Juice Jokes
177 juice jokes and hilarious juice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about juice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a good laugh with this funny collection of jokes about all kinds of juices, from orange to pineapple to prune to fizzy. Whether you prefer apple, lemon, cranberry, grape, or pineapple juice, these puns and jokes are sure to pique your interest and make you chuckle. Let your taste buds be tickled with these hilarious jokes about your favorite juice and get ready to jewce up your day!
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Funniest Juice Short Jokes
Short juice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The juice humour may include short smoothie jokes also.
- A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.
The bartender asks Why is he called Tiny?
And the man replies Because he's my newt! - Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'
- I've just found out why they call it 'Almond Milk'. They tried to call it 'Nut Juice' but no one would buy it.
- What did Jim Carey say when his typewriter broke? I'll writey then!
My girlfriend just came up with that on a juice run to the kitchen :\] - Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy? Alexa- apple juice
- What do you call a musician who can play multiple instruments but always chooses the accordion? A firm believer in the “squeeze is worth the juice.”
- What does a gangster rapper Juice Wrld do when they are involved in a shipwreck? Swim fo sho
- I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water.... Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?
- today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink it gave me a religious movement
- Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
I shall take my leave now.
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Juice One Liners
Which juice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with juice? I can suggest the ones about liquor and vape.
- I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory...... I just couldn't concentrate.
- Why do doctors recommend apple juice? Cause OJ will kill you.
- 4 out of 5 urologists... ...smell their apple juice before they drink it.
- Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
- I wonder Do oranges want to be juice or they pressured into it?
- I accidentally splashed pickle juice in my eyes Now I'm brined.
- I got fired from the juice factory today I just couldn't concentrate
- What is the best Apple product ? Apple juice
- What do you get if you squeeze a synagogue? Juice!
- I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?" "...called Apple Juice?!"
- What is the richest beverage? Juice.
- How are synagogues like lemons? They're full of acidic juice.
- What Star Wars charactor likes orange juice the most? Emperor Pulpatine
- Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much? Because, it's acidic juice.
- Periods are like chicken When the juices run clear, you know it's done.
Orange Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny orange juice jokes and even better orange juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a drinking problem and I need help. If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?
- Why did the Orange stop? It ran out of juice
- I called my dad from the shop saying I'd forgotten what orange juice he asked for. Concentrate he said, but I still couldn't remember!
- The next person The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.
- What do you call an incorrectly labeled bottle of orange juice? Pulp fiction
- Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.
- Why did the orange lose the race? He ran out of juice
- Corona beer sales have plummeted just because of the name similarity Which I don't get cause, when O.J killed his wife I didn't stop drinking orange juice
- Does anyone know where concentrate is? I've been drinking lovely orange juice from there for years now..
- Why did the customer drink the apple juice? Although she had ordered orange juice, she noticed that the restaurant was busy, and wasn't Karen about it.
Apple Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny apple juice jokes and even better apple juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me but OJ did it
- They're teaching apple juicing down the road from me, but it got cancelled before I could go. It was a pressing issue.
- Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender? She wanted apple juice.
- What do you get when you cross an orchard with a concentration camp? apple juice
- With your current salary what Apple product can you buy? Apple juice
- My one problem with the recent Apple event. They could've called AirPower "Apple Juice".
- How did the bug fetishist drink her apple juice? She put a spider in cider.
- What does an iPhone drink for energy? Apple juice.
- A Priest a Rabbi and a Scientologist walk into a bar... The Priest orders an orange juice, the Rabbi orders an apple juice and the Scientologist orders a lawsuit for libel, slander and defamation.
- Why don't boobies make apple juice? BECAUSE GIRLS ONLY HAVE A "PEAR" AHAHEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE
Lemon Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny lemon juice jokes and even better lemon juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL my ex uses lemon juice for her complexion... No wonder she always looks sour
- What is the similarity between lemon and banana? Can't make mango juice outta them.
- Lemonaid What kind of juice do you get from sick lemons?
LemonAIDS - Why was Jamie Oliver cleaning the floor? There was lemon juice oliver.
- when life gives you lemons make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
- If you want a clean microwave, use lemon juice. If you want a dirty microwave, use olive juice.
- When life gives you lemons You make Orange juice.
- What juice can you always rely on for support? Lemon-aid!
Grape Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny grape juice jokes and even better grape juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who drowned in an ocean of grape juice? He tried swimming to shore but his efforts were fruitile.
- Why does grape juice smell like pig? Because it's wine
- I picked some grapes the other day and made some grape juice... I guess you could say I concord the grapes
- I like my wine like I like my women. I prefer grape juice.
- Why do they call it wine? Oh no! Someone left the grape juice out, and now it's spooooooooiled!
Uplifting Juice Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about juice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cider jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make juice pranks.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
This Joke Is A Real Lemon
A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... gave his orders
...and his army set off. They spent all day attacking and capturing the Jews. After 4 camps were filled, they returned to h**...'s base. He closed the door and completely went off on his officers. "d**...!" he roared. "I said I wanted concentrated juice, not concentrated Jews!"
A little boy wants his toy,
A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.
The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.
When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"
"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"
"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"
Bag Boy
This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years. One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.The manager says no. The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?" The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."
