Juice Jokes
181 juice jokes and hilarious juice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about juice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a good laugh with this funny collection of jokes about all kinds of juices, from orange to pineapple to prune to fizzy. Whether you prefer apple, lemon, cranberry, grape, or pineapple juice, these puns and jokes are sure to pique your interest and make you chuckle. Let your taste buds be tickled with these hilarious jokes about your favorite juice and get ready to jewce up your day!
Quick Jump To
- Short Juice Jokes
- Juice One Liners
- Orange Juice Jokes
- Apple Juice Jokes
- Lemon Juice Jokes
- Grape Juice Jokes
- More Juice Jokes
Funniest Juice Short Jokes
Short juice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The juice humour may include short juicy jokes also.
- A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.
The bartender asks Why is he called Tiny?
And the man replies Because he's my newt! - Yo mama so dumb that she spent 5 hours staring at a glass of orange juice because it said 'concentrate' on the package.
- Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'
- I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice. Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
- I recently had a dream that I was swimming in a sea of carbonated orange juice. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea
- I've just found out why they call it 'Almond Milk'. They tried to call it 'Nut Juice' but no one would buy it.
- Why do they call almond milk, almond milk? Because nut juice just wouldn't be appropriate.
- Why did the blonde keep staring into the refrigerator? Because the orange juice said concentrate.
- What's the difference between an orange and the Torah? One can make acidic juice and the other can make Hasidic Jews
(Just made this up today) - What did Jim Carey say when his typewriter broke? I'll writey then!
My girlfriend just came up with that on a juice run to the kitchen :\]
Share These Juice Jokes With Friends
Juice One Liners
Which juice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with juice? I can suggest the ones about smoothie and liquor.
- I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory...... I just couldn't concentrate.
- Why do doctors recommend apple juice? Cause OJ will kill you.
- I Just got fired from the orange juice factory. They said I could not concentrate
- 4 out of 5 urologists... ...smell their apple juice before they drink it.
- Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
- You know why I drink apple juice? Because OJ will kill you
- I wonder Do oranges want to be juice or they pressured into it?
- Why is it called Almond Milk? Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
- I accidentally splashed pickle juice in my eyes Now I'm brined.
- I got fired from the juice factory today I just couldn't concentrate
- What is the best Apple product ? Apple juice
- What do you get if you squeeze a synagogue? Juice!
- I know why they call it Almond Milk Cause you can't say Nut Juice with a straight face.
- I got fired from the juice factory I wasn't concentrating on the job
- I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?" "...called Apple Juice?!"
Orange Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny orange juice jokes and even better orange juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had to quit my job at the Orange Juice factory, it was too distracting there. I just couldn't concentrate.
- Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
I shall take my leave now. - Q: why did the blond stare at her orange juice for 2 hours? A: because it said "concentrate"
- My first job was working in an orange juice factory. I got canned...I just couldn't concentrate.
- What kind of orange juice do Jews drink? All kinds, just not concentrated
- I have a drinking problem and I need help. If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?
- Why was the man fired from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
- I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. They put the squeeze on me because I couldn't concentrate.
- What Star Wars charactor likes orange juice the most? Emperor Pulpatine
- Why did the Orange stop? It ran out of juice
Apple Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny apple juice jokes and even better apple juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy? Alexa- apple juice
- Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me but OJ did it
- They're teaching apple juicing down the road from me, but it got cancelled before I could go. It was a pressing issue.
- Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender? She wanted apple juice.
- What do you get when you cross an orchard with a concentration camp? apple juice
- Why isn't the iPhone charger... ....not called Apple Juice ?
- Drink apple juice OJ will kill you
- With your current salary what Apple product can you buy? Apple juice
- Why did the customer drink the apple juice? Although she had ordered orange juice, she noticed that the restaurant was busy, and wasn't Karen about it.
- My one problem with the recent Apple event. They could've called AirPower "Apple Juice".
Lemon Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny lemon juice jokes and even better lemon juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How are synagogues like lemons? They're full of acidic juice.
- TIL my ex uses lemon juice for her complexion... No wonder she always looks sour
- Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes... "Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"
"Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry" - How do you cause a geopolitical crisis? Add lemon juice to milk and the Kurds will separate
- What is the similarity between lemon and banana? Can't make mango juice outta them.
- The next person who asks me for a mixture of apple juice, pineapple juice and lemon juice is gonna get a punch. Ecks dee
- Lemonaid What kind of juice do you get from sick lemons?
LemonAIDS - Why was Jamie Oliver cleaning the floor? There was lemon juice oliver.
- when life gives you lemons make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
- You people remind me of lemons.... You're sour, some people like you, and your juices can be squeezed out for money.
Grape Juice Jokes
Here is a list of funny grape juice jokes and even better grape juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who drowned in an ocean of grape juice? He tried swimming to shore but his efforts were fruitile.
