Judgement Jokes
26 judgement jokes and hilarious judgement puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about judgement that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A light-hearted look at Judgment Day. Ever wondered what would happen when everyone is judged for their actions? Hear what some might say when they stand before their final decision. From pastors to the judgmentally challenged, a comedic view of the day of reckoning.
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Funniest Judgement Short Jokes
Short judgement jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The judgement humour may include short verdict jokes also.
- My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.
- My new girlfriend reckons I'm no good in bed... ...but I don't see how she can make a judgement like that in less than a minute.
- A Jehovah's Witness knocked at my door this morning. Could you spare a few moments to talk about the Judgement Day? he asked.
Well, I replied, I'm not a big fan of the Terminator series. I Said - I recently became a therapist and had a new girl come in today I could tell she thought I was judgemental the minute I looked at her
- Against my better judgement, I decided to attend the local Cannibal Convention The decision has been nawing at me for some time now, but I'm trying to have fun and not let it consume me.
- My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed I told her it's unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute
- I'll never join one of those online dating services because I prefer to meet someone the good old-fashioned way... Through alcohol and poor judgement...
- Trigger joke Feminist: why are men so judgemental about women?
Me: because people like you are around. - My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed... I don't think it's fair to make a judgement like that in less than a minute.
- Whenever I speak to religious people about my beliefs, I receive a lot of judgement. It seems that Jesus is the only one who truly accepts me for who I am!
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Judgement One Liners
Which judgement one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with judgement? I can suggest the ones about conviction and judge ruled.
- People are too judgemental these days I can tell just by looking at them
- So many people these days are too judgemental I can tell just by looking at them
- Some people are way too judgemental I can tell just by looking at them
- What do you call a crazy judge? Judgemental
- I don't know why i was thrown in jail by the judge I only called him judgemental
- What did the indecisive nimbus say? "Something is clouding my judgement"
- What is the most judgemental hot tub? A j'cuzzie
- What's the most judgemental fruit? A Jury-an
- There's so many court officials around today it really has been an era of judgement.
- Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice? Because you make sound judgement.
- What is colder than the dwarf planet Pluto? Legal judgements against fathers
- What do you call a judgemental mushroom? A s**...-talkie
The Funniest Judgement Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about judgement you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean judge ordered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make judgement pranks.
Judgement day
Peter is on trial. He's on trial because he shot his wife when he caught her in bed with another guy.
The judge wants to know; "why did you shoot your wife?".
"Well, " Peter replies, "it seemed easier to shoot her once, than to shoot a different guy every week".
A woman and her husband were arguing over the current precipitation...
The woman insisted it was drizzling outside while her husband said that really, it was just misting.
They decided that the argument would be settled by asking their elderly former soviet neighbor Rudolf.
Rudolf grimaced at the sky for a moment and held up a hand to catch some of the falling moisture. "It is drizzle," he declared.
The husband, a little put out by losing the argument, complained. "And why are we accepting our neighbors judgement?"
"Because," the wife replied, "Rudolf the red knows rain, dear."
Three things I cannot stand:
* s**... people
* judgemental people
* double standards
* people who can't count
* lists
* irony
Animals getting frisky
A father and son are standing on a hill looking out over a plain. Seeing a pair of animals getting intimate, the son turns to his father and says "Dad, why is that buffalo getting on top of another boy buffalo? Is it gay?"
The father turns to the son to admonish him.
"You shouldn't be judgemental of another person or animal for the sexuality!"
While he says this, the same buffalo mounts a female.
"Anyway, it's bison."
So I'm reading a book about a movie star that was born a woman but then comes out as identifying as male, but no one gets upset or judgemental about it, they just accept it and get on with their lives. It's a good book...
It's a real page turner