Orange Jews
Three of my best friends and I are Jewish in a school with a total of probably 20 Jewish kids (so everyone know we are Jewish). This year for Halloween, the four of us are all going dressed in orange morph suits. If anyone asks what we are, we will simply respond with "orange juice."
A World War II Pun
A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house."
So I saw one of those "Drink for Pink" labels on a bottle of juice...
Sounds like Georgia Tech's hookup strategy.
Why did the Germans have a vitamin C deficiency during World War II?
All the juice was put in concentrate camps
If you see a Kentucky man driving down the road...
How can you tell if he's married? If he's married there'll be tobacco juice down both sides of the car.
Father and son are drinking fruit juice. ....
And after seeing how the juice is made....
Son: Is there any machine where we put in juice and it gives out fruit?
Father: Ofcourse there is!!! You are the fruit of that machine!
Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha walks into a bar...
The bartender asks each of them what they want.
Muhammad orders a glass of cranberry juice.
Jesus orders a glass of water, and promptly turns it into wine.
Then the bartender asks Buddha, "what do you want?"
Buddha replies, "Make me one with everything."
My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework...
... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did h**... like his orange juice?
Concentrated.
Do Hasidic Jews like Acidic Juice?
My standards for women are the same as my standards for juice.
Five and Alive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
when pornstar drinks grape juice
I'm in the hospital with meningitis, so here's a joke on the back of my tiny $10.00 juice box : what kind of shoes are made from bananas?
Slippers.
Have you heard of this new paraplegic juicy juice?
It's 50% juice for 50% kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did h**... hate lemonade?
Because it is an acidic juice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes...
"Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"
"Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"
Moses parts the Hi-C...
...To save the juice
Are you thirsty?
"Would you like something to drink?" She opened the fridge.
"We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper --"
"Spiders?"
"Spiders it is, then."
"No, that wasn't--"
But she was already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders.
Bad holiday joke
I love Hollandaise sauce, and put it on everything, but the lemon juice in it reeks havoc on my dentures. My dentist said he has just the thing: dentures made of chrome. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best part of b**... a m**...
What's the best part of having s**... with a m**...?
Leaving with a juice box and bagged lunch in the morning!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**...'s Refrigerator
Adolf h**... opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of orange juice do Jews drink?
All kinds, just not concentrated
My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice...
I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... had a half-deaf secretary.....
h**... is fuming furious one day, he called his half-deaf secretary to his office after recieving some news. He yells, "Glass of juice, not gas the jews!"
How do Protestants like their orange juice?
without Pope
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a polar bear
Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.
Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come along to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
A man walks up to a juice bar…
There's no punch line.
I was heading for the bowl of juice at the party last night. Before I could grab the ladel, another guy walked in front of me and took the last of the juice before I could get any...
...He beat me to the punch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does h**... organize his juice?
By concentration
Whata country..
You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?
Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.
What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did h**... buy stock in Minute Maid?
Because they make 100% Concentrated Juice
What's a Germans least favourite drink?
Juice
I translated an Ewokese joke into English
An Ewok marches into a cantina and says to the bartender, I'll have a Jawa Juice and …… Bantha milk.
The bartender says, Sure thing—but why the little pause?
Not sure, says the Ewok. I've had them all my life.
*Yub Nub!*
A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people
and squeezed it dry. He said, 'If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I'll give them 100 bucks.'
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, 'Who are you?'
The second man replied, 'Income tax officer.'
Been working mornings in a juice factory, but I got sacked today.
Don't blame them though, I couldn't concentrate.
Why did the orange stop rolling halfway up the hill?
Because he ran out of juice!
Keeping fruit juice in the freezer
It's impopsicle!
Why does everyone call me a racist...
...when I tell them that I hate juice?
There was a bay guard
He had this job for many years, but he retired at 45. He decided that he would try to make juice and sell it for extra cash.
He bought everything needed, and began. However, he could never make any juice. He learned a valuable lesson that day:
Bay guards can't be juicers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do neo-n**... drink milk?
Because they hate juice
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who was Adolf h**...'s least favorite athlete?
O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows h**... hated The Juice.
Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)
Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"
A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.
I was charged with a Sultan battery.
How can you tell when you're in a math problem?
Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I HATE JUICE" -
Said 4 year old h**....
The hardest part about starting a new juice cleanse diet
Is trying to juice snickers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does h**... drink with his breakfast?
Milk because he doesn't like juice
So OJ Simpson is walking through the woods with his new girlfriend...
So OJ Simpson is walking through the woods with his new girlfriend and it starts to get dark.
"It's getting dark, Juice, I'm scared," she says.
OJ turns to her and says,"You're scared?! I gotta walk out of these woods alone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was h**...'s favourite drinking game?
Guess the juice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an orange and the Torah?
One can make acidic juice and the other can make Hasidic Jews
(Just made this up today)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just invented a new drink. v**..., cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol.
Its called the Cosbypolitan
Did you hear about the new pickle flavored bread?
So since Pickle flavor is in style now with sonics new pickle juice shake, I think I'm going to launch a line of pickle flavored pastry. I'm going to call it Dilldough.