- when pornstar drinks grape juice
- Why does grape juice smell like pig? Because it's wine
- Why do black people hate wine? Because it's a waste of perfectly good grape juice.
(Also, anyone care to explain me where the "Black people like grape juice" came from?) - I picked some grapes the other day and made some grape juice... I guess you could say I concord the grapes
- I like my wine like I like my women. I prefer grape juice.
- Why do they call it wine? Oh no! Someone left the grape juice out, and now it's spooooooooiled!
Uplifting Juice Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about juice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vape jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make juice pranks.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.
So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.
This Joke Is A Real Lemon
A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'
What is h**...'s least favorite beverage?
Juice.
A little boy wants his toy,
A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.
The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.
When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"
"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"
"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"
Bag Boy
This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years. One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.The manager says no. The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?" The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."
What kind of juice does h**... drink?
Concentrated juice.
A World War II Pun
A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house."
So I saw one of those "Drink for Pink" labels on a bottle of juice...
Sounds like Georgia Tech's hookup strategy.
If you see a Kentucky man driving down the road...
How can you tell if he's married? If he's married there'll be tobacco juice down both sides of the car.
Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha walks into a bar...
The bartender asks each of them what they want.
Muhammad orders a glass of cranberry juice.
Jesus orders a glass of water, and promptly turns it into wine.
Then the bartender asks Buddha, "what do you want?"
Buddha replies, "Make me one with everything."
My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework...
... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.
How did h**... like his orange juice?
Concentrated.
Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
It ran out of juice.
Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?
Because, it's acidic juice.
Why did h**... hate lemonade?
Because it is an acidic juice.
What was h**...'s favorite kind of juice?
Concentrated.
Why is almond milk called almond milk?
Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.
Are you thirsty?
"Would you like something to drink?" She opened the fridge.
"We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper --"
"Spiders?"
"Spiders it is, then."
"No, that wasn't--"
But she was already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders.
Best part of b**... a m**...
What's the best part of having s**... with a m**...?
Leaving with a juice box and bagged lunch in the morning!
My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice...
I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.
Ever since I swallowed a watch I've been keeping myself busy taking laxitives, eating lots of fruit and drinking prune juice.
Anything to pass the time.
Why is it called almond milk?
"Nut juice" wasnt very popular.
I lost my job at the orange juice factory
They said I couldn't concentrate
What is the richest beverage?
Juice.
How does h**... organize his juice?
By concentration
What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?
Pulp Fiction
Whata country..
You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"
I translated an Ewokese joke into English
An Ewok marches into a cantina and says to the bartender, I'll have a Jawa Juice and …… Bantha milk.
The bartender says, Sure thing—but why the little pause?
Not sure, says the Ewok. I've had them all my life.
*Yub Nub!*
A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people
and squeezed it dry. He said, 'If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I'll give them 100 bucks.'
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, 'Who are you?'
The second man replied, 'Income tax officer.'
A boy was b**... groceries at a supermarket.
One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
Keeping fruit juice in the freezer
It's impopsicle!
Why does everyone call me a racist...
...when I tell them that I hate juice?
What is h**...'s least favourite drink?
Juice.
Why do neo-n**... drink milk?
Because they hate juice
Who was Adolf h**...'s least favorite athlete?
O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows h**... hated The Juice.
Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)
Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"
A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.
I was charged with a Sultan battery.
The next person
The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.
What kind of juice can get away with m**...?
OJ
Why do neo-n**... always order milk at the cafeteria?
They hate the juice.
An elderly woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for contraceptives
The pharmacist is confused and asks why she would need them.
She replies "they help me sleep at night."
The pharmacist asks "how so?"
"When I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning I sleep better at night."
What does h**... drink with his breakfast?
Milk because he doesn't like juice
Why is almond milk called almond milk?
Because no one can say "nut juice" with a straight face
Just invented a new drink. v**..., cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol.
Its called the Cosbypolitan
An anteater walks into a bar
The anteater asks the bartender for a drink and the bartender asks "is Pepsi okay?" The anteater replies "noooooooooooo". So the bartender asks "is orange juice okay? And once again the anteater replies "noooooooooooo". One more time the bartender asks "how about water?" The anteater agrees that water is fine. So the anteater gets his drink and the bartender can't help but ask the anteater one final question.
"So, why the long no's?"
I have a friend named Phillip
He loves mixing orange juice and v**.... Loves it so much that he had a special glass made with his face on it.
It's always nice to see Phillip's head screwdrivers.
Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.
Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Why wasn't the food lion bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Why was the the blonde staring at the orange juice container ?
It said Concentrate
Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream.
Cashier: You must be single, right?
Me: Yes! How did you know?
Cashier: Because you're ugly.
A man wins big...
*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."
