orange juice factory.

I got canned...I just couldn't concentrate.

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket.

One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.

Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.

Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

Why do they call almond milk, almond milk?

Because nut juice just wouldn't be appropriate.

I got fired from the juice factory today

I just couldn't concentrate

I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?"

"...called Apple Juice?!"

What is Hitler's least favourite drink?

Juice.

I had to quit my job at the Orange Juice factory, it was too distracting there.

I just couldn't concentrate.

Why do neo-nazis drink milk?

Because they hate juice

Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me

but OJ did it

Why do doctors recommend apple juice?

Cause OJ will kill you.

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.

I was charged with a Sultan battery.

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

What do you get if you squeeze a synagogue?

Juice!

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks Why is he called Tiny?

And the man replies Because he's my newt!

Why do neo-Nazis always order milk at the cafeteria?

They hate the juice.

What does Hitler drink with his breakfast?

Milk because he doesn't like juice

Why is almond milk called almond milk?

Because no one can say "nut juice" with a straight face

What's the difference between an orange and the Torah?

One can make acidic juice and the other can make Hasidic Jews

(Just made this up today)

Just invented a new drink. Vodka, cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol.

Its called the Cosbypolitan

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory......

I just couldn't concentrate.

I know why they call it Almond Milk

Cause you can't say Nut Juice with a straight face.

Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.

The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.

Man: And that frees me from my sin?

Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

What did Jim Carey say when his typewriter broke?

I'll writey then!


My girlfriend just came up with that on a juice run to the kitchen :\]

Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?

Alexa- apple juice

Why was the man fired from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn't concentrate.

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.

15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.

The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:

You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path

Why is it called Almond Milk?

Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.

today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink

it gave me a religious movement

I called my dad from the shop saying I'd forgotten what orange juice he asked for.

Concentrate he said, but I still couldn't remember!

I went to the hospital to visit my friend who had an accident.

While waiting in the waiting room, I felt hungry so bought some juice and 2 burgers from the cafeteria.

I was about to eat, when I saw a kid sitting on the chair beside me looking at me. I asked him if he was hungry. He nodded. So I gave him one of my burgers.

After a few minutes, his mother came and saw him finishing the burger.

She got real angry and started shouting.

"Who is the shit person who gave him this burger. I drove 20 miles to get him tested on an empty stomach."

I

JUST

RAN.

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.

When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Dr. explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the vodka.

I found I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice.

My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars , but I really think it's the Vodka

I once got fired from a canned juice company

Apparently, I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

British man: If you like vodka and tomato juice so much...

then why don't you bloody mary it!

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours?

A: Because it said 'concentrate'

Three men are walking in the desert.

Three men are walking in the desert, all dehydrated.

They approach a slide with an empty paddling pool beneath it with a wizard standing nearby.

Wizard: This slide is magical. When you slide down it, you can say a drink of your choosing and the paddling pool will fill up with that drink.

The first guy slides down and says "Water!" and the pool is full of water.

The second guy slides down and says "Apple Juice!" and the pool is full of apple juice.

The third guy slides down and says "Wee!"

I wonder

Do oranges want to be juice or they pressured into it?

Why do they call it almond milk?

Cuz no one can say nut juice with a straight face....

A man walks into a church confessional

He says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night."

The priest is silent for a moment and then says, "Go home, cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it all down in one gulp."

"And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man.

"No" replies the priest, "but it will wipe that smirk off your face."

I've found that I'm a lot happier

Since I switched from coffee to orange juice in the mornings. My doctor said it's because of the citrus and natural sugars. I think it's just the vodka.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the juice beverage jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working juice gatorade piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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